Disclaimer: We do not own, or are affiliated with any of the characters of Rent. Lael would like to add that her disclaimer wouldn't be so stuffy.
Notes: Written jointly by Chris (GayApparel) and Lael (IheartscrawnyJewishboys). The song and it's meaning belong to Adam Pascal (which he admitted himself was true). The authors would like to point out that this was written over the phone in two hours, between 1 and 3a, Lael's time, and 10 and 12a, Chris' time, on a school night. Lael would like to thank Chris for footing the phone bill, and apologizes that Chris will now have to live in a cardboard box… maybe. Chris would like to thank Lael for being the Jewish grammar nazi, and for the many euphemisms for the male anatomy, and for the proper spelling of the word euphemisms.
Dedicated to Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp for making Mark and Roger so fucking hot. Thank you Adam for writing this song with a catchy tune, and lyrics about… well, you'll figure it out as you read. The authors would also like to add that they would be updating their other stories soon…
…But don't hold your breath.
Just Here To The Left Of You - Roger's POV
Hit back, it won't hurt you.
Lean in, no inertia.
Bold is the love that I fight to save.
His hands are tugging at my shirt now. I open my mouth to tell him to stop, but the words don't seem to come out. He's wanted this for so long. He takes my hand, leading me to the bedroom. Still uncertain, I follow anyway.
He kisses my lips and I flinch involuntarily. I'm not ready for that sort of intimacy yet, so I kiss his neck instead, that's safer. He sighs and pulls away to take my shirt off. His hand moves to the front of my pants and I gasp. It's been too long since I've been touched like that, and I'm already excited. He's smiling at me, and for the first time I feel like it might all be okay.
I'm not sure what this is becoming, but suddenly I want it. I nearly tear his shirt off. I pull him close, crushing him to me. Our hips rub together, and both of us moan at the friction. I can feel that he's as hard as I am, which only turns me on more. I never thought I'd be here, but I don't want to stop.
Head on, no collision.
I don't believe I'm to far to be saved.
He pulls me down to the bed. Somehow, we're both naked suddenly. He's on top of me, touching me everywhere. His hands exploring my body. We're both moving too fast, but there are no awkward elbows, no flailing limps. We fit together.
He's seen me so many times, but he's never looked at me like this. I'm not sure I can handle the way he's looking at me. It's as if he's found what he's searching for, and I'm not sure I can be everything he thinks I am, everything he wants me to be. He crushes his lips to mine, and this time I don't move away, because I like it, but I'm not sure I want to give up everything I've ever been, everything I've ever known, to give myself over to a man. To him.
I close my eyes, and think of women. I think of long legs, full red lips, and soft, supple breasts. I feel myself harden even more. Good, I can enjoy this, and still be attracted to women. I'm still a man. I'm not gay.
Twist and turn me, bait and burn me.
Smile and send me to oblivion.
Breathe and bathe me,
Be and save me.
Know I'm just here to the left of you.
When there's only the dark,
I can still see the light in your eyes.
Dream on, fill me up now.
I'll bet you know just how loud I can scream,
Don't you let me go.
I feel his fingers wrap around my shaft. I gasp deeply. I can feel I'm close already, and it's been way to long, so I stop him. I want him to enjoy this too. I roll him over, and slowly make my way downward. He smiles at me. I think in a way he's surprised. As if he didn't think I'd go this far. I smile back at him, then begin licking his member softly, getting used to the texture, the taste. It's unfamiliar, but not all that bad. I close my lips around the tip, and he arches his back, groaning. He thrusts a little into my mouth, and I pull back. I'm just not ready to take that much in. It's my first time, and I don't want to gag.
He mumbles a soft apology, to which I shake my head, smile, and continue. I take him a little deeper, trying to relax and use my tongue at the same time. How the fuck do women do this? I never thought it would be so hard to have a cock in my mouth. His hands are in my hair, urging me on gently. I wrap my hand around the base of his member, and start stroking him as I twirl my tongue around the head. He cries out, and his hips jerk up. He's deeper inside me now, and he releases, shouting my name. I'm still new to this, and can't work up the courage to swallow. I try to spit it out unobtrusively, but I see him looking at me anyway. I shrug, and he pulls me up to his lips and kisses me softly. It doesn't feel so unnatural this time.
He tells me to lie on my back. I do as he says, but not before grabbing a condom, and handing it to him. He saddens, remembering the mistakes I made, and how they haunt us, but he takes it anyway. He removes it from the package, and slowly rolls it over my swollen erection. I bite my lip at the contact, and try to hold still, hoping not to seem impatient. As his lips close over me, I can tell this isn't the first time he's done this. I'm trying to keep control, but then he does something with his tongue, and I can't stop myself from screaming from the intense sensation.
Feed on infatuation.
Swallow, just a taste of all that I am,
All I have to show.
I thrust into his mouth, and he grabs my hips, and holds them to the bed. Our eyes lock, and I drown in his gaze as he lowers his head, taking me all in. This is definitely not his first time. I'm groaning, trying to thrust into that beautiful, talented mouth, but he holds me firmly. He moans, and I throw my head back and cry out. The vibrations he's sending through me are incredible. I grin, looking down at him. His eyes are closed, and he looks almost euphoric. He's fucking loving this.
I feel my body tense up as I grasp the sheets, exploding with a deep moan. As I look down at him, and see the expression on his face, I know that had I not fucked up so many times, if I didn't have a fatal disease, he'd be drinking me down. He'd swallow all of me. He's not finished yet. I watch him take me in completely, and pull up slowly from base to tip. I look at him surprised as he makes a motion as if he's swallowing. He smiles up at me, and right then I know this isn't just for tonight. This wasn't just a pity fuck. We can't say forever; we're not that hopeful, we're not that deluded, but as I pull him up, as I hold him closer than I've ever held any woman, I know this isn't wrong. Feeling this way doesn't make me less of a man. I'm still not sure what it is, whether it's an infatuation, just a need for comfort, or friends who went too far, or… I can't even think about 'or' right now.
I'm not just holding him, he's holding me.
And I don't want him to let go.