Fai's Point of View (This was the second one...)


Hmm. Kuro-mishi seems upset with me lately. I wonder, have I done something wrong?

I do try to be pleasant to him. He does not seem to appreciate the affectionate nicknames, so common in my world of Seresu. My world…I can hardly call it that anymore. I am running away from a problem I do not wish to face.

Kurogane-domi is not like that. He accepts his problems, and faces them head-on. Mostly, though, he kills them. Or, I can tell he would very much like to kill them. His Princess Tomoyo gave him a huge discomfiture when she cursed him to weaken with each successive kill. I can see him struggle with the urge to dominate and his love of strength.

Ah, and such a refreshing circumstance. Usually, I would need to take care of every separate detail myself. Now, with my Kuro-kuu with me, I can leave him to pacify an enemy while I see that the others become where they need to be safely.

For example, on Koryo, with Chu'nyan-chan, I knew I could leave the Kiishim to him while I saw to Sakura-chan's and Chu'nyan-chan's arrival. They were nearly lost several times, but I made sure they were on the right track before returning to my ninja's side.

He will keep me safe. While I save the others, he will keep me from harm. I know it, with all my heart. My happiness, lost on the fateful day that my king began his long sleep, is returned to some degree when I am around him.

I have seen battlefields. I have seen suffering beyond most people's imagining. Death, and hurt, pain and loss…I couldn't take the strain of focusing my mind on the misery.

I folded into myself. My pain was locked away, to a place where no one will see it. I smiled again, and people opened up to me. They all trust me. I could never trust them. They never knew the real me, beneath my mask.

In truth, I never expected them to. I resigned myself to a lifetime of loneliness. I would never have anyone to lean on.

Kuro-shi, my one love, is there for me. He will never leave me in danger. He could never think to himself, 'Hmm is Fai-kun dying? Oh, gee, I'm sure Syaoran-kun will save him!'

That would be beyond him. I have seen him, sitting for hours, and I know that he doesn't trust anyone. He is like me, but opposite from me at the same time. Do you understand? I suppose not.

He, too, has seen battlefields. I would even go so far as to say he generates them. However, where I cover my feelings of hate and anger, he is the first to broadcast his emotions to the world. I hide inside myself, while he goes and finds others to show himself to. I wish I could be more toward, like him…

I am not sure if my love will ever know, but he is my one source of security. I trust him with my life. He probably knows this, and resents me for it. It will also most likely never cross his mind to fail my trust. In Koryo, when we were fighting the Kiishim together, an acid ball was going to hit me. He could have saved himself, easily, but he knocked me out of the way first. It was gloriously nice to have my trust repaid.

He is my happiness. If something were to happen to him, I would lose all control over my feelings and destroy everything around me. Not immediately around, either. The only safe area would be on the other side of the globe, or, even better, another world entirely.

He is everything to me. Hope, trust, dependency, determination…and change. He brings out that part of me which I hide. I do hope he is not disgusted with me when I truly show him what he wants.

I love him. There is no other word to describe the bond I feel with him. He is my…my…

He is mine.