All of the respective characters featured in this fanfic are © to Takahashi Rumiko, Shogakukan Publishing, Sunrise, Viz and whoever else happens to be making any actual money out of this (i.e. not me).

This fanfic is rated PG-13 for swearing. It also contains implied Suikotsu/Kikyou. If either of these things are likely to bother you, for whatever reason, then it might not be advisable to read any further. (Or - to put it more bluntly - you've got a back button; use it.)

The fanfic takes place during episode 115 of the anime or around the middle of chapter 261 of the manga and is written from Evil!Suikotsu's point of view.

Please note that I will not make any changes to the pairing featured in this fanfic, nor will I write any extra chapters on request. This fanfic is intended as a one-shot and a one-shot it shall stay.


So, you're finally gone.

You lost.

I won.

You're dead.

I'm alive.

You're finished.

I'm not.

I guess I should be happy, shouldn't I?

Heh, you know you would be, although I know you wouldn't admit it. It's not like you to admit that sort of thing, is it? Still, it's not like that matters now. Not now you're gone.

You shouldn't matter because you never mattered. Not to me, at any rate. All you ever did was get in my damn way. I always knew I'd be better off without you. Hell, I know I'm better off without you.

Why wouldn't I be?

You were always better off without me. Or so you liked to think. You liked to pretend that I didn't exist back then, didn't you? I was just your imagination. A bad dream. Something that you could wake up from and forget about. I didn't really matter.

Why kid yourself?

Heh. Come to think of it, you'd probably ask me the same thing, if you were here now. After all, I'm the one with the problem, not you. Typical. I'm always the bad guy. It's never your fault.

I suppose you think it's my fault.

I wanted to say it was yours.

But not this time.

This time was different.

This time felt different.

This time felt…

Hell, I don't know what I felt.

I know how you'd feel. Guilty. You used to try and make me feel guilty, didn't you? Every time I went for the kill you'd be there, whining, crying, pleading. Literally begging me to stop.

I think I even did it once or twice, just to get you to shut the hell up. You really were fucking annoying; you know that?

But I'm free of you now.

Or am I?

This time I felt different.

I couldn't do it.

You'd probably say I was feeling guilty.

Maybe you felt guilty.

I don't know what I felt.

All I could think of was…that face. Her face. The damn miko. Why am I seeing her face at a time like this? I barely even know who she is.

Maybe you'd know. You're the doctor, after all. The one with all the answers.

But this time there's no answers.

Funny, it's almost like I miss you.


Whoever she is, you'd probably like her. You would. You like damn near everybody. But you don't like me, oh no.

You hate me, don't you?

But you're too weak to admit it.

You're too weak, too soft, too damned nice to admit it.

You're pathetic.

You make me sick.

You're everything I hate.

And yet…

…As much as I hate to admit it…

…I can't live without you.

But you can't live without me either.

We're stuck with each other whether we like it or not. We share the same body. Breathe the same air. See through the same eyes. We can't live with each other but we can't live without each other. We're the same and we're completely different.

I guess we're both equally screwed up.

You're still there, aren't you? I can't hear your voice. I can't see or smell or feel or touch you. But I know you're there.

You're there because I'm here.

Or am I here because you're there?

You can't have any good without evil.

But you can't have any evil without good.

You spent your life healing. I spend my life killing. We both do what we need to survive. In my case, there's no other way to live. It's what I do best. It's what I enjoy. It's what I want to do. I don't fit anywhere else but my life suits me fine. I wouldn't want to fit anywhere else. Maybe the same is true for you.

I guess there's really only one thing I'd ask you then.

Have you changed or have I?

Remember, constructive criticism is always welcome.