This is a HITCHIKER'S GUIDE CROSSOVER!!!!!! YAY!!!!
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is property of Douglas Adams. It's the funniest book ever written, seriously.
Gundam Wing I don't own.
Heero is not mine, nor is Duo….
::pauses to theatrically break out into her new GW-oriented theme song::
Now number 1, well there can never be no one like you
Well number 2, never tired to tell me what to say, or do…
I don't want to push it,
I don't want to pry
**audience disgustedly tunes out the swooning author and scrolls down to the fic::
Heero Yuy Learns to Fly
Heero eyed the sign in front of him. It was a simple sign, but he found it rather ominous, for no good reason he could figure out. He was not used to finding anything ominous, certainly not cheaply made plastic signs. This concept, in itself, was ominous, and Heero was seriously considering the (also ominous) fact that maybe he might be losing his touch. Fear was a concept that had no connection to him, and anything remotely related to it was shot down before reaching within two hundred feet of his state of mind.
The sign said, in several large, quite cheerful (but still rather irrationally ominous in Heero's mind) bold letters:
NO TRESPASSING RULE WILL BE INFORCED WITH TENACITY.
Heero couldn't quite figure out what bothered him so much about the sign. Laws against trespassing were not a problem for him—he'd never given them a second, or even really a first, thought in his entire existence. But something— maybe the word choice, or the particularly nasty way the word "tenacity" had allowed itself to be printed on the plastic— something didn't sit right with him. Heero also found it ominous—there it was, that damned word again; how he ever allowed it into his personal vocabulary he had no idea— that the sign was located, not in the lawn of the President's Capital Building, or the crummy backyard of some drunken right-wing neo-nazi militarist, as such signs had every right to be, but instead high up on the empty, generally unpleasant cement roof of the Preventers' Headquarters. Right, in fact, near the very edge. But every time Heero tried to come up with a decent reason anyone who put such an obnoxious sign in a place where no person with anything useful to do or any appreciation of architectural aesthetics would bother to go, his mind came up blank.
WITH TENACITY, it said.
Heero Yuy frowned. In fact, he was so busy frowning, that he didn't even notice strange looking man come up behind him.
The man tapped him on the shoulder.
Heero turned, glared, and dared the man to move a muscle.
The man did. "Excuse me," he said in text-book perfect English. "But I'm afraid now that you've been warned I'm going to have to deal with you."
Heero looked the man up and down. He wasn't much— his clothes were mismatched and didn't look like they'd seen a laundromat in several weeks. He was somewhat skinny and his grayish brownish muddish hair stuck up in several directs. More, in fact, than hair had any right to.
"Omea O Korosu" Heero snarled, and increased the intensity of his death glare.
"'Fraid not," the man said, unruffled. "You read the sign, you know the rules. No trespassing."
Yuy glared some more. "'This is the roof of the Preventers' Headquarters building. I have very right to be here. You do not. Who are you?"
The strange man sighed, and pointed at the sign. Heero re-read it. Especially the last two words. He was getting that ominous feeling again.
"Sorry my friend," the man said lightly, "but rules are rules you know. 'WITH TENACITY' the sign says, 'WITH TENACITY' I do." With that he calmly reached out and pushed Heero of the roof.
Heero stared stupidly up at the rapidly retreating face of the stranger (who waved cheerfully back, and smiled like a tourist) as he went down. He was too far from the wall to grab on to anything, and he obviously had no parachute, not having planned on being pushed off any roofs that day. He continued to fall, but the rational part of his mind simply could not believe this was happening.
It was simply too *stupid*.
A look to the right at the windows flying past him at the speed of R-17 (no one's ever quite sure exactly how fast R-17 is, except that its quite undoubtedly too fast) cured that idea.
Heero didn't know quite what to do, so he simply gave up with any pretense of a plan and resigned himself to watching the windows go past until he reached the inevitable crashing halt.
He was about half way down the side of the Preventers' Headquarters when he looked in one open window and saw Lady Une with her arms around Relena, holding the girl in a stunning, truly award winning lip-lock.
Heero stopped. He stared. He blinked.
He blinked again for good measure. Yes, it was most definitely an award-winning kiss, and Lady Une was most definitely giving it to Relena Peacecraft.
Heero balked. No matter how his abnormally intelligent mind tried to arrange it, it simply could not register the situation he saw through the window. It was about that moment that he realized he had stopped falling.
He looked down hesitantly, and saw the ground about 80 feet below him. He was flying. Flying was impossible. He started to drop.
He quickly looked back up at the window, saw Relena and Une making out, and immediately started bobbing again as his mind for the third time tried to accept what it was seeing.
Then, looking back and forth between the window session and the ground below, Heero suddenly remembered something he'd read in a questionable tabloid he'd glanced at in one of Quatre's business waiting rooms. The article had been an excerpt from some tourist book called "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: How to see the wonders of the known universe for less than thirty Alterian dollars a day", on sale on E-bay for the revolutionary low price of twenty-eight dollars and sixty-four cents.
The article, as he remembered, went something like this:
Flying has become the latest rage these days, and ever a popular sport, its now gotten even bigger. People just seem to like doing it. However, of course, most of those self-same poor sops end up killing themselves learning how. But the trick to flying, it has been discovered, is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. The miss part is very important here, guys. Without it you're pancakes. The best way, most people who've learned to fly have found, is to throw yourself at the ground, and then be so completely surprised by something that you forget to land. It's got to be a doozy though……blah blah blah, the article went on…. There are even some very expensive country clubs where you can pay great amounts of money for people to surprise you at the most inopportune moments. It is true that some people have died of shock before forgetting to miss the land, but that's never at any of the respectable clubs…
In the split second it took him to remember this, Heero realized that he also had wafted up several more stories, well above the one with...with…..nevermind, his brain was still not prepared for that terrible image. A small grin appeared on his face, and he experimentally bobbed higher.
It worked. Heero grinned some more. He tried floating to the right. He tried floating the left.
He decided that he quite liked this flying thing. Right when he thought that though, he began to fall again. His eyes widened as he once again plummeted toward the parking lot. The curious memory entered his mind of the second time he had met Duo Maxwell, and compared that fall to this one. Up until to seconds ago, he'd been enjoying this one quite a bit more.
That led him to think of why he'd survived that fall over a year before. Relena had called his name.
Relena, up on the 27th floor, playing round-the-world tongues with Lady Une.
Heero's fall came once again to a nice, soft, pause. His body quivered gently in the breeze, about fifteen feet above the black top.
Heero Yuy grinned again, and lazily let himself waft higher. He began to wonder idly how this as really possible, but then frantically tried to steer away from potentially dangerous thoughts like that, and instead forced himself to imagine the look he'd get off Quatre's face.
He did a lazy flip-twist mid-air, satisfactorily stopping and bobbing again. He made himself float along, up into clearer air. Wufei would keel over of a pleasant heart attack if he saw this.
Then he thought of all the pranks Maxwell had pulled on him in the last three weeks alone.
And at that moment, as he bobbed mid air and avoided nasty treetops on his ascent, the smile on Heero Yuy's face was positively evil.
The song in my opening authors notes, which is the perfect anthem for crazed teenage female otakus who can't decide which is cuter, pilot 01 or 02, is called "So in love with 2", by Mikaila.
P.S. if anyone remembers what book and page of the HHGTG the flying explanation is on, tell me and I'll revise this to be exact form the book. I wrote that part from memory.
Napster is master of all things great and musical!