DISCLAIMER: They still aren't mine. I think it would be kind of weird walking around the school ground with two gay book characters following behind me anyway, and seeing as I couldn't leave them at home for fear of what they'd get up to, they'd have to come to school with me. Yes, in hindsight, I think it's a rather good thing they don't belong to me.
WARNING: Yes, for crying out loud, this is slash. Get over it.Graduation Night Memories
To be honest, Remus had never thought this day would come. To be more honest, he hadn't really wanted it to.
Leaving Hogwarts forever seemed a ridiculously stupid idea. Why would he leave a place where he was considered equal? It didn't seem logical. Why would he leave behind everything he was good at, leave behind the best friends he was ever going to have, for a future with no certainties?
The breeze wafted around him, lifting the hem of his robes – the last time he would ever don the Hogwarts garb – as he stood beside the lake.
Remus leant heavily against the newly erected fence that that been constructed in a vain attempt to keep crazy graduating Seventh Years out of the lake at twelve o'clock at night. The Marauders had taken to calling it their legacy.
The placid, icy lake seemed to mock Remus' turbulent state of mind. The coolness of the outdoor night did nothing to calm him as he had hoped it would. If anything, it made it worse because so much of the outdoors reminded Remus of Sirius.
The lake where he swam in the summer …
The black night …
The willow over there where Sirius, James and Peter transformed for him every month …
And the sky, that one star that he could find without hesitation.
He was staring mindlessly up at said star, his brain switching off completely when he was suddenly aware of footsteps and another presence.
"Thinking about me again, are you, Moony?" Sirius grinned, nodding to the direction of his namesake, moving to lean against the fence with Remus.
Always, Remus wanted to say.
"Are you always going to be this egotistical?" He said instead, smiling and transferring his attention to his friend.
Sirius was leaning backwards against the fence, his elbows resting against the metal while he swung gently, rocking on his feet.
"Harsh, Remus, harsh." Sirius said, but Remus could tell he was amused.
A silence fell between them and Remus studied him covertly from underneath his hair. Another stray breeze whispered around them and Remus knew this was how he wanted to remember Sirius.
Quietly contemplative, his long hair waving in the breeze with his robes slightly askew and his tie undone. Of all the Sirius's Remus knew, this was his favourite.
A smile tugged at his mouth and his eyes closed in acknowledgement of the rare moment.
"Something on my face, Moony?" He asked eventually, breaking the silence in the way Sirius loved to do.
Remus wordlessly shook his head.
"I'm getting ready to remember you." He said quietly.
Sirius opened an eye.
"A bit morbid for a Graduation night." He commented.
"It's all right for you," Remus sighed, a little bitterly. "You have a future."
The other eye opened now and Sirius gazed squarely at him.
"Don't get like that, you do have a future." He warned Remus.
"I'm not getting like anything." Remus retorted hotly. "I'm telling you why I'm so pensive. I don't want to leave because I quite enjoy being treated like I mean something."
A second, less comfortable silence fell between them.
"Any regrets?" Sirius asked eventually.
"Only one." Remus answered and mentally amended 'okay, two.'
"What regret?" Sirius wanted to know. Remus stared at the ground and hesitated.
"I regret telling you I'm gay, actually." He said finally, and he felt the other boy start in surprise.
"What, why?" Sirius demanded and Remus suspected he was hurt.
"Because you got so distant after that." Remus said honestly. "I don't think you quite knew how to handle it, did you?"
He waited for Sirius to answer.
"I reacted the best way I knew how." He said slowly. "Didn't you like any of the guys I set you up with?"
"They were really nice people." Remus said earnestly, trying not to injure Sirius any more. "But just because I'm gay doesn't mean I walk around in tight shirts listening to Barbra Streisand, and I don't need to be set up with every member of the gay community." He paused. "I appreciate the thought, though."
Sirius turned around so that he was leaning against the fence the same way Remus was, his hands clenched around the metal. He stared ruminatively over the lake.
"I'm sorry." He said quietly, sounding thoroughly chastised. "I really thought I was doing the right thing."
"I know." Remus smiled and slipped his hand over Sirius' where it lay wrapped around the fence. "That's why I went on those dates. The boys and I came to an agreement pretty soon in and we had a good time as friends."
Sirius didn't say anything, but looked down at their connected hands. Remus thought about removing his, but thought it would look more suspicious if he did.
"What about you, any regrets?" He demanded to break the uncomfortable moment.
"Only one." Siris replied, echoing Remus of earlier.
"Which is ..?" Remus prompted.
"That I didn't do this before." He replied and swung around suddenly, grabbing onto Remus and pressing himself up against him, their lips meeting as he did so.
Remus felt Sirius' tongue slip inside his mouth and he wondered if this could possibly be real. But there wasn't a lot of time to think, because Sirius' hands were on his waist and in his hair simultaneously, and somehow his own hands had found Sirius' chest and hair and they didn't want to leave.
Sirius was making noises that sounded suspiciously like 'Remus, mmph, Remus, oh please …' What Sirius was begging for, Remus didn't know, but it didn't seem to matter as their kiss grew more frantic and heated.
Sirius' soft lips were doing illegal things to Remus' lips and Remus was vaguely afraid he was making noises scarily similar to Sirius'.
This was how he wanted to remember Sirius, wild with lust and pressed passionately against him as he consumed Remus totally and completely.
This was the Sirius he wanted to carry with him.
He half – hoped, however, that somehow, even with their different paths, that he wouldn't need to remember Sirius at all, that Sirius would be there to look at and remember at any time.
"Remember me now, Moony?" Sirius demanded breathlessly.
"You think I could forget?" Remus replied, glad to be back on familiar ground. Kissing was amazing, but he wasn't very experienced. Witty tete-a-tete was more his forte. (A/N how many more French words could I throw into one sentence?)
"Of course not." Sirius grinned. "I'm Sirius Black. Who could forget me?"
"You're a twat." Remus told him affably.
"But you love me." Sirius reminded him.
"Yes." Remus agreed and hoped his voice didn't break as he feared it did. He felt Sirius still.
"You do?" Sirius asked quietly.
"Good." Sirius grinned and kissed him. "Those poofters didn't do anything for you, then?"
"Excuse me!" Remus protested. "I am a poofter!"
"No, you're Remus." Sirius agreed. "And you didn't answer my question."
"I would rather have you than 1000 other guys." Remus said honestly, flushing.
"Deep." Sirius observed.
"Yeah." Remus agreed. "So is the lake if you say anything about the sappiness of that statement."
"Sappiness is okay coming from you." Sirius winked and Remus laughed.
"S'okay coming from you as well." Remus told him and then they both flushed and laughed at their own love besotted comments.
"Shush." Sirius said succinctly and lowered his head.
Remus thought fleetingly that he was going to be very experienced before long, and he would remember it all.
Yes, I know, it was terrible. It's merely an offering of peace because I haven't given you anything to much on for something like a week now. There were no updates last weekend at all and this week has been to hellish for me to come up with anything and to find the time anyway. This was hard for me to find the time to write anyway, which is why it's so bad. So … I guess don't flame me for the er … badness of it. You can tell me it's bad, I know that, just don't say really nasty things because with the week I've had, I will burst into tears and write heaps of Sirius/Remus slash and just not share them with anyone.
Thanks to all who reviewed … er … whatever my last fic was. See, it's been so long I can't even remember what I last posted. Sorry.