Disclaimer: The PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia, OFUM and mini-balrogs belong to Miss Cam, and every other reference belongs to its creator. We have permission to write this story from Jay and Miss Cam.

A/N: If you find this funny, we will rejoice. If you review, Night will become hyper. She writes well when she's hyper...

Every chapter after this one will deal with one Mary Sue. They take a long time to kill, so please be patient! If you find a Mary Sue you want dead, email us! We work in the Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, and A Series of Unfortunate Event continuums. We will also take on any 'Sues messing with Tamora Pierce's characters. And
now, gentle readers, read on! Heehee.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...


Right. Anyway, Agent Rose Thorn wandered down the disturbingly monotonous gray hallways of Headquarters. "Where in this world or any other is the Mary Sue Department?"

"I can take you there. I'm supposed to find my new partner there anyway."

"I'm looking for my partner too! What's your name?"

"Agent Night Shade."

"Then you don't have to look for your new partner anymore. I'm Agent Rose Thorn. Wait, new? What happened to your old partner?"

Night winced at the memory. "She was a Draco luster. We got sent on a particularly painful Draco/Harry slash story. She's in the Psych ward, and she won't be out for a while."


"Yeah. Which reminds me, we're supposed to know each other's lust objects. Do you have one?"


"Mine's Aragorn, but I'm not a complete obsessive. I think he's hot, but I greatly respect him and his relationship with Arwen. I would never do anything to destroy it. Look, we're here."

"What? How did we do that?"

"When you aren't paying attention to where you're going, you get there faster." Night stopped, realized she hadn't made any sense, and then decided it didn't really matter. "Shall we go in?"


Rose and Night walked into their response center. Actually, Night walked in. Rose stared at the door for a little while, then skipped in when she heard Night making odd noises.

"Oosagoodgirl? Doesoowantsomebacon? Doesoowantsomeraw eggses? DoesoowantanAragornfangirltotearapart? Iknowyoudo..."

"Um, Night? Who are you talking to?"

"Okay, Mommywillfindyouone- huh? Oh, my mini."

"Your mini what?"

"You've never gone to OFUM? Shame on you! My mini-balrog."

"BALROG?" Rose shrieked.

"Mm-hm!" By this time, Rose had edged her way past the piles of books, CDs, DVDs, and videos. Night was kneeling on the floor, huggling her mini, Gilrean. "Isn't she cute?"

"Um... sure."

"Yes you are, yes you are a sweetheart-"


Rose jumped and cowered under the console. Night stood up, said "Mission", and walked over to it.

"You know, that doesn't help you any," she said, peering beneath the device. "You're underneath the object making the noise."

This story is placed in the LotR section because I can't put it in all the continuums, or at least I don't know how to. Our mission is actually a PotC 'Sue, but the next one will be a LotR 'Sue. We promise!