Disclaimer: Not mine. Set: Season Eight, no spoilers that I know of.
Rating: R. Sex.
Notes: This is... a different structure, in some respects. The first two sections are in first person, the rest in third. It was originally simply two drabbles for... God, fun, probably. It is, I hope, fluffy.

Stripes and Suits
by ALC Punk!

I was never pressured.

No, he never pushed, never threatenednever made promises about my career.

There was never a need for a complaint.

Everything I have ever done for the Stargate program has been worth it.

If I had a to choose between him and Earth? It's going to be Earth every time. It always has been.

Because the sex was good.

No, General, I never felt pressured to have a sexual relationship with my commanding officer.

Frankly, gentlemen, I've wanted to jump his bones since I challenged him to arm wrestle across this very table. Eight years ago.


Look, this is all my fault. She isn't responsible, and

Well, yeah, she's an adult. Of course.

NO! I never pressured her into having sex!

Yes, I did want it.

Look, Carter has saved the collective asses of the entire universe more times than any of us can count, why don't you just cut her a little slack?

No, this isn't just because she gave me the most mind-blowing sex ever.

I really do think she should be promoteddown the road. But I don't make those decisions anymore. General Hammond does.

No, I wouldn't enjoy retirement.

Up. Yours.


"Your toes are cold."

"The base thermostat I'll get Siler right on it."

"What, not me?"

"Nope. You're busy keeping my toes warm."

"Ah. Such an important function."

"So..."

"So..."

"Think they've decided?"

"I really don't care. Jack."

"Say that again."

"I really don't care."

"No, the other thing."

"Jack?"

"Yeah."

"Your toes are still cold."

"Have you seen me reach for the phone to call Siler?"

"That would require standing."

"We could y'know."

"...while we're being court-martialed for it?"

"And yet you're naked in bed with me."

"But we're not doing anything."

"Not yet."

"...Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."


"It is the finding of this tribunal that you are both guilty highly guilty of fraternisation."

"Well, duh."

"Jack."

"I'm just sayin'."

"Hush."

"It is also apparent that this fraternization has merely enhanced your natural bond as commander and second in command."

"We've saved Earth a lot."

"So we have."

"While this will remain in your permanent records, it will not be detrimental to advancement."

"So, what's the catch?"

"Carter, you've been hangin' around me too long."

"Don't I know it."

"For a period of one month, Colonel Carter will report to her superiors in Washington, DC, where she will brief the Joint Chiefs and any visiting foreign dignitaries on the progress of the SGC and its mission as a whole. For that same month, General O'Neill will be in command of the Alpha Site, training Colonel Ronson and several executive officers as we see fit. During that month, there will be no contact between the two of you."

"Then, if I can't have sex with him for a month, may we be excused?"

"Your punishment, Colonel, began as of ten seconds ago."

"...you can't be serious."

"Yes, Colonel, I can. And, no, General, nothing you suggest will sway me."


One. Month. Without Jack O'Neill. Without constant exchanges of looks, words, bodily fluids. Two months ago, she could have done this. Two weeks ago, she could have done it. Hell, two days ago. But now? With no last night?

Two SFs had driven her home to pack, her flight would leave in an hour and then she would be in Washington. To explain the stargate and its current situation, vis a vis the intergalactic and international politics.

Oh, this was not going to be fun. But she could do it. Anything Sam Carter sets her mind to will be accomplished.


Three days of briefings, scheduling missions, and discussing strategy. Jack was exhausted every night before falling into his bunk, and tired in the morning. He knew if she were there (but he wasn't thinking about her because thinking led to hard-ons) he would have been energetic and awake, and bouncing.

Definitely bouncing.

Sex with Sam Carter, Jack had learned early on, was athletic, fabulous, and made him simply want more.

Which made this enforced separation frustrating.

Very. Frustrating.


She survived a week before dragging Major Davis out to the nearest bar. Her plan was simple: get drunk, fuck the first male she came across. After all, masturbation might have worked in some respects, but it just wasn't cutting it. Not after having had a steady boyfriend (Pete) and now the General. Taking Major Davis with her had seemed like a good idea.

Colonel Carter spent the evening mocking him and getting progressively more drunk.

The morning hangover was almost worth it to wake up with a naked man curled around her.

Sadly, it was the wrong man.

"Mornin', Davis."

"Colonel!"

The wild eyes almost made her laugh, but her head hurt. "Nothing happened." And she would know. Her body was still humming a demand for Jack O'Neill and his fingers, lips, tongue and cock. He had really ruined her for normal life.

"It didn't?"

"No." She sighed, then looked at him speculatively as he tried to get out of the bed without revealing too much. "So, Davis."

"Colonel?" There was something almost whiny about his tone, but that could have been the hysteria.

"You've been at the Pentagon for a while." She propped herself up on one arm and watched appreciatively as he scrambled into his discarded clothing.

"And?"

"Have you ever had to procure something for someone before?"

There was a moment of silence and he looked at her. "Ma'am?"

"I want," she slid from the bed, careless of her nakedness, "you to procure something for me."

He swallowed. "Colonel?"

"A man, Davis. It can't be hard. There have to be half a dozen prostitution excuse me, ESCORT services on speed dial alone. Otherwise, I might... become irritated. And you wouldn't like me irritated."

Major Paul Davis straightened suddenly. "I'll see what I can do, ma'am."

"You do that."


"O'Neill, you are required."

Damn. It was just like Thor to interrupt him in the middle of something. At least he hadn't got further than opening the tube of lubricant and reaching for his zipper. "Thor, buddy, what the hell do you want?" Although, damn, this was going to be hard to hide. He shifted and continued glaring.

The little grey alien blinked for a moment, and Jack could have sworn there was almost a smile there. "As I informed you, you are required."

"Required?"

"By special request of the Pentagon."

"Huh?"

"It is a surprise."

Great. He hated surprises.


"Special delivery for Colonel Carter!"

Looking up from her notes, she sighed. It had been two days since she'd asked Davis for help in relieving her tension and it hadn't done any good. Even her own fingers weren't enough. It was enough to make her consider trolling the streets again, but considering the last time she'd simply ended up with a naked Paul Davis (which wasn't, in itself, a bad thing but it wasn't Jack). The next time it could be a naked Hammond. And that really didn't bear thinking about. "Come in!"

The door opened and a cloaked man (it had to be a man, really) was shoved in. The door closed with a snap a second later.

Sam blinked at him. "Er. Hi?"

"Y'know, Carter, not that I don't miss you and all. But, honestly, procuring yourself a boytoy? Tsk."

She didn't let him say anything else, her mouth happily devouring his, her hands tugging the robe off and discovering that he was naked except for his boxers. With a happy sigh, she slid her hand inside them and squeezed him. Now, THIS, was a good reason to make sure Davis got high marks on his next review.


"How long can you stay, Jack?" The sweat was beginning to cool on her skin, and while she was somewhat sated, there was also the deliciously antsy feeling dancing along her nerves that said she wanted more.

Lips tickled her skin, and he sighed, "Thor didn't specify, but considering the terms..."

"Right." She pushed at him, then rolled him over onto his back. "So if we've only got another couple of hours? I want to be unable to walk straight."

His fingers closed on her hips as she rocked against him, and he gasped. "Carter, y're gonna kill me."

"Good."


So now he wasn't getting enough sleep for an entirely different reason. Jack wasn't sure if the stupid grin on his face was permanently lodged, or if it merely flickered into being when no one was watching. Most of the Alpha Site seemed to be glad that he was more relaxed. Not that he went easy on them.

Two weeks in and it was every third night. Almost enough to make him happy (he was getting more sex now than the seven years before he'd made General). He just wished he could stay to wake up with her every morning.


"You're in fine spirits this morning, Colonel."

Sam glanced up from her notes and smiled politely. "I slept good last night, Mr. President." Very good. With a nice, male blanket with his lips smirking on her throat.

"Good, good. I'm glad to see that you're still thriving despite, ah, the abrupt reassignment."

If he was fishing, she couldn't tell. Carter shrugged, "I've learned to adapt, sir." Every so often was just enough for her. Even if she would have preferred to have him there every night. And every day.

"So, Colonel, tell me about the breakdown of the Tok'ra alliance."


Only two more days of enforced separation. Not that it had been exactly enforced, considering Thor's frequent flying between Earth and the Alpha Site. But Sam Carter wasn't going to tell anyone else about that.

There had been one or two moments where they'd almost been caught. The President had a knowing look in his eyes when he talked about the Alpha Site and the preparations going in to making it a self-supporting base. But no one came out and said directly to her face that she was having sex with General O'Neill.

Actually, most of them were probably too repressed to say something like that.

Sam was writing a report on Major Davis's fitness for promotion (it had been a long time coming). She kept to the facts, citing his help during the Foothold situation, budget meetings, and Anubis's mother ship. There was no mention of his job as boytoy procurer.


"We did it."

"Mhm." Jack didn't seem to be paying much attention to conversation.

Not that Sam minded. Her back arched in response to a particularly good movement on his part. Damn, but he could make her toes curl. "Came through with"

Red, white and blue, she decided as he slid up her body and kissed her shoulder. "Do you ever stop thinking?"

"No." Her hands slid down his sides and she sighed.

"Carter?"

"Hrm?" Now where was that sweet spot ah.

He twitched. "Murder in the first degree, Colonel."

"But you'll die a happy man," she murmured.

"Oh, yeah."


President Hayes met Supreme Commander Thor's eye across his desk. "Well?" This whole thing hinged on two people who were stubborn and irrepressibleand human.

"It is as you suspected." Thor tilted his head. "They are insatiable, yet dedicated to their work."

"Yeah." Hayes sighed. "Their work isn't effected?"

"Indeed not. As I have always suspected, they work far better as a happy, satisfied unit than apart. I believe, President Hayes, that it is in your best interests to, as General O'Neill would say, turn a blind eye."

"Yeah." Another sigh. "It's just... an erosion of command, of morale."

"And yet they are happy."

"I suppose it's all that matters."

"For the Asgard to continue supporting Earth and the Alliance, it is required."

"Yes." It disturbed Hayes just a little that his planet's continued existence relied upon the happiness of a few individuals. Not that the Asgard would pull the trigger themselves. But Thor had made it clear that they viewed most of the Earthlings as idiotic at best, stupid at worst. "Well, if that's all, Supreme Commander?"

"I will see you next time, as O'Neill would say."

After the flash of light was gone, Hayes sighed. "I hope not."

f-