Disclaimer: not mine. Rating: R/PG13.
Set: post-Threads, spoils a little bit of Atlantis's "Letters From Pegasus"
Notes: Liz wanted me to write a scene with Sam watching the McKay video. I... elaborated, slightly.

Burning... Ears?
by ALC Punk!

For some reason, the General had decided that it was SG-1's job to watch the tapes from Atlantis with him. So far, they'd been fairly mundane (including a rather eye-rolling report from a scientist named Kavanagh that Sam was personally going to accidentally lose). Now they were up to Rodney McKay, and his attempts to be seen as a leader and strong scientist. Or something. Some of it was incredibly pompous and made even Teal'c wince.

But the General had decreed that it should all be watched.

"You are the hottest scientist I've ever worked with." Not something Sam was surprised Rodney McKay was saying about her on tape. Still, it was kind of embarrassing. "...in fact, probably there's not a night that doesn't go by that I don't..." McKay's voice trailed off, and he shifted, looking uncomfortable. "Okay..."

Sam blinked. "Did he just insinuate that, that..." She trailed off, staring at Daniel, trying to block out the image of Rodney McKay masturbating while thinking of her.

"Oh, come on, Sam, he can't be the only one," Dr. Jackson replied mildly.


Sam turned to shoot the General a look, her eyebrows climbing. "Sir?"

He avoided her eyes and pointed at the still running video. "Shouldn't we be watching this?"

"You he..." Her voice stopped, incoherency descending.

"Sam." Daniel sounded patient. "I'm sure half the men (and some of the women) on this base whack off to you weekly. Why should it surprise you that Jack's one of them too?"

"Daniel!" The bark of an irritated one-star general echoed in the room. Sam was grateful. She had no words to smack her friend down. At least not yet. But he would pay. At some point, she would think of something, and he would pay. Dearly.

"Yes, Jack?"

"Shut up."

"Yes, Jack."

But he sounded smug.

Oh, yeah, Sam decided, as Rodney McKay rambled on. Dr. Daniel Jackson was goin' down. One of these days.

"Besides," Daniel said suddenly, "The same can be said for you, Jack."


"Women whack off to thoughts of you."

Rodney McKay continued rambling, filling the scathingly dead silence.

"Teal'c, buddy."


"You'll understand if I murder Daniel, right? I mean, I know Carter will."

"Indeed not, O'Neill. As Daniel Jackson appears to speak the truth." The jaffa sounded almost smug. "The situation is, as the Visa commercials say, priceless."

"Are you insinuating the street goes both ways, T?"

Oh, god. She was killing Daniel. And then Teal'c. Messily.

"I am, O'Neill."


"Don't say it, Daniel." Sam had recovered her voice.


"No, no, let him speak, Carter."

Fine. But she wasn't going to hem and haw and be all subtle about it. "Yes. I masturbate to thoughts of the General. Happy, Daniel? I also masturbate thinking about naquadah reactors, MacGyver, and that really cute gas station attendant who likes to check out my ass."

Oops. A little more than she'd planned to say.

"That's... great, Sam." Daniel stood, "I think I need some coffee. Teal'c?"


Rodney McKay's video was done, black screen showing on the monitor. Sam swallowed. "Sir?"

He hadn't moved or spoken since her little outburst.

Finally, he looked at the paperwork on the briefing table. "So..."

"I was... sort of joking. Sir."


"Except about you," she said quickly, before her courage could desert her. She was already standing.

And the getaway would have been clean, if Walter hadn't chosen that moment to block the doorway. "General?"

"Not now, Walter. The Colonel and I were having a discussion."

"Ah. Right, sir." The shorter man retreated.


She stiffened her shoulders and turned to look at him. She couldn't see all of his expression in the dim lighting, but she wasn't sure she wanted to. "Sir?"

"I do, too."

"Ah." She caught the edge of the door and sidled into the doorway. "I'll see you later, sir. I'll sift through what was sent again, see if there's anything else to be gleaned from it. Have a report on your desk sometime tomorrow."

"Gotcha." He paused, "I'll talk to you later."

"Right, sir."

"Oh, and Carter..."

She turned around and looked back. "Sir?"

"Can I call you tonight?"

Well, now she knew what feeling dry-mouthed was all about. "Okay, sir." She replied. And then she fled back to her lab.