Disclaimer: Well, I think it's pretty obvious I don't own jack-shit. Ino and Gaara have probably never even seen each other in the manga/anime.

Pairings: GaaIno. Yes, you read right. Gaara X Ino. :p

Warnings: Sarcasm.

Author's Notes: YAY! It's crack pairing time! This fic is for entertainment only! Don't be all like "Gaara X Ino! What are you on?" I think it'll be FUN! I hope I've picked one no one's ever seen before! Har har har! My crazy head has thought of this pairing a couple of times before, and a recent doodle I did just spurred me to write this!

Enjoy! Their love is so CANNON!11!1

Chapter One: Druggie

Well, it's another beautiful day in Konoha. I mean, honestly, "beautiful" barely captures the magnificence of this day. Those colorful birds are chirping obnoxiously outside. There's a sweet breeze in the air that tickles little snot-nosed babies and makes them laugh that stupid innocent laugh of theirs. The clouds are content and gentle, just like I would be if I could beat the crap out of a certain lazy ninja that is probably outside right now watching them. The sun is bright enough to get past the huge stick shoved up Sasuke's ass. It's just so beautiful I could cry real tears.

Worst of all, it's Spring. It's a beautiful season. The season of love.

Now, maybe it wouldn't be so painfully noticeable to your average person that it is Spring, and that this particular season happens to be associated with an emotion that evokes kissing, laughing, and sweet nothings whispered into ears, but I happen work in a flower shop. I sell objects of beauty and romance that just happen to be particularly lovely and numerous at this time of year. It was my destiny to watch these sickeningly gorgeous things bloom at this certain time of year while every one of my peers comes in to buy them for their "other-half". Out of all of my damn peers, every single one of them has found someone to enjoy the birds, the breeze, the clouds, the sunshine, and especially the beautiful flowers with. Sakura. TenTen. Hinata. Temari. The worst is that Temari. She's not even from my village, but she has to come back to rub it in my face just like the rest of them.

I am a kunoichi. I know that kunoichi like me must make sacrifices. Sometimes you'll be too busy on a mission to deal with love. Sometimes, you may get callouses and scars from working and training. Sometimes you might even have to cut off your incredibly beautiful hair to stage a remarkably elaborate plan to defeat an enemy - an enemy that you still might not beat after all your hard effort. I've seen it happen. It's happened to me! It's happened to those other girls too, but they still have boyfriends. All of them!

Okay. I'm not bitter. I may be slightly depressed and lonely, but I am not bitter or angry. Anger causes frowning. Frowning causes wrinkles. Now, I don't mean to sound at all vain, but it's times like these that call for my infinite supply of confidence. If there's anything Yamanaka Ino will never lose in, it is confidence and pride. I taught that ungrateful Sakura everything she knows. I was in full bloom before she even knew she even could bloom. Hinata pales in comparison to my boldness. She's like a wallflower or a timid flower that lurks in the darkness and is never seen. TenTen, well, actually she's not all that bad. Temari, now she is just a horrible beast. there's nothing sweet about her at all, and I don't know why Shikamaru ever gave into her.

Me? I know I'm beautiful. I know I'm strong.

But I'm so lonely.

"Ino! Watch what you're doing! You'll ruin the flowers if you keep twisting them like that! And...what's with all that frowning?" I look up to see my dad and I smile forcibly.

"I'm fine, Dad," I grit through my teeth and my fake smile.

"Aww...my poor little baby. Are you still upset about Sakura finally snagging Sasuke?" he asks as he grabs my hands and looks at me with a concerned expression. Well, I really need to be reminded of that awful occurrence. Yeah, Sasuke ran away. He ran to the most awful person he could have run off to. Three years later, Sakura, Naruto, and a whole team of other wonderful ninjas brought his sorry arrogant ass back home. Apparently Sakura was pretty astounding. Sasuke never looked at her the same after she saved him. He actually says that sometimes. He says she saved him. Not Naruto or the rest of the amazing ninjas, just her. I'll admit she has gained some strength from training with the Hokage. She also gained some suspicious curves. I also think that's a token from the ever voluptuous Hokage. Sometimes it's just a little hard to think that he chose her, forehead and all.

I was glaring down at those flowers. They were in full bloom. I was too. What happens if no one wants these flowers, even if they are at their peek? I notice how I had twisted some of the leaves and I suddenly feel very sorry. I shake my head at my dad's question and try my best to make the flowers look as beautiful as they can. I mumble an apology and promise to be more careful. My dad just nods and leaves with a sad look on his face.

I suppose it's nice to just be with the flowers. I can't get angry at them.

I arrange a few more bouquets and set them carefully down on the display. They are all so beautiful. I know the language of flowers is very powerful. Many flowers symbolize feelings and they can even represent people. They bring tears to my eyes - the flowers. I wipe the corners of my eyes as I lounge back to my place behind the register. I hope that just for once it will be a quiet Spring day. I hope people will buy chocolates instead of flowers.

A loud a bang destroys all of my hopes. The clang and jingle of bells signals my worst fears. It's a customer at the door. I look up and my eyes widen in horror. It's not just any customer.

"Well, fancy meeting you here, Yamanaka!" a rude blonde sneers at me. She has her mangy hair tied up in unfashionable pigtails, her malicious face is slightly tinted by sand, and her two freaky brothers are not far behind.

"Yeah, it's a pleasure for me too. I work here, you know," I say, quickly changing my face to one of competitive anger.

"Really? This place doesn't seem to suit someone like you." she claims, putting her hands on her hips defiantly. I would really love to rip that stupid smirk off of her face, but my dad says it's not nice to maul the customers. Instead I turn on my fabulous employee charm.

"Well, lovely young miss, what can I do for you and your hideous brothers today?" I say with mock politeness.

"Why you stupid - " she tries to charge at me, but her ugly face-painted brother holds her back and tells her not to start a fight. I laugh out loud and clutch my sides. I know her weak points. One attack at her freaky family and she goes off the wall. I don't care if I piss her off so much that she never buys another flower in her life. That would actually make me happy. As I laugh, my eyes roll over and meet with the dark-rimmed eyes of her youngest brother.

"Oh, shit!" I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand as I realize just who her other brother is. Oh God! I'm going to die! I'm too young to die! That horrible Sabaku no Gaara is staring right at me. His flaming red hair and tatoo are unmistakable, not to mention those green crystal-like eyes. I called him hideous. Don't panic Ino. I'm sure he doesn't kill everyone who calls him hideous.

He broke into a smile and laughed. It was so freaky. I shivered and nearly fell on the floor with the surprise.

"Temari! Isn't that the girl...the girl...from...that time..." he was trying to speak, but was laughing too hard. I look over to the beast and she's got the same expression on her face as I do. Her face-painted brother looks completely mortified.

"You are so lucky," she spits at me.

"What the Hell is wrong with him?" I ask. I've never seen that kid smile ever. He looks more like the type that would rather skin cats and murder people and things like that.

"Uh...he's on heavy medication. HEAVY medication." the hooded brother says. I can still feel my chin wiping the floor. He finally stops laughing and I give him a smile I give to very special people. He's a pretty special type of guy from the looks of it. I turn to Temari.


"Let's just get this over with, huh? I really don't want to look at your ugly face anymore than I have to" she says.

I don't care what my dad says, I'm going to tear her to shreds. I walk up to her, blood boiling. I roll up my sleeve ready to punch her straight in the face. Right as I leap for the kill, I'm stopped...by her brother?

"Hey. Be careful there. You might get hurt." he whispers into my ear. His pale arms are wrapped tightly around my waist, holding me back, but I've already stopped from the shock. He's hugging me. Gaara is hugging me. He hugs me a little tighter and moves one of his hands up from my waist higher and higher. I blush and shiver. Finally, I leap out of his hold.

"You pervert! I don't care if you're stoned out of your mind! Don't touch me ever!" I yell pointing an accusing finger at him. He pouts at me innocently. I can't help notice that he's actually pretty...cute.

Why is this happening to me?

Well, come on Ino! Look at him! He looks so different without that scary look on his face. I can't stop blushing. Oh for God's sake! It's not like I've never been hugged by a cute boy from behind...Okay. So I haven't really. What kind of pills is he on? My eyes are still open wide. He's fumbling with his fingers like an innocent bystander. I notice he's also twitching like he's drowned himself in a cup of coffee before coming here.

"W-Will y-you just b-buy your damn flowers already!" I yell at no one in particular because I'm too busy staring at her insane hyped-up brother.

"Cool your jets or I won't buy anything at all," she spits.

What an awkward day. I have to help one of my enemies buy flowers, while her brothers act all insane. She's even buying flowers for Shikamaru's mom. What a traitor, that Shika! He always told me he thought girls were troublesome, but if he ever dated one, it would be me. Liar! So, I'm stuck here with the beast he's actually dating.

For once being around her isn't so bad.

Staying away from Gaara is my top priority now. They should lock him in a cage and throw away the key. What a freak. So, I'm gracious and helpful until finally she picks a bouquet. It was Hell. She was just trying to be as picky as possible. She tossed at least a few perfectly good flowers on the floor to waste on "accident". Oh, well. There were a few casualties, but it was a Mission Accomplished. Yamanaka Ino wins. I have freed myself from the wench and managed to stay away from both her brothers, well, for the most part. It turns out that other one, Kankuro, isn't safe either. While I was talking to his sister, he rubbed me the wrong way if you catch my drift.

"Have a nice day," I grit though my teeth like I did with my father and wave. She doesn't acknowledge me. Bitch. I can hear her brothers on the way out.

"Way to cop a feel, Gaara!" Kankuro snickers, high-fiving that perverted red-head. "You are so cool when you take your pills!"

I swear I'll kill them all if they ever come back again.