Hello, my friends! My name is Hermes, god of the thieves, eloquence and trading. I'm also Zeus' messenger. That's why I was sent to do this presentation. One day, I met a peasant that mentioned all the names of my annoying brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, etc., in his rural words. Here's our conversation:
HERMES: Greetings, good plebeian. How are you?
PEASANT: To tell da truth, I'm not very wale.
HERMES: Why do you say so? Today is a nice day.
PEASANT: Noooo... I have been workin' hard and I need A RESt.
HERMES: The rest is good for everybody, but also is the work. It's good for plants, animals, mortals, gods...
PEASANT: Gods? There aren't any gods at the Olimpus. They're only havin' fun.
HERMES: I don't think so. The gods are good, dilligent, loving...
PEASANT: Are you drunk? They don't even ZEe US! If they were all that, they would RHEAbilitate the Earth. But don't talk about that anymore. I'll tell you a storie. Once upon a time there was a gurl whoos name was Hepha. She was cleaning her room because she didn't want her sista Dion to get angry at her. Her sisat's wrATH ENAbled the alarm of the mountain, and made it shake until they were tossed of it. So, she was cleaning HER MESs before Dion arrived. One hour later, she desided to take A RESt. She sitted on a chair and started to eat an APOLL, Only an apoll. Suddenly, she heard a noise.
'DION, YS US?', she asked a little afraid.
'Yes, is we. Who were you waitin' for? An ART EMISsary?'
'No. I'm glad you arrived.'
'Why aren't you doin' the clean? You are now in a POSE IDONeous for a picture, but not for workin'
'Sorry, Dion. I'll be workin' right now.'
'Good' Then, Dion started to change her clothes beecus she was goin out with the HEST IAn who was the hest of the town's inn, and shee liked him a lot. She wanted to wear her pink pers with her white shoes, but she couldn't find it.
'Hepha, have you seen my pers?'
Hepha knew that if she didn't tell her sista where her pers was, she would get angry.
'Er... your PERS...E...PHONEd a little time ago, and she said she would bee at the laundry.'
'Are you tryin to make a fool of me? HA! DESpite of my great intale eegens!'
'No, Dion, I'm not tryin to make a fool of you. Well the trooth is that I don't know where is it. It seems like someone has hidDEM ETERnally the pers.'
'What? You lost my pers! You didn't think my APHRO is DITE enough and you lost my pers!'
Then, Dion keeps on yellin, the mountain starts shakin and HEPHA ES TUSsed from the mountain. Hepha learned to take care of HER Authoritative sista's stuff. THE END.
As you can see, I, the superintelligent and clever Hermes, spent hours and hours working on this. And with a very small change on the version of the story, I could find several names of my annoying brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles. As a reward, Athena burst of laughing in my very face, and told me that I won't find that amount of spelling mistakes even on a peasant dictionary. Ares looked at me as if I was an alien, and said: 'Hermes, who's your sponsor?'. Aphrodite said that she didn't have time to read it, and read the beginning and the end. Artemis told me that the peasant spoke better than me. And finally, Apollo didn't even bother himself in telling me anything. They are all a party of inepts that don't appreciate a great writer's good job. But Zeus read my story and undoubtedly he liked it. Sorry, Athena. HA HA HA! Maybe the next time you will reach the tenth part of what I the superintelligent genius Hermes did. They're asking me to finish now. (Poor family. They can't bear it when I say the truth about them). So, see you later!