Thanks for being patient all, here is your long awaited chapter 4. A lot of things have been going on in my life and I couldn't find time to continue, but here it is. Without further adue, here's the one and only Chapter 4!
Previously on Survivor: Nae'blis
Shaidar Haran thrashes the Forsaken for splitting into tribes, Asmodean and Balthamel join the Hate Tribe, The Forsaken take another challenge with yields no winners, so no one gets voted off, the Forsaken have no idea where their food went, and suddenly Ishamael has returned in a new body as Moridin.
Demandred: Seems you really outdid yourself this time Ish… "Moridin".
Aginor: Yea, you SURE showed them Asha'man how powerful the "Forsaken" are Mr. Death…
Moridin: Yea, I'm gonna tell you now that I do not like you one bit… I'm only here to claim the title of Nae'blis so I can force you all to dance when I say "dance" and balefire when I say "balefire".
Lanfear: Oh, don't worry Morry buddy… hehe… Morry… anyway don't worry Moridin, you won't be Nae'blis, you already failed at life once, and the Great Lord doesn't take kindly to failure.
Asmodean: Yea you're a FAILURE!
Moridin: And when was the last time you contributed to the Shadow, Asmodean?
Asmodean: When was the last time I contributed to the shadow… pfft… what a stupid question. You remember that time when… or that time… SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU SILENCE!
Shaidar Haran: That's MY line!
(Demandred leaps 5 feet in the air and lands on his ass)
Demandred: OK! THAT'S IT!
(Demandred gets up and walks over to Shaidar Haran and ties a necklace to his neck with a bell on it)
Demandred: Now you'll NEVER sneak up on me again!
(Shaidar Haran looks down at the bell with a puzzled look and jingles it)
Shaidar Haran: I look like a cat with this thing on… is this really necessary?
(Shaidar Haran shrugs)
Shaidar Haran: It's a fashion statement I guess.
Lanfear: Sure it is…
Shaidar Haran: Silence! I have come here to announce that Moridin will be joining the Hate Tribe due to obvious reasons.
Moridin: Straight trippin yo-
Shaidar Haran: You're not ghetto; if you say that again I will personally kill you.
Moridin: Right then.
Shaidar Haran: You have the rest of the day to yourselves, Chosen. Tomorrow bright and early you will have your next challenge, and I promise it will be more complex than knocking each other off a bridge.
(With a malicious laugh, Shaidar Haran opens a black gateway and steps through, letting it wink out)
Aginor: Well then, we have a whole day to ourselves… what do you all want to do?
(Sammael raises his hand)
Aginor: We're not searching for Illian.
(Sammael lowers his hand)
Aginor: Anyone else?
(Mesaana half raises her hand before Aginor cuts in)
Aginor: Nor are we building a library!
(Mesaana lowers her hand with a pout)
Aginor: Great Lord, is that all you two ever think about? Books and Illian?
Sammael and Mesaana: Naw…
(They both look at each other)
Sammael and Mesaana: Yea…
Aginor: You two are not Nae'blis material! You could never be the Great Lord's Regent on Earth. I, on the other hand, would make an excellent Nae'blis. I am more powerful than all of you… (Moridin coughs) …with the exception of Mr. Death here, I have a better head on my shoulders than most of you, and I can think logically.
Demandred: You sure you're gonna live long enough to BE Nae'blis, old man?
Aginor: And just WHAT is that suppose to mean my simple minded colleague…?
Demandred: Let's face it Aggy, you're not exactly the youngest looking guy around, how much longer do you think you actually have?
Aginor: Simpleton! I have immortality like the rest of you; I have eternity to rule as Nae'blis! Secondly, you're just as old as me. I just got the short end of the stick cuz I was sealed closer to the surface than you two, me and Balthamel both that is.
Aginor: In fact, I believe it was you, Demandred, who tricked me into going to see what all that "commotion" was up on the slopes. "Aginor old buddy, be useful and see what all those shouts are will ya? Dangerous you say? Naw… those shouts of 'Death to the Forsaken' and 'The Dragon wills it!' couldn't possibly mean trouble. I'm sure it's just a squirrel." A squirrel Demandred? Why in hell would there EVER be a squirrel on the slopes of Shayol Ghul?
Demandred: Hey it could happen.
(Aginor slumps his shoulders and sighs)
Demandred: Hey now I may have caused you to go check it out, but you're the one who dragged poor Balthamel with you and made him walk in front of you. Oh, you're a great Nae'blis alright. Hiding behind others because there may be danger sure is a brave quality.
(Balthamel thinks a moment, then turns to Aginor and writes "Dude, wtf?" in the sand)
Aginor: Come on Balthamel, had I known there would be danger you know I wouldn't have taken you with me…
Sammael: And "Death to the Forsaken" isn't hinting at danger…?
Aginor: You stay out of this, you! Go back to Illian or something!
Sammael: Oh no you didn't…
Lanfear: PLEASE, children, calm down lets just settle down a bit.
(Sammael, Aginor, and Demandred take a deep breath)
Lanfear: Good, now just because Aginor has bad judgment…
Aginor: Woah who's to say I have bad judgment?
Semirhage: Cmon Aginor there's no denying your crappy judgment.
Aginor: What is this? Who said you could join this conversation, why are you all picking on me?
Demandred: Aginor a squirrel has better judgment-
Aginor: There you go again with your damn squirrels! Your squirrels cause death!
Sammael: (mumbles) Hungry mists cause death…
Semirhage: I CAUSE DEATH!
Moridin: I AM DEATH!
(All the Forsaken start tackling each other and rolling down the beach screaming and pulling hair. After about 5 minutes Moridin rolls away from the fight and stands up)
Moridin: I COMMAND THEE TO CEASE FIGHTING!
(All the Forsaken stop where they are and look over at Moridin)
Moridin: You are all acting like children! Is this how you plan to deal with your problems? By fighting like a 5th grade bully? You all make me sick. I remember little of my past life, but from what I remember, I ALWAYS KEPT YOU ALL IN LINE!
(Continues with graduation theme music in background)
Without me guiding you, you would all most likely be long dead. You Mesaana, where would you be today if I had never taught you how to read? And you, Demandred, where would you be today if I had never helped you get your high position among the forces of the Light before our betrayal? Lanfear you know you're life would be different had I not suggested you go talk to Lews Therin at that high school dance 3036 years ago. Semirhage, what would become of you if I never dared you to beat that kid relentlessly with a wooden chicken for three days? You would certainly be different than you are today. And you Sammael…
(Sammael waits expectantly)
Moridin: …Anyway, the point is I've helped each and every one of you become the people you are today. You owe your SOULS TO ME!
(Moridin coughs and clears his throat)
Moridin: Sorry about that, my ambition usually speaks for me when I talk about debts… Anyway, can't you all see that-
(Sammael hits Moridin in the head with a shoe)
Moridin: FOOLISH WORM! PREPARE TO FEEL MY WRATH!
(Moridin tackles Sammael to the ground and the fight begins again)
(Several hours later)
(All the Forsaken are sprawled on the beach with even dirtier clothes than they started with. Most are still catching their breath)
Aginor: Well… that… was… fun…
Demandred: Yea… except for… the part where Semirhage… found that needle…
Sammael: Il...Illi… aww forget it…
Moridin: Ok… perhaps we should put our differences aside for a bit. I don't think I could survive another fight like that.
Lanfear: Wouldn't want ya to die again so soon Moridin, you just got here. It would be a shame if you left so soon…
(Moridin glares at Lanfear)
Mesaana: I have an idea!
Aginor: We're STILL not building a library!
Mesaana: Why do you always shoot down my ideas? You're not the teacher here Aginor, I am!
Aginor: Actually in what's now known as the Age of Legends, I was an excellent teacher-
Mesaana: You taught smart stuff like biology, you never dealt with the public. You have bad social skills. I on the other hand spoke to the children of our time and enlightened them on a level they could understand. You just talked about molecules and atoms.
Aginor: You clearly know not of the complexities of biochemistry. Why, at age 20-
Demandred: OK! I can safely say no one here wants to hear you give another lecture of your life history. Why don't we try something that TEACHERS used to do back in the day? Everyone sit around in a circle.
(The 9 Forsaken sit in a circle in the sand. It is approaching nightfall, and the evening sun sits on the horizon)
Demandred: Ok, this is how it works. We will take turns going around the circle and each person will tell one thing they dislike and one thing they like about someone else. This way we can see what angers us and how to avoid it in the future. To prevent interruption during turns, ONLY the person holding THIS stuffed monkey can speak! (Demandred holds up a stuffed monkey that squeaks when you squeeze it)
(The Forsaken agree to this and for once it seems that they will work out their issues and work together. Fortunately for the sake of humor, I'm the author and that won't happen)
Demandred: Ok, how about Moridin starts because he's the newest one of us here.
Moridin: Technically I'm the oldest member…
Demandred: Hey, hey, do you have the monkey yet? I didn't think so. Here you go, now you may talk.
(Demandred hands Moridin the monkey)
Moridin: Very well then. I choose Aginor.
Demandred: You can begin whenever you're ready-
Moridin: OMFG I HATE YOU AGINOR! YOU FILTHY WEED-RIDDEN SPINE! YOU ALLLLLLLLLWAYS COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING ALMOST AS STRONG AS ME AND YOU SEEM TO THINK YOU'RE IN CHARGE 24/7! YOU WILL KNOW MY POWER YET! KNEEL BEFORE ME AND KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF POWER!
Demandred: First of all, only the Great Lord can speak in only caps and second, Moridin, I don't think you understand-
Moridin: AND YOU DEMANDRED! YOU FOOLISH WORM! I WILL YANK YOUR CHILDREN OUT THROUGH YOUR SPLEEN! YOU'VE HIDDEN WITH THE SEANCHAN FOR THE ENTIRE BOOK SERIES-
All Forsaken: Book series?
Moridin: -AND YOU MADE ABOUT 5 MILLION LOYAL FANS THINK YOU WERE MAZRIM TAIM UNTIL ROBERT JORDAN FINALLY PUT AN END TO THE THOUGHT AT A BOOK SIGNING-
Aginor: There's that Robert guy again-
Moridin: -YOU SHUT YOUR FACE AGINOR, I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU! YOU SNIVELING MOCKERY OF A CHOSEN, YOU DISGRACE US ALL WITH YOUR LACK OF COMPETANCE AND YOUR CONSTANT NAGGING! YOU WOULD MAKE A BETTER NANNY THAN A CHOSEN! AND SECONDLY… OMFG CLOWN!
(Moridin points and all the Forsaken turn around to see a clown tiptoeing away as quietly as it can)
Asmodean: You? No!
(It notices them looking at it and it throws its head back and shrieks. The Forsaken get up and chase the clown down the beach. The Forsaken slowly close the gap between them and the clown and it seems obvious that the clown is as good as captured. Suddenly the clown's arteries explode and it self-destructs, throwing the Forsaken backward in a gust of wind. They sit up and form a circle again)
Demandred: So where were we?
Moridin: I believe I was ranting and raving about my issues.
Demandred: Ah yes, continue.
(Moridin continues his verbal assault on Aginor and then proceeds to each of the Chosen. He manages to point out things that even Robert Jordan didn't know about the Chosen and ends up wasting a lot of time. After another hour Moridin is done with his grilling of his companions and calmly passes the stuffed monkey to Balthamel)
Moridin: Here ya go Balthy, your turn to speak.
(Balthamel picks up a flaming log)
Demandred: Hey now let's not start this again, I say we stop this game because clearly we've made no progress. In fact I think we've backtracked and was better off without this game.
Sammael: You can say that again.
Demandred: … ok: Hey now let's not start this again, I say we stop this game because clearly we've made no progress. In fact I think we've backtracked and was better off without this game.
Lanfear: You actually said it again? Who does that?
Demandred: What can I say? I'm a pleaser.
Semirhage: In more ways than one…
Demandred: Hey! I told you never to mention that again!
Moridin: Great Lord that's horrible, please tell me you're joking Demandred.
Demandred: Yes, yes it's a joke, she's joking, right Semirhage? You're joking?
(Demandred makes a "I will kill you if you don't agree" signal with his hand)
Semirhage: Yea… joking…
(Semirhage winks at Demandred)
Rahvin: That's just terrible, not even I sleep with other Chosen…
(All the Forsaken leap at Rahvin's sudden arrival)
Aginor: Wtf, aren't you dead?
(Rahvin looks at Aginor confusedly)
Rahvin: Why would I be dead?
Mesaana: But the explosion… surely you couldn't survive that.
Rahvin: Oh that. Yea, when Padan Fat-head decided to collide with me and we fell down I figured we were done for. Luckily for us, a half-leprechaun half-Myrddraal hybrid child froze time seconds before the explosion and offered us protection in return for our souls upon death. Obviously we agreed so he protected us from the explosion then disappeared. Won't he be angry when he finds out that I already gave my soul to the Great Lord an uber long time ago and that Psycho Weasel doesn't even have a soul to give?
Lanfear: Wait, you mean Padan Fain is still alive too? Where is he?
(Suddenly Padan Fain burrows up from under the sand)
Padan Fain: It's a me! Padanio! Hello!
(Padan Fain hobbles over by Rahvin)
Rahvin: Since the explosion he's suddenly become my pet. He just listens to me for some reason.
Demandred: That's an interesting story of how you survived, but where have you been all this time?
Rahvin: Over there
(Rahvin points to his sand castle with "Caemlyn" carved in the side)
Demandred: …how come we never noticed him over there?
(Asmodean raises his hand)
Asmodean: I noticed-
Demandred: Oh you don't count, Asmodean.
(Asmodean lowers his head in silent agreement)
Moridin: You people never notice anything. Why, just now while you were talking to Rahvin I've managed to steal your pants and use them to fuel the fire I've just built.
Demandred: That's ridiculous, my pants are-
(Demandred looks down to find himself in his boxers and see his pants smoldering on a newly built fire. Demandred just stares at Moridin)
Demandred: …Why would you do that…?
Moridin: I thought it'd be interesting.
Aginor: How did you get food though?
Rahvin: Oh, Sammael has been throwing the food he hoarded the night after your challenge at me for the past day.
Demandred: How come we didn't notice Sammael doing that this entire time? In fact he's doing it now.
(All the Forsaken watch as Sammael sits in his "Illian" sand castle and throw their stolen food at the empty "Caemlyn" sand castle while shouting "ILLIAN IS MINE!")
Rahvin: You know, for the 13 most powerful Aes Sedai of our time, we're not very bright.
Demandred: Aint that the truth.
Moridin and Aginor: Waddya mean 'we'?
(Moridin and Aginor glare at one another)
Aginor: It's you morons that lack intelligence; leave me out of your collective stupidity.
Moridin: Aginor, you didn't see Rahvin either so don't try to excuse yourself. He's the first thing I noticed upon arriving. I just assumed you all knew he was there and were ignoring him. Boy, I shoulda known better. Maybe you all need to get new bodies too. They might contain a smarter brain.
Lanfear: Well I'm sorry that we don't attract death like you do, Mr. Death.
Moridin: At least we can attract something…
(Lanfear's eyes narrow)
Lanfear: What's that supposed to mean?
Moridin: Cmon Lanfear, you've been trying to attract Lews Therin's attension for what? 3,000 years now? One would think you'd get the picture sooner or later. You were turned down by a sheepherder for Creator's sake.
Lanfear: Keep it up, Moridin…
Moridin: Can't you see that he doesn't want you? He's turned you down so many times that most people would move on. But you're not most people are you Ms. Daughter of the Night?
Lanfear: That's it! Just for that…
(Lanfear smacks Asmodean)
Asmodean: Wtf, what did I do to deserve that?
Moridin: Let's face it Lanfear, you lost your charm. Now only poor hobos and Rahvin would take you.
Rahvin: Hey I resent that.
(Rahvin checks his hair in a mirror real quick)
Lanfear: You just don't know when to stop do you, Moridin?
(Lanfear smacks Asmodean again)
Asmodean: OK WTF? I'm leaving!
(Asmodean gets up and walks off 50 feet and sits under a tree with his C'D pla'yer)
Aginor: Look what you've done guys. You made Asmodean go away sad.
(Aginor picks up 2 beers and hands one to each of them)
Aginor: Keep up the good work and have a drink.
(The Forsaken all cheer in agreement and get themselves a Sammael Adams, all except Asmodean who is excluded, and Sammael who continues his barrage of food on Rahvin's sandcastle)
(We now take a short trip into the corners of Sammael's mind. Sammael used to be a normal man, a brilliant general in the Age of Legends. How did Sammael's obsession with Illian come about you ask? Well let's look at the facts first. Sammael has always been jealous of Lews Therin's accomplishments, no matter how small or how great. It was the sole factor for him to turn to the Shadow: to defeat Lews Therin himself. Now after being trapped for 3,000 years, it does something to a man. And especially since it was Lews Therin himself who trapped Sammael for all that time. During this great sleep Sammael's nightmares have torn at him day after day, night after night. Defeated on his home ground. Sammael always fought best while defending, and he was defeated on the defense. This sent a crushing blow to Sammael's ego and bolstered his hatred and jealousy of Lews Therin. Now after his awakening, he has immediately established himself in Illian. Illian has become the object of triumph for Sammael. Since Rand al'Thor has taken over many a city, including Caemlyn, and united the Aiel, Illian is the one true possession that Sammael can call his. This is something he has that Lews Therin does not. Sammael holds dearly to Illian, and should he ever lose it… well lets just say he'd make Padan Fain look like a normal person. Now you know the reason for Sammael's crazed attitude towards Illian, and can better appreciate his predicament. He's dealing with it the only way he knows how: Spam his claim until he's blue in the face)
Sammael: ILLIAN IS MINE!
That's all I got for now guys, thanks for being patient with me. As always please read and review! My ego is never too big, so feel free to pump compliments into your reviews lol.