I've been a huge fan of Furuba for a long time, but until now I've never really been inspired to write any fanfics. I have all seven of the manga that are out so far, and I recently borrowed the anime DVDs from a friend of mine. Hatori's always been one of my favorites, and the manga story about him and Kana was the first that really made me cry. Today, I saw the corresponding anime episode, and cried some more. (sweatdrop) So here's my first Furuba fanfic. Hope you like!
Heh. And yes, Hatori's my favorite possibly because I was born in the Year of the Dragon. :p Pesky Fate...
Oh, and since I've only read up to book seven, I've only met up through Hiro. So the monkey, the cock, and the horse aren't mentioned. Deal with it.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't claim to own. Sigh.
Summery: On Tohru's wedding day, Hatori plays observer, thinks about all he's lost, all he's left behind, and all could have had...
Warnings: Probably an OOC Hatori. Light one-sided Hatori/Tohru if you choose to read it that way, and fondly remembered Hatori/Kana. And yes, I purposely don't say whether Tohru's marrying Kyo or Yuki. I want Furuba-fans of both persuasions to be able to read this.
I should have guessed she'd choose to have her wedding in the spring. It suits her, just as it suited Kana. We would have done the same, you know. Had our wedding in the spring, if Akito would have let us. Springtime meant so much to the both of us, for many reasons...
She looks so happy, little Tohru who isn't so little anymore. The dress suits her well, just as the spring does. She's happy... Happy as Kana is happy. That's all I ever asked for. I don't believe in any gods much, but I have prayed, just twice, that they might be happy. That's all I asked...
Kagura's sniffling, though I don't know whether it's in happiness for Tohru or half-delusional imaginings of her would-be wedding with Kyo. Kisa's sniffling too, though I'm pretty sure that's because she's happy. She looks quite lovely in her bridesmaid's dress, standing with Tohru's two friends. Funny, I never noticed how much Kisa's grown up, these last few years... I guess I've been too busy watching Tohru, and Kyo, and Yuki.
Aaya's flat out bawling on Shigure's shoulder, but he's just being a drama king, I'm sure. Shigure looks proud that his little Tohru is all grown up. I wonder if he looks at her the same way I do, if he sees in her the salvation not just of Yuki and Kyo, but of us all. She did save us, you know. Me more than most...
Hatsuharu looks slightly bewildered, as though he can't quite figure out just how he got to be best man. Hiro's sitting near the front, alternatively glaring at Tohru and making goo-goo eyes at Kisa.
Momiji keeps wavering between giggle fits and teary-eyed sniffles beside me. Of all of us, he was probably the most like a real friend to Tohru. And of all of us, I think, Momiji's the only one who didn't love her in some way. He's always adored her, perhaps loved her as one would love a big sister or a slightly eccentric aunt, but he's never watched her and wished for a moment that she could be his, as I know the rest of us Zodiac men have all done at least once. Even Hiro and Haru, though they tend to deny it.
I can't help but be jealous, today of all days. Yuki and Kyo were both so lucky, and they don't even know the half of it. Will never know, if I have anything to say about it. I won't... I can't reveal my feelings now, it would only complicate matters for them. She'll never know.
Somehow, though, that doesn't upset me like it used to do. She'll never know that she made me love her against my will, the day she met me at Sohma House, discovered my animal form, and answered my question as Kana did. I loved Kana with all my heart and soul, and after her memories were locked away, I tried to lock my own away, too. I didn't know it for a long time, but even as I looked fondly back on the days we had together, I was freezing my heart on purpose, so I wouldn't have to hurt.
The day Tohru Honda came to the Sohma House, I don't know what made me ask her. No... That's a lie. I know what made me ask her. She reminded me so very much of Kana...
"When the snow melts, what does it become?"
I've never been much of one to cry, even when I was a child. I was always the prince of ice, even before Akito's words bound me that way. When Kana first melted my heart, it was the first time I'd cried since I was very, very small. I knew, or thought I knew, that spring had come.
But after I took her memories away, and watched her smile and look at me with ignorant eyes, and walk away... The clouds darkened. The wind picked up and began to howl, my spirit and soul bent under the strain of a snowstorm so fierce, it froze my heart and threw me back into the darkness of winter. I knew that I'd never have a second chance at spring. At first, I didn't mind. I loved Kana, and I wanted no one but her to thaw me.
Deep inside, deep, deep down in a place not even Akito could touch, I was afraid. I feared that the snow would never ever melt, the ice would never crack and fall from my eyes. I dreamed of what it would be like, to never love, to never feel again. I watched Aaya and Shigure, laughing, loving life, and I feared that I would never be able to truly live again.
And then... came Tohru.
I still love Kana, and in a funny, echoey sort of way, I love Tohru. But the love I have for her is just a reflection of what I feel for Kana, because...
Because Tohru melted my winter, just as Kana did.
"Well, let me think... It becomes... spring."
I didn't know it, at first. But from then on, I always seemed to be hovering at the borders of the things that went on in Shigure's house. I was never involved, exactly, unless someone was sick, but I was always watching, listening, observing. And I discovered something.
When I watched her with Kyo and Yuki, laughing, there was an echoing ache in my chest, as though I were supposed to be laughing too but didn't have the strength. When Shigure would tell me about some particularly touching or romantic scene, I'd have to struggle not to smile.
When I saw the three walking together, that day at the summer house so long ago, I found to my surprise that I was trying not to cry.
Somehow, somewhere along the way, winter had left, and spring was beginning to bloom.
I didn't love Tohru myself, exactly. It was just echo-love. But at the same time, as I watched Tohru and Yuki and Kyo, I began to wish desperately that it would work out, that they'd find some way, that somehow against all odds love would find a way. I didn't want them to suffer as I had suffered. Love wasn't meant to be like that.
And somehow... if they were happy, I knew I could be happy too. If they found the will and the strength to make it through, I knew somehow that I would be satisfied. It was as though Tohru was Kana, and Yuki and Kyo bits and pieces of myself. If they could be together, I could dream in peace with no regrets of how Kana and I could have been.
And, against all odds, they've made it here today.
"Oh it's so beautiful!" Momiji coos as we make our way to the reception. He's grown up over these past years, they all have, but he's still the same bouncy child he always has been. "Wasn't it beautiful, Hari?"
I smile a little. "Yes, it was."
We get in line for our turn to file past and congratulate the bride and groom. I stand back a small ways and watch as Momiji and Tohru laugh. There's an ache in my chest, and though it should trouble me, it does not. I know what it is. It's the last of the ice around my heart cracking and falling away. Kana, Akito, not even my own stubborn will could keep me in winter forever, not with spring so close.
Tohru looks up at me as Momiji moves on, and her happy smile changes into a little 'o' of surprise, or maybe shock. "Hatori-san... you're crying!"
She blurts this out in that sudden, rather loud way of hers, and several people around us turn to look. I'm half aware of Momiji's startled squeak, and the groom's startled "What-" but I find that I don't care anymore who sees my emotions, where once I would have hidden them at all costs.
Vaguely, I lift a hand to touch my cheek and find it wet. Staring at Tohru in wedding dress and veil, somewhere deep inside I find the courage to smile at her.
"Don't trouble yourself worrying," I say softly. "It's only spring rain."