Well, my friends, this is it! This is the last chapter of Suicide! I'm nervous and I'm excited… (starts crying) and very sad to let my baby go! It seems like I just typed it up the other day. (sighs) They grow up so fast.
My, that must sound cheesy. But oh well. This is how I am!
Anyhow, as I said last chapter, though some of you read them before I edited it, there are no more shout-outs. They are no longer allowed on this site, along with author's notes during the story or song lyrics. If you weren't aware of this 'til now, I suggest you take care of any of these problems you might have immediately. Seriously guys, stories are at stake here!
Now that that's done, I'd like to briefly thank everyone who's ever reviewed this story. From now on, I shall do this at the end of each one. These aren't shout-outs!
First, I'd like to thank the ones who've reviewed every chapter here. Thanks for puttin' up with me for the last thirteen chapters: spootycup, Katana-Babe, and pacphys!
Everybody else, you're reviews mean a lot to me too! So here's thanking: tbreader, chibi Nataly, Darktiger2, liin sivi, Sassyblondexoxo, kikiyophoenix19, eldarsevenstar (a.k.a. alex), Dierdre, Lioness-Goddess, CelicaChick, blueraven, leo oneal, BubblyShell22, Reluctant Dragon, sporksareweird, Goblin Cat KC, DigDugBug, Inumaru12, Satana, dragon shadows, anomonus, Madvy, Lunar-ninja, Chibi Rose Angel, Flame Guardian, Gemdrive, kerrbear, Kellie Fay, Sapphire93, night2frost, AngelWarrior74, Cascadiascience, The Sacred Heart 2, HollyWd, Isis-Lament, My Bloody Hell, Pretender Fanatic, Entropy, BE-A-TLE, Dreema Azaleia Wingblade, Cynlee, Jessiy Landroz, Reviewer, Anime-crazed33, Empress Caroline of Tamaran, and Digmon Girl, as well as everyone else who may review in the future.
My God, isn't that amazing? Forty-nine people, from all over the world, have read this teenager's stuff! And that doesn't even include the people who haven't reviewed! I feel so warm and fuzzy inside!
But I'm sure that everyone whom I've just named off, if they're still reading, are wanting to know the ending to this story. So, without further adieu, I leave you with the end of Suicide! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own the TMNT, or any other cartoon that'll make me mega rich. But, I do finally own a DVD player!
Not even three days had passed before Leo went catatonic again. As far as they knew, in the past two weeks, he'd done so six times now.
Again, that was as far as they knew.
Mikey had come up with the idea that he was going to a specific place each time, even if it was one that possibly existed only in his mind. The thought had easily been excepted, though no one knew why. Intuition, Donny thought. But it couldn't be confirmed; Leo refused to talk about anything that happened to him while he was catatonic. But he'd never denied that something was going on either.
The first time he went catatonic again, he'd still been bedridden, so it almost went unnoticed. Raph had been trying to talk to him; apologize for the things he'd said nine years ago. It figured; he was in the right place at the wrong time.
He'd lost his courage to try again by the time Leo came out of it, nearly two hours later.
Two days went by and Leo was up out of bed, with nothing but a slight stomachache. He and Donny had been having a normal conversation when Leo blanked out, slowly, in mid-sentence, forgetting his thought before he was back to normal about forty-five minutes afterward.
In the mean time, he quietly repeated several things his brother said, freaking Mikey out and confusing Raph, who'd come to see what was going on. Quickly telling them he was going to look it up on his computer as he headed there, not having to worry about repeating himself in case they didn't hear, since Leo did so for him almost immediately, Donny set to work looking through the stuff he'd saved to his computer on catatonia.
He came back to tell them about echolalia, a common symptom in these cases. Sometimes, catatonics would repeat the words spoken by ones around them, like a parrot. Another common symptoms was echopraxia; when a catatonic imitates gestures and body movements, and, rarely, were responsive to verbal commands. Leo never demonstrated that.
The very next day, they were talking about Logan. Don showed him the news article he'd found relating to the boy's suicide. At first, Leo had no desire, in any aspect whatsoever, to even glance at the thing, so they left it at that, for the time being. However, he quickly, and quite mysteriously, changed his mind after coming out of a ninety-minute catatonic episode. He never gave them a reason why.
After that came three surprises. First, Raph declared he thought Leo could, and should, leave the lair for a bit of fresh air. The second surprise was Leo didn't want to, despite the fact that before he remembered what'd happened to him, that was one of the things he'd wanted to do most. But the third, and biggest surprise of all, was that no one argued about it, just went to their rooms.
It didn't take much thinking to realize what Raph's intentions had been, though Donny didn't think Leo had understood that when he declined to leave.
And then came the eighth day, the fourth incident of catatonia displayed since the original. It was another demonstration of echolalia, thought his time it was Mikey he copied, and the two were alone; the other two brothers out patrolling the city.
Sometime during the twenty minutes Leo was 'gone', Mikey developed some sort of… remedial mind game, if you could call it that. It was the only thing Don could think of. Although they weren't exactly sure if it'd actually worked, it was extremely brilliant thinking on Mikey's part.
After having each attempt to get Leo back fail and recited back to him, he changed his wording, talking in the first person, instead of to Leo; feeding him sentences he hoped would encourage his eldest brother to come back. Well, he did. However, he was visibly upset and went to his room before anybody even got home.
On the tenth day, Leo finally worked up enough courage to leave the lair, suddenly compelled to visit Splinter's grave in a desolate area of the park. The quickest way was through the drainage junction. Leo took the long way.
No words were said at the gravesite, and nothing went wrong either. The four of them stayed for an hour or so. It wasn't until they came back that they realized how distressed Leo was over the sojourn. When he went to his room, he was shaking and dry sobs racked his body disturbingly quietly.
He eventually stopped. His brothers stayed with him for the three hours he was catatonic.
And then came day thirteen, disproving a wide belief in the number's superstition. That day, three days in between the last one, Leo did go catatonic, but it was so short, it was barely noticeable. It would have gone unnoticed, if it hadn't been during dinner.
Then, Mikey had told Don something that day, when everyone else was heading to bed. A memory he had, concerning the year that had lead up to now. It made him think about things…
That had been a day ago. At the moment Leo was sitting quietly in front of the TV, unaware that Donatello was watching him from behind. That was only unusual if you knew Leo. He wasn't catatonic, just lost deep in thought.
He was holding the old news article in his hands. Donny watched him crumple it up, then regretfully smooth it out again and set it aside. Angry; but not wanting to act stupid.
Leo was still in a hole he'd dug for himself, with some big help from Logan. And despite help, there was nothing at this point he, or anyone else, could do to get him out.
Don suddenly understood why his brother felt so alone sometimes, even when everyone else was there.
Watching Donny, who was watching Leo, Mikey turned around to see if Raph was perhaps watching him. That'd be an interesting chain of events.
Walking up to his purple-banded brother, Mikey tapped him on the shoulder. "What's up?"
Don turned around, slightly surprised, but shaking it off quickly. "Just thinking." He cocked his head, noticing his younger brother had his mind wrapped around something as well. "Mikey, did Leo ever tell you anything that day? When he went catatonic while Raph and I were out?"
His thoughts immediately turned from what he had told Donny about a day earlier. Checking to make sure Leo hadn't noticed their conversation, he scratched his head nervously. "What day?"
How'd he know? Truthfully, Leo had told him something, but it was so little and he went so fast, Mikey had felt like he'd only been given a nibble of the cake, when everything else was telling him it was a mouthful.
But he'd been right. Every time he went catatonic, Leo went to a place deep inside himself. He'd been nervous talking about it and hadn't really finished. The blue-clad turtle had started hiccuping during his explanation and decided that was all Mike needed to know.
Unable to describe it well, he called it his 'Dark Side'.
The name almost made Mikey laugh, reminding him of Star Wars. He almost laughed, but didn't. This Dark Side wasn't from a fictional movie, innocent once you pictured it in that light. This was real, yet imaginary. It was a piece of Leo foreign to everyone, especially himself.
"Mikey? You there?"
Michaelangelo lifted his head to see Don again. "Huh?"
Donny shook his head and repeated his words. "You know what day. Or have you developed a case of amnesia since then?"
"Um, maybe… what's my name again?"
His comment earned him a small grin from his brother, but he went right on with his questions. Turning his head in the direction of Leo, who had now distanced himself from the newspaper article, as if he were mad at it for being written, Don lowered his voice, "See what he's doing? He still hasn't accepted any of this." He turned back to Mikey. "The last time he did that, he ended up repressing it from his memory."
"Whoa, wait a minute." Mikey's eyes widened. "Do you think that's gonna happen again?"
"I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out from his state of mind right now, but you can see how difficult that is."
Mikey blinked. "But last time, it was weeks before he started acting funny."
"That's by what you told me." Donny had a thoughtful look on his face. "Raph, along with myself, have no memory of that. And you were only six; that was several years ago. You might have your timing messed up. But even if you don't, it'd be nice to stop the problem before it starts."
"If there's a problem."
"Right. So, did Leo-"
A shadow developed in between of them. "What're you guys doing?" Leo asked.
Simultaneously, the two spoke. "Nothing."
Leo gave them a funny look. It spoke for itself. What've I done wrong, now?
Nothing. Mike wanted to tell him that, because he hadn't, but the fact was, he just might not have done it yet. As horrible as that day had been for Leo, it was important that he didn't forget it again.
Leo still looked upset. He never talked about him, but it was obvious he thought about him a lot. Instead of taking a step in the path to improvement, he took an enormous backslide.
His elder brother's eyes broke away from him quickly, uncomfortable. Leo had been having a horrid time with maintaining eye contact lately. He shifted his sight, only to realize he was looking at the entrance to Splinter's room.
He just stared for a while, then entered, closing the door behind him.
They didn't eavesdrop, but the silence was so thick, the small sounds coming from the room could be heard easily. It sounded like Leo was quietly rummaging through things, looking for something. Somewhere down the line, he must've found it or gave up, for he stopped. Next came the crinkly sound of paper. Then one muffled sob.
After that, there was quiet.
Cold ebony, silent emptiness. He was getting used to the sight.
"I told you." Logan said, spiritless grin plastered to his face. "It's getting harder, isn't it?"
I don't have to talk to you. Leo thought; knowing full well it would be heard.
Jumping right in front of him, the boy crouched down. "Ignoring me, huh? Not that I didn't expect that; you said you would after all. You sure are a glutton for punishment."
This type of speech came from the mind. Leo already knew it wasn't what Logan wanted. You can't hurt me.
"Oh, but I can. Or did you forget our last little conversation? You were very close to your Sensei. Shame it was your fault he died, or so you keep on telling yourself."
Leo rose in a quavering calm. "Shut up."
"Ah, so you do have a tongue."
"Sorry pal, you're stuck with me. Like that day at the drainage junction."
Images of rich, red blood flowing out of Logan's nose flashed around him. He remembered watching, unable to tear his eyes from the sight. Leo shuddered as the mental picture faded away, hating the power the dark side of his mind held over him.
"For once," he began, hands clenched at his sides, "will you just let me… be, without reminding me of you- I mean, him?"
Logan raised his hands, palms facing away, as if in self-defense. "Hey, you're the one who wanted to do this the hard way."
There wasn't much too focus on in the darkness, but Leo tried. He'd developed some tricks to get out of the mind he could barely call his own anymore. Sometimes, he could make out one of the voices of his brothers. He'd listen, repeat their words to himself. Leo liked theirs better than Logan's anyways.
Speak of the devil. "Hey, you wanna know a secret about this place?" He smiled in a way that would make Mona Lisa jealous; her famous mystery painted by Leonardo's own namesake. "Logan Acker isn't the only one to blame for this mess."
Leo frowned. Who else is there?
"I'm done here." He said aloud, accidentally reverting back to speaking his words once again. He was getting nervous, and Logan knew it. I don't want to hear your secret.
The boy didn't care obviously, for he continued. "C'mon, you know it's your fault. You tell yourself that all the time, too."
How did he know everything? From the grin on his face, Leo could see that Logan knew he'd won. He decided to admit the wrong he'd done, softly, guiltily. "I'm the one who suppressed the memory."
Smiling, Logan cocked his head. "See? I knew you'd come along." He laughed, "How come you always play dumb? We both know you're extremely clever in situations like this. Even your enemies have commented on this."
"Actually, I was thinking of the Shredder. But if you want to count me too, I suppose so." His grin grew as he saw the look of surprise on Leo's face. "Sorry, forgot to mention. You don't forget anything, ya know."
The turtle raised his fist to the black, opening a white tear through his mind and to the outside world. He was ready to leave. Now.
Logan appeared in front of him. "You didn't let me tell you my secret."
I don't want to know!
Leo lowered his hand. "What does placing the blame on me have to do with your stupid secret?"
"Hey, it's not just on you."
"You didn't answer my question."
The boy just rolled his eyes. "You and your stupid questions. You'll find out soon enough." He fixed his eyes on Leo's, boring through his soul; freezing his movements. "Who else is to blame, Leo?"
He didn't even have to think about it, the thought entered his mind before he had time too. Don't you dare blame my brothers!
"Hmm…" Logan thought, "wasn't going to. But I guess they do play the teeniest role in the long run."
Leo ignored him.
"Want a hint?"
He went on anyway, speaking in a low voice, almost hauntingly. "The sins of the father…"
Leo's eyes widened. "Are you blaming Master Splinter?"
Logan's laugh was quiet, sad. "Exactly."
It'd been a long time since he'd been alone with is brother. While he was 'there' anyways.
Raph entered the room quietly, leaving Mike and Don outside. He knew about the things they were worried about. He thought about those things often too. But there was something he was more concerned about…
In the back corner of the room, Leo sat cross-legged on the floor. Before him were the remains of a small package and its contents: a dagger, some candles, a little stone with a symbol carved into it, and a letter from their deceased father. The items were positioned in front of his brother's body; untouched, after that point. The letter hadn't even been opened. Raph sighed, knowing Leo was catatonic.
He stood there for awhile, refusing to look at him, before turning around and slowly head for the exit.
The red-clad turtle turned back, hearing his name. He forced a small smile. "Hey bro, I thought you were…"
Leo nodded. "I was."
He looked upset, angry, even afraid. Raph got the impression that he hadn't liked what he saw when he went catatonic. Before he knew it, he was sitting down beside him. Leo didn't object.
From this vantage point, he could clearly see what was engraved into the stone. It was the Japanese symbol for the word 'lost'.
Raph cleared his throat. "You went catatonic again last night, at dinner." He said, pretending to ignore what he just saw.
"I know." He paused, traced the outline of the stone. "How long?"
"Only about four minutes."
"How come you guys didn't say anything?"
Raph shrugged. "Didn't wanna get into one of those conversations. You don't really listen to them anyways, do you?"
"Not really." Leo smiled. But like Raph's, it had been forced.
Including this last time, Leo had gone catatonic again seven times now. But from the way he acted every day, no one really thought that was the true number. "Leo," he asked, "do you know how many times you've been catatonic?" Before he could answer, Raph changed his wording. "I mean, not including the times we know about."
For a moment, Leo looked surprised; didn't say a word. Finally he looked at Raph. "Eleven."
Three episodes no one knew about. He wondered how long they were. He almost asked, but he already knew he'd get no answer. Leo didn't like to talk about those things.
Neither of them said anything for awhile, then Raph sighed. Now was as good a time as any to talk to Leo. "I'm sorry." He blurted out.
"I'm sorry." He repeated.
"For what?" confusion was written clearly over Leo's features.
Raph swallowed. "What I said about ya, before Logan. And before you ran out. I never meant any of that. I don't hate ya, and I don't want you to go away, or anything like that."
Leo just sat there, taking his brother's words in. "It's okay." There was an uneasy pause. "You don't think it was your fault, do you?" He asked hurriedly, but wouldn't let Raph answer. "'Cause it's not. Not really."
Well, that had been a relief. After his conversation with Mikey, he had been reassured about that, but now that Leo had even said it, he felt better. "Thanks."
Leo nodded, then broke eye contact and directed his gaze to the floor.
"So, ya just gonna sit in here all day?"
Shaking his head, Raph shifted his position. "Why don't ya come out? Get your mind off Logan."
"Raph, you have no idea how hard that is."
The red-banded brother stood up. "Take some help for once, bro. You definitely know by now that you need it. Just relax a little. Or do ya wanna do this the hard way?"
Features suddenly frozen, Leo's voice quavered a little. "What?"
Concerned, Raph put a hand on Leo's shoulder; silently noticing the bandage still wrapped around his arm. Don said it could come off tomorrow. "It's all right. Just come out of here, 'kay. Ya look tense."
"Um… yeah. Okay." The blue-clad turtle gathered the items neatly, tucking them under his arm as he stood up.
Raph tried to give him a reassuring grin. "Why don't we do somethin' you wanna do?"
His elder brother continued to stare at the floor for a while before nodding. "Yeah." He smiled, genuinely this time, and looked at Raph. "Let's play a game."
"A game?" He waited until Leo nodded before shrugging. "Okay, Mike got some new ones-"
"No." Leo interrupted as they were heading towards the door. "Not a video game." His grin grew wider. "A board game."
"A board game? We haven't played one of those in ages!" He said, once he realized that it had truly been that long. But it looked like Leo was actually happy about this, so he shook his head in defeat. "All right. What do ya wanna play?"
"All right, Checkers-"
Leo interrupted again. "Yeah, and I want to be red."
"What?" Raph asked in shock. Red was his color, after all. By now, Leo was several strides ahead of him and had turned to see him lingering behind. "When we were kids, you always used to let me be red."
Even as he said it, he could see Leo trying not to laugh as Raph figured out the key word in that statement. Let.
Finally, Leo couldn't take it anymore and laughed cheerfully as Raph caught up to him. "Exactly."
In the blink of an eye, his happiness turned to a kind of aversion and shock, but it quickly changed back and they left the room.
It's finished! Oh my God, it's finished!
Can I reveal a secret to you guys? This is actually the very first story I've ever completed that isn't longer than seven pages. Now I proved I can actually do it!
So what'd ya guys think? Was it a good enough ending? Sure hope it was!
Well, I'm not gonna release the sequel right away. First, I need to seriously write some chapters to Dead of Night. Been a long time. I need to finish More, too, and continue with Actions Unknown. I also have this new one-shot, but I can't release it until you guys have seen Dragon's Brew and Bad Day (two new fourth season episodes that happened to have been already released on DVD).
Anyways, I still plan to have the sequel out before the end of the year. Look for Suicide II: Darkness Waits, sometime around early November.
Please review! Let's send this story out with a bang! And feel free to leave me any suggestions you might have for the sequel!