Summary: In the stars, there was a dream.
Author's Note: Sango/Kohaku-ish. You have been warned.
She measured her worth in blood.
The blade was hot and heavy in her hand, the bone burning and scorching her back, and yet, she would not back down or think that she was inadequate.
There was a voice, and it was in her head, and it told her to hold on, it told her to push through.
So she did.
She knew she could make it; she knew she was capable.
But there was still blood on her blade, a darkness rising inside of her, and she wanted it to go away.
Stop being selfish.
It was so easy for everyone else, because they had something to hold onto. They had something to work for.
She had the blood on her blade, the taste in her mouth, and the wish that something would change.
Please come back to me.
They fought, pretending that they could make it, pretending that life was good, even if the war would never stop. But they were weak and insignificant, and she knew what had to be done.
It had happened, once, but she still pushed through because it told her to.
There was dirt, and it was cold and suffocating and frightening, but still she held on, trying to make it through.
Will you come to me?
They had desperation, frailty, emotions, and she tried to stop it.
But they wouldn't listen, and they continued to be kind.
Kindness was a weakness; their love would never win.
Because he was darkness, and he was hatred, and he pretended to be strong.
But she knew him, just as she knew herself, just as she knew them, and she could run her blade straight through his flesh because he was just like her.
There was a darkness rising inside of her, and she welcomed it.
A loss of innocence had quivered on the edge, fell into the pit, and walked away, drowning in sorrow.
I need you here.
"Do you really want him that badly?"
Her eyes were cold and chilling, and she looked at the creature beneath her blade, pretending she could feel sympathy.
Her friends' fingers wrapped around her arm, her eyes wide, and tried to pull her away.
But it was no use, because she was already there, and there was a darkness rising inside of her.
"He is trapped."
"We know, which is why we try."
She tried to laugh, but there was blood on her hands, and it caused her soul to ache.
"But not hard enough."
There was silence, and then she was moving, trying to replace the protective case around her. It was foolish, but it made her strong, and it made it easier to understand them, if not only herself.
Why won't you come to me?
The trees rustled, the gentle breeze telling her wait, so she did, wishing for the change. Wishing for the war to end.
There was desperation in her, too, but she didn't hide it, instead, transformed it into something else, something stronger, something impure.
"Sango-chan? Are you sure you'll be all right?"
The stars twinkled above her, and she understood the message, wishing she could love as they loved, wishing that she could be frail and have faults.
"If I wait, then I will be."
Her concern made her chest clench, but the wind was still whispering in her ears, so she didn't move, she didn't try to pick up the shattered pieces of her past. Not yet. Not now.
It had told her to wait.
The time simply wasn't right.
"We're all worried about you, you know. You've just... you've become really aggressive, Sango-chan."
Her worth was slipping, the innocence tainted, but the stars were talking to her once again, bringing her into rebirth.
Do you not want to see me?
"I'm only doing what... I'm supposed to do."
Her friends' eyes were watering, and she was reaching out to her, the innocence trying so hard not to break, not to shatter the way the glass did.
"But... but we aren't supposed to fight. Not like that. Not like Naraku."
A leaf fell before her, her hand was tightening, the heat was rising, and she was coming ever so closer to her sanctuary.
It told her to wait, just a little bit longer.
"If that's the case then what are we fighting for? We can't stop from being cruel when we kill, because when we do, there is still blood, and someone has still suffered. We can't change that. I can't change that."
The tears were streaming down her face, the stars were twinkling beautifully, and she was listening.
"You let it suffer Sango-chan. You let that creature suffer."
You don't want to see me anymore, do you?
The anger was hot, and her back was burning, but she held down weakness for just a little bit longer.
"I made him suffer, the way he's made me suffer."
The innocence was close to shattering, and there was silver at her neck, but slowly, and surely she was pulling away, trying her best to be reborn.
"Why, Sango-chan? Why do allow him to make you hate?"
I must be very ugly right now.
She tried to say she was sorry, but the weakness would not open, the wound had already been healed, so she looked up at the sky, and listened for the wind, wishing that it would come back to her.
"He doesn't want to remember."
The silence was chilling, the pain was sharp and true, and she could remember raising her blade, taking lives, but trying her hardest to save them as well.
The innocence was pure; it was not soaked in blood.
I must be hideous, for you to not want to see me.
"But... that's - that's not true."
She ignored the pity in her chest, and felt the flame upon her back, teasing her, antagonizing her.
"Because I want you to stay with us, Sango-chan. We all do. Please don't suffer. Not by yourself. We're here for you."
She tried to listen, but the wind had gone silent, and the stars stopped twinkling, and it made her lonely.
She could remember the boomerang flying through the air, cutting through flesh and blood and life. She could remember it falling down on them; she could remember looking towards him, seeing the dullness of his eyes, and she tried so hard to hang onto the brightness.
But there was a darkness rising within her, and it choked her with despair.
"When do you think he'll find me?"
But then... I, too, can understand.
There was a smile, friendly and sympathetic, and it make her sick.
"Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not until the end. But only when you're ready to find him, Sango-chan."
A star shot across the sky, and the voice told her now.
So she closed her eyes, and listened and told it she would wait.
Because I don't want to be found either.
She measured her worth in blood, and he hated her for it.