A/N: Welcome to my Jackie Chan Adventures fic, which I will soon be renaming, I think. A long time ago, I started writing this when I watched the show every day. Then it stopped airing, and I moved on to Final Fantasy VII fanfiction and forgot about this fic. Then I added two more chapters. Then, around the beginning of this new year, 2009, I started becoming interested in it again. I think this idea has potential.

So, I watched a bunch of episodes online to get a better handle on the characters, and I paid close attention to what happened to everyone over the course of the series (and afterward), as listed on the wiki page for JCA, and I have revamped the plot. And so, because of my more developed writing style and my reconstructed plot, I am reposting the first few chapters of this fanfic.

Now, don't worry! The original premise is still the same – Jade and co. come into possession of the statue-fied versions of Valmont and the Enforcers. But I have worked out some details and decided where I want the plot to go from here, and now I can bring my precious few readers a better experience. So, even though this fandom is almost completely dead, I hope the few of you who stumble across this will enjoy it.

And one last thing – this is a warning to anyone who is easily squicked. This fic will contain the cracked-out pairing of Valmont/Jade. I like crack pairings. I have been told that I write them well, and I write them in character. Jade will be twenty in this fic, and Valmont will be twenty-nine. If the idea of them having a romantic relationship disturbs you, click the back button, but I assure you I will not be writing anything creepy or pedophilic. That is not my style.

So! Without further ado, here is the rewritten first chapter of what some of you have come to know as A Whole New Level of Insanity.

-

Jade Chan sometimes wondered, if she was destined to take over Captain Black's position at Section 13, why she was digging in the dirt with the blistering sun at her back. Then she remembered that it was because, first of all, Captain Black hadn't taken on his new job at Section 12. Once he did, she would be free to compete for his position at Section 13.

Secondly, she would remember that she had opted for a position on her uncle's Section 13-sponsored archaeology team because it was either that or a desk job until she could ascend the ranks.

Then there was that large part of her that really did love archaeology. At the age of eighteen, she had joined her Uncle Jackie in his days of brushing off things buried in the dirt. Archaeology was a fine art that took patience and dedication and a sort of fondness for tedium.

Jade didn't have any of those things. But she did love archaeology. Not least because, for some reason, things buried in the dirt tended to have magical properties, and for some reason, magical things were attracted to her Uncle Jackie. And where Uncle Jackie was having magical adventures – well, Jade was going to be there, for sure.

Jade supposed that Uncle Jackie probably did want his archaeology to be full of patience and dedication and a fondness for tedium – and, well, of those three things, he did have dedication to it, but rarely was he digging for things in the dirt. Often his digging for things led to discovering artifacts that led him to ancient tombs or sent the world into another unseen, clandestine magical crisis that the J-Team had to band together to fix.

Ah, good times. Good times.

Anyway, during times like these – when she was stuck on her hands and knees, digging in the dirt, wiping uselessly at the sweat produced by the sweltering Egyptian sun – that Jade thought longingly of the always-open arms of Captain Black at Section 13, just waiting for her to ascend the ranks and take over his position.

Of course, when she put her hand down in just the right (or possibly wrong) place on the stone beneath her and a web of cracks bloomed, Jade forgot about Section 13 and started to recall the reasons she liked being an archaeologist – the reasons keeping her from giving it up just yet.

And when she realized that what she had believed was solid stone was actually a crumbling layer concealing empty space beneath, she sucked in a breath hastily and tried to scramble backward. A secret thrill went through as all the reasons she loved archaeology came flooding into her mind when her foot went through the crumbling stone and she started falling through dark, dusty air.

Luckily (and if Jade was anything, she was extremely lucky), Jackie grabbed Jade around the wrist before she could fall for who-knew-how-long to meet a fate of broken bones or worse.

Dangling in midair, Jade looked up at her Uncle Jackie and grinned. He scowled and rolled his eyes at her.

"How do you always manage to do this?"

"Do what, Jackie?"

With a grunt, he hauled her back onto solid ground. "How do you always manage to almost get seriously hurt while still accomplishing something while you're at it?"

"Jade! Jade, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Viper!"

Jade waved to the approaching figure of Viper, ex-super-thief, current wife of Jackie Chan.

"What happened?" she asked as she trotted up to them. "What'd you do this time, Jade?"

"What else, Susan?" Jackie wiped the sweat from his brow with an already very damp handkerchief. "Jade stumbled on something that will no doubt turn out to be valuable, and she almost got herself hurt in the process."

Four years ago, Jackie Chan had unexpectedly started dating Viper. Apparently, she had been interested in him for some time before he had finally picked up on her hints (with some urging from Jade, considering he was so thick with certain social matters) and asked her on a date. It turned out that her name was actually Susan. In her own words – "Jeez, what sane parents would name their daughter Viper? Besides, Susan's not the coolest name for a super-thief, you know."

Two years after they had started dating, after many missions together, after surviving a great many life-threatening situations, and after nearly six years of knowing each other, Jackie Chan proposed to Viper, and a month later they were married in a small ceremony with a group of their closest friends in attendance.

"Well," Viper said, peering into the yawning mouth of the hole Jade had just revealed, "what d'you think's down there?"
Jackie shrugged. "There is no telling, really. We'll have to get some flashlights and see."

"Oh, man, I can't wait," Jade said, poking her head over the lip of the hole. "I bet there's all kinds of neat stuff down there!"

"Jade, I think we should wait until the rest of the team can take a look, and then we'll go in once they know it's safe."

"Oh, c'mon!" she exclaimed. "Like I care about waiting for the rest of the team!"

In the past few years of Jackie's archaeology career, Section 13 had assigned him some underlings of his own to order around and take on digs and expeditions as he pleased. They had all grown rather fond of him, and he was getting quite famous in the "archaeology world" after all the rare artifacts and sites he had uncovered.

"We should call them and see if they can make it out to the site within the next few days. Safety in numbers, Jade." Jackie gave her a stern look.

Actually, as of right now, on this expedition, Jade, Jackie, and Viper were the only people on the site. They had been in Egypt for two weeks following some leads that had led to almost no results. In fact, the reason Jackie's full dig team wasn't there was because they hadn't been sure there would be any discoveries at all, really.

And now, as usual, Jade had accidentally uncovered something possibly valuable. And now, as usual, Jackie wanted to wait until the others had arrived.

"That's lame, Jackie! Besides, we don't have to go all the way in or anything. Let's just take a look and make sure we're not inviting them out here to see some random pocket of air I found."

"Well…"

"She does have a point, Jackie," Viper said. "We should take a look before we go calling in the cavalry."

Jackie looked from Jade to Viper and to Jade again. Finally, he sighed, giving in to the two stubborn women. "Fine. But we have to be very careful."

"Duh," Jade said. "I'll go get the flashlights and stuff."

-

When the flashlight beams pierced the darkness, Jade, Jackie, and Viper discovered that the drop below was about ten feet, so they got a ladder and they descended into whatever it was that they had discovered.

The hole Jade had accidentally made in the roof opened onto a hallway of some sort. Hieroglyphics adorned the walls, from floor to ceiling, and they stretched as far as the eye could see in all directions. Jade could not make heads or tails of them.

"Think we might need the Rosetta Stone for this one, Jackie."

"Well, we've confirmed that this place is valuable, Jade. Now I think it is time we go take a break, contact the team, and then wait for them to arrive before we proceed."

"Sure, sure, Jackie," she said absently, taking a few steps down the hall and noticing that there was a turn ahead.

"Jade, what are you doing? Jade, be careful, you never know what's – "

At that moment, Jade put her foot down and the sound of stone scraping stone rang out. She froze, feeling the tile under her foot sink into the floor just a little.

She performed a quick back-flip toward Jackie and Viper, and just in time, as she had triggered some sort of booby trap. In the place where she had been standing, a row of sharp spikes suddenly shot of the wall and then came to a stop.

Jackie gave her a look, and she sighed. "Okay, okay, you were right. We'll leave the rest to the de-trapping experts."

Viper clapped a hand on her shoulder. "Whaddaya say we get the heck out of here now, eh? Seing you narrowly avoid being speared was fun enough for me."

Jade swallowed, her throat dry. "Yeah. Sounds good. And can we get some ice cream or something? This heat's killing me."

-

On the way back to their tent to get to the water coolers, Jackie's phone started to ring.

"Hello? Oh, hi, Captain Black. What's that? Well…all right. I'd say it's about time we came home anyway. When's the plane arriving? Okay. Bye."

"What's going on?" Viper cocked her head to the side curiously.

Jackie was already keying another number into his phone. "Captain Black says he's got something interesting to show us, and he needs us back at headquarters ASAP."

"He didn't tell you what it was?" Jade asked.

"No, which makes me think it must be something big," Jackie replied.

"Who are you calling now?"

"The rest of the team to tell them to get here so we can rope this place off and have it investigated. Captain Black's sending a plane to pick us up tomorrow, so I figure they might as well be on it. Easier that way."

"Wow, this does sound important," Jade said.

"I wonder what it could be," Viper mused. Jade shrugged.

They would just have to find out.