AN: Just a little... err... tribute to one of the most unrealistic pairings out there. At least, in my humble opinion. Warning, language and really, really stupid narrating. You all know how I am.

Disclaimer: Can't think of anything witty. So I don't own it. Or a brain for that matter.

Sasuke and Hinata: A match made in... well, it certainly wasn't Heaven.

OK, so let's see here. I've seen an increase of Sasuke and Hinata fics around here. Really, people, c'mon. xx;

Think of the results!

preparing situation-

Sasuke stood in the waiting room.

He didn't want to be there.

Not only did he have bad memories of hospitals, (Ya know, comas induced by psychotic brothers, fights atop the hospital roof and having to pay for the two hundred plus bed sheets you burned to ashes, things like that don't do well for your mental stability. Not that he had much to begin with, but I digress.) but Sasuke was getting sick of the wait.

Of course, Sasuke was fairly patient. One had to be with a personality like his...or lack thereof.

However, there was a sole reason he was here today.

His wife was giving birth to their first child.

Now you may ask, when did the Anti-Christ make his appearance and scare Sasuke into grabbing a woman and shagging her senseless?

Well, it's a funny story, you see...

flashback sequence-

Hey! Cut that out! No flashbacks! We are not doing flashbacks, people. I am sick of flashbacks! So go back, back I say! Back to the present, damnit!

flashback drops dead-

There we go.

Let's just say that Sasuke grabbed the first woman who he thought would produce a good heir and not burn his ears off with her high-pitched voice.

Granted, her stuttering often grated on Sasuke's nerves, but she was definitely quieter.

Yes, we are talking about the famed Hyuuga Hinata of the Hyuuga Clan.

Now, why would Hinata agree? I mean, let's look at the facts, folks. She's all but obsessed with Naruto, she has her own clan to worry about, and Sasuke's the kind of person who'd scare her shitless.

The last reason is probably how she ended up in the marriage.

Sasuke appearing in your room in the dead of night proposing is enough to make any sane woman wet her pants.

Well, fortunately, she didn't, but she did shriek and sent Sasuke running with about fifteen Byakugan-pumped ninja after him.

Sasuke made sure to set up an appointment the next time he went to visit. His internal organs insisted.

So, anyway, after Hinata was to scared to say no, they got hitched, had a happy honeymoon on a B-class mission fighting off ninjas in the night, (Ah, how romantic) Sasuke made sure to get her pregnant.

Unfortunately, that required sex, and see, when Sasuke was talking about reviving his clan when he was 12 years old, he hadn't really thought that part out yet.

Poor virgin Sasuke was in for the time of his life.

Fortunately, being a genius helped him figure the situation out. That, and for some reason, Hinata knew what to do.

So! Now back to the present (that wasn't a flashback, damnit!) Sasuke is pacing. He wants a boy. Of course he wants a boy. They require less care and he was not going to raise a little girl who'd want to play dress-up and have tea-parties. Well, for that matter, he wasn't going to diaper-change, either, but again, I digress.

So, after a few days of labour, (OK, I'm exaggerating, but let me have my fun!) the doctor stepped out of the hospital with the chainsaw on his shoulder (hyperbole is a fun word to say). "Congratulations, Uchiha-san. You're a daddy."

Sasuke never liked that word. "Male or female?"

Gee, how caring. The doctor stepped aside as the man walked into the room. "He's a healthy baby boy."

Healthy. Boy. Good. Baby, eh. Can't have everything now can we?

Hinata smiled warmly up at him and he returned the smile with an arched brow and a slight twich of a facial muscle. Unfortunately, it wasn't near the mouth. It was on his cheek. ...Which was kinda odd.

The baby had his eyes closed and Hinata held him up for Sasuke to take. Sasuke hesitated. How the hell was you supposed to hold this thing? Well, it was obvious not by it's feet... He'd just do it the way Hinata was. He took the kid and looked down at it. "Would you like to name him, Sasuke-kun?"


Really, Sasuke. That's not a good name for a kid. Especially when that's half of your vocabulary right there.

So, while Sasuke ran through his limited knowledge of names that would fit, (All of which were not the names of animals), the baby decided to wake up. He yawned and opened his eyes.

Sasuke glanced down and his face paled until he was... paler than he was before.

The pupiless pink eyes stared up at him in wonder. Kid was probably thinking 'who the hell is this psycho and why is he holding me?'. That, or 'if you're my mommy, you're damn ugly.'

Or he could just have to fart, we're not really sure.

But, back to Sasuke...

The scream he let loose was none too manly. And he easily beat the shrieks his fanclub still made.

Ah, the birth of a new bloodline limit! The pink-eye!

For a genius, Sasuke sure didn't see this coming.

What a shame.

The Uchiha clan is so screwed.

The End. Har.

Oh, c'mon people. You know it's true. Besides, Sasuke's destined to... well, at the moment he's definitely not getting any. At least, I hope.