A/N: This is my first fanfic. Positive comments and criticism will be taken but flames will be ignored. I hope you enjoy my story. Remember to review on your way out and enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X or X-2.


Chapter One: Time to come clean

Looking around my messy room, I wondered where I put my favorite pair of yellow chocobo underwear. I found it under a large pile of clothes and stuffed it into my beige back pack. I stuffed in some other things that would keep me clean and collapsed on my bed satisfied that I had finished packing.

I sat up and groaned at the mess that I made. Dirty and clean clothes were all over the place. Machina parts were roaming around. Some spheres were on the floor after I tossed them there trying to get another pair of underwear. I fell back down on my bed and played with one of my braids.

I've planned this trip a while ago but I hadn't had the guts to up and leave yet. It wasn't another gullwing adventure. I just wanted to be alone for a while. Yes, the happy go lucky Rikku wanted to be alone. When I told Yuna that I was going to be gone for a while, she got worried.

Flashback

"Are you ok Rikku? Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked in her usual motherly tone.

"Yunie! I'm fine. I just need a little me time ya know." I winked at her reassuringly.

"Are you sure this has nothing to do with Gippal and him getting married to Nhadala?"

Gippal……now that she mentioned him I could use him to my advantage. But why should I act so heart broken over someone I don't even love? Sure I had something with Gippal but it wasn't something that could last forever.

"Of course not! Why does everyone keep thinking that we make a good couple?"

She looked at me with her bicolor eyes. She looked a little hurt. Sometimes I just felt like smacking her and telling her not to be so overly sensitive. But if she wasn't she wouldn't be Yuna.

"Sorry" she said looking away from me. She walked towards the window of the hut. I walked to her and put a comforting gloved hand on her shoulder.

"No I'm sorry Yunie. I mean... Gippal and I had something, but it's over and it's not like I'm bitter." I said with a smile. Yuna turned around and faced me.

"Plus Gippal and me? I mean come on! It's like an obvious couple; won't that be a little boring?" I did my trade mark bounce from side to side and laughed.

She smiled and giggled.

"You won't be gone for a long time now?" she asked getting serious again.

"Of course not! I'll be gone for a week or two!"

End of flash back

I stood up and looked at my room that looked like it was attacked by Anima. I really didn't want to fix it but when I came home from the trip I didn't want to clean it either. I decided to suck it up and clean it anyway.

Looking at my made bed and neat piles of clothes I took one last look at my room. There was a picture with everyone from the pilgrimage from when we defeated Sin. Everyone looked so brave in it but I knew everyone but Auron and Kimahri were scared shitless.

Now I was going to go on my own journey. I took my bag and opened the door. I took on last look knowing full well that my room will never be this clean again and I headed to Cid's office to say goodbye.


"Hey pops I'm leaving," I said dropping my bag on the floor by the door and walking up to his desk.

He stood up and looked at me up and down. I felt his eyes trace my body. I felt uncomfortable him. I always felt like he was judging me and thinking about all of my flaws.

"You're leaving wearing that?" he huffed grumpily.

I had to admit that my sun colored bikini top and matching thong that was barely covered by my skirt was a lame excuse of a thief outfit and that it made me look …oh what's the word…oh yes…sluttish. But I liked it.

"Pops it's got a scarf and long sleeves" I whined "What more do you want!"

"How long are you going to be away?" He said looking at some plans for some machina.

"A week or two" I peered over at his desk and wondered what was so interesting about the plans, that he couldn't make eye contact with me.

"Just a week or two? You better not be going out with some boy" he put them away and this time I got what I wanted. His green orbs were burning into mine.

"Oh come on pops!" I turned away from him and crossed my arms on my chest. Why did he have to say that?

"Rikku" his voice full authority made me turn around and face him. It felt just like old times. When I used to do something bad and he would lecture me on it.

"Just come back in time. Now that Gippal is marrying someone else we need to figure out who you are going to be with"

"I'm nineteen pops….don't you think I'm a little too young to settle down?"

He sighed and stood up. He walked around his desk and stood right in front of me.

"You're nineteen and a woman now. You helped save Spira twice. Don't you think it's an obvious choice that I need you to secure my position? It's time to grow up and be an adult."

"I know" I said defeated looking at my boots. He was right but sometimes I just feel like I don't want to grow up and have any responsibilities.

"You and I both know that you're good for nothing brother will bring home down with him if he was left in charge" He grunted going back to his desk and taking out the plans.

He did have a point. It's been a year and a half after the whole Vegnagun ordeal. Our home is finally rebuilt but we're still adding and updating things.

"I know pops, but I just don't want to settle down yet," I said. I tried imagining my self married, with kids running around driving me crazy and an Al Bhed husband. But it wasn't coming up. All I saw was me alone and even that was a blur.

"Rikku when you come back there will be someone here for you!" he stood up as if it was his best idea ever

"Pops!" I stomped my foot in anger. I did my usual whine and pout. Why did he have to bring up guys all the time?

He looked at me and smiled if it could be called that. It was difficult to tell with him.

"Have a good time," he said

"Great!" I said throwing my hands up in the air "You've just ruined it with a promise of a husband"

I turned and went to the door and got my bag. The airship wasn't far away. My next stop was going to be Besaid.


The wind gusts were refreshing on the top of the Celsius. I opened my arms and pretended that I was a real gullwing. Wishing I could fly away and explore everything with out a care. No one would know or care because that's how I would want it to be. Just me. Alone and unafraid of what's around me.

"Rikku get your but down here now! We're about to land" Brother screamed from the communication device that was in my scarf.

I made my way down to the elevator and punched in the desired floor. The steel doors opened and I made my way outside of the airship. Brother was already outside with his arms crossed on his chest.

"I will give you ten minutes to say goodbye then I will call you. If you are not here then I will leave" he said.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I'll tell Yuna you said hi"

He blushed deeply. His love for Yuna ran deep. His love for her was blind because he was completely oblivious to the fact that she is our cousin.

"I will wait inside" he marched up the railing and went inside the air ship.

I turned around and started my exit out of the beach. The sand was so soft that it surrendered under my weight. The sun was blaring down. To any other person it would have been too hot but I'm from the desert so it didn't really bother me.

I walked by past some of the Besaid Aurochs. I didn't see Tidus anywhere but I kept going. I made it passed the secret cave and the bridge by the water fall. The air was cooler now as a gentle breeze kissed my face. I finally made it to the entrance of the village thankful that I didn't encounter any fiends.

Walking inside I saw many villagers doing their day to day things. Some kids were playing with a dog. I walked up to Wakka's and Lulu's hut.

I saw little Vadina playing in his little play pin. I picked up the one and half year old and tickled him. He giggled like a little mad man. His red hair tickling my nose.

"Hey Rikku! How ya doing?" Wakka said emerging from the back yard of the hut with some vegetables from their garden.

"Great!" I said putting his son down and giving him a toy to distract him from me. I looked around and saw that the black mage known as his wife was missing. "Where's Lulu?"

"Oh she's teaching some kids black magic in the cave." He put the vegetables in a bowl and started cleaning them.

"Isn't that a little dangerous?" I sat on a chair and watched him. Wakka was a strong man and to see him doing these basic chores of the house made him look dainty. To anyone else it would have been funny to see a grown man in a pink apron. But that just made me respect him more. Wakka was the man of many talents and pink was definitely his color.

"Nah Lulu can handle herself. She's strong and the kids are getting pretty good."

He finished cleaning the vegetables and sat across from me.

"So what brings you here to Besaid?"

"Well I came to say good bye, I'll be gone for a while"

"Ya? Where are you heading to?" he looked curious.

"I haven't really decided yet. Maybe I'll travel around a bit. Who knows maybe I'll have my own little adventure."

"Well have fun and be careful." he said in a brotherly tone.

I smiled at his concern for me.

"Don't worry I will" I said. I got up and I kissed little Vadina.

"Well I gotta go say bye to Yunie!" I hugged Wakka and made my way across the village to Yuna's hut.

"Yunie! I'm home!" I bellowed.

I saw Paine sitting down and covering her ears. I laughed and skipped over to her.

"What's up Dr. P?"

"Hey Rikku!" Yuna came inside from the back yard with a basket of fruits and vegetables she put them down on the table and went and gave me a hug.

"Yunie" I squeezed and let her go. "Hey you're just like Wakka. What's with all the harvesting?"

"There's going to be a festival tonight honoring Yevon"

"Aw!" I pouted. "I'm leaving and there's going to be a party!"

"Don't worry I'll party twice as hard for the both of us!" a cheery male voice said and I automatically knew who it was. I turned around and faced a smiling Tidus.

"How are you?"

"I'm great! I see you've been playing some bliztball," I noticed while teasing his wet blond hair.

"Yeah, something like that"

Sometimes when I saw him I felt surprised at the fact that he is still real. It's been almost two years since he came from the ocean and it's still a mystery the fayth can only answer.

But he's here. Yuna is happy that he's here. They are together and are great. They decided to take things really slow since he just popped out of nowhere…literally.

I turned my attention to Paine.

"So Paine how's Nooj?" I asked teasingly coming towards her. Her bloody orbs met mine.

"Respect points," she simply said. I always bugged here on her little crush on Nooj.

"How much do I have now?"

"Negative 20" she simply said like if I was asking what color was the sky and her answer was blue.

Yuna giggled.

"Wow, I'm still in the negative numbers? I know you're going to miss me Paine. I'm going away for a while," I said.

"What?" she asked. She stood up from her seat.

"Yeah Rikku is going to be away for a week or two" Yuna informed her.

Paine smirked.

"That alone gets you some respects points," she said doing her signature Paine pose which consisted crossing her arms at her chest and hugging her self.

"So how many do I have now?" I asked.

"Zero" she replied in a monotone manner.

"Oh yeah! I'm out of the negative numbers! Woohoo!" I said doing a little dance.

"Negative 10 Rikku" she said already annoyed.

"Oh man!" I whined.

Tidus and Yuna laughed.

"Why don't you leave tomorrow? Stay for the festival" Yuna said.

"Sorry but I have to make it today. Don't worry; the days will come by fast. I'll be back in no time!"

"It's going to be really boring with out you Rikku" Tidus said putting his hand on my shoulder. The texture of his wet cold glove made me a little uncomfortable. Like if it was too cold to be real.

"Of course! I'm where the party's at," I said laughing and slipping away from his touch.

"Have fun on your trip Rikku" Yuna said hugging me again.

"Rikku! Times up!" Brother yelled from my scarf. I rolled my eyes.

"Hello brother" Yuna said I stifled a giggle.

"Yu-Yuna?"

"Hey bother how you doing?"

All that came from my scarf was stuttering. I ended his torture and turned it off.

"Ok then I'm...off!" I said leaving the hut and making my way to the entrance of the village.

I started walking towards the beach. My mind raced with questions. The purpose of my trip and how I was going to survive this. Was I really ready to do this? Was I ready to confront my past? Did I want everyone to know that the always-happy always-smiling Rikku wasn't real? She was just an alter ego I made up to protect myself. I don't know why they haven't noticed. Isn't it obvious? How can a person be so damn happy all the time? One question haunted my mind the most. How much longer could I keep up this mask?

I was snapped out of my thinking because I bumped into one of the Aurocks. I apologized and went into the airship.


I got off the elevator to the bridge. I jumped off the railing and went up to Brother.

"Where to?" he asked looking at me.

"Umm…." I didn't know. I went to the control panel and got the list of locations. I closed my eyes and let my finger fall on a random location.

"Rikku!" Brother was getting impatient.

I opened my eyes and saw the words Moon Flow glow from the rest.

"Drop me off at Moon Flow" I said leaving the panel and exiting the Bridge. The metal door shut behind me. I took a deep breath and let it out. It'll be awhile before I'm dropped off. Some rest would do me good.

The Cabin felt so empty. Maybe it was because I'm so used to having Paine and Yuna around. I waved to Barkeep.

"Missh Rikku what can I do for you?"

He was wiping the counter and collecting dirty plates.

"Just rest" I said smiling.

"Sleep tight" he said taking the dishes to the back.

I went up the stairs. My bed was the farthest from the stairs and next to the living area. Yuna's was in the middle and Paine's was the first. I sat on my bed. On my night stand was a journal. I brought it three weeks ago when the idea of making the trip came to me.

I took it and opened its blank pages. When this is over it'll be filled up to its rim of my story. I closed it and laid down. The soft pillow cradling my blond mess full of braids and beads.

When I come back from my trip I will finally be able to show who I really am. But am I going to come back and show them my true identity? Will they shun me and run away? Will they understand? What would they think if they find out that the ever so innocent Rikku is a hollow shell of a human being? A person who doesn't seem to care after they see the blood run out of their victim's neck after it's been slit.

I turned to my side and faced the other beds.

I know for a fact they wouldn't laugh. They'll think it's all a cruel dramatic joke, scowl me for scaring them and live the rest of their lives in denial of my truth.

I closed my eyes and let sleep take its course. Soon I'll be at the Moon Flow, where my journey will begin. My journey to come clean.


A/N: So... was it good? (I hope my grammar didn't suck that bad). Rikku is OOC but there are some moments where she is in character. I hope that the OOCness (is this even a word) doesn't turn you off. Thank you for reading the first chapter and remember leave a review.