Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of One Tree Hill

This is songfic about Peyton. She has gone through a lot this year, and this story come to life while talking with my friend Mari, and how cool it would be to see where my mother grew up, kinda walk in her steps in away. So this goes out to Mari(Goldstranger) and my mom! Also to Mari's mom(thanks for raising my best friend! You did a fabulous job!)

A/N: This is centrally Peyton, so while I will mention others, I won't move away from Peyton, this is her story. Timeline: Jake is still gone, Peyton works at Tric. And what I write, changes the night she went to Rick, well you will see.

Chapter 1: Dear Mom

Peyton lays on her bed, on her stomach, writing in her journal. It was the journal she used for her most troubling moments, and she was having more than her fair share of those lately. This was the very journal given to her by her mother, so instead of the traditional "Dear Diary," entries, she chose to write to her mom instead, it was kinda like talking to her.

Dear Mom,

I got suspended from school today, but than, I guess you already know that, don't you? I hope I made you proud. I wish you were here, I could really use someone to talk to.

My friends all have their own lives, and I don't want to burden them with my problems. At school I am accused of being a lesbian, and I'm not! Yet again, you know that.

Anna turned her back on me, and then apologized for it, but it was too late, the damage to me had been done. I tried to talk to Brooke, but Felix was there, so I left.

Lucas reached out to me, he reminded me of how he was last year, while I was still dating Nathan, he had been this great guy, that I wanted. But I didn't admit that I wanted him until he was dating Brooke. I made a real mess of things mom.

I tried to moved on though with Jake, and fell in love with him and his little girl Jennie. But he is gone now, and I have to let him go.

Mom, I need you more than ever and you aren't here. Sometimes I get mad at you cause you died and left me alone in this horrible world. The only good thing in my life right now, is working at Tric with Karen. Music is my life mom, sometimes a song can just touch my soul. It is those times that I feel you are near me.

I know you saw me try snorting coke about a month ago. I haven't tried it since, and try hard to fight the urges, but it is hard. But I want to make you proud of me. But you probably already know, that I called Rick a half hour ago. I'm supposed to meet him in an hour, I'm so sorry for what I am about to do, please forgive me mom.

Peyton closes her journal, and wipes away a tear running down her face. She rolls over onto her back and stares at the ceiling.

But as if her mom hadanswered her, she felt calmer. She still needed someone to talk to though, and maybe that someone could change her mind. And then she remembered someone had said she could call and talk anytime she needed to.

She reached over and picked up her cellphone. She dialed the number and prayed someone would answer.

"Hello?" said the woman's voice.

"Hi, Karen, it's me Peyton."

"Oh, hey, is everything alright?"

"Not really, I could really use somebody to talk to. And you said I could talk to you anytime, and ..."

"Peyton," Karen butted in, " How about you come on over, I just made a fresh batch of cookies, we can talk while we eat."

"Sounds great. Be there in about 10 minutes."

"Great, I'll turn the porch light on for you."


Alright I know it was short, but it's a start. My next few chapters will be longer I promise!