I May Hate Myself in the Morning

After two years and long waiting, along with heartache for both myself and Yunie, we found Tidus and it seemed that our occupation as Spherehunters was coming to a screeching halt. I was excited, yet envious. Not of Tidus. Sure, I had a crush on him in the beginning. Before I met Gippal, that is. Afterall, Tidus was the first non-Al Bhed friend that I had ever had. Of course, after seeing Gippal, I was immediately swept away by his.. "charm." We both spoke Al Bhed, too, so there were many similarities. Maybe.. too many. Afterall, there's that old saying that opposites attract, and I figured that we were too alike in many ways.

Er, well, actually, I reckon it's nothing Gippal's done. Thanks to Father, I can't see him because he's the leader of the Machine Faction and assumes him as restless. I guess after that, I've seen flaws in him, or that's what Cid says I should be seeing. He was reckless, but the more I try to hate him, the more I'm ingrigued..

Anyways, after Yunie and Tidus reunited, we threw a huge party on the Celcius and back on Besaid Island.

"Ain't it just like one of us

to pick up the phone and call after.."

Yeah, a party, and I couldn't help myself. Paine was in the process of cheering up, and trying her hardest. Baralai and Nooj showed up, as Father went along and heard their transmission for a celebration, and dragged them along, but guess who else came? Of course, I was already koo-koo after

"..a couple drinks."

Sure, I'm always hyper, but I didn't expect to see Gippal and didn't even recognize him at first. I just kinda.. attacked him. I was so embarrassed after my vision restored, but he said there was no need for an apology.

"And say 'How ya been? I've been wonderin'

if maybe you've been thinkin' 'bout me'"

He admitted that he thought about me plenty of times and I told myself to decline it, but the alcohol said otherwise.

"And somewhere in the conversation,

an old familiar invitation always arrives."

He asked me to join him on the Celcius. In the cabin.

"And I may hate myself in the morning.."

Yeah, take a guess at what may have happened.

"But I'm gonna love you tonight."

Okay, so maybe things didn't move that quickly. At first, it was just talking. Honestly! But the more I listened to him, the more my heart fell, and eventually, I couldn't hear his voice anymore, but more like a warm speaking of emotions that needed no words. I swear, I'll never drink again.

"Everyone's known someone

that they just can't help but want."

I kinda.. drifted into his arms. Yeah, drifted. See, this was the alcohol doing this! Children, never drink! Your body gets.. possessed.. or something.

"And even though we just can't make it work out,

the want-to lingers on."

Yeah, I was seventeen. I was staring into his deep eyes and kinda.. fell on him? Yep, that's was it. He smiled and just held me close at first, then pressed his lips to mine. We had always kinda hid our passion like children. Like we were scared for anyone to see, and honestly, we were, cause Father hated him, as well as Brother.

"So once again, we wind up in each others arms

pretending that it's right.."

My breath strongly smelled of Saki, but he didn't seem to mind. He continued to kiss me longer and eventually rolled atop of me. I wasn't wearing much in the first place!

"And I may hate myself in the morning,

but I'm gonna love you tonight."

When I woke up very early the following morning, just as the sun was peeking into the sky, I realized my nudity, as well as Gippal's at my side. I blinked, but dared not move. I didn't want to get into trouble. I turned over to act as though I were going back to sleep, but I heard him stirring minutes later. He, too, realized the mistake, and stood to leave before any trouble occured.

"I know it's wrong,

but it ain't east movin' on.

So why can't two friends

remember the good times once again?"

Months have passed..

"Tomorrow when I wake up, I'll be feeling a little guilty,

a little sad.."

Father still doesn't know of what happened. He thinks I'm just going through mood swings because I feel so trapped, even though things are as they should be, yet, everything is so wrong..

"Thinking how it used to be

before everything went bad."

When Father was away with Brother, busy with matters to attend to at the Sanubia, I took the Celcius to Djose Temple to visit Gippal.

"And I guess that's how it is

in lonely late night calls like this,

that we try to find;"

We were a little shy to talk to each other at first, but then he proceeded to his usual mood to break the tension. We embraced, for I couldn't stay long, and I still long and wonder when I will freely see him again.

"And I may hate myself in the morning,

but I'm gonna love you tonight."

It's strange. The past few mornings, I've been feeling nauseated. I guess cause I'm missing him so bad.

"And I may hate myself in the morning,

but I'm gonna love you tonight."