Title: Baffled
Author: Silvi
Fandom: Ats/Btvs
Rating: FRC (G)
Genre: Angst, Drabble
Character: read and find out.

Summary: He watches them and wonders.


I don't understand. Why not me? I'm standing here looking in on them sitting there heads close as they talk and my heart aches from what I see. I could feel the sparkle of anger in me but before it got anywhere it died out. What's the point? This is the story of my life. In 276 years of walking this earth it's almost always been this way. But I tried so hard and still she didn't accept me. What is it about me that…what is it about him that makes everyone take him in?

I though it was because I'm a monster but that can't be it, not with him sitting there. I thought it was because I had hurt the others but he has done the same and more frequently then I did, so that can't be it.

The smell of blood hits my nose and startle I look down and see the blood well from the wounds my nails have diged into the palms of my hands. I like her, she reminds me so much of another. For so long I had forgotten her but with this one the memories have come back and I yearn to feel it again.

I can understand what he sees in her, I've noticed she inspires the same feeling in almost everyone that meets her, she has that about her and also, it is understandable, after all she reminds him too of another and he, somehow, he never could let go of her.

I don't begrudge him this, after all he is still so very young. But it rattles me to see how easy he has slipped into their lives while I have spent more time and put more things on the line and still they did not accept me.

I know I should go, after all I've done what I came here for, this time without being detected by anyone but my feet refuse to move from this spot and my eyes are glued to the picturesque scene of them sitting in the kitchen drinking hot cocoa, him looking so very young, a light in his eyes.

Swallowing I force my feet to move and turn around, doing what I always have and walk away, a question still firmly and uppermost in my mind, Why?

He was so tired, so tired and sometimes, just sometimes he whish he had someone to lean on.

And in the kitchen Joyce poured Spike another cup of cocoa and passed on the small marshmallows he liked so much.

The End.