Never Drink Alone

Rating: R R R R R R (I'm a nasty dirty, foul mouthed little boy!)

Summary: I'm a big N/J fan. This fic is big on angst and contains the lyrics of three "The Streets" songs. Nigel is depressed about Jordan because Jordan is being a moron and still dating Woody. Bad Jordan! (Smacks Jordan on the ass with a riding crop)


Nigel Townsend was thoroughly fucked. Being in love with a coworker who barely acknowledges you, except when she wants something, is quite an irksome position to be in. The skinny British M.E. sat at his computer terminal, running a voice comparison on a current case. As dear Buggles liked to say: Jack-of-all-Trades, Master of None. Nigel sighed and leaned back, running a hand through his longish black hair. The only thing on his mind at the moment was Jordan. Her beautiful eyes, her slender curvaceous body, bright smile, and her fiery attitude.

"Nige!" Jordan's voice rang out musically as the morgue door crashed open.

Jordan bounced in, dear Woody bounding exuberantly at her heels. A sneer crossed Nigel's face as he realized what a fucking puppy Detective Hoyt really was. Couldn't keep his pecker in his pants for more than an hour. How many times had he fucked Devon? How many times had Jordan come crying to him when Woody was missing in action? For fuck's sake! Hoyt had even screwed Lilly once!

See I reckon you're about an 8 or a 9,

Maybe even 9 and a half in four beers time.

That blue top shop top you've got on IS nice,

Bit too much fake tan though - but yeah you score high.

"Nige, could you pleeeease run this print for me. I need it in like an hour. Woody and I are going to lunch, I thought maybe if you weren't busy, you could do this?" she begged smilingly.

"Yeah, sure luv. Just put it there on the table." IDIOT. Just tell her no. You're busy and have too much to do.

Nigel was struck with the realization that he couldn't say no to Jordan. No matter how many times he was shoved aside for Woody. Woody grabbed Jordan's arm and they bounded out together, laughing and giggling like school kids in love.

But there's just one little thing that really really,

Really really annoying me about you, you see,

Yeah yeah like i said you are really fit

But my gosh don't you just know it

"BUGGER!" Nigel yelled at himself, pounding his fist on the table.

The computer beeped and the voice program finished. He printed out the results and saved the file onto the hard-drive. With an irritated sigh, he snatched the print off the table and slammed it down on the scanner. He pressed the scan button and second later, the print was up on the screen. He then spent the better part of an hour, waiting for CODUS (?) to come up with a match.

"Hey Nige. How's it going?" Bug said as he came into the room.

Nigel merely grumbled at him.

"That good, huh?" the short Indian man said, raising an eyebrow.

"Sod off Buggles." Nigel growled.

"Jordan again?" Bug asked, slumping into a chair next to Nigel. "Talk to me man."

"Yes. Jordan again. No, I don't want to talk about it."

I'm not trying to pull you

Even though i would like to

I think you are really fit

You're fit But my gosh don't you know it

"Woody take her off again?"

"Yup. Ah! About bloody time!" Nigel growled as the computer notified him that he had a match.

He leaned back again, too tired to even open his eyes.

"Mate, you're doing too much. Why didn't you just tell her no-never mind. I know why." He quickly altered his sentence when Nigel glared at him. "Why don't you just-"

"Tell her? Hell no."

So when i looked at you standing there with your hoard,

I was waiting in the queue looking at the board

Wondering whether to have a Burger or chips

Or what the shrapnel in my back pocket could afford

When i noticed out the corner of my eye

Looking toward my direction

Your eyes locked onto my course

I couldn't concentrate on what i wanted to order,

Which cost me my place in the queue i waited for YEAH

"You love her." it wasn't a jab; it was just a simple statement.

"I've always loved her. I've always been second violin. I'll always be second violin." Nigel muttered. "Buggles, thanks for coming to talk to me, but I've got a stack of work a bloody mile high. Can we continue this conversation later?"

Bug smiled at his friend sadly, Nigel was running himself into the ground and he knew it.

"Yeah. Sure. I'll see you later then?"


Nigel turned back to his computer and his paperwork, not witnessing Bug shaking his head. Bug lay a hand on Nigel's shoulder and squeezed comfortingly.

"There are other girls Nige. You'll drive 'em wild with the earring and the accent. You er, want to get a beer after work?" Buggles asked nervously, fearing the taller man would beat him to a pulp.

"Thanks Buggles, but I prefer getting wankered on my own."

Bug sighed and left the room without another word. Nigel returned to his papers, squinting to concentrate on the tiny printing.

I'm not trying to pull you

Even though i would like to

I think you are really fit

You're fit But my gosh don't you know it

Whoa! Leave it out

Are you smoking crack or something?

Leave it out

Mike just leave it just leave it

We cannot have that behaviour in this establishment

S'not worth it mike, just leave it

Don't Touch Me, S'not Worth It

Don't Touch Me, D, Look I'm Alright Don't Touch me

Nigel grumbled, annoyed, as the noise in the hall grew to a deafening level. He sorted through his backpack and brought out his beat up Sony Walkman CD player. He flipped open the top, "the Streets: A grand don't come for free" was already in it.

"Bugger all." He mumbled, slipping on his Earbuds and pressing play. The loud obnoxious Brit-Rap/Garage rock filled his ears. He had never understood why he had bought the CD. It wasn't particularly good music, but he liked on song on the album. Some of the lyrics were pretty good too, but all in all, the band was irritating.

For a while there i was thinkin - yeah but what if?

Picturin' myself pullin with bare white-hot wit

Snarin you as you were standing there opposite

Whether or not you knew it i swear you didn't tick

And when that bloke in the white behind us lot queuing

Was clockin onto you too yeah i had to admit

That yeah yeah you are fit,

And yeah i do want it,

But i stop sharkin' for a minute to get chips and drinks

He tapped his pen along with the beat of the music. Damned bloody song. He grumbled.

I'm not trying to pull you

Even though i would like to

I think you are really fit

You're fit But my gosh don't you know it

Oy, just as you started to make your big advance

With the milkshake and that little doughnut in hand

I was like nah, even though you look grand

But you look sharp there smilin hard suggesting and

Gleaming away with your hearty hearty lookin tan

But i admit the next bit was spanner to my plan

You walked towards my path but just brushed right past

And into the arms of that white shirted man

In a way he emphasized with Mike. The 'fucking white shirted man' was Woody. Goddamned blue-collar hick asshole.

Oh what do i give a fuck .. I've got a girlfriend anyway

(Whoa, we've all had a drink mate)

We're all a bit drunk; yeah we've had a few fair play

I got this stella i bombed from that last cafe

This nights not even begun, yes yes oh yay

But he didn't have a girlfriend. And he wasn't getting stoned tonight. He'd been clean for ten years. Ten long and lonely years. There had been those couple dates he had gone on with Lily, but they didn't amount to beans. Bugger bugger bugger.

I did fancy you a bit though yeah i must say

I would rather i hadn't mugged myself on display

But this is just another case of female stopping play

On otherwise a total result of a holiday

I'm not trying to pull you

Even though i would like to

I think you are really fit

You're fit But my gosh don'-t you know it

He had put himself on display. Everyone seemed to notice it except Jordan. Females were perverse. Nigel always had the uncomfortable feeling that she enjoyed playing around with his feelings. She was a beautiful cold woman. Nigel finished off the song out loud.

"Ah fucking hell!" he shouted triumphantly.

Of course, at that moment, Jordan walked in. She looked ruffled, as per usual when she went out with Woody.

"Hello, my Giant. Do you have the owner of my prints?"

"Yeah. Hang on a tic love."

He reached down and retrieved the sheaf of printed papers.

"The suspect is a one Marshall Klein. Thirteen accounts of petty theft. Nothin' big." Nige said nonchalantly.

"Cool Nige. Thanks. I gotta go meet Woody." she leaned down and kissed his cheek in a friendly manner and left.

Nigel snapped. The moment the door swung closed and Jordan was out of sight, he leapt up and searched around the room for a scalpel. He found one and was about to go at himself when Bug ran in.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing you fucking wanker?" Buggles screamed, alarmed.

Nigel glared at his friend.

"Sod off."

"I will not sod off. Put down the fucking knife or I'm going to have to restrain you."

Nigel looked at him curiously.

"And how do you propose to do that? You happen to be quite a bit smaller than me."

"Fucking bite me Townsend. I won't let you fucking kill yourself. Not over a girl."

"Go to hell." Nigel growled.

"Been there thanks, lovely this time of year. Nigel, give me the knife."

Nigel begrudgingly tossed the knife down on the table. Bugs confiscated it and put it in the safety of his white lab coat pocket.

"Bugger this. I'm going to get drunk. See you tomorrow Buggles." Nigel said tiredly.

Bugs stared at his friend as he got his coat and pulled it over his lanky frame.

"See ya Nigel." he said quietly, watching his friend leave.

Nigel waved and took off down the hall, yelling into Garret's office as he passed by.

"I'm taking off early."

Garret, engrossed in a report, merely mumbled his ascension, shaking one hand at him absently.


Cuz her last relationship fucked her up.

Got hurt majorly, finds it tough to trust.

Looked at the ashtray, then looked back up,

Spinnin it away on the tabletop.

She looked much fitter than Saturday just.

She worked in JD's with Dan.

Back then I figured she was pretty damn rough,

But she was only wearin her work stuff.

And in these clothes she looked more than buff,

She stirred her straw, sat up to adjust.

I told her I thought it was important,

That you could get lost in conversation.

Chattin shit, sittin in, oblivion

With that person who's your special one.

She said she was the worst pool player under the sun,

But blokes go easy so she always won.

Sitting in a seedy little bar near to his apartment, Nigel was getting thoroughly tanked. No beer for him tonight. Hard liquor. The more disgusting, the better. In alcohol there was safety. He didn't have to think. Didn't have to imagine Jordan's perfect face and curly brown hair.

I saw this thing on ITV the other week,

Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen

She's playin with her hair, well regularly,

So i reckon i could well be in.

Yeah, come to think of it, he noticed Jordan twirling her hair a lot, but he just put it down to Jordan's apparent OCD. He had OCD. A lot of people he knew had OCD. It was pretty common. He missed England. He had family-oh wait, no he didn't. Nigel slammed back another shot of vodka, grimacing at the taste. He poured another one.

"Hey Nige." came a soft voice at his elbow. He looked over to see Lily looking at him, her big eyes wide with concern.

He grunted, turning back to his friend: The Bacardi Vodka Bottle.

"Lo Lily. I'd like you to meet a good friend of mine. Lils, meet Bacardi." He said seriously. "Bacardi and I have been friends for a long time."

She didn't look too bored with what I was sayin.

Her hair looked much better than the other day.

She had her fingers 'round her hair, playin'.

I saw on the telly that's a good indication.

Stood up to buy the next drink though, "Nay."

Suppose that's just our girl's way.

I'm tryin to think what else I could say,

Peelin' the label off, spinnin the ashtray.

Yeah actually, yes, she did look pretty neat.

Her perfume smelled expensive and sweet.

I felt like my hair looked a bit cheap,

Wished I'd had it cut back last week.

She kept givin me this look, cuz she would speak.

Was she only friendly, or was she a keep?

Asked her if she wanted the same again to drink.

Started to turn and get up out my seat.

They did have a lot to talk about, he and Jordan. But he was pretty sure that she was only being friendly.

I saw this thing on ITV the other week,

Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen

She's playin with her hair, well regularly,

So i reckon i could well be in.

What's with the bum-effing hair twirling! He thought to himself.

"Lily, you should go." he mumbled tiredly. "I'll inevitably end up at home. You don't need to worry about me."

She scoffed at him, moving the bottle of vodka out of his reach as he reached for it again.

"I don't think so. I'm taking you home now."

She said that her close mates all were

Always the most important thing to her.

I said I thought it was a bit more blurred.

She asked what I meant by that as she stirred.

I told her about the money and what had occurred

With it goin missing from the living room, so.

With my best mates all there standin by,

Right where I left it, under their eyes.

So surely one of them might have spied

What happened to my money at that time.

I felt like they were all smilin on the side.

She was like "fair play" she couldn't say why.

She didn't know what all my mates were like.

And I said she just might be right.

Wish I had someone I could always rely,

Someone to get lost chattin to all night.

I saw this thing on ITV the other week,

Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen

She's playin with her hair, well regularly,

So i reckon i could well be in.

As I walked back with more drinks to our place,

She had her phone stuck to the side of her face.

I sat for a minute while she chatted away

'bout somethin with her mom and her birthday.

Played for a bit with the same ashtray,

Thought about things while i sat and waited.

It was nice to chat about the shit in my head,

Someone who just listens to you instead.

I looked at the barman, wiping down again,

Looked at the football on the tv set,

Tryin to look like i weren't just waitin there

For her conversation to come to an end.

I look at my watch and realized right then

That, for three hours, been in conversation.

Before she put her phone down, she switched to silent,

And we carried on chattin for more than that again.

The next thing Nigel was conscious of was Lily, standing in his bedroom and pulling of his socks and shoes. He felt her hands at his belt buckle, pulling off his jeans and tossing them on the floor. Lily covered the semi-conscious M.E. up, tucking him in like a little kid.

"Night Nigel." She murmured, turning off the bedside lamp and shutting the door behind her.

"Umph." He replied.

I saw this thing on ITV the other week,

Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen

She's playin with her hair, well regularly,

So i reckon i could well be in.

I saw this thing on ITV the other week,

Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen

She's playin with her hair, well regularly,

So i reckon i could well be in.

Drunk and exhausted, Nigel drifted off into colourful and disturbing dreams, filled with the face of his one true love: Jordan.


(Woody's apartment)

Jordan tapped on door of Woody's apartment. For several minutes there was no answer. Experimentally, she tried the door. It was unlocked. Cautiously, she made her way inside, excited by the prospect of showing Woody the new nightie set she had bought, specially for him.

"Woody? Honey are you here?" she called.

She heard noises from the bedroom and crept closer. Quietly, she pushed the door open. Woody and Devan were there on the bed, Devan riding Woody hard, Woody's hands on her waist.

"Holy fuck!" Jordan screamed angrily.

She stormed out of the bedroom, Woody saw her and shoved Devan to the side.

"Jord! Jord! It's not what it looks like! Jordan come back!" he yelled, cock still erect and springing about.

"Fuck you! You asshole! You promised that was the last time! Goddamn you Woody Hoyt! I fucking trusted you!"

"It's not like that! Jordan I lo-"

Jordan wheeled around and punched Woody hard in the faces. His nose immediately started bleeding.

"It's OVER Woody. You couldn't keep you're sad little pecker in your pants for one night while I visited my dad! Fine. You couldn't end it with her, I'm ending it with you. Go back to your little fuck slave." she ranted, shaking with fury.

"Jordan! Wait pweeese!" he said, eyes watering and his fist on his swelling nose.

Jordan ran out of the apartment and took the elevator down. She had one destination in mind. She wanted to be with the one person who could handle all her quirks and shit. That person was Nigel.

Jordan's car sped down the snowy streets of Boston to the downtown area where Nigel's apartment was located. She pounded up the stairs and beat frantically at the door. After several minutes, she could hear the door being unlatched. The moment the door cracked open, Jordan burst in.

"Nigel I need to-" as she turned around, she realized it wasn't Nigel she was speaking to, but, in fact, Lily. "Lily what are you doing here?"

Jordan's eyes darkened in anger at the thought of Nigel having Lily as his girlfriend. Kissing her, holding her, making love to her- Wait, this is Nigel. My Giant. As if reading her mind, Lily spoke up, though quietly.

"Nigel's a little drunk. I wanted to make sure he got home ok. Nothing happened, don't worry Jordan. He fell asleep the moment I got him home." Lily assured her seriously.

In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round

I stand there for a minute starin' straight into the ground

"Oh. Ok. I'll just go then."

"No wait a second. Jordan. I need to talk to you." Lily said, placing a gentle hand on her arm.

Lookin' to the left slightly, then lookin' back down

World feels like it's caved in - proper sorry frown

Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us

I can change and I can grow or we could adjust

The wicked thing about us is we always have trust

We can even have an open relationship, if you must

"Uhm. Alright. Let's go outside. I don't want to wake up Nigel." Jordan replied.

I look at her she stares almost straight back at me

But her eyes glaze over like she's lookin' straight through me

Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity

When they open up she's lookin' down at her feet

She followed the receptionist outside into the hall. The strains of "The Streets: Dry Your Eyes Mate" followed them into the hall.

"What do we need to talk about?" Jordan asked curiously.


"What about him?" the brunette inquired of the blonde.

"You're killing him." Lily said flatly.

Dry your eyes mate

I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up

There's plenty more fish in the sea

Dry your eyes mate

I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts

But you've got to walk away now

It's over

"What?" Jordan nearly yelled, alarmed.

"You heard me Jordan. All this flitting around him. Ignoring him for weeks on end, then running back when things get to tough for you with Woody."

"I do not-"

"Listen to me Jordan Cavanaugh. That man in there loves you so much it's killing him. Today, when you asked him to run that partial print, he had five reports to fill out and I don't know how much else on the side. But he put it all aside because you said you wanted it. I cannot count how many times he's almost gotten himself killed for you. He's narrowly missed going to jail more times than I can remember. And every time, you reward him with a 'Thanks Nige. You're a sport!'."

So then I move my hand up from down by my side

It's shakin', my life is crashin' before my eyes

Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies

Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh

'Cause I can't imagine my life without you and me

There's things I can't imagine doin', things I can't imagine seein'

It weren't supposed to be easy, surely

Please, please, I beg you please

She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested

She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she's blessed with

She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures

By pushin' my hand away to my chest, from hers

Jordan listened to Lily rant, her own brown eyes wide with realization.

"He loves you. He's so afraid of you, but he loves you. Did you know we almost lost him today? No, I suppose you don't. You're never aware of how he really is." Lily was on a roll now.

Dry your eyes mate

I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up

There's plenty more fish in the sea

Dry your eyes mate

I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts

But you've got to walk away now

It's over

And I'm just standin' there, I can't say a word

'Cause everythin's just gone

I've got nothin'

Absolutely nothin'

"Bug caught him in the morgue. He was out of his mind. He hadn't slept in three fucking days." Lily hissed.

"What-what'd he do?" Jordan asked nervously

"He was ready to slit his wrists, that's what. Tried to use a scalpel. Buggles caught him before he did anything. I'm never seen Bug more scared then when he came to me after shift and asked me to go look after Nigel."

"Oh my god…" Jordan breathed.

Tryin' to pull her close out of bare desperation

Put my arms around her tryin' to change what she's sayin'

Pull my head level with hers so she might engage in

Look into her eyes to make her listen again

I'm not gonna fuckin', just fuckin' leave it all now

'Cause you said it'd be forever and that was your vow

And you're gonna let our things simply crash and fall down

You're well out of order now, this is well out of town

She pulls away, my arms are tightly clamped round her waist

Gently pushes me back and she looks at me straight

Turns around so she's now got her back to my face

Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away

Dry your eyes mate

I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up

There's plenty more fish in the sea

Dry your eyes mate

I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts

But you've got to walk away now

It's over

"Why are you here anyway?" Lily asked, her voice weary.

Jordan looked a little sheepish.

"Woody and I-I caught him with Devan. They were… It's over between us."

"Yeah right. That's what you said the last five times." scoffed Lily.

"It really is this time. I need something… stable, in my life." she said guiltily.

"The only think stable in your life is yours and Woody's instability." Lily quipped. "Technically, you could have me fired for this. But I am only looking out for Nigel. He has no one here. If you don't care, someone has to."

I know in the past I've found it hard to say

Tellin' you things, but not tellin' straight

But the more I pull on your hand and say

The more you pull away

Dry your eyes mate

I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up

There's plenty more fish in the sea

Dry your eyes mate

I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts

But you've got to walk away now.

"Decide, Jordan. I need to go home and feed my dog. Will you stay with him?" Lily asked coldly.

"Yes. Goodnight Lily." Jordan said shakily, slipping back inside Nigel's apartment.

Lily disappeared down the hall, leaving Jordan alone with Nigel in a dark apartment. She tiptoed into Nigel's bedroom and gazed at him sleeping. His dark hair was messy, sticking wildly up everywhere. He moaned her name in his sleep, a pained expression on his long face.

"I'm not going to walk away Nigel. I promise." she whispered.

She turned and quietly closed the door behind her, finding a blanket and getting ready to sleep on the puffy, overstuffed couch. Jordan flopped down on the sofa and punched a pillow under her head, She snuggled up into the couch, enjoying the smell of the couch: Eau de Nigel. Her last thought as she drifted off to sleep was of Nigel, holding her after one of her fights with Woody. His large dark eyes conveying love and arms holding her lightly.


Nigel woke up with a splitting headache. As he opened his eyes, the bright sunlight seared into his pupils. He let out a strangled cry and dived back under his pillow.

"Bloody hell. It's hangovers Ville." he muttered aloud.

"Oh good you're awake!" came a cheerful and familiar voice, though not belonging to Lily.

He vaguely remembered Lily taking him home. Lily helping him get changed and putting him to bed, smoothing back his hair like he was a little boy. She was a nice bird. Tough, but definitely a nice bird.

Nigel cautiously lifted his head out form under the pillow, fearing that he had gone insane and it was his imagination that he had heard Jordan's voice in his apartment. He peered toward the doorway.

"Jordan?" he croaked.

"Morning Nige. I made you breakfast in bed!" she said exuberantly, grinning.

Nigel groaned and stuffed the pillow over his face, trying to blot out the smell of food. That was his worst symptom after getting drunk. Nausea. He suddenly felt very sick. Nigel rolled out of bet and stumbled into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

"Nigel!" he could hear her.

He retched violently. There was nothing in his stomach for him to bring up, so he just stood there, weakly clutching the sink and dry heaving.

"Nige? Are you alright?" Jordan called worriedly.

After what seemed an eternity, Nigel let go of the sink and slid down against the wall, his face in his hands.

"Fuckin' hell." he mumbled.


"I'm fine!" he yelled woozily.

Jordan tried the door experimentally; it wasn't locked, so she walked right in.

"Hey Nige." she said softly, crouching beside him.

His face was white, body covered in a cold sweat.

"Why are you here?" he mumbled.

"I-I was worried about you."

"No you weren't." he cut in harshly.

"Woody… he cheated on me again. I-I needed someone-"

"Someone to talk to. And Nigel was the best candidate. Nigel's always there when he's needed. He never gets the girl. Just sits in the back and watches while Wonder Cop gets the credit." Nigel said bitterly.

"Oh Nigel! It's not like that!"

"Yes it is Jordan! It'll always be that way! Oh fuck!" he leaned over the john and heaved.

Jordan held his thin body steady as he emptied the liquid contents of his stomach.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." he moaned in pain. "Go away. I don't want you here. I've already made an idiot out of myself."

She smoothed back his sweaty hair.

"You're not an idiot. A little dense sometimes, yeah. But you're not an idiot."

He wrenched himself out of her grip and struggled to his feet, putting a hand out against the wall to steady himself.

"I'm going back to bed. You'd better be gone when I wake up." he hissed.

He turned to go back into the bedroom but lost his balance. He swayed dangerously and almost fell over, but Jordan caught him.

"Come on you stupid limey." she muttered, sliding an arm around his waist and helping him back to bed.

She tucked Nigel back into bed, going into the kitchen to get him an icepack. When she returned he was passed out cold. She frowned at his sleeping form and placed the icepack gently on his forehead.

They need to have a talk. And Nigel really needed to be sober for it.

Nigel slept through the whole day and woke up two days after the whole thing had started. His headache, thankfully, was gone. He had the uncomfortable memory of arguing with Jordan. And of yelling at her to leave. She was probably gone anyway.

"Bugger." he muttered, sitting up in bed.

He heard a moan beside him. He turned to see Jordan's lean form lying next to him.

"What the hell. Jordan? Wake up!" he exclaimed.

"Huh? What's wrong? What's going on?" she asked groggily.

She focused on him and smiled.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" she asked caringly.

"Confused. Why are you in my bed? We didn't-"

"No Nigel. We didn't sleep together. You were having nightmares. I thought it would be better to keep an eye on you."

He stared at her warily.

"Alright. If that's all... I'm going to go take a shower. I feel like I haven't had a shower in a week." he said, sliding out from under the sheets.

She nodded and snuggled back into the pillows, going back to sleep. Nigel padded softly into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He shed his clothes and stepped into the shower, turning the hot water up all the way. The scalding water seared his skin as he scrubbed away four-day's worth of sweat, grime, and dirt. He quickly shampooed his greasy hair and stepped out of the shower.

Nigel wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped over to the mirror. He looked for his razor and shaved off his two day old whiskers. Finally, he put deodorant and quietly left the bathroom. He considered getting dressed, maybe to make Jordan a little more comfortable. But hell, this was his place, if he wanted to walk around wearing a towel; he was going to do it! He grabbed a Grolsch from the fridge and flopped down on the couch to watch TV.


About an hour later, Jordan woke up. She could hear the TV on in the other room. Nigel was watching some old movie. The gorgeous brunette straightened her nightclothes and walked out into the living room. Nigel was staring, with rapt attention, at the television. He was, in fact watching 'Casablanca'. It was nearing the end, Rick had just sent Ilse off in the plain and was talking with the French inspector.

"Well Louie, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship." quipped the voice of the irreplaceable Humphrey Bogart.

"'Casablanca'. Good choice Nige. I didn't know you liked old movies." Jordan joked, sitting down next to him.

"Yeah. My mum and I used to watch them a lot. Before I was sent packing to the Navy." he sighed, switching off the TV.

There was silence for a few moments.

"Nigel. We need to talk."

Oh god… The Words Of Death.

"What about?" he asked, noncommittally.

She placed a delicate hand on his broad bony shoulder, making him turn his body to face her. He resisted momentarily, then gave in and looked her in the eye.

"What do you want from me Jordan?" he breathed, anguished.

"Oh Nigel. What happened to you? Why won't you trust me?"

He swallowed thickly.

"I…I can't do this Jordan. I can't…"

"Can't what?" she asked, leaning in toward him.

"I love you Jordan. I always have. But the moment something goes wrong with any relationship of yours, you go running."

"I'm not running from you Nigel." she murmured, touching his cheek.

"But you will. You'll make up with Woody, you'll run back to him. You always do." he moaned.

"Not anymore. I want you now."

She leaned in close and pressed her lips lightly against his.


"Shh…" she hissed, her hands playing lightly over his thin chest. "My Giant. Come to bed you silly limey."

He protested wordlessly, terrified that she would leave him the moment Woody apologized.

"Jordan, if you break me one more time, I will die." he swore.

"Never. Never again. It's you and me from now on." she promised, pulling him to the bed and pushing him back onto the mattress.

She cursed herself for ignoring him for such a long time. He had always been there for her. When she hurt, he was there for her. When she needed help, he put everything aside to help her. He was always her shoulder to cry on when things went bad.

"Nigel. Oh Nigel I'm so sorry. I'll never hurt you again." she half sobbed as she kissed her way down his chest and stomach and untucking the white towel around his waist.

He pulled her up and locked lips with her, his hands moving on her body.

"Ahh! N-Nigel!" she moaned as he pulled the oversized t-shirt she was wearing off, exposing her naked body to the world.

"You're perfect." he whispered, sucking lightly at the creamy skin of her breast.

His mouth moved upwards, finally concentrating on her throat. Nigel nipped playfully at the soft skin of her shoulder. Her eyes slid shut and he pulled her with him under the covers.

"Nigel…" she moaned again, clutching him to her as she felt him penetrate her.

They moved together, Jordan's world exploding into bright splashes of light and colour as he worshipped her body. Woody never paid this much attention to her. When they came together, Jordan felt Nigel withdraw, then move between her legs to do something Woody had never taken the time to do. Her legs were slung over his shoulders. locking at the ankles, her hands buried in his dark hair.

Nigel brought her to orgasm several times, eventually pulling away to lie beside her. Her whole body shaking, she lay in his arms.

"W-w-wow." she babbled, still trying to regain herself from the last round.

Nigel kissed her softly, letting her pillow her head against him.

"T-that was p-perfect Nigel." she said shakily.

He smiled confidently.

"Woody can't do that." she continued.

Nigel raised an eyebrow.

"Never?" he asked, surprised.

"Never." she confirmed.

They lay together for a long time, listening to each other breathing. After what felt like a very comfortable eternity, Jordan spoke up.



"I love you." she whispered.

"I've always loved you." he replied.

"Stay with me forever?" she begged.

"Forever." he promised, kissing her gently.

Jordan snuggled into the chest of her tall, peculiar, British, coroner boyfriend, wishing time could just stop and allow her to stay in his arms forever. She knew he was wishing for the same thing.

"Nigel?" she said suddenly.


"Wait till we tell the gang!" she said gleefully.


Yeah yeah. I know, bullshit ending. Sex, drugs, alcohol. All that great stuff. Bum eff. Please review! My attack Nigel is on standby…