Spoilers: Fragile Balance

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Made for him

AN: Weird fic. Very weird fic. Not Beta'd. And I'm sorry if the formatting is screwed - I battled long and hard with but ultimately... yes. :growls:

Her feet are too small and her arms are too long. She wonders if they made a mistake, but then she remembers being too tall and too smart. Awkward.

Adolescence is no better the second time round.

He does her homework for her (how's school going fine daddy that's my girl you do me proud) and feeds her tinned spaghetti and toast or omelettes with cheap beer. It tastes like cold rubber and clogs up her throat but she eats it because he made it for her and she was made for him.

Beige carpet and cream walls and threadbare blankets of mothballs and dust. Sirens like klaxons whine and chase each other across the wall in blue and red patterns while the wind blows and branches tap her window with skeletal fingers.

(I haven't been scared of the dark since I was two sir)

Her bed is lumpy and cold and his is too small, but she curls up against him like a cat and he doesn't complain. He tangles his fingers in hair too-long hair and they lie spooned together. Warm.

He's smaller than she remembers and scrawnier, his baby smooth skin soft against her cheek and his arms not as muscled. But his hands haven't changed. Still tapered and strong and graceful.

They get older (happy forty second Carter you don't look a day past twenty thank you sir you don't look so bad for someone on the wrong side of fifty yourself) and leave school behind (again). The adventure is long gone – she remembers being twenty and having her life ahead of her and remembers it turned out different to what she thought it would.

She looks in the mirror and sees smooth skin and large eyes and youth, but when she looks inside she's wrinkled like a prune and her eyes are old old old.

The first time he kisses her she's twenty one and a lifetime old. He tastes like beer and cake and something she'd forgotten. They're lying on an old quilt under the stars (we've been to that one sir it's P2Y 981 a binary system the sunset was specular I remember that) and his fingers are tangled in her hair. He likes her hair too-long. At night he runs his fingers through the tresses while they lie still and quiet in bed, shattered.
He wants to have a family and a boat and a dog (homer).

She doesn't know what she wants this time round.

She's twenty four forty six with a baby in one arm and another on the way when the phone rings. A day later their life (this is who we are now Carter we can't change what happened but we have another chance) is packed in two cardboard boxes and a stroller and a photo album she clutches with white knuckled fingers.

They're not sure what the effect of a wormhole on a fetus will be, but it's a safer bet than a staff blast. He holds her hand when they step through the gate.

She thought she'd forgotten the thrill of travelling through space, but she hadn't. Her insides still twist and she feels sick and cold but he's holding her hand and she's holding their daughter.

Daniel is waiting for them. His hair is going grey and he's uncomfortable when he sees their growing family (a mismatched set specially made to match).

Daniel tells her they died fighting. She knew they had died, they wouldn't be here otherwise.

She wonders if that's what she wanted, the other her that wasn't really her. She doesn't think it's what she wants anymore.

Her stomach is distended and her ankles are swollen. Their second child will arrive soon. They're lying on an old quilt under the new stars (that's where earth was do you think there's any chance no) and his fingers are tangled in her hair.

She smiles up at the stars, and is glad she was made for him.

Feedback would be adored :)