Long Blonde Hair and Eyes of Blue- The trashiest five minutes of Harvest Moon fanfiction

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Meet Ann. Unfortunately for our devastatingly beautiful heroine Mimi, Ann had a hot secret admirer named Cliff. Of course, Mimi never worries about the competition, even if many blondes get hot and heavy around Cliff at first sight. Cliff is so hot that when he walks, the ground nearly catches on fire underneath his sexy feet. And just as Mimi's wonderful luck usually turned out, Cliff was at his table in the Inn when she and the Doctor entered in pursuit of the evil witch, Elli.

"Damn!" the Doctor hissed upon a brief inspection. "This is the tenth building we checked. She must've flown off on her broomstick to her secluded mountain hideaway by now to worship Satan, eat babies, and listen to Yoko Ono CDs like she always does!"

Mimi groaned before turning to the Doctor with pleading eyes.

"We can't give up now!" she declared in her sluttiest voice. She lunged forward to grab his arms, but he just watched her breasts bounce. "We MUST stop that evil, evil bitch, for she is plotting to ruin my wonderful reputation!"The Doctor remained focused for a good minute as Mimi stood resolutely. But despite her shimmering, alluring eyes, he said simply said: "Can you bounce a bit again?"

Before Mimi could bounce for him, someone gushed with a squeal from behind her. The hot guy radar blipped rapidly from within her, never off the mark, for Cliff stood before her with his hands cupped over his pants.

"Mimi Suzuhatara!" he declared. "I love you!"

"You do?" Mimi beamed. She threw her arms around him with a thrust. "I love you too, Cliff! After all these years, I finally found my true love! We can get married and make babies!"

"NO!" the Doctor roared from behind, grasping his chest and breathing heavily. "I thought you loved ME!"

"And ME!" a third voice declared from above. Before everyone else knew it, Gray leapt heroically from the upstairs landing. He landed with a fierce growl, wasting no time to lunge at Cliff with a box cutter. Mimi ducked and hid under a table, but made sure to hunch in the optimum position for revealing her cleavage.

"I'LL KILL YOU, CLIFF!" Gray screamed as he kept Cliff pinned on the wall with a powerful arm. "EVEN IF YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND! I'LL CASTRATE YOU!"

With seemingly one motion, the Doctor ripped off his lab coat and button-down. The sight of his washboard abs fascinated Mimi, plunging her further into the pits of confusion. All the boys were hot, sweaty, manly, and hot.

"Who do I choose?" she cried to herself. She sniffled and watched the Doctor brandish his scalpel before he pounced on Cliff and Gray. But nothing could stop her tears from falling, just as nothing barred her from leaping out from under the table.

"STOP IT!" she scolded, sparkly tears leaping from her eyes. "STOP FIGHTING, ALL OF YOU!" She caught their attention. "You can ALL have me!" she declared as she thrusted her arms outward.

She stood, desperately hoping her words would tame the hormonal boys. Finally, she heard the sounds metal hitting the floor, and the relief washed over her. Her eyes bounced from her true love to the other two hot guys, and she declared.

"We should have an orgy to prove we're all friends!"

The three boys exchanged approving looks.

"Sounds good," the Doctor said.

"I'm in," Gray chimed.

They looked to a profusely sweating Cliff for his answer. Before he could say anything, his eyes rolled into his head. The others cringed when he hit the floor on his back with a painful-sounding thud. With that, they circled him, all crouching to get a better look.

"What happened to him, Doc?" Gray asked as he examined Cliff up and down. The Doctor shook his head when Gray turned to him.

"Tsk tsk. Loss of blood," he told Gray. Gray's brow furrowed from under his cap.

"But we didn't even stab him," he replied. The Doctor pointed to his own forehead and ran his finger down most of his body.

"Loss of blood," he repeated sternly. Then he stood, turned to Mimi, and said: "So, let's get that orgy started." Gray looked at the two and shrugged.

"Okay."

Meanwhile, Ann and Gray's alleged love interest, Mary, stood in the corner.

"Wanna join the orgy?" Ann asked Mary.

"No, sir," Mary replied, adjusting her glasses.

So they watched as the three entangled themselves in a semi-naked, slobbery game of Twister on the floor.

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But little did they know, Elli had made her drunken way through the grounds of the Suzuhatara no Yume no Romansu no Ranchuu with a few of her emptied bottles of gin dropped along her path. She staggered to stand at the center of the fields, brandishing a can of lighter fluid to twenty cows and sheep grazing on the fields. Then she pulled out her cigarette lighter.

After smoking two cigarettes and a cigar-sized blunt, she popped the top off the can and ran about the fields, soaking the grass and the crops. Once she finished dousing everything, she stood back and surveyed the field. Then she threw her head back and let her maniacal laugh ring through the air while she grabbed her lighter once again.

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Yikes. Sorry that took so long, guys. A few of you know I wasn't feeling amoral enough to post this chapter. But bullocks to that. Now you can't unread it. Bwahahaha.

Shout-outs to everyone who read, and the reviewers. Cool to see new readers to. Glad you guys enjoy this!

To answer azn anime addict's question, the deal with the term Mary-Sue is it's used to describe a non-canon (in other words, fan-created) character who's capable of most everything, including seducing all the hawt canon characters. Pretty much, Mimi epitomizes the Mary-Sue.

Until next time, guys. Happy Thanksgiving!