Disclaimer: They are not mine, although it would be nice if i could have them for my birthday (which was yesterday!)

A/N: Okay, new chapter. Song is WIND BENEATH MY WINGS this version is sung be Bette Midler. LandofShadows had a snazzy poem that gave me an idea for a sentence, she knows which one! Thank you to BrittanyLS who gave me the song idea.

Wind Beneath My Wings

Olivia's POV

Okay, this is it; I'm done pretending that I don't notice this and that you are oblivious also. It must be hard to have my back. Being the only girl on the squad kinda sets me up as an automatic target for the crazies that want payback for family and friends, or the psychos who are just messed up overall. When something goes well for me it's a big deal. Newspapers, Radio Stations, TV crews, they all want to know how a cop was able to make that collar, how a woman was able to negotiate a hostage situation. My mom used to keep all the articles mentioning me, her one way to show that even if I was second in her heart to a brown bottle, it was a close second.

Looking back through those clippings it strikes me that your name is never mentioned. You are "the brave Detective Olivia Benson's Partner," according to the New York Times, "An Associate of the star of the NYPD" according to another paper I don't think I've ever seen before in my life. I want to know where they get this shit. Haven't these goddamn reporters figured it out yet? Don't they realize that I have a partner for a reason? You never cared though, at least, it never showed if you did. You always acted like a sibling, a close one, who's elated with my success. That could just be your personality, I guess, otherwise you deserve an Oscar or something because you are better than any actor I've ever seen before.

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

People stop me on the streets. The other day, two small girls wanted to tell me that I was their role model. None of this feels right! I'm the one with the broken family and screwed up childhood, still picking up random guys in bars sometimes because Mr. Right is either right under my nose and I'm blind, or he was just another fairytale and I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear that Santa Clause doesn't exist again. It was hard enough when he never came with stuff for me as a kid. You are stronger than I could ever hope to be. Your daughter Maureen is just like you, only female, you raised her well, even if you are still second-guessing all of your decisions. You are the one with paternal instinct, a knack with kids. You should be their hero, not me. I wouldn't wish my life upon anyone but me. It's not so much that I like it, I'm just used to it. Like a retainer or braces. You always hate them, but the only time you ever remember that their there is when you're trying to impress someone or when you got another piece of popcorn kernel stuck in them.

I've heard you and Fin talk about 'over the hill', I've seen you study the invisible grey hairs at your temples, I've noticed you rub your chest as though you think you're putting on weight, I also remember every time you comment on the opinion, it's not really a fact 'cause it's not true, that I don't look a day over 25. Well, Earth to Elliot, you're almost 15 years off. You deserve a fan club; God knows I have one, freaks with scrapbooks and walls filled with my pictures. I don't wish a stalker on you or anything; I just think you should know how important you are. Your smile is a great disguise though, I'll give you that much. Every time I ask you what's wrong, tell you that I'm listening, you flash me the killer smile and I get distracted. You distract me too easily. I'm getting off topic here, anyways; when you smile I forget that I was gonna con your problems out of you. I forget everything, sometimes even my name and yours.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

I look up to you El, even if you don't think I do. In my eyes you're perfect. Don't even try to tell me that you fucked up and that you're bit even close. Almost 60 percent of marriages in America end in divorce or something like that. Besides, it's not your fault. Kathy was the one who couldn't live with the hours, Kathy was the one who left with the kids, Kathy was the one who served you with papers. You're a victim, in a way El, but I don't think that Cragen would appreciate me arresting your ex simply because she is your ex. I think he'd die. I wish I had your control Stabler, your intuition. You're a damn good cop, and an even better man. You're daughter is lucky, she's you in female form. I wish I was you as a woman. I wish you would understand this one thing Partner, you're my hero! No ifs, ands or buts!

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
You are probably wondering why I never said anything before. The point is I'm saying something now. Kay? I'm chipping away the brick wall around my heart piece by piece because no one has a bulldozer handy and it's painful. I'm feeling things that I never gave myself permission to feel, I'm wanting things I shouldn't want and needing things I don't really need. It's all a mind game and my brain feels weak. It's as if I'm jabbing a needle into my heart and extracting each unnoticed thing, feeling by feeling, and it hurts dammit. You know me El, I don't cry, but these thoughts and realizations have tears threatening to drown me in an ocean of sorrows.

You should know that I'm enduring this though. I don't want you to be a macho big brother and make me stop. If I let it build up again it'll hurt even more when I have to clean out this emotional attic. I need to take down each spider web and make room for new ones because I can't let the same one monopolize the corners for my whole life. What none of these idiots who call themselves journalists have noticed, is that whenever they write a piece about me, they are only getting about half the story. I'm nothing without you except a lost girl with too much emotional baggage for any guy to be comfortable with me. There's no crying in baseball, you told me that once, but it's halftime right now and I don't give a shit if people witness these tears, I'll explode if I can't get this out somehow.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

So it's time to take the princess dress off and close up the dress up box because I'm too old to play make-believe, I need to face reality and quit pretending that Ken loves Barbie and Barbie loves Ken, because things are never that simple, except in fairytales, and I don't live in one. At least, I don't think I do, I've never seen a real dragon except for the purple one named Curtis who I always run into at the supermarket. I need you to do one thing for me, I need you to be the man I know you are, and not do something stupid when I explain what I mean by facing reality. Ready hero? I hope so because I have to get this weight off of my chest before I suffocate.

I think I'm in love with you Elliot, actually, let me rephrase that; I know I'm in love with you. I'm not supposed to be. I'm Olivia and you're Elliot and it wont work, we might as well call ourselves Romeo and Juliet because in this case we could very well end up dead at any moment, emotional crap won't help us any but it needed to be said. I know you love me, it's just not the same thing as being in love with me. But I don't need you to be in love with me, I just need you to love me and give me a boost so that I can sit on that small white cloud and survey the world and debate about what I should fix. The first is a recipe for a HAPPY STABLER FAMILY,


1 Elliot Stabler

1 Kathy

1 Maureen

1 Kathleen

1 pair of twins, Dickie and Lizzie.

Optional black lab

Mix into nice house in Queens, sit back and enjoy.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

That's all I really had to say El. I probably just used up all of my monthly minutes on this call and I probably used all of yours too! But it's worth it; if you have surcharges send me the bill. I'm not gonna run away this time. I promise. Just call my cell. It'll be on and I'll be home. Sorry to waste you time Partner.

Oh, and El? Thank you! I can fly higher than an eagle 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Love you, Bye!



Olivia leaned back into her burgundy armchair and glanced at the clock.

"He probably won't call back tonight," she mumbled to the clock, "that's a bomb shell message and it's late."

She closed her eyes and dozed off for about twenty minutes before her apartment phone woke her.


"Liv, It's El," a moment of silence ensued. "Hold the recipe; it's time for Shakespeare to be re-written."

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,