x by Ebony x
Sitting, alone in a corner, knees drawn to the chest. Here I sit, alone, eyes closed. Don't want to open them, no, don't want to, can't.
The room filled with darkness, drowning, surrounding me, so much I can barely breathe. Mouth still, unspeaking, lips frozen. Don't want to, don't have to.
Can't make me.
I'll just stay here...
Hands gripping so tightly, knuckles pale and stretched. Bleached bone, teasing, threatening to come out. The veins, pulsing rapidly, hiding rivers of crimson, wants to come out. I am safe, I am unbroken, but I can't get out. I want fear, I want breakage. It all could crumble down around me, and I wouldn't have to care. How beautiful would that be.
There is nothing in this house.
Light evades me, like I am arsenic.
Dress me in old lace.
Red, bright red, piercing, wanting. Things I cannot have.
Want to have.
Things I cannot have.
Walking, pacing, around in my mind I am still so unmoving, paralyzed, and numb. No one touches me. The bars are too thick, too burning hot. The skin splinters and peels away, no mercy lives in this house.
No one lives here.
The air so thick, and musky, clinging to me. No sound, no movement, no feeling. No light, no sound, no touch.
I live here.
Drape yourself, over and around me, please. I want to feel someone. Anyone. Something, just something.
I am not here.
The door creaks open, and a sliver of light pushes itself inside. I do not move, I cannot move.
There are no chains for these shackles, no keys to unbind.
Fingertips squeeze into skin, the nails biting in. I hear, the door settling, the air stirring, the darkness refusing to release me. I hear splashes, someone diving in, pulled this way and that by the current. Slowly, though it hurts, hurts so bad, I lift my head, just a little, not too much, and look.
Eyes, towards me, crimson, like blood, swirling quickly and quicker. I see you, I can see you, clearly. My eyes itch, scratch, burn, as if they'd just been born. Never been used before, always darkness, just black upon black upon me.
But now there is a light, pouring from within you, tainted and dirty and spilling onto me. I see you, I can see you. Pale skin, not white, but cream, hair black as the room I live in. Colours of black and cream and crimson, so vivid.
Why are you here?
And I know I am not dreaming. Dreams do not come for me, even they are unable to penetrate the cage. No, this would be no dream. This is far too strong, powerful, gripping my heart and not letting go. The darkness does not like your presence here, go, go!
Go now, please!
As you come closer, I can smell you, so different from the scent that coves me, stifling me, choking me. Your scent pushes through me, the coldest ice, freezing me, telling me to wake up! I am so awake it's painful... in front my face, the air you breathe is mine as well, smelling strongly of ice, of you.
You're still here...
The shock of your hand upon my arms, fingertips nursing the wounds that lay, infected, scarred, unable to heal, they wouldn't heal. I didn't want them to heal, wanted to feel, something, but it never worked, just pushed me down, down, further back into the room, til I could no longer remember where the door was. The warmth, surprising, of your hand upon me, drawing you closer to me, and I to you, closer.
You shouldn't be so close, get away!
So close, your body from me, I can't stand it. I want to see how it will feel, really want to, want to so bad, if I were to pull you towards me. But I can't, and I must push you away, I must!
There is want.
I was told not to want.
Your lips, thin and worried, open, and quietly, but it seems deafening in the quiet of the room, that does not speak, does not let me. Your voice, soft, and careful, caressing my ears. And hear I thought I was deaf...
I stare, I cannot. But you only smile, bringing me close, so that I am warm, so painful, the warmth, as if my skin is pulling and tearing itself. You touch me, you bring me close, you're hands on my arm, my shoulder, just lightly, but so heavy. You have weight, you are real.
Why bother with this figment?
I am nothing, nothing.
Make me something...
Your lips capture mine, quickly, lightly, and my head spins, inside myself I can't see, I try to place it but can't. Warmth erupts, and I can taste you, taste warmth, spicy and pleasant in my mouth. I want to move, want to let you know, you're so close. And I can move! I press against you, open and unknowing, teach me, let me out of this room, please.
This wanting stronger than any I've ever had, and punished myself for.
... all those scars...
Finally, it becomes to much, and I have to pull away, to breathe, to see, to take you in. You let me, you hold me, you have all of me.
Just don't let go.
Don't ever let go.
I stare at you, wrapping my arms around me, still shaking from the chock, still partially frozen. You bow your head, and I know it's difficult for you. I reach up my hand, let it graze your cheek, let you know I'm here, your here, we're here, together. They can't hurt us in this place. The door to the room has shut, but we aren't in there, we're somewhere else. My fingertips, leaving trails of black on your cheeks, force you to look at me, eyes so hollowed, pained. You don't deserve thispain.
My lips are still frozen, so I brush the hair from your eyes, my hand shaking, almost violently.
This is okay?
Tell me we're okay.
You nod, hold me to you, and the darkness that haunts you ebbs slowly away. They can't have you.
I won't let them.
The shackles come undone and vanish.
Everything is so bright.
You just hold me.
I think I found that something.