Sister Pri Finale
Rin Rin's Concoction!
Welcome back faithful readers. I bet you didn't see that coming. I mean the whole pagan lynch mob thing, not Wataru wanting to see Karen in a coconut bra, who wouldn't? raises and lowers eyebrows In any case I didn't either. This is what happens when you don't plot people! (Ain't it great? )
We rejoin our crazy crew moments before dusk. Most of the girls didn't come home that evening. They feared for their safety. Karen left early, looking actually pretty cute in her grass skirt and sporty swimsuit when she wasn't wearing the mask. As for the coconut bra, you wish, ya horndog. Haruka left moments ago to blend in with the crowd herself. She was going as a Japanese traditionalist. I believe the phrase is "representin' y'all!" but phrase is just so primordial. Even though he wanted to say good-bye to them all before parting, the fact that he couldn't say his goodbyes was bearable. But not finding Mecha Rin Rin wasn't. If she didn't show then it would be back to square one. Honestly where could a hulking mass that large hide anyway? Not in a closet, that was fore sure, it was a wonder it could get through doors in the first place, he'd have to ask Rin Rin about that when he next saw her, may the good lord curse her black soul.
When finally the time had come for him to go Sakuya burst through the doors.
"Dear Brother!" she cried, running to his arms at the base of the stairs.
"Sakuya! What happened?"
"It's horrible, dear brother. They have Mami and they… Did you brush your teeth?"
"I hoped you'd noticed."
"They sent you here didn't they?"
"Ummm… No, no! It's terrible, they-"
"Are you smiling?"
"They… they're doing… No!"
"You are! You are smiling!"
"I plead the fifth?"
"It turned into a luau didn't it? They just didn't want to tell me so that I could go make a fool out of myself, didn't they?"
"Where did you get that hat?"
"I stole it from Yotsuba- Don't change the subject!"
"I think I like you when you're aggressive," she said, rubbing her hand up and down his arm.
"Okay, change the subject…"
"I don't know what they're up to but seeing you like this, and the house is all to ourselves…"
"What are you thinking, Sakuya?"
"Just that this is the perfect opportunity for us to get better acquainted."
"Are you having dirty thoughts?"
"I think you are!"
"Okay, I am," she said, her eyes narrowing as her face came closer. "Now what?"
"Now we start the healing process. What was your childhood like, Saku- ack"
"Wrong answer," she growled, grabbing his collar and pulling him an inch away from her face, closer than maybe they had ever been. Closer even than lunch, though this time he had brushed his teeth in the recent past.
"You like?" he guessed, from her changes response to the smell.
"Who's it gonna be Dear Brother?"
"What do you mean?"
"Rin Rin said the first person you kissed you would fall in love with."
"Who's it gonna be?"
"This is… I can't just… I mean… It can't be true!"
"When were you all going to tell me about this?" he demanded,
"Dear Brother," she said, closing her eyes and moving in.
"Sakuya, no! You know I'll always care for you but…"
"But?" she asked, her eyes opening just a bit.
"But if this means… if…" He couldn't think of anything. CURSES! Why did his mind always freeze up when it was important!
"Just kiss…" she whispered, her eyes shut. "Just one little…"
He took a deep breath. He didn't want parts of this, she was his sister, but he did want parts of this, she was young and good looking, and had liked him before he had become super cool, or something. And with her standing right in his arms, asking for one little kiss…
When his lips made contact it was like magic.
"YAAAAAA!" he shouted.
Sakuya lay unconscious on the floor. His lips had met with Mecha Rin Rin's overheating cheek. Now the gigantic sadist was dancing around like it was on cloud nine, whilst Wataru danced around like his lips were on fire.
Lucky for him they weren't.
"YEOW! OW! And maybe even OUCH! Curse you and your demon creator!"
But she (it) wasn't listening. A few seconds later his lips felt better. (Maybe 'better' is too charitable a word; and 'normal' would be a down right lie, but he didn't feel like screaming so loud anymore, so lets just leave it at that.)
"All right you," he growled, pointing to the machine. "I don't like you, and you… like me a little to much good for my own good. But we both have a mutual disliking of pagan mobs that are out to kill me."
The creature stopped dancing and nodded at that last statement.
"So here's what were going to do. You're going to go in and act like everything's okey-dokey. Then I'm going to go in and make an all around fool of myself. Then, when they're like putty in our hands, we grab Mami and run like the Dickens. Wadd'ya say?"
She inclined her head towards Sakuya.
"Sorry, I don't have enough time to start handing out massages."
The computer's eyes opened again, and it put a hand to one ear.
"I mean; a… let's let her sleep."
"Now you go ahead, and if worst comes to worst grab Mami and run. Now go."
It shrugged and made for the dock.
He gave Sakuya a goodbye look, turned up the collar of his leather jacket, and said, "If they want a fool they got one. Look out pagan lynch mob, here comes Wataru Minakami!" And saying so he marched out into the coming night, slamming the doors behind him.
Meanwhile the 'Pagans' were throwing one heck of a party on the dock itself. The dry ground was almost full to capacity, there were so many people, though it would have been worse had a good bunch of them not piled on the boat.
"Okay, tribal leaders and producers on the boat only!" one was heard to cry. When that didn't work he continued with, "Come on people, you've all seen survivor!"
"Hey, I get producer credits since I 'produced' the grass skirts and Tiki masks!"
"Okay, you're fine, what about you?"
"I brought the salad bar!"
"Fine, Shirayuki can stay too, how about-"
"Hey there's a salad bar?"
"Yeah, it's over by the ramp didn't you see it?"
"No, it must have come after I got on the boat."
"Well what are we doing on the boat anyway? Onward ye Heathens!"
Suddenly the ship wasn't half so full as it was a second ago."
"Good work Random Character #9."
"Just doin' my job, #7."
"It's almost dusk, where do you think he is right now?"
"Jet setting probably… Stinking rich boys."
"You know it."
"Hark!" one cried.
The crowd was suddenly silent. They could hear something coming their way.
"I think it's…"
Slowly Mecha Rin Rin emerged form the shadows and started down the Ramp.
The gathered erupted into cheers.
"All hail! All hail!" they shouted as it stopped at the bottom and started looking around.
"Go, Robot! Go, Robot!" the cheerleaders screamed from the crane station high above.
"Oh, that's the robot?" Kaho said. "It's called Mecha Rin Rin."
"Really?" another cheerleader asked.
"Then we should make up a new cheer for it… how about: 'She can do it, yes she can! Mecha Rin the tin woman!' ?"
"It's not much," the main cheerer sighed, "but lets do it anyway."
Amidst the sounds of cheering, organized or not, a shadow crept into the crowd.
Slowly Random Character #8 climbed the lighthouse. "Order! Order I say! That's it! Who wants to join our prisoner in the execution hut?"
They shut up.
"Thank you. Now we will bring this first meeting of the pagans for human sacrifice to order! Who has an issue?"
"I have an issue!"
"The chair, er… lighthouse, lends the floor to the pagan in a rather skimpy floral bikini."
"Yes, I was just wondering why we didn't have any more conservative swimwear off hand for those of us caught unprepared by this luau."
"First of all, it is not a luau! As for your bathing suite blasphemy, the village elders appointed a gentleman to obtain the clothes for those that absolutely refused to bring their own, don't blame him if nothing conservative was left."
"Yeah, well where is the gentleman, I want to give him a big present!"
"That would be me!" Yamada shouted, jumping up on top of the salad bar.
Unfortunate for him the 'pagan' in the rather skimpy floral bikini was Mamoru, and upon seeing his eager face went into something of a mad rage.
"Oh dear…" he said, as she plowed toward him, past hula dancer and Tiki mask alike in her quest for vengeance. "Ta!" he shouted, jumping off the bar and trying to make his way up the ramp.
"Wait Yamada-SAN! Don't you want your present?" she shouted, giving ever more aggressive chase.
"All right, any other business from the body of the paganhood? You there, in the Tiki mask."
"Why do bad things have to happen?"
"Are you brining up a matter of business or asking philosophical questions?"
"Both? If there are so many bad things happening in the world why do we have to make things worse by sacrificing Big… er… Big Jerk to an idol?"
"Let me tell you a story, little one. A story of love, hate, regret and murder. The moral of this story is: human sacrifice is always the answer. I'm glad we had this discussion."
"Look case closed! Unless you want to veto our right to sacrifice him until a proper investigation takes place under the litigation of a pagan tribunal."
"Well get in line! I swear, you're almost as bad as Nanapon and her 'give me twenty minutes alone with him before hand and I'll let you copy my homework for a month' nonsense."
"I'll make it ten minutes!" she shouted.
"Ten? I can do it in eight!"
"I'll settle for seven!"
"Absolutely not! We'd be here all night! Ah, I believe the old gentleman in the back has something to say."
"I do," the fisherman said, standing at least a foot above the crowd. "Now listen up young whippersnappers. You can do what you want but I'm going to start throwing people in the water if you don't keep you hands to yourselves. And the next time I hear somebody shout orgy I'm going to go get my chainsaw."
"Did everybody here that? No Orgies!"
"Awww…" they went.
"I'm glad we got that settled," #8 commented. "Now, if that's all-"
"I have a comment."
"Uh… Fine, go on then, but make it quick."
Chikage raised her voice so everybody could hear. "I represent the 'Kill Wataru and I'll kill you' agency, and we find it very distressing that-"
"She's one of them!" somebody shouted.
"Grab her legs!"
For once it looked like somebody was going to carry out that order, as every boy ten feet was suddenly looking at Chikage with ravenous eyes.
"Chikage NO!" Haruka shouted, getting between them and her. "Take one more step and you won't be needing a cup anymore."
The first row looked a little perturbed.
"Do you mean cup as in drinking cup or cup as in protection?" one of the second rowers asked.
"Drinking cup, because I'll… you know, poke a hole in your stomach."
"What do you mean, cup as in protection, how could you use a cup for protection?" she asked.
The first row, with its ravenous eyes, suddenly found the sky to be much more interesting as they slowly snuck away from the awkward conversation. However a third year form the fourth row who had had a crush on Chikage for a long time and saw this as his chance, darted forward.
"Stop or else!" Haruka growled, as Chikage got behind her.
"That wont be necessary!" came a shout from the sky.
The Pagans looked up to see Indiana Jones standing on the edge of the concrete wall. But Indiana Jones in Japan? No, it must be someone else that could only mean:
"It's Wataru!" the girls collectively cooed, most of whom having acquired secret crushes on him since lunch.
Every boy there suddenly hated him.
"Wataru Minakami!" #7 called from the boat.
"Y- What did you call me?"
"Ma'am, traditional American title referring to both superiority and female aspects of a personagen.
"Who's quoting the dictionary now!" the shadowy figure cried out.
"Rin Rin is that you?"
The shadowy figure shut up and skulked away.
"I thought so. Where's Mami?"
"Here she is, as agreed!" he said, pulling her out of the room on the boat and beginning to untie her restraints.
"Mami have you been treated well?"
"Well… the pork roast was a little cold, but otherwise-"
"Don't listen to her! You have nothing to fear, Minakami! You have nothing to be scared of… Wait, are you scared of dying in a pagan ritual?'
"Um… not really but sort of…"
"Silly me… Now how do you want to go about this?"
"Let the girls go and I'll make yours a quick death."
"Yeah, haven't you seen Indian Jones before?"
"A leather jacket and bullwhip does not an archeologist make, Minakami! Besides that's a Hollywood movie. Everyone knows Harrison Ford couldn't take on fifty men by himself. Forty-nine, maybe, remember it is Harrison Ford were talking about here, but-"
"What if I took a… Crash Course in Archeology!" he shouted, holding up a printed diploma from the online academy of archeology and A$$-kicking.
"Holy Cow!" somebody shouted. "He is an archeologist!"
"We'll all be killed!"
"Nonsense, you numbskulls! Have you forgotten that this is Wataru Minakami we're talking about?"
"He's got a point, you know."
"Who Ha!" Wataru shouted. "Enough talk! It's time somebody put you random characters in your place!"
"Yeah!" the characters with names shouted.
"Then come down here and do it, baby!"
"I mean… um…" he stalled, recalling that you don't say baby to another boy. "Dang it," he shouted when he couldn't' think up a reasonable excuse, "CEASE HIM!"
Wataru jumped down the retaining wall and landed on Mecha Rin Rin.
"Forward ho!" he shouted cracking his whip.
The hommin-mechanic lurched forward.
"The Creature! It does what he says!"
"Run for your lives!"
"Wait no! The sacrifice!"
"Sacrifice, Smackrifice, it's every Pagan for himself."
"Or herself, Dummy!"
"Yeah, whatever happened to women and children first?"
"Welcome to the twentyfirst century! Please burn your bra before nineteen seventy."
"You would say that, you crazy skirt!"
"Back to the burning the bra thing… pretty please?"
"That's pathetic! In fact, you're pathetic!"
"Wait! I have an idea!"
"Grab its legs!"
"The next time you shout 'grab its legs' you're going for a swim!"
"Gosh! I'm Sorry!"
"Don't use your Napoleon Dynamite impression on me."
"By Golly, they're grabbing its legs!"
"And it's working!"
By Golly was right. The fools were throwing themselves at it's feet, latching on to the legs and Mecha Rin Rin, who was top heavy, in addition to being heavy enough in general, and quickly found she couldn't move.
"Ya," Wataru shouted, cracking his whip, "Ya Mule! Ya-ya!" When that didn't work he jumped off and took a wrestling stance.
"Beloved brother!" Haruka shouted.
"Were coming!" Chikage echoed.
"Now you're going!" somebody shouted, as a bunch of boys pushed them in the water.
Wataru ran over to where they were, the people waiting to see what he was going to do in response, and actually a little afraid since he was so tall and had a bullwhip in hand.
"That wasn't very nice you know…" he said, grabbing the person and throwing them in after him.
"Hey!" somebody shouted.
"You go too!" And he threw the protestor in as well.
Then the circle that had formed around him started to close it.
"Mr. Minakami," one girl said, "you look thirsty…"
"Oh, I bet I do, but anybody who wants to give me a big drink it going to have to do it without getting it on my leather jacket."
Her eyes got a little bigger. So did all the other eyes.
"That's right! If this leather jacket doesn't make me Indiana Jones maybe the next one will. And whoever pushes me in is going to be buying that next one."
Then, in that horrible middle ground they just stood there for a second, one person dived at him, but Wataru started wringing his hands, greedily, and the boy backed off. He didn't have that kind of Yen.
"Fine. We're not going to push you, just come with us."
"How stupid do you think I am?"
"I wouldn't say he's stupid," one girl objected.
"Yeah, he's just a bad tester, probably."
"And he's bad at waking up I hear."
"You stay out of this, Yotsuba."
"Fine, but I'm not going to defend you when they find out you're a good for nothing 'loser' male cliché, whom all the female character's gravitate around in a harem anime so that the male audience actually thinks it could have chance with bunch of tens, like us."
"Hmmm…" he said thinking. "That may be true but at least I'm hung like a Spanish stallion."
"Huh?" Yotty asked.
"Prove it!" Nanapon, shouted from somewhere in the crowd.
His pupils shrank. "Uhhh…"
Suddenly 'Oh Yeah," by Yello, started coming out of the immobilized Mecha Rin Rin's speakers. Those of you whom have seen Ferris Beulier's Day Off may recognize it as the ending theme.
Suddenly he pupils were the only things shrinking. Namely his bravery and his ambition to prove himself were quite shaken. He suddenly thought of an age-old question. Who to kill first, the monster AKA Mecha Rin Rin or the creator, Rin Rin herself? Right then he would have taken what he could have gotten. Lucky for the both of them that wasn't an option.
"Okay…" he said, his voice a little high, "here we go, Ladies!"
Had the concoction not been at it's full effect he never would have dreamed he do it, but things as they were on a down beat he unzipped his coat, amidst the shrieks of the girls, and angry, uncomfortable grunts of the guys. He started moonwalking around, back and forth from where he was, before throwing the coat aside and flinging the hat into the audience.
"The leather's gone!" one boy shouted, just before he undid his second button.
"Here you go!" another three added, pushing him into the water.
The ladies sighed, other than Chikage and Haruka who swam to his side, the men and boys started laughing, though nervously, and he, himself, started growling unperceivable profanities.
"Gragin, fragin, mackin, shu-maker, kisim…"
"Disaster averted men," one of them said, seconds before a wall of girls pushed them in as a thank you very much. The woman folk laughed heartily, if forcible at that.
"Who needs rain when you're meeting near water?" one of them said. Then it started. Just a trickle, then a dribble, then healthy downpour.
"You just had to open you big mouth," somebody sighed.
Tired of the nonsense Wataru climbed back onto the dock, worked out a crick in his neck, then slowly made to the lighthouse, and turning out onto the wooden dock, made for the boat.
When he got there, Hinako met him from her prize seat on the roof.
"Bro Bro you're so funny."
"Thank you Hinako."
"Mr. Minakami, I haven't looked you eye to eye since seventh period."
"Always looking down on people. That's you to a tee."
"You be silence, I want to be Rambo! Now where is my sister #7?"
"Right there," he said, pointing to a red head on the bow.
"Oh," he said seeing her. "You look different with your hair down… and wet."
"Yeah…" she said. "Thanks for coming to rescue me."
"What are Big Brother's for?"
"Bro Bro, she's not a sister."
"You didn't know that Bud?"
"Y- You- Not a sister?"
"Well, I guess the jokes on me… even though…"
"Tell me something first. Does your hair always smell like wild berries?"
"It did today."
"And it did yesterday when you grabbed my arm to get at Sakuya. I'm guessing you did want to dance with me this morning you just didn't want to show it."
"Maybe…" she said, blushing, thought it was hard to see in the dim light, namely a torch under the boat's canopy. "But what were you going to say?"
"Mami I would have come for you even if I had known you weren't my sister."
"Oh Bud!" she cried leaping into his arms (making everybody else on the boat play the balancing game).
"Enough of this!" #7 shouted, regaining his balance, "Lets get this sacrifice underway!"
They all stood there.
"Hey, I'm not touching him," one boy said, still a little put out by that whole dance routine thing. If the music started up again he jump into the water of his own volition just to save himself the akwardness of the whole situation.
"He's come all this way, do we have to kill him?" one girl asked.
"Okay, I'll make the all time low offer of two minute. Two minute alone and I'll grab him for you."
"Er… maybe we'll try this human sacrifice bit again later, but I think if we let you alone with him our 'idol' over there will be sacrificing all us to one thing or another."
They all nodded.
"Wataru, you're saved! And to think you would have give your life…"
"You're so worth it Mami, but let me tell you something. Someday, or somehow this stuff is going to wear off, and I'm going to stop knowing the right things to say, or the right things to do when you're around, but if you're willing to-"
"I am," she interrupted, waiting for it. Wait for it!
And he could see it in her eyes.
"Then let's just hope you're a good kisser," he said, planting one.
The boys who had heard the part about her not being his sister started clapping and hollering, the boys who didn't started making an assortment of 'that's not right' sounds, and the girls just sighed. Then a shadowy figure shouted, "Heads up!"
Wataru disconnected just long enough to see the blunt end of a can opener come soaring towards his sight.
"Like I wouldn't think up an emergency cure if he didn't pick me," she said.
"Rin Rin!" the crowd shouted.
When Wataru awoke, much, much later, he couldn't remember… anything… When the girls tried asking him about it he could only recall walking into Rin Rin's lab and being glued to the seat. After that things went back to normal, though he couldn't always remember a time Yotsuba tried to get him to eat off her plate, or Shirayuki would break out humming, 'Shall We Dance'. And that's not mentioning the time Chikage asked him how much body language he knew (he didn't know any, why was she asking him?) and that other time Aria said he had promised to play poker with her, when he didn't recollect knowing that Aria knew how to play poker, let alone knew what it was.
But the strangest was Mami, who was a lot nicer around him, and seemed to blush a bit more than usual, though she just said she had a fever.
However, in spite of these little things, eventually things really did get back to normal and they all lived happily ever after!
Until Sakuya found out about the luau.
"You said, 'Hrmp!' What do you mean, 'Hrmp?'"
"You know what I'm so angry about."
"And until I get a full explanation I'm not speaking to you anymore!"
"Wha? But Sakuya-"
"Still playing dumb, eh? GOOD-BYE!"
"What but… Rin Rin do you?"
"No idea Bro."
She giggled and ran off.
"What's going on here?"
The other girls started giggling, but couldn't bring themselves to look him in the eye.
"I-It can't be TRUE!"