Alchemy, Officers, and Contests

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Or anything else mentioned in this fic that involves something copyrighted or owned by someone else.

Note: Agh…been forever since I've updated this… like… yeah…I've been going on a Naruto spree… then KH/KH2 spree… then back to Naruto… then Ouran High School Host Club… then Howl's Moving Castle… and now… it's Harry Potter. WHEN WILL IT END?

Oh, and this might be the last chapter for this… fic… thing…. Yeah. So… unless I feel like updating it ever again, the fic will be completed XD So yeah. That's it.

Oh, and there is no character death in this one. Just so you know XD

Chapter 30

The End?

The officers stumbled into the office where Roy Mustang slammed a book onto his desk, edging it towards Edward. The blond teen blinked, and took it.

"Harry Potter… and the Philosopher's Stone…?" the teen read, and looked up at the colonel.

"Apparently there are two versions of it, the original being the one you hold in your hands, the other being called the 'Sorcerer's Stone'." Roy explained. "I've read some of it, though they did not mention any type of stone so far…"

"Sir, if I may…" Riza stepped up, and the colonel nodded. "that book… it's just a novel…"

"Just a novel?" Havoc grabbed the book and started to caress it. "it's not just a novel!"

The whole room stared.

"J.K. Rowling is GOD-" he paused. "-DESS."

The whole room still stared.

"Havoc…" said the colonel. "…you've… read the books?"

"All six that are out now, Sir!" the blond officer flipped through the book and came across a page… "you ripped it."

"Excuse me?" Havoc showed Roy the page that was only a little bit ripped near the side.

"You ripped it."


"So? SO? IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?" Havoc screamed. The room shook. "YOU RIPPED IT! GUILTY! GUIIILTY!"

Before long an alarm went off and everyone in the building started screaming,

"YOU RIPPED HARRY POTTER!" Havoc continued screaming.

"Everyone! Evacuate the building!" Roy ordered. And so they did. Except for Havoc who started running around in circles, screaming his lungs out.

All the Jean Havoc fan girls raced into the building. Just because they were Jean Havoc fan girls, and they could.

And the building collapsed. And that was the end. Or was it?

Everyone went on with their lives, since they were too lazy to go to the other headquarters that were still up.

Riza became a flower shop owner.

Roy became a male stripper.

Edward and Alphonse decided to give up on looking for the Philosopher's Stone and try out for the Fullmetal Alchemist movie… and got the parts.

And Havoc? Well… he didn't die. Apparently his fan girls jumped on him in time before the building collapsed, not knowing that they really had saved his life (they were rabid). So now Jean Havoc roams the streets as a hobo, killing anyone who mistreats any type of item that has to do with Harry Potter.

Like, just the other day--

Never mind.

So yeah. Everyone ended up having happy endings… kind of.

Who knows? Maybe one day, they'll see each other once again…

Insert strange and awkward music here…


A/N -stares at chapter- Ohmigawd. Like all the other chapters of this fic… this one had no point whatsoever… XD But I find it hard to believe that I got up to 30 chapters in the first place. I can't remember any of them XD (cept for the noodles one… and the one where Riza bakes a pie… or cake… and then the Power Rangers one… and the icky One Piece one… yeah…) -sigh- Anywho, yeah. This is the end. Ta-ta!

Please review!