Me Neither

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, or Brad Paisley, or his song, or anything. God. Get over it already!

A/N: Yea, I got this idea from the Brad Paisley song "Me Neither", and thought it would make a cute Roy/Riza kick. So there. I hope you like it.

Roy sipped lazily from his glass. It was boring sitting at a table for one. Not to mention, in a fancy restaurant like the one he was in, where everyone was sitting in couples. Wonderful. Tonight he had decided that he'd go have a nice quiet dinner—alone. And now he regretted it. Roy let his eyes wander around to the other diners, for lack of anything better to do.

That guy over there was talking too loud, that woman adjacent to him was looking like she was going to slap him. Roy smiled in amusement, willing something to happen. He watched the couple for a while before realizing that nothing was happening. Thus he continued taking inventory of the diners. Was there no one else who was sitting alone?

Wait, there was. That young woman in the corner...Roy set his glass down. She was very pretty, even with her head bowed over a bowl of soup. Something was familiar about that blonde hair, though. He was busy trying to place it, when the woman looked up to address a waiter. Roy just about fell out of his chair. It was Hawkeye! He was surprised that he hadn't figured it out sooner, but then, he never saw her with her hair down like that.

Well, that quite took care of his problem. Now he had someone to sit with. Roy glanced around the dining area one last time, making sure that there were no people who would recognize him. The last thing he needed was for Hughes to pop out of nowhere and start babbling about 'settling down and starting a family!'

Satisfied, Roy slipped over to where she was sitting.

"Mind if I join you?" He asked casually. Riza looked up, startled. She started to salute, then realized that they weren't on duty, and so had her hand up halfway to her face in an odd gesture.

"N-not at all," She responded, motioning for him to sit down.

"What brings you here?" Roy inquired, suddenly remembering that he had forgotten his drink at the other table. Oh well.

"I had nothing else to do, sir," She answered. Roy grinned. "I see. I came here, mostly to escape from Hughes. He kept asking me if I believed in love at first sight." He paused a moment, then slyly asked. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"No," Riza stated bluntly. She did not acknowledge his question as something slightly more than just a question.

"No? Me neither. I'm glad that we agree. That's a big relief," Roy said, trying to salvage his maneuver. Riza simply raised her eyebrow at his rambling.

Just in time to stop Roy from going overboard, the waiter appeared. The waiter was a middle-aged woman, who glanced at Roy and then put on a flashy smile.

"Unexpected guest?" She asked Riza with a suggestive grin.

Riza nodded and answered dryly. "Yes. Quite...unexpected."

The waiter winked at Roy. "Would you like something to drink, sir?" Roy shook his head. "No I'm fine." The waiter nodded and left. An uncomfortable silence followed in her wake. Roy quickly wished that he had gotten a drink, so that he would have something to occupy his hands. Riza had returned to quaintly drinking her soup.

"Hey, I was wondering..." Roy began.

"Hm?" Riza gave him her attention.

"Maybe I could walk you home tonight. It's going to be dark out and—"

"No," Riza said, quietly but firmly. "I'm fine on my own, sir."

"Oh. Of course," Roy silently cursed her calmness and his growing clumsiness. "Me neither. That's good. I was really just asking to be polite. Your house is so far out of my way."

The silence descended again. Roy was starting to reconsider his wish about not being alone. At least when he had been sitting with no one, he had not been constantly humiliating himself like this. And Riza did not appear to be aware of his advances towards her. No one could be that dense—could they? This was Hawkeye, after all, and she was the coldest person he had ever met. Roy held back a frustrated sigh. This was the most confounding woman he had ever met.

Wait. He was trying to get her? When had this happened? Now Roy was confused. Had he actually just been flirting with her? That scared him. He had never even considered the possibility until Hughes had suggested it...damn him anyway. Roy resigned himself to the fact that he was indeed attracted to Hawkeye. That complicated things a bit. He would try for her one more time, and if that didn't work, he would give up. She was colder than ice as it was.

"Hawkeye?" He put just a touch of a smile on his lips, knowing that it certainly didn't harm his appearance. Her eyes met his, once again selflessly handing over her attention. She was almost done with her soup. Was that all that she had ordered?

"Yes sir?"

"Well, I suppose that I should be going soon. That is, unless you want me to stay...?" Roy didn't think even Hawkeye could miss that hint. He stood up anyway, to make it even more obvious.

Without hesitation, Riza answered, "No." Roy clenched his fists. She was so cold!

"Me neither. Of course you don't want me to stay. How silly of me. Who in their right mind would want a superior hovering over them all night?" Roy smiled falsely. Just before he left, Riza stood up.

"I'm not stupid sir. But did you really expect me to grab you by the collar and kiss you like a crazy school girl?" Riza asked.

Roy wondered if the humiliation of the night would ever end. At least no one was around to see this. Meekly he admitted, "Well, no..."

"Me neither." With those words, she snatched him by the collar and pulled his face down so that she could kiss him. Hard. Roy was confused, but he pushed the confusion aside. Now was the time to be thinking about other things.

Parting, Roy was slightly annoyed at how controlled Hawkeye was still. He was very sure that his expression was embarrassingly dumbfounded. Then he registered that everyone in the dining area was clapping, courtesy of the waiter, who had started it all. This was humiliating. Knowing he would only look more idiotic, Roy asked, "W-what was that?"

"Nothing sir. Just something I've been wanting to do for a very long time."

"Nothing?" Roy asked skeptically. That had certainly not been nothing.

Riza smiled. "I don't really expect that to fool you."

Roy returned her smile. "Me neither."

A/N: See? I think it's cute. Short and sweet. But I won't know if you like it unless you review! So please, review.