Disclaimer: Bungie owns Halo, Nintendo owns Pokémon, and Rooster Teeth Productions are the ones that own Red vs. Blue: The Blood Glutch Chronicles. Seriously, I think Rooster Teeth is a crazy name for a group of people making web videos, but hey, we got Monty Python, so what the hell.
Episode One: Lucky Zeros
"Teleporter complete. Slightly behind schedule."
Somewhere in a dark hallway of a dark facility, in front of monochrome screen on the wall, stood a coblat blue Spartan named Church... who currently is growing a beard out of his facemask.
"...you know, it might have gone a LITTLE faster if you haven't spent so much processor time telling knock-knock jokes."
"ENOUGH," Church said sternly. "Do you have the coordinates to send me to Blood Glutch or not?"
"Yes," the computer replied. "Do you have a plan yet?"
"...I've been standing in this hallway thinking for a thousand years. I've had time."
"Well, the main thing I need to do is keep myself from dying-"
"That's a given," the computer stated in it's normal monotone voice.
"-And since all our problems stem from O'Malley jumping from Tex to Caboose, all I need to do is to prevent her from dying too."
"Because you secretly love her?"
"Oh don't start that again!" the coblat soldier replied. "All I need to do is kill that pink guy that sticks the gernade on her."
"Sounds easy." the computer replied.
"Well, I have knowledge of everything that takes place beforehand," Church said with optimism. "So, as long as I don't interfer too much, or get spotted, should be a friggin breeze."
It was then the computer said, "Ready to transport."
"Okay," replied Church. "Let's do it. Goodbye, computer... compu- you know what, you think I would have come up with a name for you in these thousand years."
"It's Gary," the computer AI stated. "But thanks for asking. See you in a few hundred years."
With a flash of light and a ripple of air, Church disappeared from view and went on his way to Blood Glutch. A second later, he ran back up to the computer again, sans beard.
"Computer, you gotta send me back!"
"To Blood Glutch?" Gary queried. "You just left-"
"No-no-no, not to Blood Glutch, to Sidewinder! Man, I totally screwed everything up!"
(Approimately 856 years later...)
"1:45 left till the bomb goes off, Sarge," stated Simmons, the maroon armored soldier of the Red squad from Blood Glutch.
"Oh man, this sucks!" moaned Donut, the one in Pink armor. "I knew I should have worned my lucky underwear today!"
Girf, the orange soldier, turned toward his comrade. "Hey, uh... Donut?"
"Before we all die a horrible flaming death, there's on thing I REALLY need to know..."
Donut paused before saying, "Is it important?"
"Yeah, let's just say I'll die easier if I know..."
"Alright then, spit it out then!"
Grif let out a heavy sigh and lowered his head a few inches. "...correct me if I'm wrong, but are you... um... what's the word... guh..."
"Oh come on, it can't be that hard to say," spoke the red armored sarge of the squad, known only as Sarge. "Then again, this IS Grif we're talking about..."
"I'm thinking of the right words!" the private shouted before turning back to Donut once again. "Look, I'm going to just come out and say it: Are you a-"
"Hey, guys, 30 seconds left!" interrupted Simmons. "Just to let you- hey, where did Tucker and Caboose go?"
All four Reds turned toward an open shutter nearby, which was swaying in the soft breeze.
(Meanwhile, near the beach...)
"Well, the bomb'll go off soon," Tex said to herself. She was by the shore close to the outer walls of the fortress, leaning against the Warthog the others arrived in. "Too bad the others got stuck in there. I think I'm going to miss them... naw, who am I kidding?"
"RUN FASTER!" The female freelancer looked up to see two figures, Tucker and Caboose, running toward her as fast as their legs could go. Tucker had his "cool thing" still gripped in his right hand. "Tex, get us out of here!"
"Hey, I thought you guys were trapped with the Reds inside the base, with the bomb!"
"Well, yah see, I didn't schedule my death for until VERY FAR AWAY FROM TODAY," Tucker said in a sarcastic voice.
"I think the bomb will be REALLY loud when it goes off," chimed Caboose. "I do not like REALLY loud noises..."
"Yeah, so we need to go, RIGHT NOW." Tucker put away his weapon and climbed into the driver's seat of the Warthog.
Tex just looked at him and said, "Relax... the bomb was made to only kill everyone inside the base. There's no way the explosion will harm us."
(Back inside the base...)
"Those back-stabbin Blues!" shouted Sarge. "We never should of trusted 'em!"
"Personally, sir, I would have done the same thing-"
"Shut up, Grif," Sarge growled.
"Ten seconds!" shouted Simmons.
"Hey Grif, do you still want to ask that question our yours?" Donut said to the orange man.
"Five seconds!" Simmons said once again.
"Yeah, I do. Donut, are you, or are you not-"
"Shut it scumbag!" shouted Sarge. "The last thing I want to here before I die is the sound of-"
The bomb's extrenal timer hit zero. Everyone stared at it and waited for the coming explosion...
...which didn't come at all.
"What? We're alive?" Grif said in confusion. His question was answered by the familiar laugh of an old "friend."
"Maw ha ha ha! You fools! You really think a simple bomb such as that was enough to stop me?" Out of seemingly nowhere, O'Malley, currently using the body of Doc, appeared above the Red squad, laughing maniacally.
"O'Malley!" shouted Simmons, stating the obvious. "You disabled the bomb?"
"Mear child's play to a genuis like me!" the purple madman said, taking out his rocket launcher. "But now, perish, as you will now taste obilvio-"
Just then, the bomb placed by Caboose, the one O'Malley disabled, disappeared in a flash of bright light. Everyone stared and Grif was the first to speak up:
"What the hell?"
A few mear seconds later, a new object appeared where the bomb once was... an even BIGGER bomb, with it's digital timer right one five seconds.
"...oh, son of a b-"
(Back at the beach, several seconds earlier...)
"That's funny," Tex said. "The bomb shold have detonated by now."
"Isn't that a good thing?" Tucker stated.
Caboose, now sitting in the passenger's seat of the Warthog, came out of his train of though... or lack thereof. "Maybe... the bomb is taking a nap!"
"Caboose, there is no way-"
INSERT BIG ASS EXPLOSION HERE
(Back with Church...)
"..and now, I'm back here." Church finally finished recounting his tales of blunder on how he tried to fix the past, yet ended up causing all that happened in the first place.
"You sure have a way with luck," Gary replied.
"Oh, can it you metallic-"
All of a sudden, a warning began to blare about the hallway, as well as the rest of the base.
"What the hell? Computer, what's going on?"
"A temporal anamoly has been detected inside the facility."
"A temporal wha-" Before Church can even finish his sentence, he dissolves into a mess of green particles and vanishes.
"Hello? Hello? Are you alright?"
Silence filled the hallway of the facility. Nothing moved except the text on the monochrome screen of the computer terminal.
"Oh well... time to play some solitare."
My first Halo fanfic! How do you guys like it? I mean, it isn't THAT bad... I think. Anyway, stay tuned for the next chapter/episode: Strange Land, Stranger People
Read, Review, Rinse, Repeat.