MISSION 24689: REHAB
AFS: Hi all yas!
Emily: Have we got a show for you!
007: This is bad. FL and Emily working together. Hell attack.
AFS: Shut up you.
007: Yes ma'am. (Whimpers and walks away.)
Emily: In this story I'm 0015...
AFS: And I'm 0014!
Emily: This is what happens when we convince the whole zero-zero team to do something!
AFS: We'll keep you updated with who wrote what, so enjoy!
002 (still drunk): F!
The story begins the morning after New Years Eve. (AFS) 0014 and 0015 had convinced everyone to stay up 'til midnight but when twelve midnight and five seconds (12:00:05) on January first, 2005 came, they made it into a competition to see who could stay up the longest without sugar or coffee. 0014 won, of course, since she always did that kind of stuff.
"Oh, man," 0015 said (EM) in the grasp of a nasty hangover. (AFS) " I think I had too much rum and crumb cakes last night." (EM) At that moment, 002 threw up in a KFC bucket that held popcorn chicken that was next to the couch that he had just got laid on with his girlfriend, 0014. (AFS: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Emily: YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
(AFS) Jumping into the space on the couch next to 0015, 0014 started talking like she just chugged a bottle of grape soda while sniffing cream soda (Em: Which means, in her case, high)
(AFS) "Woah, slow down you bitch!" 0015 wasn't paying attention to what her friend was wearing. She had her clothes on, but she had another shirt over her jeans and a pair of old sweat pants that was cut over her head.(EM) In the corner of the room, 008 was hanging upside down smoking weed.
"Hey guys, I feel Jamaican now, " said the African, and then began laughing uncontrollably.
"Hey 0014, baby, you got any more rum?" asked 002. (AFS: EW.)
"You just got done throwing up! " exclaimed the blonde cyborg, adjusting her bra.
"Are you calling me a liar!" he addressed to his girlfriend in slurred speech, but was pointing at the ceiling fan.
"I think you'd want to lie down–"
"–You're the f:)ing liar, God damn it!" he screamed, throwing a vase into the wall, and then threw up some more.
"Would you two keep it down? I'm trying to get some more of this pretty white powder up my nose!" hollered 007, straw at hand and his nose bleeding.
"We've got to do something about this! We've got to find a way for these drugheads to quit engaging in such destructive behavior! " said 0015, slamming down her bong.
"How did you come out of that hangover? " questioned 0014 as she finished her Bay Breeze.
"I was in hang over mode, I didn't actually drink." explained the Puerto-Rican cyborg.
(0014) "What's the plan?" 0014 questioned.
"Uh... I... don't have a clue. " replied the golden brown-haired girl. "Any ideas?"
"Yeah, one." answered her friend with an evil look in her ice blue eyes.
"Why did I ask?" 0015 put her head into her palms.
"We need a boombox, a Sesame Street CD, a really long extension cord, and someone to keep it untangled."
(EM and AFS combo)
"Or we can do rehab." suggested the frustrated 0015.
"Or, we could do that, although my idea is far more logical," claimed 0014 illogically, coping off of 0015. "We could play Sunny Day whenever they do something they're not supposed to. I heard that no one can resist a bunch of kids singing in unison..."
"Kelly," 0015 interrupted. "Shut up." And with that, they went to the health clinic.
INTERMISSION: ((A/N: This is a random person. If this is you, screw you!))
RANDOM PERSON: On the way, 0014 continued to be annoying. This is a document report from who witnessed this catastrophe and will be mentally scarred for the rest of his or her life.
(0014 still in strange cloths singing as a tone-deft person)
Ninety-nine bottles of... uh...crack on the wall, ninety- nine bottles of crack! Take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of crack on the wall! (Fast-forwarding threw and it's dark and she is somewhere on route I-95 when play is pushed.) Twenty bottles of crack! Take one down, pass it around, what comes after twenty? Hay, ass-holes! What comes after twenty? Twenty! I need help counting down over here! Anyone! (To something/someone on ground) Do you know what comes after twenty? (No answer)(rases voice) I know you can hear me! (Begins to stutter) Wait, you're not a person, you're a... a... (yells at top of lungs) A SPIDER! (Runs away screaming)
RANDOM PERSON: That is all. Thank you. (0014 runs into the screwed person over small spider)
(Now everyone is at rehab place thingy)
(Person teacher thingy) "Hello class, we all know we each have major problems–"
(random crack-attic from crowd) F#ck!
"Right, like George. He can't help that he shouts profanity at unwanted, unnecessary, and unexpected times; he has turret syndrome."
Suddenly going into a drunk state, 002 screamed, "ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR, WHATEVER MY GIRLFRIEND'S NAME IS!" He pointed at Doctor Gilmore, intending to point at 0014. He gets so smart at the people that he gets kicked out and attempted to walk home. 0015 and 0014 picked him up. Rest of team still at rehab.
(Back at house)
"Now can we please try my idea?" asked the non-bleached (FL: for all of those who know me and wonder if my hair is bleached) blonde girl.
"Fine, fine," 0015 gave in, waving her arms above her head. They get the items marked with and sneaks up behind the orange-haired American male. He cursed for some alcohol. They played the Sesame Street theme song.
"Sun-ny days! Sweeping up clouds– all – day!" 002 automatically shut up, thinking there were kids around. As he did, 0015 pushed pause and brought it back to the beginning.
"What the fuck was–" The song started again and 002 shut up for a second time. As quietly as he could as he was drunk, Jet peered over the couch. He watched as the two girls giggled silently.
Still slow as a drunk, the American said, "Bitch, why can't I find those damned kids?" and, just as slow as he was, the other Americans pushed play and the song started up again.
"Now I got you, who ever you... are," Obviously, 002 had no clue what was going on. The two teens turned up the volume, but 002 still didn't shut up.
"TURN DOWN THAT F#CKIN' MUSIC! I'M TRYING TO TALK TO YOU!" the second cyborg shouted, trying to make himself heard over the ear-splitting music.
"HE'S NOT QUIET! HE WON'T QUIET!" exclaimed the fourteenth cyborg.
"TURN IT UP MORE!" replied the fifteenth cyborg, covering her ears.
"TURN IT OFF! I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINKING NO MORE!" 002 had no way of talking anymore.
The music was cut off instantly. Looking around stupidly, they saw 0015's brother, 0023, holding the plug.
"SHUT THE F#CK UP! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP, GODDAMNIT!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, throwing the cord at the group and hitting 002 square in the forehead with the metal part, which knocked him out. "AND THAT SONG SUCKS, TOO!" He left the room.
"Did I miss anything, bitches?" asked 002, coming around as if he was pretending to be unconscious. "What? Why are you staring at me like that?" He said this because 0014 and 0015 were 'daydreaming' in his direction at the same time, which is rare.
The other Zero-Zero team members came in.
"This day, January first, in the year of our Lord 2005, we embark into the world as a new zero-zero team! We no longer snuff, snort, inject, consume, smoke and drink no more!" said 007, being his usual (unhigh, undrunk, and unstoned) self.
"But what am I going to do with all of this coke and tequila?" 002 exclaimed sadly, holding the pile of drugs in his arms.
007 shrugged his arms as he watched his teammates engorging their systems with drugs. "Oh well," he joined the frenzy. No one noticed that by the time the alcohol was halfway done, 004 and 007 were getting quite...curious (for a lack of better words) with each other.
"Hey you're a pretty lady," said 004, staring lovingly into 007's bloodshot eyes. Their mouths joined as they enjoyed the passion of their first kiss. (AFS (getting freaked out): EW! Take it off! Take it off! Emily: Hell no!) By the end of the night, everyone's noses were soundly bleeding, and their pants were down.
Moral: Drugs are bad, and can confuse you with your real sex preferences.
THE END! GODDAMNIT, TOO!