XXII. The Happy Ending They Don't Deserve

"WHERE ARE WE?" Momo screeched (beautifully, of course) at Boba, from her mount atop the giant Klyyynaii bird.

"Tatooine," he replied, sliding down the wing of the beast to the ground. "Come, my dear. I believe you'll enjoy it here."

Momo tossed her head back. "Ha. I doubt it. I hate sand. And heat. And anything else on this planet."

"Does that mean you hate me?"

"Of course not, Bobie Wobie!" She slid down the bird's wing after him.

/I know I'll hate it/ Chaagaal grumbled. /Not enough trees. Why have you brought me here/ he moaned, sliding down the wing to make way for Mill and Bill, who were now literally attached at the hip, having found some very strong rope and tying it about their waists.

"All will be explained shortly. Now come, we must walk just a few meters, to that giant hole over there."

"Fine," everyone grumbled. When they got there, the Sarlacc was rumbling with hunger.

"My STRAWPBERRIES!" it boomed. Boba took the pic-a-nic basket he was carrying, pulled out a package, and threw the rest to the disgusting beast.

"Ah, many thanks, Boba Fett. You never fail to please. How delicious..."

"Just transfer the credits to the largest jeweler on Nar Shaddaa. And hold on, Momo. You're about to find out why you're here." Boba knelt in front of his love and whipped off his helmet.

"Oh, Boba, put it away," Momo said, annoyed.

"No. I want to do this looking at you with my eyes, not through a visor."

/Gods, he's gorgeous/ Chaagaal murmured.

"I know," Bill whispered back.

"Eew, I can't believe I thought I loved that!" Apparently, immunity to the Bobio effect runs in the family.

"Momo," Fett continued, opening the box he held in front of him. "Will you marry me?"

"Oh!" Momo's eyes lit up and sparkled like the diamonds of the dress she was being presented with. "Of course! I get the dress, right?" she asked quickly, pulling it out of its box and holding it against her.

"That's why we're been on Kashyyyk for the last few week--so I could pay for it." He rose and turned to Chaagaal. "And you're here to marry us. That comes with warrior status, right?" The wookiee muttered a few curses and nodded.

"Wait, why are we here?" Bill stuck in. Boba yanked him closer and whispered in his ear. A few seconds later the Twi'lek drew back, eyeing his master warily. Boba elbowed him in the stomach, and he reluctantly turned to his girlfriend.

"Hey Mill, wanna get hitched?"

The girl shrugged. "'Kay."

Boba rolled his eyes.


Twenty minutes later everyone was assembled--the brides (Momo had changed into her new dress and was now too bright to look at), the grooms, the officiator, and the witnesses, the Klyyynaii, the Sarlacc, and the devil-spawn (invited last minute, much to Boba's chagrin, as they kept arranging into obscene gestures).

/Do you, Changaalakawa and Lakkarangwa, promise to love each other, etc, etc. Say we do./ Mill and Bill complied. Chaagaal sighed.

/And you guys, same thing./ Boba and Momo said "we do."

/Then you're all married. Kiss and all that good stuff, and get me home/ Chaagaal scrambled up the wing of the Klyyynaii. /Hyah/ The bird flew toward Mos Eisley, and the two couples were left where it all began, with the Sarlacc and his devil-spawn. Everyone lived happily ever after.

Lucky Bastards.


Thanks to all who read, especially those who gave me some feedback. As always, much ♥ to Miss Mill, Momo, and Paris, for letting me use their likenesses and beta-ing.