"Metal Gear Shopping: Tactical Grocery Action."
Mr. and Mrs. Wilberforce pushed their heavily-laden trolley out of their local supermarket, one gaudily labelled "HappiShop," tried to steer it (the trolley that is, not the supermarket) straight down the path to their parked red Fiat Panda when, as luck and rubbish design would have it, the trolley swerved into the brick wall…
Or, at least it should have hit the brick wall. Instead it hit something soft which fell under the impact and gave out a low gruff curse. There was a low, barely audible buzz and a man dressed entirely in blue appeared, rubbing his shins and swatting an absurdly long bandana's ends out of his eyes.
Well, Mr and Mrs. Wilberforce weren't quite sure what surprised them more; the fact that a strangely-dressed man had just appeared out of nowhere and was swearing at everything under the sun, or that they now had red exclamation marks over their heads.
"Whatever could they be, dear?" old Mrs. Wilberforce asked he husband as she reached up and plucked the mark out of the air.
"I don't know Maria, but hurry up and put them in the bags before they make us pay for them as well, will you?" Mr. Wilberforce retorted angrily as he stared down at the man who had so rudely just popped-up out of nowhere. "What do you think you're playing at, sir?"
"Playing Hide and Seek?" the strange man answered carefully. Good cover, Snake.
"Hmm, bit old for that, aren't we?" Mr. Wilberforce asked sceptically, "And what's with being invisible? Spoils the aim of the game!"
"Look, I'm on a top-secret mission to save the world, so if you two idiots would please mind moving on and not blow my cover any longer, I'd be terribly grateful," Snake snapped as he crawled behind a closely-parked Mini Cooper. Civilians, he growled to himself, can't live with them, can't kill them without failing the mission.
When he was sure he was strategically hidden once again, he tapped his ear and activated his Codec. "Otacon, I almost got caught…god knows what they would've done had they got me."
There came a groan from the other end. "Snake, you're not on a mission, got that? You're just going to get me some milk…and Pombears."
"You know those potato-snack things in the shape of…"
"I know what Pombears are, Otacon, it's just that…well, I thought you were a vegetarian."
"What the hell...? Look, there is no Metal Gear in that HappiShop, okay? So get your ass in gear and buy me my milk and Pombears!" Otacon bawled, ending the transmission in a ear-splitting hiss of static.
"Yes, sir," Snake growled, flicked on his Stealth Camouflage (just in case), got up and walked through the automatic double-doors.
What he saw startled him for a split-second, before he instinctively ducked behind the Big Bargains shelf.
"Otacon, do you read me?" he hissed desperately as he peeped back around the corner of the shelf.
"What is it now, Snake?" Otacon asked with a dramatised yawn.
"There's a Spetsnaz by the Fresh Produce stand!"
"He must be on patrol!"
"What? Snake, have you lost your mind! There's nothing there, he must be shopping!"
"Sure," Snake growled with the voice of one that knew better, "or that's what he wants everyone to think. It's the perfect cover, only he's in full uniform. That kinda gives him away."
"What are you going to do, Snake?"
"I'm going to do what any spy in his right mind would do."
End of Part One
Should I continue this? It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I'm not so sure…