A/N: I was reading the excellent Lamentations of a Starry-Eyed Twit by She's a Star, and I couldn't help thinking if our dear Tonks had a diary – or journal, of course. Today, I am actually going to attempt at a multi-chapter Remus/Tonks fic, written with similar humour as She's a Star and Gedia Kecela's Sinistra and Snape diary works. If you haven't read them, you should.

I don't own a thing. All HP characters belong to JK Rowling, and the idea was from She's a Star (bless her

It All Comes From Being a Chronic Chocoholic

27th April, 1995
Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place

8:42 PM

Wotcher! My name's Nymphadora - just call me Tonks. I'm an Auror and a Metamorphmagus, just so you know, and I'm an Auror as well as a member of the Order of the Phoenix, and did I mention that I'm an Auror?

Right proud of that, I am.

Anyway, I'm twenty-three, and today's my birthday. I got this notebook from Molly she said I ought to get in touch with my more feminine side with this thing. She's a wonderful woman, but I don't need to get in touch with my feminine side, I'm already a woman, thankyouverymuch. Just because I prefer to butt-kick Death Eaters than serve them tea doesn't mean I'm completely a tomboy, and I don't need this stupid diary. My favourite colour's pink, for goodness' sake!


That didn't turn out right, did it?

Of course, hating these notebooks doesn't have anything to do with when in third year my best friend stole my diary and showed it to the seventh-year I fancied, and he avoided me like the plague for the rest of the year just because I wrote something that was just on the verge of obsession.


Anyway, I got my own back on Amelia by magically dying her hair lime-green and


Sorry, I had to go help Molly with the dishes. She gave up on me when I broke the fourth dish in a row.

I went on a bit of a rant just then. This isn't a diary, anyhow, just a journal. Right.

Well, journal, since it's my birthday, a few of the Order members gave me awesome stuff, Kingsley gave me one of those really neat dragon hide wand hilts, with this advanced spell on it which lets only the owner of the wand to take the wand out of the hilt.

Molly gave me you, of course, and a pink Weasley jumper with the letter T on it in purple. I'm wearing it now, actually. Hestia and Emmeline both gave me t-shirts, one of them's orange and has the words SHUT UP on it, and the other one is a really precious Weird Sisters shirt, back from in 1987 when they had their first concert. I also got a book about constant vigilance from Mad-Eye (don't even ask why, I think he might've written it himself), a photo album full of pictures of me when I was a kid, and a pair of earrings from Bill (We were mates at Hogwarts, even though he was two years older than me).

And then, I got chocolate from Remus.

If you really want to know, I'm a self-confessed chocoholic, and I can demolish a box of 36 chocolates in under one hour; I drink hot chocolate for breakfast instead of coffee, and if I'm bored I'll eat a pint or six of chocolate ice cream. I just love chocolate; I can't stand not having any for at least two days.

Now, if you must know, the only other chocoholic in the Order is Remus, and he can pack it on like nobody's business. Granted, he does it in slightly cleaner amounts than I do, and he's never run into Grimmauld Place shrieking "CHOCOLATE! GIVE IT TO ME!" after a fortnight of intense Auror work, but if there ever was a chocoholic as dedicated as him, I'll eat my combat boots. Literally.

He gave me a bloody five-pound block. Of the finest dark chocolate I've ever tasted. And that's saying something, because last time I went to Belgium for Auror business, I went to a chocolate factory in my spare time - it was heavenly. And Belgium's supposed to have the best chocolate in the world. If that's not awesome, I don't know what is.

Now - about chocolate. White chocolate and milk chocolate come in a distant second to dark chocolate (for me). I would sell my mother for a bar of good-quality dark chocolate, and I'd be on the edge of joining Voldemort for a life-time's supply.

Five pounds of dark chocolate, and I'm in heaven. Five pounds of dark chocolate that tastes better than anything else I've ever had sends me to the moon.

28th April, 1995
Cubicle, Auror Department

12: 31 PM

Lunch break at the moment. Molly made me brownies and some sort of casserole. Mmm. Good. I woke up late today. My alarm clock somehow turned itself backward an hour, so I had to dash here without breakfast. Molly handed me lunch just as I was leaving, she seems to always know when I've not got any, bless her soul.

Still, Kingsley made me do a whole lot more boring paperwork.

I was reading the Daily Prophet today. Apparently, the Ministry got hold of information somehow concerning Sirius – they say he's hiding in Britain somewhere. I'm scared for him, honestly. Kingsley's trying to convince them he's run away to Australia, or something.

Just in case someone gets their hands on this diary - I mean, journal, I'll just put a spell on it…

There. No one can read you except me. I didn't realize I'd brought you along. Must've been a mistake.


12:46 PM





You do not want to know.


I accidentally let slip that I thought Kingsley's fiancée looks like a pig. To Kingsley.

He's going to kill me.

01: 14 PM

Where did I put that three-pound block of chocolate I chopped off the block Remus gave me?

I need chocolate!

Oh no.

No you don't, Kingsley.

You didn't dare.

…He stole it! Kingsley stole my chocolate! When he knows perfectly well I can't survive without it, he goes and takes it! I didn't put it under these papers or in my bag or in my pocket or anywhere…

Oh, Remus, where are you when I need you!

I did not write that.

I don't fancy him! Really! Just because I liked him when I was four doesn't mean I like him now. He's just a friend. A good friend, yes, but not like that. I mean, I live with the man. I moved into Grimmauld Place when my landlord evicted me. He said my Weird Sisters music bothered everyone else in the apartment building, and I didn't have anywhere else to stay, so I moved into Grimmauld Place – I just so happened to move in when Remus did.

Well, maybe I do fancy him. Just a little, of course.

Stop looking at me like that!

…I think today's going to be a bad day.