This is just something I was thinking about on a sleepless night last night. I had nothing to do, and I was strapped for ideas, so what the heck? Here ya go!
Disclaimer: Though it goes without saying 3 paragraphs or so into these proceedings, I would like to state that this fanfic is- from start to finish- a work of comedic fantasy, not to be taken seriously. To insist that any of what follows is incendiary or inflammatory is to miss my intention and pass under judgment; and passing judgment is reserved for God and God alone. (This goes for you fic critics too… Just kidding.) So please- before you think about hurting someone over this trifle of a fan fiction, remember; even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the platypus. Thank you, and enjoy the fic.
P.S: I sincerely apologize to all platypus enthusiasts out there who were offended by that thoughtless comment about the platypi. I respect the noble platypus, and it is not my intention to alight these stupid creatures in any way. Thank you again and enjoy.
Calling All Angels
When You Wish…
It all started last Monday. Now before I start the story I want to admit something. I admit it. I have a crush on Sam. But what could I do? If I tell her, she probably wouldn't feel the same way about me. And if I didn't tell her, then she might find someone else. And if THAT happened, I wouldn't be able to live with the pain.
Anyway, getting back to the story, it was Monday night. I was just getting ready for bed, when I had an idea. I got on my knees near my bed and wished.
"I wish," I began, "for some help to tell Sam how I feel about her."
After a minute of laughing at my stupidity of even THINKING that would work, I went to bed. Little did I know that something was gonna happen. But not the way I expected.
It was about 1:00 in the morning when I heard a thump in my room. I instantly woke up, only to find nothing. But just to be sure, I pulled out a bat under my bed. Hey, if it was just some guy breaking into my room, I didn't wanna risk blowing my secret. A few seconds later, a huge blue flame engulfed the center of my room. I grabbed the emergency fire extinguisher out of my closet and sprayed the white foamy substance. I couldn't hear it just right, but I thought that I heard a cough from somebody. After the flame went out, all that was left was a tall person.
The person looked about in their late forties, with jet black hair, shorter than mine. He was wearing a long black overcoat that almost touched the ground.
"Hey!" he said. He had a strong British accent. "What was that for?"
"Get the hell out of here!" I said, wielding the bat.
"I'm the one who's soaked, and YOU'RE the surly one?" he said. "Look at my suit!"
"Get out now!" I yelled again, bat in hand.
"Or what?" he asked. "You'll hit me with that… fish?"
On command, I looked at the bat. Only to discover that the bat had turned into a medium sized red snapper.
"Now," he began, "just sit on the bed and shut up."
I did as he said. The guy didn't look like a ghost, so I decided to go with the flow.
"Look," I said, "take what you want. Just don't kill or molest me."
"Oh, come off it, man." he said. "I couldn't molest you even if I wanted to. Angels are ill-equipped. Now, stand back."
I heard a cracking noise from somewhere. I looked around, only to see that the man had grown large wings.
"Now," he began, "as I was about to say before your little 'firefighting' episode… I am Harvey."
I looked at him with an empty look.
"A seraphim?" he asked.
Empty look again.
"You teenagers." he said. "If there isn't a punk-rock song about it, then it's not worth knowing now is it? I am an angel."
I then gave him the widest wide-eyed stare I could ever give a person.
"Angels sorta act as the voice of God." he said. "Whenever some yahoo says that their talking to God, they're speakin to us angels… or just talking to themselves."
"Why doesn't God speak for himself?" I asked.
"Glad to see you've finally decided to join the conversation." he said. "And to answer that: humans, half-ghost or not, have neither the physical nor mental capacity to hear God's real voice. Were you to actually hear it, your brain would collapse and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through 4 Adams before we figured that one out."
"How did you know that I was half-ghost?" I asked, wide-eyed that he knew my secret.
"I am your guardian angel. I know everything about you."
"Prove it" I said, arms folded across my chest.
"Surely" he said. He then sucked in a semi-large amount of air. "Daniel Fenton, age: 14 ½, black hair, blue eyes. Best friends: Samantha Manson and Tucker Foley. Allergic to almost nothing, 50 percent ghost, 50 percent human." he said all of that under one breath.
"How do you know that I'm not dreaming all of this?" I asked.
"You want more proof? Fine. How about a virgin blueberry daiquiri?"
He snapped his fingers, and I found myself being instantly transported to a Mexican restaurant.
"Where are we?" I asked.
"The only place where you can get a good virgin blueberry daiquiri." he said, signaling the waiter to come over to our table. "2 virgin blueberry daiquiris por favor. Gracias."
"Alright," I said, "I believe you. Now what do you want from me?"
"I'm only here to serve my purpose." he said.
"And that is?"
"I'm gonna grant your wish."
The waiter then brought us the drinks.
"How did you know I made that wish?" I asked.
"Boy," he said, "you're just FULL of questions tonight aren't you? You see, I am what is called a Gregori angel. Also known as a watcher. Guess what I do. Anyway, since I'm your guardian angel, I've been watching you ever since you were born. And trust me I've seen EVERYTHING."
I then choked on my drink.
"E-everything?" I said
"Lets see," he began, "the accident, the fight with Vlad, the fake out-make out, and don't even get me started on the whole "Ember" incident."
"When were you born?" I asked him
"Around the time when the first born of all Egyptians were being wiped out."
"Ah," I said, "the 10th plague."
"Tell someone you're an angel and they stare at you blankly. Mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie, and everything's suddenly a theology scholar. May I continue?"
"Jeez, alright" I said.
"So," he continued, "like I said, I've been watching you. And I've seen all the crap you've had to go through in your life. Bullies, homework, ghosts, the list goes on. So, I decided to help you pair up with someone who will make your life happier and easier, hence Sam comes into play."
"But how can I tell her something this big?" I said. "I'm just a clumsy, 14 year old, half-ghost nerd."
"Noah was a drunk." Harvey said. "Look what he accomplished. And this is a lot easier than building an ark."
"Alright," I said, "go ahead. Give me the courage to tell her."
"That's the catch." he said. "I'm not supposed to instantly grant you your wish. You've gotta accomplish that yourself."
"And what if I don't?" I asked.
Harvey then pulled out a small mirror.
"This is the future mirror." he said. "It can show the future before it happens. The catch is: it can only see a year ahead, which is all you need."
He then pressed a small purple button on the back of the mirror. I then saw Sam… with ANOTHER GUY! In the distance I saw myself, sad and depressed. Which was my reaction to my seeing this, plus anger.
"Are you saying that if I don't tell her my feelings, she'll end up with another guy by next year?"
"Are you that dense?" Harvey said slapping me. "Did you look at HER face?"
I looked at her face. It was as sad, maybe sadder than mine.
"Can't you see that she loves you?" he said.
"L-loves me?" I said.
"She's head over heels for you! Ever since the whole fake out- make out thing, you've been the only thing on her mind. By the way, I know why she did kiss you that night."
"She was worried that Valerie would catch up to you, and she'd never be able to… well, you know."
"Wow," I said. "I never thought about it that way. Wait, how did you know about Sam?"
"I've been watching her for a few days because her guardian angel, which is a friend of mine, was out sick that day. Imagine my surprise to see her writing what I just said about her in her diary. There's a lot of stuff about you in there."
"Really?" I asked, wondering if we were both talking about the same Sam.
"Oh, I wouldn't lie to you. Doodles, paragraphs, the 'Ember' incident was almost 3 pages long about YOU."
I stopped talking for about a minute. Harvey then decided to start up the conversation again.
"But," he said, "I can't make you tell her. However, if you do decide to stop being so dense, you won't be alone. I'll help you."
"You will?" I asked. "How?"
"There's a school dance at the end of the week, tell her then. I'll help you out, what to say, how to act, and I'll tell you the perfect time to break the ice. All you have to do is tell her without my help."
I then shook his hand to seal the deal. His watch then started to beep.
"Oooh," he said, "I've gotta go. I promised Rodney Dangerfield that I'd be by his bedside during his liposuction surgery."
"Rodney Dangerfield's dead." I said
"Look," he said, "a liposuction surgery THIS big can't take place on Earth. Remember, we're working in a time frame here. You have 3 days to prepare. See ya."
He then picked up two maracas and shook them. I then woke up in my room.
"It had to be a dream." I said.
But the blueberry taste in my mouth and the pair of maracas laying next to me proved me otherwise.
Ok, I'm gonna take back what I said at the beginning of "The PhantoMASK". THIS is the longest chapter I've ever typed. I hope this doesn't end up like that "Danny's Inferno" fic. Otherwise, I'm gonna need prosthetic hands. Read and review please!