I do not own Gundam Seed.
Yea! I'm back with another barnd new one - shot. Those who are familiar with my other ficcies. I really hope you would enjoy this new one from my collection. Please forgive me for the long none update of my fic "Retribution". A new chapter is coming up soon, please don't be mad.grovelling Oh by the way, it's a Dearkka, Miri and Tohru fanfic. For those who would like a Lacus Kira pairing, you can find it with "I Was Born To Love You". Another reminder, I've not really followed the sequence as per the real show as I had to manipulate some things to go with the story. Well, on with the story! Please do read and review!
A perfect world is governed by one perfect rule. A rule where everything would be fair, where men could be free from the seven evil natures of man : greed, sloth, pride, gluttony, wrath, envy, and finally lust. Peace would reign with glory and God would exist in hearts of pure simple men. Unfortunately, this ideal world does not exist, nature created yin and yang. For every light there is dark and a shadow would be born. Men are weak creatures who yearn for survival and the race to dominate the other runs deep in history. The equivalent trade that is the basic of alchemy and supposedly the world is a way of comforting oneself that if one could work hard enough, then a reward would be ensured in the end. However, the world is an unfair place where innocents die and suffer in silence while evil, powerful men who lusts for more destroy without thought everything that their ancestors had painstakingly tried to build for the good of the future. There were times when the flickering light of hope threatens to burn out that a miracle happens to us to renew that trust in the future, that fragile promise that maybe tomorrow would be better, this is a story that I, Dearkka would tell you, a story that ignores that barrier between life and death and most importantly the story of pure simple unconditional love.Tohru
I looked at the brown haired girl whom I had loved, in fact still love, sleeping. Her sleep was tortured, marred with recurring nightmares that brought tears and instant awakeness after awhile. I held out a hand to touch her but no contact could be made. I smiled bitterly to myself, I was a ghost, how was I supposed to touch her? I knelt down beside her till I was level with her ears and started whispering. " Miri, wake up Miri. It's okay. I'm here."
" Tohru?" She mumbled, still asleep.
" Yes Miri. I'm here." I repeated myself.
" Don't leave me again Tohru. Come back!"
" I'm always here Miri if you need me. I'm always by your side."
" Tohru?" This time Miri opened her eyes, her voice slurred from sleep, I knew that she could not see me. Her hands were stretched out away from her to where I was standing. I reached out just for the sake of it but watched helplessly as it just slipped right through. I saw Miri's hope faded instantly when she saw that no one was there and fresh tears started flowing down her beautiful face. I cursed myself and fate for putting us through this ordeal. It was so unfair but there was nothing I could do. The night was kind as it still had the decency to pass, and sunlight started to stream in through the window in Miri's room. I looked at her for the last time and faded into the receeding darkness.Miri
I looked around my room in vain for Tohru. I knew he was there, I had heard his voice telling me that he would always be here for me and Tohru made only promises that he could keep. Unfortunately, no matter how much I looked in every corner with the help of the cruel sunlight, no one was there. I hated the light then for making me see, for forcing me to once again face the fact that the person that I had depended on during the past few months in the war was gone forever. I could only see, feel and touch him only in my memories of the past. The tears that I thought had been gone started once again down my face. " And I thought I would not cry anymore." I said softly to myself.
I walked past Miri's room once again wondering what to say if I went in. I had heard her crying and whimpering the night before. I had the room beside her and could hear each word that she uttered. I did not know why I cared so much for this girl, she was no one special. In fact, back in Zaft I could have any girl that I wanted, girls who had much more to offer than her, who only knew to taunt and irritate me with no sweat at all. I need not put myself in this position, I was no sadist yet no matter how much my brain screamed logic at me, my heart refused to cooperate. I heaved a huge sigh and started pacing once again outside her room cursing myself.
" Dearkka, what are you doing here?" I heard a familiar voice behind me. I had not even noticed when she came out of the room, I had been that deeply immersed in my own thoughts.
" I was waiting for you." Came my simple reply. In actual fact, I had nothing to say or in other words I did not want to say anything that would ruin the conversation. I remembered the first time I had opened my stupid mouth, she had come after me with a knife. I shivered with that memory, her expression had been so sad and angry but in the end, instead of finishing what she had started she had saved my life. That thought still haunts me, I wanted to know why she saved me when she hated Coordinators at that time. I wanted to ask her but I did not know how so I kept my mouth shut. Miri looked at me queerly as if I had come from another planet.
" Waiting for me? Dearkka I'm sure you have better things to do, right?"
" I heard you crying, I wanted to see whether you were okay." I could not stop myself from blurting out and looked away quickly, I did not know what prompted that statement, I knew I meant it but during the war, making friends is the hardest thing. It hurts too much when you lose someone, it's better to stay on the sidelines to watch then to get involved, I should have learnt my lesson when Nicol died. Silence stretched on, both of us awkward, not sure of what to say.
" Thank you. I'm okay." Miri replied softly. " Let's go." And the both of us walked together towards the main hall.
I watched in distaste as the food plopped uninvitingly onto my lunch tray. It was supposed to be mashed potatoes but what it reminded me was of something other than mashed potatoes, it looked disgusting. I shot a look at Dearkka's face and was amused that his expression was a mirror of mine. I had always thought that guys did not care about what they ate as long as it filled their stomachs. Tohru had been like that. A pang of loneliness struck me and I was left feeling sad again. I scanned the room for both Kira and Sai but instead found a familiar looking head instead. His purple coloured bangs covered part of his face as he ate alone in the big hall. I did not know what to feel when I looked at Tohru's killer, Athrun. Kira was right when he said that Athrun did not want to kill Tohru, that it was an accident . But how could you calmly look at the boy who had done what he had done even if it was without intention?
" Fate has a funny way of playing with us mere mortals" I whispered beneath my breath. Dearkka looked quizzically towards me.
" Pardon? What did you say?"
" Nothing." I answered promptly before turning and walking away. "You wouldn't understand." I added silently in my heart.
" All hands to their respective stations, I repeat, all hands to their respective stations! The enemy is approching! " The dreaded voice announcing yet another battle rang out clear and loud throughout Archangle. From behind, I watched Miri's back stiffened and a sudden longing to hug her there and then hit me. I stood there stunned, amazed at what I was thinking at this state of time. I could hear what Yzak would say if he ever knew what I was thinking right this moment " Baka! You moron! It's war and your thinking of a girl!" I could feel a smirk curling up the corners of my lips. Unnfortunately, Miri chose this time to turn around, her look of pure disgust shocked me.
" How could you do it, Dearkka? How could you still smile at a time like this? How! " The tormented look on Miri's face would haunt me for eternity, even if she did misunderstand the smirk. But truth to be told, I enjoyed war, how could I not? I am a Gundam pilot, killing and destroying is what I do best. Stripped away from war, where would I be? I'd feel bare and naked, useless and old. I was brought up and trained since young for war, lives were just numbers to me, numbers that would rank me as good, bad or the best. I had not the time nor the emotional capacity to think further, I did not dare. If one day I had to venture into that part where I had to face everything that I had done, I would not be able to get out of it alive. I recalled a sentence that a soldier from long ago once told me " A heart that does not feel does not break, a brain that does not think will never be wrong." For years after that I had mastered that technique and I want to keep it that way. However, things never do go the way people want them to go. I sighed and shook my head." Shut up! This is not the time." I silently commanded my brain and strode angrily away from the canteen to the hangar where Buster waited.
" Systems all green! Buster, ready to go!" I sat there tensed, ready for the catapult to push me forward and into the engoing battle outside in space. I felt strangely wired up, and for some reason I had a bad feeling that something wrong was going to happen. I shivered involuntarily but shook away the feeling of dread and concentrated solely on the task at hand. It is time.
Time passed without anyone of us realising it, the adrenaline making my heart pump furiously was the only sound that I could hear. I dodged and shot, fleeting from one enemy to another. Suddenly, the controls started blinking furiously, screaming a warning out at me, I scanned the monitor but failed to register anything.
"Dearkka! Behind you!" A voice shouted from my intercom but it was too late, the Providence Gundam was right behind me and there was nothing that I could do to save myself. I could feel my eyes widening at the sight of the incoming Providence Gundam and had only one choice. I lifted my hand in a futile effort to protect myself before blacking out.
" I'm sorry….Miri."
" Captain! We have lost contact with Buster!" My voice was panicky and I could feel my heart thumping loudly in my chest. " Buster! Buster! Do you hear me? Please respond! Dearkka!" I could hear my voice cracking, and my vision blurred, I lifted my hand to wipe the tears away in order to look at the controls better. The whole scenario reminded me of the way I lost Tohru, I hated the feeling of not knowning, of waiting, of hoping that maybe there would be good news, that Tohru would appear before me alive. But, nothing had happened, nothing. And now, it was replaying iteself all over again. I blinked back the potential tears, it was not the time to give up just yet. For years I had not prayed, had not believed there was a God, but now, now I closed my eyes to pray, if it was not too late to bring him back.
" Please, don't let me be alone anymore."
" Goodbye Miri!" I whispered by her ear, she was trying so hard not to cry, to not give up that my heart went out to her. Girls were never meant to cry alone. Her dreams were once shattered, and she had spent the next few months trying to patch up the broken pieces and now, they were threatening to break once again. I had been standing right beside her the entire time during the battle, but, now it was my time to go. I had a promise to keep and a job to finish.
" Dearkka!" I shouted one last time, my voice hoarse but only static responded, no irritating smirk, no annoying voice saying what a crybaby humans were, just plain static. My fingers bunched into fists and I could feel my fingernails creating dents in my skin. I welcomed the pain, I welcomed everything and anything that would let me forget the pain of losing someone that was in my heart. Dearkka and I were not an item, we were not even best friends, but he had been there for me in his own way to cheer me up and he had began to grow on me. I hated him at the beginning for his callousness, his ignorance, his way of brushing away deaths as if nothing mattered but in the end I saved him from Freye. I did not know why I saved him then but I know the answer now.
" I'm sorry I can't save you now." Tears plopped furiously down the controls in front of me, my hand reaching to touch the screen where Dearkka's face once was.
" It's… okay… Miri.." A weak but gruff voice burst through the static prompting me to look up. What greeted me was not a pretty sight, blood spotted the screen where the person sat, the safety percaution helmet cracked in the front. Blood oozed from the wound, flowing freely down the angles of his face, he looked horrible and beautiful at the same time.
" D…ea..r..kka" I managed to croak, the relief of him being alive bringing more tears down my already wet face. He smiled.
The end of the war came soon after that, Kira, Cagalli and Athrun managed to defeat both Lieutenant Klueze and destroy Genesis before more harm could be done, it was two years after the war where everybody had went their separate ways. I am a photographer now, I knew that I could not fight, not like the way Kira and the other Gundam pilots. But through my photography, I hoped that I could capture the pain and suffering of the innocents to show the world, hoping that maybe my photographs could paly a role, however small in preventing another tragedy like the past. I walked down the street of Orb with my camera slung over my shoulder, a small breeze playing with my hair, I lifted my face to the sunshine and smiled in content. It was so beautiful when everything was alright. My smile turned wistful when I thought of Dearkka. We had said our goodbyes two years ago and none of us had gotten in touch of each other. I appreciated his kind gesture of letting me sort out my feelings for Tohru and him and now I wondered what he was doing right this moment. I no longer missed Tohru with a vengeance nor blamed Athrun for that unfortunate accident. Everything happens for a cause one would say. I did not want Tohru to die, it was hard to forgive and forget but time does soothe away some of the pain to an acceptable level if not all. Humans are weak creatures yet they are strong too. If we get cut, a wound would appear, but soon, a scab would form and the flesh would heal. A mark would certainly be there but only if you look closely. If personal grudges were held, peace would forever be just a distant dream. It was hard the last two years, but I had coped and I had grown.
I smiled when I saw the familiar brown hair girl walk past me without noticing me as she was caught in her own dreamworld. I followed her silently and the apartment where she stayed loomed in sight. I hesitated for a moment, doubts of coming here plaguing me once again. Has enough time passed for her to sort out her feelings? Has she forgotten me? My confidence level falling a few notches with each question. I shook my head and shrugged away all the questions. It was do or die this time. I was not willing to stay on the sidelines any longer and started walking before my courage failed me again. I followed her up to her apartment and waited till she went in. I took in a deep breath to calm the butterflies flitting about in my stomach before pressing the buzzer.
" Who's that?"
" It's me." I replied. " Dearkka."
" Dearkka?" Her voice came back unsure and the door opened. Her beautiful brown eyes widened in surprise and shock when she saw it really was me.
" Dearkka?" I could hear the blood roaring in my ears. I could not believe that he was right at my doorstep. Just yesterday he was in Zaft holding a conference which was broadcasted live on television, and today he was here. " What are you doing here?" I asked stupidly. It brought back memories of a certain time during the war that he was waiting outside my door too. Silence met my question, both of us stood there staring at each other, trying to make up for the lost time. I did not realise till then how much I had missed him even if he was irritating and a pain in the neck back then.
" May I come in?" Dearkka broke the silence by asking.
" Oh I'm sorry. How rude of me." I replied flustered. I felt my face grow hot and hoped that he would not notice I was blushing." Welcome to my humble abode. How did you find out where I lived anyway?" I asked to overcome the awkward silence that had started again.
" Nice photography work you have here." Dearkka commented, admiring the framed photos on my wall. He stopped when he saw a particular photograph and I saw him lift his left hand to touch it.
I lifted my hand to touch the photo on the wall. It was of a boy laughing happily with one of his arms slung around his friend's shoulders, both of them grinning happily in the photo, their eyes lit up with merriment. ' It's him.' My brain whispered, a certain memory flashing through my mind.
" That's Tohru." I heard her say as if she heard my silent question.
" Why are you here Dearkka?" I could hear the seriousness in her question.
" Why did you save me when that red haired girl wanted to pull the trigger back then on Archangel?" I ignored her question and asked her one of my own instead. I turned around from the photos to face her, both of us stood once again on opposite sides just looking at each other. Minutes ticked by as the silence stretched on.
" I didn't know at that time. It was a reflex I guess. I just didn't want anybody to die anymore. But later, I realised that wasn't the truth." Miri paused, her hands pulling agitatedly at her jeans that she was wearing, her fringe covering the expression in her eyes.
" What was the truth Miri?"
" I saved you then in hopes that maybe, maybe you could save me from me." She whispered, her voice soft and strained. " I was so afraid during the war that you would follow Tohru's footsteps and leave me. I did not want you to die. I didn't know it back then…"
" And you know it for sure now? What about Tohru?" I asked hating myself for sounding so cruel, but I had to know.
" Tohru would have wanted me to be happy. I loved him, and still do. However, I have to move on. It's a lesson I learnt. Hating Athrun did not make me feel better, wanting to remember Tohru did not make me feel better, I will not forget him but neither will I pine after him either. He would never forgive me if I did that." I smiled, I could imagine Tohru rolling his eyes at my stupidity if I chose to follow that path.
" Tohru saved me you know." I said matter-of-factly and watched in amusement when her head snapped up almost immediately. " During the war, Providence attacked me and Buster was damaged rather badly, before Yzak came, Tohru was there."
" It's true. Have you heard of ghost tears, Miri?"
" Ghosts don't cry usually. They can't because it's against their law. According to the old wife's tales, tears of a ghost can resurrect a person, but when they do, they would be forever banned from the human world. Humans are not supposed to come back from the dead and by doing so they upset the balance, so the ghost must be punished. Tohru cried that day Miri. He brought me back to life."
" But why! Why would he do such a thing!" Miri asked, her facial expression pained.
" Because he promised you, Miri. He promised you that he would forever be there. Before he vanished, he made me promise that I would be the one taking his place to take care of you, to love you. He brought me back to fulfill his promise to you of being by your side. Would you let me keep my promise to him Miri? I was not forced into it, I was glad that he gave me a second chance to be by your side. Would you let me keep my promise to him Miri?" My eyes were tearing up, I wanted so badly for her to say yes, for her to nod her agreement.
" That fool…." I muttered harshly beneath my breath but I knew my eyes were tender and my expression was of one of the comforted. I had heard Tohru that night when he told me that he would always be there for me, I had thought it was a dream, that it was not real but deep within me, I knew for certain that Tohru was there. He had made that promise and when he will keep it no matter what. I blinked furiously to prevent the tears from sliding down my face. I walked towards my favourite photo of him and touched the surface tenderly. " Arigato." I whispered." Thank you." I said to the smiling picture of him. I turned once more to face the anxious Dearkka.
" Yes." One simple word was enough. Dearkk's face lit up and he broke into a smile. I could see the tears of wonderment and gratitude in his eyes and knew for certain that I had not made the wrong choice. Tohru was not here but he had sent someone he trusted to fulfill his promise to me. I smiled as Dearkka opened his arms to envelop me in a big hug. I could hear his heart beating steadily in his chest and I knew then I was safe.
" I love you." Dearkka whispered tenderly into my ear.
" I love you too."