Disclaimer: I own nothing
"NO!" James and Lily cried in unison, gaping as they watched the book erupt with flames before their very eyes; the book that held the clue of freeing their hands was being barbequed to a crisp.
"Do something!" Lily shouted to James, as she watched the book burn in the passing seconds, while Malfoy cackled at the sight of the panicked Gryffindors. Quickly, James used his wand, crying out any type of spell he could think of to stop the fire, involving water or any freezing spells, yet nothing worked. Whatever spell Malfoy used was too powerful or too protected, and, much to their despair, they watched the book burn to smithereens.
Sirius tried to help, great emphasis on the word 'tried'. He thought by stomping on the book that the fire would suddenly die out. It didn't, and only caught Sirius' foot on fire.
"AAAH!" Sirius wailed, running around helplessly with an ignited foot. He tried shaking it as surrounding students screamed around him; they were screaming because he was hopping unstably towards them on one foot. Finally Remus had the common sense to help Sirius out by using a water spell from his wand, and pointed it to Sirius' foot. Sirius sighed contently as the fire sizzled out.
Meanwhile, James and Lily walked slowly over to the book, while Malfoy snickers, admiring their broken faces. Lily, on the verge of tears, bent down and held the book in her hand, flicking through the pages that were scorned black. Whilst Lily was just thoroughly upset, James was hysterically wrathful.
In one swift, harsh move, Lily was tugged roughly by James as he stepped up to Malfoy and punched him in the face. The startled Malfoy fell backwards to the floor, as though he'd just been stunned by a spell.
"I'm going to kill you, Malfoy!" James jumped on the boy who looked up in terror. Lily was helplessly pulled along as James smacked Malfoy in the face and stomach again and again. Immediately, Malfoy's Slytherin body guards went to defence mode, not using physical violence, instead getting wands out to stun James and the rest of the Gryffindors.
"Bloody great," Remus said bitterly, as he dragged Peter to the floor to avoid the hexes that were aimed at them.
"On no you don't!" Sirius tripped up a Slytherin that was intending to help Malfoy.
"Stupid," James hit Malfoy's eye, "stuck-up", James hit Malfoy's nose, "twat!" he roared, as he kneed Malfoy in the groin. Malfoy wailed painfully; it seemed as if Malfoy was good with words and spells, but didn't seem to match up in a muggle fight.
"James, please, can we just end this fighting?" Lily begged, kneeling on the floor as she tugged on James' hand. James, however, was too livid to answer, beating Malfoy with his free fist of fury.
"Expelliarmus!" Sirius yelled happily.
The Slytherin fell backwards, their wand flying out of reach. Sirius grinned, "I love fights, don't you, Moony?" He dove to the ground, avoiding a stunning spell.
"Sure," Remus answered uncertainly, trying to block his spells with the shield of a book cover. He yelped as an attacking spell hit directly at the book, cutting it in half making the pages fly everywhere.
"That was Hogwarts: A History!" Remus yelled at the Slytherin in disbelief. The Slytherin cowered as they watched Remus go red with madness. "Why you little- STUPEFY!" He pointed his wand directly at them and they went rigid as they hit the floor.
"That's the spirit, Moony," Sirius said cheerfully, patting him on the back. Remus groaned in return.
"You really do have a bad influence on me, Padfoot," he sighed. Suddenly he spotted another Slytherin getting to his feet, about to curse James from behind. "Furnunclus!" Remus blurted out. "Argh, dammit!" he cursed himself for still involving himself in the fight which he should've been drying to halt.
"Moony, I'm proud of you! I've taught you well." Sirius aimed his wand at another unlucky Slytherin, "Avis!"
"What the-AAAAH!" The Slytherin screamed, his face suddenly attacked by a flock of birds; very angry birds. He screamed as the birds tried pecking his eyes out, clawing at his clothes and plopping bird poop in all directions.
"I love that spell," Sirius commented.
"Moronic," James smacked Malfoy's jaw, "blood racist," James hit his other eye, "worm!" He pelted him in the stomach.
"James, stop it!" Lily was clearly upset by the situation as she attempted to hold him back. "I hate him as much as you do for what he's done but trying to kill him won't solve anything! It'll only get you locked up in Azkaban!"
"Listen to the mudblood," Malfoy managed to mumble with a bleeding lip. At that remark, James immediately socked him in the nose.
"Azkaban isn't nice, James. No more bacon every morning!" Lily shot at tempting James away from the violence. James seemed a little hesitant after the mention of no bacon, but then got back to his senses and carried on hurting Malfoy whose face, which had been pale, was now covered in bruises and blood.
"PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL!" Peter shrieked, as he sat scrunched in a ball. Ever since the fight had started, he'd been yelping Mcgonagall's name as if she would suddenly appear at his call. "PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL!" he screamed again. "PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL! PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL! PROF-"
"Peter!" Lily grabbed the boy by the neck, her opposite arm jerking every time James' fist connected with Malfoy's face. "Instead of shouting her name, go bloody get her!"
Peter scrambled to his feet and nodded obediently, running down the corridor screaming the professor's name. Lily sighed tiredly, ducking as fierce spells zoomed over here, still struggling to calm down James who was pumping like a never-ending Hogwarts Express.
All of a sudden, she heard the sound of growling from behind her. At first, she thought it was Sirius. However, she glanced to her side and discovered Sirius, battling with a giant Slytherin, and cursing loudly as he said the wrong spell, instead conjuring a bouquet of flowers. Lily spun her head round, and James turned as well, to see what she was looking at whilst he was still sitting on Malfoy.
"Oh for Merlin's sake, this is ridiculous," Lily complained.
She didn't know how or when the four nifflers had escaped from the common room, but somehow they had managed to find them outside the Slytherin common room. Lily came to the conclusion that they must have had some sort of freaky sixth sense. A few days ago she wouldn't have believed in a sixth sense, but now, seeing the four nifflers before her, again wearing underwear but this time of dragon skinned thongs, she would believe anything. As James gave the creatures an odd look, he turned back round to Malfoy intending to carry on with his beating, but was unluckily punched in the nose by Malfoy, as he was not on guard.
"Lucky punch, Malfoy," James grumbled, clutching his nose. Grinning maliciously, he thought of a sudden idea. He quickly turned Malfoy's face to a shiny silver, and faced the four nifflers. "Get him, boys!" he commanded, pointing to Malfoy's head. The nifflers growled happily as they ran towards him, pouncing on Malfoy's face with their black paws.
"OH GOD-NO!" Malfoy yelped as the nifflers attacked him eagerly. The creatures tugged at his face, trying to pull of facial features and rip off his blonde hair.
"Good nifflers!" Sirius congratulated them. The few Slytherins that remained were now backing away from Sirius in fear. He'd already attacked their fellow house mates with birds, fire, growing goofy teeth and covered them with boils.
"C'mon! Who wants a piece of Sirius Black!"
They all shook their heads and pointed accusing fingers at each other.
"Hey, you there," Sirius pointed to a chubby black-haired Slytherin. The boy scowled at him in return. "What do you think of Professor Mcgonagall?" Sirius questioned him. The Slytherin gave him a strange look, wondering why he was asking such a random question but nonetheless answered.
"She's a bitch."
Sirius burst with anger. "Wrong answer, buddy!" He pointed his wand to the boy's clothes and yelled, "Evanesco!"
The boy yelped as he was suddenly naked, privates on display, unfortunately for everyone to see. He promptly ran inside the Slytherin common room.
"That's right, flabby! Run! Don't ever insult my Minerva ever again!" Sirius shook his fist after him.
Meanwhile, Remus was busy crawling on his feet trying to pick up the pages that had been ripped from his Hogwarts:A History.
"Locomotor!" Remus shouted at a careless Slytherin who had nearly stepped their filthy foot on one of the pages. The girl froze as her legs suddenly locked together, making her fall flat on her face. "So regardless..." Remus muttered, picking up another page, gasping as the page portrayed a dark, muddy shoe print.
"Alright! Who's shoe is this?" he shouted, looking accusingly at the petrified line up of Slytherins. All of them anxiously checked their shoes, and all of them breathing a sigh of relief, except for one. The unlucky brunette screamed hysterically as he discovered that his shoe print matched the one on the page. He suddenly ran off down the corridor before Remus could curse him.
"Die," James punched Malfoy in the stomach, "er, I ran out of insults," he said disappointedly, but punched Malfoy in the stomach again for good luck.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN IS GOING ON?"
The booming voice came from Professor McGonagall as she advanced down the corridor towards them. Trailing behind her was a proud Peter who was looking extremely smug that he'd found the professor so quickly; so quickly he'd took at least twenty minutes to find her. Some of the Slytherins were even glad at the professor's presence so she could stop Sirius carrying on with his fun of cursing them.
"Minerva! Finally you're here! I-"
"Oh, Black, be quiet!" McGonagall cut him off.
"Yes, Miss," Sirius replied obediently.
McGonagall turned her gaze on the random students that were sprawled across the floor; oe with a burnt hole on his buttocks, a girl flat on her face whilst her feet were joint together, a boy covered in boils in all areas, and one who laid unconscious, while a herd of birds pecked at him.
McGonagall sighed, "I need a holiday..."
"I suggest a honeymoon with yours truly to the sunny Spain?" Sirius suggested. Mcgonagall looked daggers at him, which made him quickly rethink not to tell her how dashing she would look in a bikini. Mcgonagall finally turned her gaze to the sound of pummelling. She frowned as she spotted James pelting Malfoy's stomach whilst Lily kneeled at his side, now looking bored and restless. It seemed as if James hadn't stopped trying to murder Malfoy, even if the professor was present.
"MR. POTTER! Get off him NOW!" Mcgonagall commanded.
James seemed oblivious to her shouting order, no matter how loud it was, and continued pounding Malfoy.
"Impedimenta!" Mcgonagall yelled, pointing her wand at James. He flew backwards, unfortunately along with Lily. They skidded across the floor, rubbing their grazed bottoms.
"This whole being stuck together thing, I will never get use to," Lily commented grimly, highly annoyed that she had been Impedimenta-ed in the process along with James.
"My goodness, why are these four nifflers in the corridor?" Mcgonagall questioned, scowling at the nifflers with much dislike. They had been growling as they tried ripping off the blonde Slytherin's hair, but one look at the professor and they were gone in a blink of an eye. The nifflers made a frightened squeak at her appearance, then sprinted down the corridor back to the Gryffindor common room, as fast as their furry black paws could take them.
"I seem to have that affect on people," Mcgongall accidentally said aloud, relating to the nifflers fear of the professor herself, which was something many students could relate to. "You students," Mcgonagall pointed to a few remaining, barely standing Slytherins, "get those injured to the Hospital Wing."
They sent her a frown at being told what to do by a Gryffindor teacher, but obediently nodded, picking up the unconscious, including Malfoy.
"You five," Mcgonagall said icily to the fifth year Gryffindors, "my office. Now."
"On no," Sirius muttered.
The fifth years followed behind a harassed Professor Mcgonagall to her office; it was like walking the funeral march to inevitable death.
"What do you mean 'oh no?'" Lily mumbled back, wincing as Mcgonagall glanced back at her with suspicion.
"She's going to do the biscuits thing," James explained to her.
"What?" Lily hissed.
"If she offers us biscuits the second we get in her office, she is exceptionally pissed," Sirius explained.
Remus groaned. "Not the biscuits theory…"
"I don't even like her biscuits. They're ginger. I hate ginger," James said sullenly. "But I must be forced to eat them."
"Why don't you just not eat one," Lily suggested. The four boys gasped.
"You can't not eat one. Never refuse a biscuit off Mcgonagall. Never," James said in a low whisper.
"I like biscuits," Peter said happily.
"Wormtail, you like any biscuits. You like any food," Remus pointed out. "You would eat me if there was a possible threat of starvation."
"Mmm, Moony," Sirius spoke tastefully, imagining chomping on one of Remus' limbs. "I'd imagine you would be a little chewy, with not much meat, but you would add intelligence to the person who devours you."
"Are you talking about eating Remus? Boys have the strangest conversations," Lily commented. She was about to ask Sirius an odd question of what he thought she would taste like, but they'd already arrived at Mcgonagall's office, otherwise known as the Room Of Doom.
"Have a biscuit," Mcgonagall ordered the fifth years, shoving the tartan tin in front of their noses. Lily immediately shot the boys a worried glance; biscuits equalled trouble.
"Um, I don't really," Lily started, but was stomped on the foot by James who was pleading to her to just take one. "-Uh, sure!" Uncertainly, Lily grabbed a ginger newt. The boys followed in suit.
"Mmm," James said unconvincingly, with his mouth full. "Yummy."
"Ginger newts," Peter sang, grabbing a biscuit and munching it in his mouth with one chew, followed by one swallow. "Ginger neeeeewts." He munched on another biscuit. "Giiinnnngerrr neeeewts," he yodelled, ingesting another biscuit. He paused at his final ginger newt when he was aware that all eyes in the room were on him. Mcgonagall swiftly took the tartan tin away from him before he unsuccessfully serenaded any longer.
"What on earth do you think you were doing?" Mcgonagall interrogated the group. The five sat in their uncomfortable seats, funnily enough, feeling uncomfortable.
"Of course, I exclude you, Pettigrew and Evans," Mcgonagall said understandingly. They smiled nervously back at her. "But not you, Potter. I was disgusted to see you causing physical violence to a member of the Hogwarts school family."
"No bloody way am I related to Malfoy!" James replied, frowning at the words of 'school family'.
"It's an expression," Mcgonagall said. "This school needs to stick together as community. There should be no hate between houses, everyone needs to be civil with each other."
"Malfoy stole something from our common room!" Sirius exploded.
"If Malfoy committed a crime of theft, then you should have told me or Professor Dumbledore," Mcgonagall replied, shooting him a dark look for raising his voice at her. Sirius cringed at Remus who looked peeved as his earlier advice about telling a teacher had been greatly ignored.
"And Mr. Lupin," Mcgonagall noticed the eye contacts between the boys. "I am very disappointed in you especially. You are a prefect," she reminded him, and Remus guiltily lowered in his chair. "I was extremely shocked to hear a student crying because apparently you were about to curse him for stepping on a page of a book."
"It was Hogwarts: A history..." Remus murmured sulkily.
"I don't care what book it was!" Mcgonagall snapped. Remus gaped at her careless attitude for erudition. "I don't care if it was the entire collection of the adventures of Martin Miggs! I don't care if it was the last book in the wizarding world!" Remus gasped. "We do not tolerate that kind of behaviour in Gryffindor House, or in fact, this school. Of course, Lupin, you only had the intentions of hurting another student. Potter actually caused affliction." Mcgonagall glared at James. Remus kept quiet about boiling a Slytherin's body and gluing another's legs. The professor clearly was oblivious, although Sirius was elbowing him in the side, grinning, which looked highly suspicious.
"It was self defence," James objected.
"That's your excuse to everything," Lily mumbled to him.
"It is not self defence when you attacked Mr. Malfoy first," Mcgonagall pointed out fiercely.
"But he destroyed our book! The book that we need to free our hands, professor!"
Mcgonagall sighed. "That doesn't excuse your behaviour. Once I think of a suitable punishment, then I will discipline you."
"Is the word 'punishment' a codeword for 'torture'?" Sirius asked politely.
"You never know, Black," Mcgonagall replied, "it may involve nifflers or even bowtruckles."
"Yip-de-doo," Sirius said in the most unenthusiastic voice.
"Lupin, I could strip away your prefect privileges," Remus abruptly turned white, "but I won't." Remus made a sigh of relief, although he was a little annoyed Mcgonagall had built up the tension. "I know your behaviour was probably influenced by others." Mcgongall stared at Sirius.
"Oh yeah, blame the good looking one!" Sirius folded his arms in a mood.
"Oh Merlin," Mcgongall pressed her fingers to the temples of her head. "Back to your common room," she ordered. The fifth years swiftly stood up and ran towards the door.
"Uh, professor, could I have-"
"No, Pettigrew, there are no more ginger newts left."
Sirius was running around the common room in circles as a swarm of bowtruckles were attacking his face, while Remus and Peter followed closely behind, trying to tempt them away with woodlice.
The group of fifth years had arrived back at the common room after their cheery conversation with Mcgonagall. James and Lily had sat on one couch in depression ever since. Whereas Sirius had carried on with his pants hunt that quidditch player Rachel had set him, and found a pair of pants stuffed in a cushion. However, somehow bowtruckles had been placed inside, not at all happy being disturbed.
"Uurgh, woodlouse on me!" Lily squirmed as a Remus had thrown an extremely bad throw, instead aiming at Lily's head where the woodlouse was now nestling in her red hair. "Get it out, get it out!"
James sighed, then gently placed his hands through Lily's hair and picked out the bug that was threatening to harm her; as so she claimed. He stared at the woodlouse.
"Wow. For one second there, I forgot that Malfoy had burned the book that would tell us how to separate our hands and that we will be stuck together for the rest of lives."
"Really," Lily replied gloomily. "Good for you."
Sirius panted as he walked over to the upset couple. The boys had somehow managed to get rid of the bowtruckles by locking them in a trunk with the help of the woodlice, although Sirius' face was now covered in scratches and cuts due to the bowtruckles extremely sharp claws.
"If you've come over here for pity, then you can bugger off," James snapped.
"Prooonngs," Sirius moaned, putting an arm over his shoulder, hitting Lily in the process. She did not sincerely like being knocked in the head. "I said I was sorry," he apologized.
"Sorry!" Lily screamed. "You're sorry! We could be stuck like this for the rest of our lives! And it's all your bloody fault, you stupid imbecile!"
"Is it 'Pick on Sirius' Day, or something?" Sirius questioned, looking glum. "Look, I did it for both of you, you should know."
Lily scowled. "What are you talking about?"
"You guys are practically made for each other! I was trying to make you both realise that you need to get together, marry and make me your best man, and shag and have shaggy haired babies with green eyes!"
"Shut up, Sirius," James and Lily said unison, blushing and the thought of congressing with each other.
"You can't plan someone's life out for them," Lily said.
"Whatever, carry on being in denial," Sirius rolled his eyes, changing the subject. "Anyways, do you want to celebrate?"
"Celebrate what," Lily gritted through her teeth.
"I found my last pair of underpants! My last one! In your face, Rachel!" Sirius called across the common room, to the girl sitting with her friends. She scoffed in response.
"No you haven't! There's still one left," Rachel replied smugly.
"Oh," Sirius looked highly disappointed. "Well, do you guys want to celebrate finding my second-to-last underpants?" he asked James and Lily. They glowered at him. "I'll get some firewhiskey and-"
"Sirius, do excuse us if we don't feel like getting hammered at this appropriate time," James interrupted.
"I'm never drinking alcohol again," Lily reminded the boys, remembering the Hogsmeade incident and how she would never go near a drink of firewhiskey, or even butterbeer, or even orange juice.
"Fine!" Sirius said. "Me, Moony, and Wormtail, will celebrate by ourselves whilst you two sulk." He dragged Remus and Peter by the arms and stormed upstairs with them to their dorm.
"Stupid tit," James and Lily mumbled.
"Padfoot, are we actually going to get drunk? Or shall I say: you get drunk," Remus corrected himself, as he laid back on his bed of their dormitory.
"The plan's all messed up," Sirius said moodily, laying on the floor as he stared at the ceiling.
Peter leaned against the dormitory door, looking confused. "What plan?"
"The plan to get Prongs and Lily together! They're both in bloody denial. And Prongs is pissed at me because of the whole losing-the-book-to-Malfoy thing."
"Did you even read the reverse spell?" Remus asked desperately.
"Sure I did," Sirius lied, and Remus sighed, seeing through the fib quickly.
Peter widened his eyes as he heard someone climbing the staircase. "I can hear someone coming," he told the boys.
"Shit! It could be Prongs and Lily!" Sirius jumped to his feet. "We have to hide!"
"Hide? Why hide?" Peter questioned in bewilderment. Sirius looked at him dumbly.
"Because they can come in here and then we can eavesdrop on their conversation!"
Remus groaned. "Do I have to explain the meaning of the word 'privacy' again?"
"Moony, c'mon," Sirius begged, dragging him by the arm towards the wardrobe in their dorm. "We can hide in the wardrobe," he explained.
"What? Are you insane? James' invisibility cloak is on his bed, why not use that?" Remus questioned distraughtly.
"You know James has got that freaky sixth sense thing. He can sense somebody in the room wearing it," Sirius explained.
"But that's impossible," Remus protested.
"Just trust me, Moony! Wormtail, you hide under the cloak," Sirius advised, pushing Remus into the wardrobe where he joined him.
Peter obediently shut them inside, noticing the anxious look on Remus' face at being locked in somewhere so tiny with such a loud person, all before Remus could suggest that he be the one to hide under the cloak. Peter grabbed the cloak and threw it over himself as he sat on his bed, keeping perfectly silent, as the person whose footsteps belonged to, entered the dorm quietly with a malicious grin. The stranger sat on James' bed, silently waiting.
Meanwhile, James and Lily were still sitting in front of the common room fire.
"Maybe we could burn our hands separate. It seemed to work wonders to the book," Lily suggested, gazing at the different colours of the flames.
"I don't want my skin melted," James replied.
They both sighed dramatically, until they heard of a growling, obviously meaning the four nifflers entrance. The two had gotten used to the sound, so weren't as startled. However, they weren't prepared for the nifflers to suddenly pounce on them, digging their claws into the sleeves of their arms and trouser legs.
"What are you doing, you stupid animals!" James yelled, his trouser leg pulled forcefully by the teeth of a niffler.
"C'mon, niffler Remus, get off me," Lily asked, politely as possible, bent down as a niffler had locked their mouth on to the sleeve of her jumper. The nifflers only growled more and pulled them more furiously.
"Is it just me, or are they leading us somewhere?" James questioned . They both realised that the nifflers seemed to be dragging them towards the staircase of common room. They stumbled as the nifflers pulled them more urgently, now hauling them up step by step with their sharp teeth.
"OW, you're pulling my leg off!" James exclaimed, making a point to the creature that it was not pulling his clothing anymore, but his actual leg. They staggered as the nifflers draggled them towards the 'Marauder Dorm', nudging them to go inside.
"Freaky black furry things," James grumbled.
"Are the nifflers trying to tell us something interesting is in there?" Lily guessed, getting annoyed as the nifflers were head butting her leg and threatening her with sharp teeth if she didn't enter the dorm very soon.
James shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe inside Sirius is pissed and vomiting into his own hair, whilst singing 'I'm a little tea pot', wearing only a kilt. Again."
Lily looked at him inquisitively.
"Last Halloween," James explained, sighing as he pushed open the door, with Lily following behind. They both looked startled to the unwelcome guest sitting on one of the beds.
"Amber? What the hell are you doing in here?" James demanded.
"Did you hear that, Moony?" Sirius whispered, his ear pressed up to the wardrobe door.
"No, my ears seemed to be blocked with the tightness of this wardrobe."
"Amber's in our dorm!"
"Why are you whispering?" Remus demanded.
"I don't know!" Sirius murmured back, while Remus rolled his eyes; not that they could see because they'd both gotten into the wardrobe without their wands, so couldn't 'lumos' there way out of this dark and cramp situation. Remus would have brought his wand along, but he hadn't known the plan of being pushed forcefully into a wardrobe before Sirius had actually done it.
"Lets get out of here then," Remus suggested, "I want to know what's going on without being stuck up against you."
"You know you want me really, Moony," Sirius quipped. He moved his arm to the handle of the wardrobe, except there wasn't one from the inside.
"Uh oh," Sirius muttered.
Sirius had wished that his whispering could not be heard by Remus, but since Remus was so close to him, that was stupid wishful thinking.
"What? What's going on?"
"I think we're trapped in here," Sirius mumbled, pressing his hands to the sides of the wardrobe for some kind of secret panel that would get them out. This wasn't like in the movies.
"What do you mean you 'think'?" Remus said madly.
"Okay, I know we're trapped in here," Sirius noted.
"Amber, what are you doing in here?" James repeated.
The girl still sat silently as she swung her crossed legs over the bed, gazing at James with what could be recognized as longing. Maybe it was just the fact that Amber was bald, but she made him feel very uneasy.
"James," Amber breathed passionately, her eyes then landed on Lily. "Evans," she spat. Lily exchanged the glaring.
"Look, Amber, you do realise you're in the boys dorm, don't you?" James asked slowly.
"Of course I know, James," Amber murmured, standing to her feet and walking towards him and Lily. "I've been waiting for you."
"Why?" James said dreadfully, eyeing the girl who was appeared clearly hysterical and crazy.
"I wanted to ask if you'd figured something out," Amber said softly, now so close to James that she was tugging on the tie of his shirt. He pushed her hand away. Lily stood uncomfortable, scowling at Amber with much hatred.
"Figured out what?" James demanded. Amber looked startled at his abrupt push, but smiled nonetheless.
"Figured out who tried to get rid of...her," Amber spat, looking daggers at Lily. For some reason now, Lily felt fear. "The one who tried kill her with those bludgers. The poisoned water," she listed, "the potion."
James jaw dropped in disgust. "You!" he yelled in realisation. "It was you!"
Lily gasped, pressing a hand to her mouth in horror. She'd never even considered Amber to be threat. Unaware of doing so, she squeezed James' hand, who squeezed back.
"How could you that?" James bellowed, his voice laced with utter fury. "You nearly killed her!"
"I did it for you, James!" Amber cried. She grabbed on to his shoulders, expecting a hug, but was again pushed away by his forceful arms. She fell to the floor, about to reach to grab James' legs, but he'd swiftly backed away.
"Get the hell away from me," James spat.
Lily stood, shaking. "Why did you do it? What have I ever done to you?" she asked, her eyes watering.
"You took him away from me, you stupid mudblood!" Amber roared, managing to stand. Lily bit her lip forcefully; she didn't want to fight her again; she was sick of all the fights.
"Amber, don't talk to her like that," James ordered.
"She deserved to die!" Amber said icily, pointing at Lily. "She split us up!"
"You dumped me! You're the one who broke up with me!" James shook his head angrily at her. "No one has the right to say someone deserves to die! No one!"
Amber started sobbing. "I made a mistake dumping you. I did it all for you, James," she whimpered.
"For me?" James repeated madly. "For me! You made me think I was going to die! And you nearly killed the girl I care about so much! What the hell is wrong with you?"
Lily immediately looked at James at his words. He determinedly carried on glowering at Amber.
"I love you so much, James," Amber choked in between sobs.
"Well I don't love you!" James bit back in a roar. "I love Lily!" He pointed at that shocked red head, glued to his hand beside him. James was a little startled himself by his blurting of words.
"What?" Lily breathed, looking at James with intent. He looked back at her uncomfortably, then turned back to Amber who was gawking with red, bloodshot eyes.
"Amber, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave the dorm now," James commanded. More tears rolled down her face as she stood determinedly pathetic. "If you don't want me to report you to Dumbledore, then I suggest you leave. Now."
Amber sobbed loudly, running out of the dorm and slamming the door shut.
James and Lily stood in silence.
"Did you really mean that?" Lily whispered, eyeing James with round eyes. He was about to answer but stopped, looking around the dorm suspiciously.
"Wait a second…" James suddenly stuck out his hand, waving it around the room as he tried to feel for something in the air.
"What are you doing?" Lily asked, following James as he walked round the dorm, feeling the air, which was an extremely strange action. James finally walked up to one of the beds, swiftly snatching the invisibility cloak from Peter who was gaping in shock. Peter squealed as he was revealed to them.
"Wormtail," James shook his head, "hiding under the invisibility cloak? I'm disappointed in you. Where's Padfoot and Moony?"
"Um," Peter shot a secret glance at the wardrobe, feeling the telepathic messages from Sirius saying 'LIE! LIE', and from Remus 'TELL THEM WE'RE TRAPPED IN HERE! HELP MEEE!'
"Er, Sirius is currently trying to get in the girl's dorm," Peter lied, surprisingly rather well.
"Okay," James was satisfied with his explanation. "What about Remus?"
"He's trying to stop him," Peter fibbed, rather smug by his smart thinking.
"Okay, you can get out now," James said dismissively, pulling the boy to his feet and chucking him through the exit door. Peter rolled down the staircase, along with the four nifflers that had been knocked over with Peter's body.
"So..." Lily started, as they stood in awkward silence.
"Let's sit down?" James suggested, and Lily nodded her head, barely a millimetre, in her nervous state; James guessed this to be the answer of 'sure'. The two walked over to a bed and sat down, and James nervously ruffled his messy hair, whilst Lily wrapped a strand of hair around her finger. She cursed as the hair got caught around the finger, cutting off blood circulation and causing much pain.
"Bloody hair," Lily swore embarrassingly. James chuckled, softly placing his hand around her finger, untangling the strand of red hair. He looked at her with faraway eyes, something that was strange since she was sitting unbelievably close.
"Did you...er...really mean what you said? Or were you, just, trying to get Amber off your back," Lily said the latter sadly.
"Merlin, Lily," James sighed. "I care about you so much, it's too hard to describe."
Lily immediately blushed. "Ditto," she smiled.
"You use that word a lot," James pointed out to her playfully.
"Force of habit," she chuckled. "Do you want to know something strange?" she asked him.
"Good strange or bad strange?" James asked curiously.
Lily took in a nervous breath. "You know the erised potion in, er, potions?" she laughed. "They should really name that class a different name," she mentioned. James inclined to her to carry on. "Want to know what I saw?" she murmured, her heart racing.
"Sure," James whispered back, unaware that each others heads were inching towards one another.
"You," Lily breathed, licking her lips.
"Wow," James said, his eyes oddly sparkling, "that's coincidental."
"How so?" Lily asked. They were thoroughly aware that their lips were now merely millimetres away, and again, Lily was tickling him with her breath.
"I saw you," James said. He decided to leave the factor of which he saw Lily with no clothes on, so not to ruin the moment. "Don't you just love coincidences?" James grinned impishly.
And at the end of that note, their lips finally touched. Each others mouths tingling with a kiss that had not been interrupted by nifflers. Lily somehow found her hands wandering through James' messy hair, something she dreamed she would never do or sincerely like. But hell, she liked it now. Their lips hungrily pressing against each other, something they were lustfully wishing they could do all day and never get bored. However, they suddenly broke apart, but with much force to break them, as some bright light was blinding them both. As they disjoined their mouths, both panting embarrassingly heavily, they glanced down shielding their eyes as they saw where the shining light was coming from.
"Oh Merlin," they gasped in unison, both looking startled at the dazzling light that was coming from their joined hands. They watched as the light slowly got dimmer until it finally disappeared, and, more importantly, their hands thrust separate. At this shocking event, they needed a few seconds to get their heads around what on earth had just happened.
"Kiss. Blinding light. Hands," James listed, rubbing his eyes, now with both fists. He had to admit, it was very strange.
"So," Lily began, stretching her freed fingers, "all it took to separate us was to kiss? I don't believe it," she said in shock.
"Neither do I," James said in awe. "I miss your hand," he said truthfully.
"I miss your hand too, although it was sweaty and sticky," Lily smiled. James made a fake shock of affront, then grabbed his hand in hers, tugging her forwards against his chest.
"Well, isn't this ironic." Lily inched her head towards James', wrapping her other arm around his neck.
"How so?" he asked, raising a brow.
"All the time our hands were stuck, we wanted to be separated. Yet, the second we do, all we want to do is hold hands," Lily grinned.
"Don't you just love irony?" James said blissfully, kissing her deeply on the lips.
"Mm, I could kiss you all day, y'know," James said, regrettably breaking away from her. "Is there a professional job for this? I could be a professional Lily-kisser," he said smoothly.
"I'd have to charge you," Lily retorted.
"A galleon a kiss," she smiled.
"I have eleven sickles on me," James said hopefully, as he emptied the money from his trouser pocket.
"That'll do," Lily replied, about to carry on with the smooching, but a loud sound of fumbling from the wardrobe had interrupted the moment; it sounded oddly like a caged animal.
"You heard that, right?" Lily asked James.
"Yeah," he said uncertainly. "It sounded like it was coming from the wardrobe. I don't think we should go look," he said, partly because he wanted to keep kissing her, "It might be like that muggle story where a lion and a witch pop out, or something like that."
Lily shot James an odd look, and pulled him to his feet and over to the wardrobe.
Sirius and Remus sat in silence, listening for voices.
"I don't hear anything, Moony," Sirius muttered.
"That's very strange."
"There was a lot of yelling, then a slam of the door, then quiet voices, now silence," Sirius listed.
"Oh my God, we're going to die in here," Remus moaned. "Scratch that, I'm going to die in here. Then you will eat my body, and then use the bones of my carcass to play fetch with in your animagus form."
"I love that game," Sirius replied happily.
"Since we're at death's wardrobe door, I would just like to tell you something, Padfoot."
"You're undying love for me?" Sirius suggested, wincing as he felt a limb nudge him in the stomach.
"No," Remus scowled, then suddenly grinned. "You snogged a window."
Sirius looked at him blankly. "Excuse me?"
"You kissed a shop window. There was no girl."
"Are the words 'you kissed a shop window' some code word for, er, something else?"
"No. The flat chest-ed girl you kissed in Hogsmeade was so flat chest-ed that she was as flat as window. And actually was a window. In fact, a shop window," Remus explained. Sirius frowned at him.
"You're lying," he said, clearly in denial.
"I swear, I'm not. Witnessing you caress your tongue on a shop window is one of the most horrific experiences of my life that is scarred forever in my brain."
"You're lying," Sirius repeated again.
"Fine, then what was her name?"
"Er, I dunno! Names aren't important. Actually, she was nameless, she wasn't born with a name. She's like God, or, Merlin."
"But Merlin is a name," Remus pointed out.
"I know you are, but what am I!"
"What? Why did you just say that random sentence?"
At this line, Lily cautiously stretched her hand out, and pulled the wardrobe door open with a mighty tug. James and Lily both yelped as Sirius and Remus crashed to the floor, both out-crying in pain.
"I'm not even going to ask what you were doing in there," James said disgustedly, as he eyed his two friends lying on the floor.
Remus' limbs currently laid in a tangled position. "Wow, I'm not destined to die a wardrobe after all," he said.
Sirius slowly got to his feet after much stumbling, then glanced at James and Lily whose hands he now realised were separated.
"How'd the hell did that happen?" Sirius asked in bewilderment.
"Let's just say, the princess found her frog," James grinned, pecking Lily on the cheek.
"They kissed, Padfoot," Remus explained, as the genius he was. James and Lily quickly blushed, whole Sirius immediately brightened and smiled his trademark, cheeky grin.
"I'm so happy for you guys!" Sirius sighed brightly, and for some odd reason, he started sniffing as his eyes watered.
"Sirius, are you okay?" Lily asked cautiously, watching Sirius wipe his eyes that were now watering heavily, making the occasional sniff.
"I'm just so happy you guys finally got it on," he made another generous whiff, "I'm going to be best man, and, oh little Sirius-lina! I'm going to be an auntie-I mean, uncle!" he corrected himself.
"Are you implying I'm pregnant?" Lily asked dangerously.
"I gotta go," Sirius told them, running to the bathroom as he cried with happiness. The three made equally disturbed expressions as they watched him run to the toilet, obviously unaware that he had a hairy, animal thong stuck to his back, glued by spellotape. He shut the door, and the others distinctively heard the sound of Sirius blowing his nose on a toilet roll. James and Lily looked at Remus for some sort of an explanation.
"Um, it's that time of the month," Remus clarified. They nodded in understanding. "Well, er, I'll just be going now," he said uncomfortably, " to leave you two alone."
"Don't do the book thing," James warned him, as Remus was about to make a grab for a book, hold it over a face as if he was reading it, and make a not very suspicious exit.
"Right," Remus smiled weakly, then walked over to the bathroom to give Sirius some company. James and Lily laughed as they heard the sound of Sirius shouting "CAN'T A GUY HAVE A PEE WITHOUT BEING INTERRUPTED?" as Remus entered the bathroom.
"You have the strangest friends," Lily observed.
"Love me, love my friends."
"Can I love their stupidity?"
"Sure you can. I do."
Lily shook her head in amusement. "Well, I think I'm going to have a bath, I smell like nifflers," she mentioned, "don't you dare joke about joining me," she warned him.
"I would never be that dirty-minded!" James protested. Lily rolled her eyes and was about to exit the dorm but James had grabbed an arm to her waist.
"What are you doing?" Lily said suspiciously. However, she could no longer speak as she felt her ear drums burst; the cause was by James singing, as he held Lily by the waist and was now dancing with her as he swayed his hips.
"The laaaaadddy in red, is daaaancing with meeeee," James sang loudly, in what he thought was in tune. "There's nooooobody here, it's just yooouu and meeee," he chorused.
"Er, James, have you been taking Sirius' happy pills?" Lily asked chuckling, nonetheless placing her hands on James' shoulders as they swung slowly.
"It's where I wanna be, and I reaaally knooow, there's a great booty by my siiiide," James changed to words of the song so 'romantically'. Lily laughed, then rested her head on James shoulder as he sang into her neck softly.
"Don't take up singing as a profession," Lily murmured affectionately.
"I'll never forget, the way you look tonight," James sang. Lily smiled at the cheesiness, yet charming moment. "I've never-" James began to quaver into the second verse, but Lily quickly pressed a finger to his lips and hushed him.
"Thank God you're cute," Lily smiled, wincing slightly as her ears had been slightly deafened by his singing. She swiftly shut him up by kissing him.
All James could think of was the fact that he'd been singing his best, and exactly how many kisses he'd of get for singing his worst.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE RANDOM CHARACTERS?
Niffler 'James' turned out to be a female (now named Janine) And gave birth to seven healthy nifflers. Father, niffler 'Remus' was extremely pleased.
Jonathan and Jade- (Seventh year Gryffindor quidditch players)
They both left Hogwarts and went on to share a flat together, happier then ever. Jonathan quit quidditch but occasionally still likes to be called 'Captain' by Jade, especially in the bedroom.
Anna finally gave into Sirius' charm by seventh year, but Sirius' obsession with Professor Mcgonagall quickly ended their relationship.
Anna then gave into Remus' charm, but Remus' obsession with books quickly ended their relationship.
The Potions teacher finally got it together with younger teacher Professor Lerangis of Care of Magical Creatures, but soon retired from teaching because of rude comments of her having a 'toy boy' and Dumbledore being informed that she'd been continuously lying that potions burned skin, when in fact they were harmless.
After two weeks of the bald spell being cast on her, the spell unfortunately did not wear off. She now wears wigs made of niffler hair and was none too pleased that there were no wigs in blonde.