Disclaimer: These aren't the droids you're looking for. Misuse of cosmetic charms is probably a bad idea, but when has that stopped anyone from doing something?


Inflatable Bust


The portkey deposited the group of students in the great hall. "Looks like they haven't started serving the last meal yet," Hermione said.

"You guys go gather the group," Harry suggested. "I'll get the Room of Requirements ready."

Everyone agreed and went their separate ways. Harry walked up to the Room of Requirements and focused on making a large dueling platform and a stand of bleachers.

"Dobby," Harry called out.

"Yes Harry Potter sir?" Dobby popped in.

"Would it be possible to get some food served here later?" Harry asked, "I was hoping to get in some studying with my friends and I thought we might miss our dinner."

"Dobby will take care of it Harry Potter sir," the little elf agreed.

"Thank you Dobby," Harry said fondly.

"Thank you Harry Potter sir," Dobby snapped back. Harry began chuckling and the little elf disappeared.

Harry opened the box to inspect the safety dueling wands. They came in an assortment of exceedingly pastel colors such as, hot pink, blaze orange, and many more.

"They really outdid themselves with these things," Harry muttered to himself. "What's this?" Nestled on top of the wands was a small black book. Harry flipped open the front cover and discovered a note written on the first page.

Dear Mr. Black,

Henchgirl and I have been talking to the Doctor and we have come up with several curses to end lives in ways that would appear to be natural causes. These ways include but are not limited to, heart attacks, strokes, and several slower methods. I trust that you can find a use for these in your crusade against evil and injustice. We have also included in this book several charms from our friends at Acme to liven things up and there is the spell that we have been researching on the last page to perform the task that you asked for a spell to do and I thought I should include it because . . . well, why not. This book is charmed only to be readable to you and us.

Signed,

The Professor

And Henchgirl,

love Henchgirl.

While he waited for everyone to arrive, Harry opened his new book and began to read.

In ones and twos, Harry's students began to arrive. Most of them choose to take a seat at the bleachers, a few of them choose to cluster around Harry. When it looked like everyone had arrived, Harry closed his book and stood up.

"What are we doing today Harry?" One of the younger students called out.

"I've got some new toys to play with and some new spells to teach," Harry replied.

"Yay," the students cheered.

"Neville," Harry said with a grin. "I can trust you right?"

"Yeah Harry," Neville agreed quickly.

"Great," Harry said with a grin. "Take this wand and hit me with a reducto to the chest."

"What?" Neville asked.

"I can trust you," Harry said with a grin. "Why don't you trust me?"

"I trust you Harry," Neville agreed nervously. "Reducto."

Ginny screamed as Harry slumped to the ground, "what did you do Neville?"

"He told me to do it," Neville said. The poor boy was close to tears. "Why did he tell me to do that."

"Step back," Hermione ordered. Several quick steps brought her to Harry's side. "There's no blood."

"I thought he was gonna block it," Neville babbled. "I thought he was going to show us a new spell."

"I'll do that later," Harry's voice caused everyone to jump. "I take it you all enjoyed my demonstration?"

"How dare you worry us like that," Hermione growled.

"I told you to trust me," Harry said with a grin. "These new wands I got are for dueling practice. As you saw, they won't do any damage but they will replicate the effects. If Neville had hit me in the arm then I wouldn't have been able to use it and it would have hurt quite a bit."

"They can cause pain?" Hermione asked.

"Not much," Harry said quickly. "And might I remind you that pain is a good teacher."

"I suppose," Hermione agreed. "This might be a good time to teach that charm you told me about."

"Good idea," Harry agreed. "Any one ever heard of Bugs Bunny?" Several muggle born and half blood students agreed that yes they had heard of the infamous rabit. "Acme," Harry flicked his wand. The students watched in delight as an anvil crashed into the ground. "Neat huh?"

Harry spent the next few minutes giving a short lecture on how to use the Acme charm . . . and another larger lecture explaining that while cool, the acme charm was also dangerous and should not be used against other people except in the most dire circumstance.

"What about coyotes?" One of the younger students asked, "is it ok to use the acme charm on coyotes?"

"I suppose . . ." Harry agreed slowly. "But I don't think there are any coyotes in Europe."

"Awwww." The student slumped in disappointment.

"Ok everyone," Harry raised his voice. "Let's spend the next few minutes practicing the charm and then it's time for you all to go get something to eat."

Everyone spent the next bit of time practicing and after a few minutes, the younger students began to trickle out of the room leaving behind only Harry and his inner circle.

"Ok everyone," Harry said as soon as the last of the normal students left the room. "Let's get something to eat. Dobby?"

"Yes Harry Potter sir," Dobby popped in.

"Could you get us something to eat?"

"Yes Harry Potter sir," Dobby agreed. "Dobby will take your orders now."

Everyone gave the strange house elf their requests and Dobby popped out of the room to get their food.

"Ok," Harry said with a smile. "I have a few new spells to teach. The first one is a type of shield charm, sort of."

"What do you mean sort of?" Hermione asked.

"It conjures several small objects and causes them to orbit around your body," Harry replied. "They are working on a version that will home in on any incoming curses but at the moment luck is the only thing that makes it work."

"Then what good is it?" Ron asked.

"Like I said," Harry replied. "They're working on a better version. If you know how to cast this version then it'll be easier to cast the improved version when it comes out."

"Makes sense," Neville agreed.

"This next spell," Harry looked at his inner circle. "Was one I almost decided not to teach you and there are several others like it that I won't be teaching."

"Why aren't you going to teach the others?" Hermione asked, "if you're going to teach one like it then it would make sense to teach the others along the same vein."

"It all depends on why I'm teaching it," Harry said with a grin. "This spell is one of the faster ones, it's quick enough that it'll work in battle . . . some of the others take a bit longer."

"What's the spell Harry?" Ron asked nervously.

"It's called the Triple Heart attack curse," Harry replied. "As the name suggests, it inflicts a massive and fatal heart attack on the target that kills within seconds."

"Why are you teaching us this Harry?" Hermione asked in horror, "and why do you know other spells like this?"

"I'm teaching this because it's not an unforgivable," Harry explained. "And I want you guys to have a quicker option then a reducto. It also doesn't take much energy to cast, much less then the reducto anyway."

"You still haven't told me why you know spells like this," Hermione demanded. "Tell me."

"I could say that you're better off not knowing," Harry replied. "Or I could say something about knowing your enemy, the truth is that they could be useful and I can't afford not to know any spell that could be useful."

"I can accept that," Hermione said meekly. "But I don't have to like it."

"Anyone else have something to add?" Harry asked the room. "Then before I continue let me just say this, only a few people outside this room know this spell. I would be willing to say that I'm the only person in Britain that can cast this spell, do not abuse it and do not teach it to anyone else. I think it would be best to keep the knowledge of an easy and untraceable way to kill to ourselves don't you."

The group all muttered their agreement. "Are you sure we need to learn this?" Neville asked with a frown.

"Are you sure we don't?" Harry retorted. "Just because you know a spell doesn't mean you're going to use it. Something you all may have missed is that everyone in the magical world is armed with a deadly weapon most of the time. In general, these people don't go on rampages."

"What do you mean armed with a deadly weapon?" Ron asked with a frown.

"Our wands," Hermione replied for Harry. "Harry is saying that we're all dangerous without learning anything else."

"Something most people gloss over is the fact that the wizarding world is an armed society," Harry agreed. "Yesterday hundreds of people in the wizarding world went through their day without killing anyone. I'd say that most of these people knew spells that could cause harm or death and none of them used them."

"What about the death eaters?" Luna asked, "I'm sorry Harry but it needed to be explained and I didn't think anyone else would ask."

"That's fine Luna," Harry said warmly. "If you took away their wands then they'd use knives, take away the knives they'd use sticks, take away the sticks they'd use rocks, take away the rocks they'd use their teeth, break out their teeth then they'd use their arms and legs . . ."

"We get the point," Hermione interrupted. "Spells don't kill people, people kill people."

"Spells and rocks and all that are just tools," Harry agreed. "Just because you have tools doesn't mean that you're compelled to use them. Some people just have something wrong with their brains, for one reason or another they kill for fun and power. The only way to protect society from these people is to kill them, it doesn't matter if you take away their wands they'll still find a way to cause trouble."

"What about prison?" Ginny asked.

"What about prison?" Harry replied, "we have several death eaters running around that were supposed to be locked in Azkaban forever. They got out, prison isn't a guarantee. People can escape or be broken out, some people are just too dangerous to be allowed to live. Besides, I personally think that the wizarding world's prisons are a disgrace. Kinder to kill them then to condemn them to life with the dementors. I don't know about you guys, but I don't like the thought of sentencing anyone to a life of torture."

"Torture?" Hermione asked nervously.

"What else would you call what the dementors do to people?" Harry said with a shrug.

"Dobby has brought your food," the little house elf called out. In his arms was an enormous tray.

"Just put it down Dobby," Harry ordered. "Would you like to join us?"

"Harry Potter invites Dobby to eat with him?" The little elf looked amazed, "I'm sorry Harry Potter sir but Dobby has work to do."

"Perhaps another time then," Harry suggested. "Thank you Dobby, we'll take it from here."

The group spent the next two hours practicing Harry's new curse and discussing possible scenarios where the curse could be used.

Ron pulled Hermione aside as the meeting broke up, "suppose you're not happy about that new curse?"

"I'm not happy that Harry's the one teaching it," Hermione replied. "I don't like watching him get colder, I'd hoped . . . I'd hoped that he could have gotten through this war without . . . "

"Things will get better when we have peace again," Ron reassured his friend. "We just have to get through the war and things will go back to normal."

"I guess," Hermione said with a frown. "It's just all been so sudden."

"Just give it time," Ron repeated himself. "War has a way of changing people so I'm sure that peace is the same way. Harry will go back to the way he was before the war and this'll all be just another unpleasant memory."

"I hope you're right Ron," Hermione said aloud. But I'm sure you're not, she finished in her mind. Nothing would ever be the same again.

The night passed and the day went by rather quickly. Most of the students arrived early for their defence class, for the first time in years they had a competent professor. One that wasn't a glory hound or death eater, one that seemed interested in teaching them how to defend themselves.

"Today," Professor Hamilton began. "We're going to be doing a bit of dueling. Can I have some volunteers?" Nearly every hand in the room shot up, "may I ask why you didn't raise your hand Mr. Potter?"

"I thought it best to see what the competition had to offer before committing myself," Harry replied.

"Excellent," Hamilton said with a grin. "Five points and come to the front of the room."

"Why?" Harry asked with a suspicious look on his face.

"Because you wanted to check out the competition," Hamilton replied with a grin. "So I'm going to use you as my demonstrator. I'll need a couple more volunteers . . . Mr. Malfoy and Weasley I think."

"I'll go easy on you Potter," Draco sneered as he walked to the front of the room.

"Hey mate," Ron said with a grin.

"Why don't you start out Mr. Malfoy?" The Professor suggested, "and we'll let Mr. Weasley face the winner."

Draco looked like he had won the lottery, a chance to duel and defeat scar head and the weasel and he wouldn't get in trouble for it, could this day get any better?

"Fine," Draco agreed.

"Rules?" Harry asked with a yawn.

"Don't use the unforgivables," Hamilton replied. "And try not to hurt him too much. On the count of three, you may begin. One . . . two . . . three."

"Serp . . ." Malfoy's curse was abruptly interrupted when Harry took several quick steps forward and kicked him in the groin.

"Doing my part to reduce inbreeding," Harry muttered under his breath.

Every male in class winced at the sound of hardened leather impacting on the future generation of the Malfoy family and more then one boy got violently ill when they saw the poor Slytherin's feet lift off the ground. Harry ended the duel with a stunner . . . most of the students would later agree that it was the kindest thing he could have done considering the circumstances.

"Uh . . . you wouldn't do that to me would you mate?" Ron asked nervously.

"I don't know," Harry began. "There are plenty of Weasleys in the world."

"And the world could do to have plenty more right mate?" Ron said quickly.

"Sure," Harry agreed. "I like Weasleys."

"If you gentlemen are finished with your pre-game banter?" Hamilton asked in amusement, "then you may begin in one . . . two . . . three."

"Hey look," Harry said pointing over Ron's shoulder. "Parkinson's in the nip."

"What?" Ron asked as he turned to look.

Needless to say, Harry's first and last spell ended the match.

"Sorry mate," Harry said to his petrified friend.

"Thank you for that demonstration Mr. Potter please take another forty points," Hamilton called out. "Everyone pair up and get in line."

The rest of the class's duels went in a much more . . . traditional manner and Hamilton looked ready to cry.

"It seems that Mr. Potter was the only one in this class that read the study material," the Professor said sadly. "Or perhaps the only one who understood."

"What do you mean Professor?" Hermione asked.

"Why don't we let it wait until the last duel has reached its conclusion," Hamilton suggested. "Ms. Brown, Mr. Finnigan." Lavender and Seamus took their places and prepared to duel, "whenever you're ready."

"Ready to loose?" Seamus said with a grin, "I'm gonna . . ." Lavender muttered an incomprehensible spell and Seamus's eyes bulged when he noticed a pair of new . . . enhancements on his chest. "What did you do to me?" Seamus tried to retaliate but with his new . . . accessories getting in the way and the change in his center of gravity, he didn't stand a chance.

"Excellent job Ms. Brown," Hamilton's voice boomed. "Fifty points for reading and understanding the subject matter."

"Good job Lav," Parvati cheered.

"What'd she do?" Ron asked dumbly.

"She won the duel with a cosmetic charm," Hamilton replied. "One commonly referred to as the 'Breast Expansion' charm if I'm not mistaken."

"I got the idea from when Mr. Black beat those Vampires with a tanning charm," an extremely red Lavender explained. "And I wanted to get Seamus back for talking to my chest, my eyes are a bit higher."

"Yeah," Parvati agreed. "See how he likes having a pair of those for a few hours."

"In any case well done," Hamilton said with a grin. "I want three feet explaining other common spells that can be used in duels and another two in unconventional tactics, Mr. Potter and Ms. Brown are exempt from this and I would encourage them to use their time to do whatever they wish as a further reward. Well done you two."


AN: It's not leaving reviews that say update soon that bothers me, it's sending me private messages that tell me to update soon that annoys me. Sorry for the confusion. I'm going to try to end this by chapter fifty, I do have a couple sequels planned to take place after this but I have no idea when I'll get to them.