Title: Remember the time
Chapter 7: My decision, my mistake
A/N: Wow, it's been awhile ne? I know, I know... I suck at life. And I'm really sorry..I bet you all thought I abandoned this story, well news for you.. I would never! Especially after getting this far.. I WILL, I repeat, WILL, finish this story sooner or later.. So just sit tight, & review!
Seriously.. You're reviews are what is keeping me going.. Without them I probably wouldn't even look at this story again. But anyway..
I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Miroku makes his appearance in this one. Yay!
Oh yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving everyone! This is my gift to you for the holiday's. I hope you like. XD
It was dark by the time I returned home from work, I had decided to work over-time to keep me preoccupied. Whenever something bothered me, I would keep myself busy so I wouldn't have any time to think. My only regret about working myself so hard is not being able to see my daughter, and making Kouga worried.
He had been calling me constantly recently, wondering why I was never around and asking me if everything was alright. I responded with the same answer as always, I was really busy. Which wasn't a lie, because technically I was, but only because I wanted to be. Still, that didn't stop him from being concerned about me.
My thoughts drifted back to my daughter.
She was already asleep by the time I picked her up from Sango's, and she was currently bundled up, sleeping silently in the back seat of my car as I pulled into the driveway. I quickly got out of the car and lifted her into my arms, carrying her silently into the house and heading straight towards her room.
I set her down on her bed, pulling the covers over her gently until it had reached her shoulders. I observed her peaceful sleeping form, smiling gently as I brushed a few of her bangs out of the way. Planting a warm kiss on her forehead, I turned around, ready to head towards my room to get ready for bed.
After all, I was exhausted.
As I headed back to my room, I unintentionally let my mind wander, my thoughts almost instantly going back to a replay of the kiss. It had been at least a week since it happened, and I hadn't heard one word from Inuyasha. I couldn't help but think, was he regretting it too?
My mood instantly dampened. I let out a resigned sigh, pressing a timid finger to my mouth, recalling the feel of his lips against mine- the lips that had touched mine so many times in the past. The warmth and familiarity I felt when he had kissed me sent my mind for a spin. I couldn't help but remember, after all I had never truly forgotten the feel and taste of his kiss.
I had never forgotten how good it felt to be with him, how warm and comforting it felt to be held in his arms. How complete I felt when he kissed and touched me. When we made love..
I immediately felt ashamed of my thoughts, my mind turning back to my boyfriend. Kouga, the one who was there for me when I was feeling cold and alone, the one who took care of me when I couldn't take care of my self, the one who put me back on my feet when I couldn't find the will to stand up again.. Kouga.. the one who loved me. Did he deserve this? This pain that I knew would be inflicted on him if he ever found out about.. us?
Wait a minute, us? There is no "us". One kiss wasn't going to change the safe foundation I had built for myself and Akami. Kouga was there for both of us when Inuyasha was not, and for everything that he's done for us, this is how I repay him?
At that moment, I realized how much of a horrible person I really was. I DO care for Kouga, that much is true. But why do I always find myself battling over my emotions? Why do I feel so weak, and hesitant? I'm content with Kouga, but am I happy?
Several questions filled my mind, my heart suddenly felt so heavy. And what about Kikyo? Even though it's true she did treat me rudely, I can see she really does care for Inuyasha, maybe even love him. Who am I to stand in her way of happiness?
I had finally come to a conclusion. Tomorrow morning I would call Inuyasha and sort things out, make him understand the kiss was a mistake, a moment of weakness. I'm sure he'll be relieved that he doesn't have to worry about me ruining his relationship with Kikyo. That way I can get back to my happy, peaceful life with Kouga and everything will be set right again.
"I will force myself to forget." I whispered confidently to myself. But even as I said this, I knew it was not something I could easily forget.
It was something blazed into my memory, like a wound deep enough to leave a mark. It may heal over time, but there will always be a scar to remind you of the experiance.
I guess my broken heart was my scar, the disappointment that I couldn't make things work. My heart still ached when I thought about it, I thought I had gotten over the pain long ago.
But like a scar, I will always be reminded of it.
I reached my bedroom, and slowly headed towards my dresser. I untied my hair from it's bun, running my hands through my hair as my long ebony locks cascaded down my back. I took off my jacket, throwing it unto the bed. As I rummaged through my dresser to look for an outfit to wear tomorrow, I suddenly remembered something.
I had forgotten my purse in my car. Cursing myself under my breath, I hurried back outside, my car keys in hand. I barely had enough time to register there was someone standing in front of my house before I ran right into them. The collision caused my foot to slip and I quickly lost my balance. I held my breath, bracing myself for the impact that was to come– but it never came.
I looked up in surprise, only to find a pair of gleaming golden eyes staring back at me, an enchanting, almost translucent color under the light of the moon. I was so surprised to see him there, that I could only stare blankly in shock as he held me in his arms to keep me from falling.
"Inu- Inuyasha." I finally said, my eyes wide as I stared at him in confusion, why had he come?
He didn't say anything in response, only continued to stare openly at me, a haunting emotion in his eyes that terrified the hell out of me. A moment passed and I realized he still hadn't let go of my waist. After recollecting myself, I straightened my back and stepped away from him, watching his arm fall loosely to his side.
"Why are you here?" I said, my gaze hardening as I remembered my vow to myself. It was late and I was tired, what right did he have to randomly show up out of nowhere after a week of silence, and at this time of day?
I waited impatiently for his response, and received none yet again. I quickly grew angry at his continued silence.
"Well? Are you going to answer me or what? What are you doing here? It's late and I'm tired. If you wanted to talk to me you could've just called." I huffed indignantly, folding my hands over my arms.
He was stock still, not saying a single word. I had never seem him so hesitant before, it began to worry me. Why was he acting so strangely? I pushed the worry I felt surfacing aside, intent on remaining angry with him.
"Well if you're just going to stand there, I'm going to bed. Good-bye Inuyasha." I said, preparing to walk straight past him towards my car. I almost succeeded, but before I could even make it past him his hand shot out, grabbing me by the wrist. I turned my head sharply, glaring at the hand that held me in place. I opened my mouth to yell at him, my eyes traveling from his hand to his face and when I met his gaze my entire body nearly froze.
It was that expression, that haunting look in his eyes that reminded me so much of the past. I remembered so many memories at once, that my heart nearly broke.
"Kagome," He finally spoke, saying my name as if it were a plea. My mouth fell shut and I closed my eyes, trying to erase the intense emotions that I saw reflected in his deep golden gaze.
"Kagome, look at me." He said, lifting his hands to cup my cheeks. He turned my head towards him, tilting my face directly into his view. I didn't want to look at him, I didn't want to see that look in his eyes again. I wanted to forget.
"Please," He pleaded, his voice low. "Look at me."
I opened my eyes hesitantly.
Drawing a deep breath, I slowly met his gaze– and was trapped.
"Please don't look at me like that." I whispered, my voice meek as I forced myself to look away again. His gaze was too powerful, drawing me in and trapping me. I was always weak when it came to those eyes.
"Kagome, we need to talk." He began, staring at me with a serious expression on his face. I hadn't seen him this serious in a long time.
"We don't need to talk right now Inuyasha, it's late, I have work in the morning. Can't this wait?" I asked, looking up at him pleadingly. I really didn't have the energy to discuss anything with him at the moment.
"I broke up with Kikyo."
My eyes widened. "What did you say?"
"Kikyo and I are finished - we're done." He said simply, inspecting me for my reaction.
I stared up at him in confusion, and anger.
"Wh- WHY? Why would you break up with a girl that's obviously so fond of you, and you her? I thought you two were happy!" I exclaimed, the shock replacing with anger.
"I think you know why Kagome." He said, confused by my anger.
"Don't you dare tell me it's about that stupid kiss, for god's sake Inuyasha, you were drunk! It was nothing, it meant nothing. Why would you ruin a good relationship over something like that?" I seethed, angry at him, but more angry at myself.
"Liar." He said softly under his breath. I glanced at him viciously.
"Yes, you are. How can you stand there and tell me it meant nothing to you? You're a fucking liar and you know it!" He spat, glaring at me through flashing amber eyes.
"I can't take this anymore, I broke up with Kikyo for you. I left everything we had for you. I came back for you, and you throw it back in my face? Damn it Kagome, why does everything I do have to be wrong in your eyes? Why can't I do one fucking thing right!" He yelled, and at the sight of his anger I took a step back, wondering why he seemed so upset.
"No, let me finish." He cut me off abruptly, capturing me in his gaze.
"Ever since that kiss we shared, I haven't been able to have one peaceful night's rest. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you." He started, his eyes turning a darker shade of gold then usual.
"You're always in my mind, whether it's night or day. I have always known a part of me would always have feelings for you, but that kiss has only reminded me of what I have lost. I could never forget about what we had Kagome, I could never forget about you.." He said softly, taking my small hand in his and holding it gently in his tender grasp.
"I was going crazy, that's why I stayed away from you for all this time, I had to sort some things out by myself." He looked away, letting out a sigh. "That's why leaving Kikyo is for the best because I would never be able to give her what she really wants, my whole heart, because I gave it to someone else a long time ago.." He said, looking back at me with a vulnerable gaze.
I stood tensely after hearing those words, my mind running rapidly. I felt something inside me shifting.. I had so many mixed emotions, I couldn't even begin to describe them all. I glanced at our locked hands, feeling warmth at the sight. He still cares for me..
I've always wanted to hear that coming from him..
But– a part of me knew what was the past couldn't become the present again. Times have changed us, everything is different now. I couldn't be with him now, it would leave too many broken hearts in our wake. I had to do what was right, even if it meant hurting us both.
"Inuyasha.." I took a deep breath, forcing myself to harden my heart. "You don't mean that.. we're not together anymore, as much as I want to be, for Akami's sake, I just, WE can't. I'm with Kouga now.. and you.. you should return to Kikyo. It wasn't right, leaving her like that over a kiss that was just a mistake. It was all so wrong..I shouldn't have given into my weakness that night, and for that I'm really sorry." I said, looking down because I didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes.
He stood still for a moment, taking in what I had said before letting go of my hand and turning away from me.
"I see, so it was just a mistake after all. How fucking stupid of me to think it actually meant something to you." He said coldly, shielding his face from view.
"Sorry for wasting your time. I'll do as you wish and leave." He said, walking away from me, not even sparing me another glance.
"Inuyasha..please. Don't be like this." I called softly after him, and he stopped walking, but didn't turn around.
"I'm going back to Kikyo, isn't this how you want it?"
His words stung, thinking of him running back to Kikyo's arms when he could've been in mine, was more painful then I could have ever imagined.
But this was how it had to be.
His farewell sounded as if it had a double meaning, as if he was saying goodbye to our relationship as well.
Maybe he was.
"Goodbye.." I said, turning away from the sight of him disappearing with a heavy heart.
I forced myself to believe that this was for the better.
"Mommy.. how come I haven't seen daddy in awhile? Or uncle Kouga." Akami pouted from her seat in the living room, eating freshly baked cookies that I had prepared for her. I was in the kitchen cleaning up, watching her through an opening in the wall.
It was a Saturday, one of the only day's of the week where I could spend time with my daughter and all my time wasn't completely taken up for work or school. I took advantage of my free time, and always tried to do something fun with her.
"They're busy sweetheart." I lied. The truth was, Inuyasha hadn't spoken to me once since our last confrontation that night, and I had recently declined Kouga's offer of spending the day with him since I wanted to get some mother-daughter time alone with Akami. He said he understood, although he sounded a bit disappointed.
"Oh.. but I miss them." She said, going back to watching the television.
"I know honey.. me too." I softly agreed, my vision turning hazy as my mind wandered else where. Inuyasha, are you still mad at me?
I let out a sigh, forcing myself to come back to reality and rid my mind of any thoughts of Inuyasha.
"What a mess I've made..." I whispered to myself as I silently did the dishes. After I was finished cleaning up the kitchen, I grabbed my purse and took out my cell phone, dialing Sango's number.
"Why don't we spend the day with auntie Sango, how does that sound?" I said with a smile as I held the phone to my face.
Akami's face brightened and she nodded her head, a smile on her face at the thought of seeing her favorite aunt– which wasn't her real aunt, but she called her that, because Sango was my best friend and had been hanging around with us since highschool, so she was like an aunt to her.
The phone rang a few times before she finally picked up. "What's up Kag?" She answered, sounding more happier then usual. I quirked an eyebrow at this, wondering what had put Sango in such a good mood.
"Hey Sango, me and Akami are bored, you doing anything today?" I askedcheerfully, waiting for her reply.
"Well.." She began, pausing for a moment.
"Someone unexpectedly showed up today!" I could hear her smiling just by listening to her voice.
"Who?" I asked, thoroughly confused.
"Just guess." She said playfully.
"Umm...I don't know.." Who could it be? I wondered to myself.
"Come on Kagome, think harder! Here's a clue, it's a he and his name starts with an 'M'."
My eyes widened.
"No way! Miroku's back?!" I exclaimed, surprise evident on my facial features.
"Yep! Took you long enough to figure it out!" She said happily, laughing a bit.
"Oh my god, since when?! I haven't seen him since he went to live with his parents to start college there, but that was like what, 2, almost 3 years ago?" I was stunned beyond words that Miroku was back.
Sango and I had known him since highschool, he was our best friend, and like a brother to me. He was really close to Sango too, but in a different way. They eventually started dating before the end of freshman year and were together for the longest time. He was also best friend's with Inuyasha, since we had all hung out together quite a number of times.
"He just got back last night, he was tired from the trip and waited till morning to come visit me." She explained.
"He's been gone for so long, we NEED to have a reunion RIGHT away!" I said with a cheerful laugh. It was really exciting, having an old friend come back.
Sango agreed whole-heartedly. "Why not today? Bring Akami and swing over here as soon as you can! We were just about to leave for lunch, but we'll wait for you guys to come and we can all go out together."
"Alright, we'll go get ready. See you two in a few." I sang and then hung up the phone.
I turned to Akami and with a bright smile on my face, told her to get ready.
"Miroku!" I almost screamed in his face when I saw him, literally tackling him down. He laughed, almost losing balance at the force of my weight. I was determined to give him the biggest bear hug ever.
"It's great to see you too Kags." He said through a laugh, hugging me back just as fiercely.
"Miroku, you jerk! I missed you like crazy!" I yelled at him, giving him a final squeeze before pulling away with a smile.
"Oh man, I missed you guys too." He said, bringing his hand to his face and wiping away fake tears. "I didn't think I could make it this long without you two." He let out a dramatic sigh, clutching his hand to his chest. "Fate has forsaken us."
"Cut it out, loser." Sango said, hitting him over the head as she laughed.
He chuckled, rubbing his head as he turned to stare at Akami, who shyly hid behind me. She didn't remember Miroku, since she was only 2 the last time she had seen him.
"Well look at you! You sure have grown since I last saw you, little missy!" Miroku beamed, bending down so that he was at eye level with her. A curious glance was her only response.
He smiled warmly, extending his hands in a gesture for a hug. "Well am I lucky enough to get a hug from such a pretty girl? Or are you cruelly going to reject me?"
Akami coyly drew back, afraid to hug him. Instead she glanced at me, as if asking me what to do.
"Go on, go give uncle Miroku a hug." I encouraged her, nudging her his way.
Sango smiled at her reluctance. "Don't worry kiddo, he may look like a weirdo, but he won't hurt you. Cause if he did, I'd hurt him. " She muttered the last part, sending a dry look his way. He laughed and extended his arms out even further.
Akami slowly slid out of her hiding spot behind me, and coyly walked into his arms, giving him a small hug.
"That'a girl." Miroku squeezed her, lifting her up in the air playfully before bringing her back down. She finally offered him a smile and then quickly went back to standing next to me.
"She look's just like her dad, that kid." Miroku observed, with Sango nodding in agreement.
"The only thing she got from you is the hair." Sango said, gesturing at Akami's light brown hair.
"And even so, it's a lighter shade then your dark black."
"Yeah, yeah I know. Damn demon dominant genes. So unfair." I muttered, rolling my eyes.
"Anyways, what are we going to eat?" I asked expectantly.
Miroku laughed. "That's the same ol Kag's I remember, always the first when it comes to food."
"Hey! Shut the hell up! I just love food okay." I said irately, sending Miroku an annoyed glance even as a smile threatened to show.
"Maybe a little too much, I think you gained a bit of weight since I last saw you."
"Miroku, I think you're pushing your luck." Sango warned him.
"Miroku, I am going to kill you slowly and painfully if you don't shut up." I said, a promise of pain and death in my eyes.
"It's okay Kag's, we'll diet together, I'll help you out."
"You're so dead!" I screamed, running at him with a battle cry. Akami and Sango laughed from the sidelines as they watched me give chase, tackling Miroku and wrestling him to the ground.
"Some things never change." Sango said, shaking her head.
"Owww.. Okay, okay you win! You're not fat! I was just joking! Spare my life, oh great skinny one." Miroku pleaded pathetically.
I smirked from my spot where I had pinned him to the floor. "That's what I thought." I said as I finally released him and stepped away.
"Jeeze, you've been with Inuyasha too much. You're just as violent as him.. The perfect couple." Miroku muttered, rubbing his offended appendage's.
I had gone quiet at the mention of Inuyasha, remembering our last encounter. However Miroku didn't seem to notice my discomfort at the subject of Inuyasha, only Sango did.
"So how is he anyway? What type of crazy thing's has he been up to since I've been gone?" Miroku asked.
Sango coughed, coming to the rescue.
"Well you know Inu, he's the same as always. Say, let's go get our food now okay? We'll catch up as we eat." She suggested cheerfully, and we all agreed, all of us becoming hungry at the mention of food.
We had decided to eat at the mall and then walk around afterwards, window-shopping. It's what Sango and I did best.
We walked around the mall for hours, talking and reminiscing, just catching up with Miroku. We dragged Miroku into several girl shops, and then in return he made us follow him into men shop's as well. More then a few times, we were forced to go to the Disney store, or some random kid store for Akami.
It was pretty fun, it had been awhile since I spent the day with friends, and I got to spend it with my daughter as well, which made me happy.
"Hey look, who wants pretzels?" I asked, noticing a pretzel s nearby.
"Food again, Kagome?" Miroku groaned, clutching his stomach. "I don't think I can take anymore food." He made a gesture as if he was going to throw up.
"Well I'm still hungry." I said, walking towards the pretzel's.
"That's because, you're a beast."
I flicked him off, and then stuck out my tounge at him. "You guys wait here then, watch Akami for me, I'll be back in a sec." I said, happily making my way towards the pretzel stand.
I purchased my pretzel and then started to make my way back towards the group. "Hurray for pretzel's." I sang quietly to myself, getting ready to take a bite.
But something made me stop dead in my tracks.
I felt my heart twist painfully in my chest, staring at the sight of Inuyasha, walking in the opposite direction. He was with Kikyo, their hands entwined as they walked together. I saw her pause in her step to give him a long kiss on the mouth, wrapping her hands around his arm afterwards and laying her head against his shoulder.
He really had gone back to her... so did all he say to me, was it all a lie? I felt tears in my eyes, threatening to overflow.
What's wrong with me? I told him to go back to her, so why... why am I reacting this way?
He's only doing what I told him was right.. And it's not like this is the first time I've seen him kissing and holding Kikyo.. So why do I suddenly feel like crying my eyes out?
I should be following his example, fixing things with Kouga instead of pushing him away, but how can Inuyasha so easily return to Kikyo as if nothing had ever happened, while I'm having such a difficult time even looking at Kouga..
Maybe he loves Kikyo, but just can't let go of our memory? Or maybe he's like me and just wanted to be with me for Akami?
Either theory made me even more depressed, I felt like I was drowning.
I bowed my head, letting my bangs cover my eyes.
..you're so foolish.
A/N: Kinda sad chapter, but at least Miroku's back to lighten up the mood a tad, eh? Please REVIEW! If you guys are still with me, I'll start working on the next chapter.