Disclaimer: Said it numerous times before.
A/N: It's late. I'm tired. I'm not wanting to sleep; even though I know I should. I'm finishing my Thousand Words one-shot. Yes. Right now. The final chapter is in Kikyou's point of view. God, this keyboard sucks.
Anyway, Let's get this party started!
…Joy. I just discovered this computer has no Internet connection. So posting this will be harder then I though. Damn.
A Thousand Words
Dead punk Girl
People call me tragic. People tell me I don't belong. And, more then that, they expect me to do and be things I don't think I can do or be. They want me to give up my life, to vanish. But I can't. They want me to give in, to be weak, to be scared. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I am all those things, sometimes. We're all scared sometimes.
I wait for him to come find me, even if I don't want to see him. I wait for him to tell me that he'll protect me, even if I don't want him to do anything of the sort. I can protect myself, after all.
Or, that's what I've been telling myself all along.
Maybe everything is a dream; it's so surreal it must be. How can the man I love not be with me; how can I not be me anymore? And how is it she was able to sneak her way into his heart so quickly and so easily?
Is it because she is me?
Is it because we are one and the same, even if I am myself, and she is herself?
…Does that even make sense?
Somehow, it does, even if I don't want it to. I don't want to admit that my time is up. I don't want to let him go to her. I don't want to let the world fade.
And why should I? Why did all this have to happen to me? What have I done that is so horrible, so wrong, that I deserve this eternal damnation?
Maybe it's fate? Maybe some God hates me? Maybe it's because I chose to love him, even if I knew it was wrong, and I knew it was forbidden. No one told me not to love him, but…you get the idea.
I can't decide what I hate more about this; watching her have him, watching this girl that is a pale shadow of myself have my lover, or not being able to have him, simply because we are no longer of the same world.
I always thought we were the same, he and I. He was trapped in a perpetual fight, always having to battle for what he desired. And I: trapped by the jewel, forced to give up my sense of humanity and my sense of identity. We were one soul, simply split into two bodies, one human and one not.
I thought I could fix things. I thought I could use my source of misery to end the pain in our lives. I thought I could take away the small differences between us to better our lives.
Was that wrong of me?
Was it selfish?
I wanted to make the things wrong in our lives right. If he was human, and if the jewel was gone, we could be happy! I still believe that, even now.
How could something that was supposed to be so perfect, so wonderfully beautiful, go so horribly wrong?
I wonder, even if it is fifty years later, why I couldn't do it. Why I couldn't kill him, but rather seal him away. Was it because I knew that she would bring him back? Was it because, even if the ache of betrayal and the pain of the wound he gave me burnt through my body, I still loved him with all I had and trusted him wholly?
I don't know.
And to this day, I wish I did.
When that witch first awakened me, I couldn't understand why he was there. Why would he bother, if he hated me enough to betray me like he did?
Slowly, I realized, though, he loved me as much as he did that night he held me close and whispered those promises to me. And then she was there, too, loving him in her own, secret and silent way. And he loved her in that same secret way.
But how can he? How dare he! There are so many things I desire to tell him, so many things I wished he knew.
Then there is the other man who lusts after me; the whole reason all this happened. I hate him. I hate him almost as much as I am certain I hate her.
They're both so much alike; they both took my love away from me, and they both keep him away from me. He's the devil in disguise and she's a little devil whore, a girl who bounces around in clothes that can barely be called such.
Honestly, I don't actually hate her.
I wonder if they would be together if I were not around? Who is stopping their relationship from going any further?
I'm sure it's him. He's still devoted to me, even if my body is a sham of clay and grave soil. He still loves me, even if I must devour the souls of the dead to keep this fake body of mine from failing, and eventually turning into dust.
It's odd how things turn out.
Even if he isn't the one that ultimately caused my death, it still feels that way. I know who did it; it wasn't him, it wasn't her, it wasn't the man I took care of. It was that woman who despised me so much she would curse me. Had her hate not existed she would not have cursed me to love him, and I wouldn't have fallen like I did. I may have loved him, in the end, but not so much I would give up my own life.
That jewel could have saved me, I know. But I believed he would be there waiting for me. He wasn't; his soul was elsewhere, bound to the tree and his earthly body. He's such a free spirit, I doubt he would have come after me. And if he had, I doubt he would have stayed.
Sometimes, I wonder what he would do if I were to simply give up. Would he give up, too? That girl saved me from giving up. She healed my deep wounds, sucked the poison from my soul.
'There are people, who would miss you too much,' was all she would tell me when asked her why.
I know whom she meant. Him. Would he miss me? I'm certain I'm her only romantic rival, if you can call me that, so why did she do what she did?
I don't know what I would have done, had the roles been reversed. I'm assuming I would save her; she's so young.
Are we really that much alike?
He said that I took her soul, and that I should give it back. Isn't it mine? Did I not have it first? If I did not die, would she be without a soul? Would she even exist if the betrayal never took place? I suppose she would, I eventually would die. No one; not even youkai; is immortal. Nothing lasts forever.
That's a lie, I know.
Even if he doesn't stay with me, even if he eventually goes with her for good and I am forgotten, I will still love him. I will love him for all time.
Time stands still for people like me. There is no future, there is no tomorrow. There's barely a today. Only yesterday remains. And my yesterday is him, loving me and I, loving him right back.
My yesterday is InuYasha. My today is InuYasha. And I want to think; no, I want to believe; my tomorrow will be InuYasha, as well.
Even if I have to share him with the reincarnation of myself.
Even if I have to share him with the girl who crosses time and space to be with him.
Even if I have to share him with Kagome.
…Not that I do, mind you. And I don't really intend to, either.
And don't try to tell me I can't be selfish; I can, and I will. I deserve to think of myself now that I'm not among the living.
I love you, InuYasha
And somehow, I think our time together is gone and I doubt we can get it back.
And I'm fine with that, for some reason.
A/N: I hope I don't get too many flames from Kag/Inu shippers. I do like Kag/Inu better then Kik/Inu. The last line expresses my thoughts on this pair; they're over, they're time together has passed. He can't ever completely stop loving her because she was the first woman; no, person; to show him kindness aside from his mother, but that doesn't change the fact that she is dead, and eventually she will have to return to the world of the dead. And that doesn't change the fact that the betrayal did happen, and even if it was in the past and they're over it, it's always going to be there in their mind. Wounds that big don't heal.
…Okay. I need to stop and sleep. Badly.
Damn. This one is the longest with 1, 372 words. Why can I not get exactly one thousand words? Bah.