Author's Note: Re-edit time! I'm going to have fun going through this story with a fine tooth comb. Most likely because it's my shortest one to date. Say good-bye to the little flaws everybody. They'll be gone after this... hopefully.
"Sally, I am afraid I will need to see both you and Jack to continue this discussion."- Venus, Raising Takoda
What a week. Venus had been going over every little intricacy of the topic of love, babies, and that often misunderstood three letter word. How on Earth was she going to handle this? The goddess pouted at herself then for even thinking this was beyond her. She was the Goddess of Love for Jupiter's sake! How could she shirk her responsibilities at a time like this? Still, she could tell this was going to be difficult from the moment her son caught her practicing her opening words.
"Babies are lovely things," Venus started, looking into a mirror and then stopping. "Things? Come on now, Lovey, you can do better than that," she said to her reflection before starting again. "Love is very complicated, you two. Pay attention... oh, I sound like a bloody schoolmistress."
"I would ask why you were talking to yourself, but I already know you are a bit mad, Mother," Cupid said, startling Venus into turning from the mirror.
"When did you get here?"
"A few minutes ago."
"Did you bring them?"
"Of course. They are waiting in the Main Chamber. Mother, do you have any idea what you are doing?"
"None at all, but that is not going to stop me."
"I figured as much. Need any help?"
"Psyche's expecting, so she can be a prime example of what is to come, if that is possible for them. Bring her over. Oh, and give the Stork a call, he usually handles these things much more sensitively."
"If you see Valentine, you had better not open your mouth to him. I mean it."
"Yes, Mother," Cupid said as he took to the air. "Do not expect me for a good half hour," he called as he took off through the building and into the sky.
"Well, here goes nothing," Venus said to herself as she took in a deep breath and carried herself gracefully into the Main Chamber.
As the goddess strolled through her temple, Jack and Sally were seated in gigantic, fluffy pink cushions. They felt as odd as they looked, but they were too polite to say anything against them. Besides, everything in Valentine Town was pink or red. It was natural. Besides, they weren't here to give designing advice to the Goddess of Love. They were here on more important matters.
"So she said babies have to be made?" Jack asked Sally as he tried to make himself comfortable on the cushion.
"Yes. She mentioned something else too. Six or sex or something along those lines," Sally said as she rested her head on her right hand.
"This gets stranger by the day."
"It sure does."
"Hey, I think I see her," Jack said as he pushed himself to his feet and then pulled Sally up to hers.
"Venus? Is that you?" Sally asked the striding figure coming towards them.
"If it isn't my favorite odd couple," Venus said, air kissing the both of them. "How have you been these past seven days?"
"Wondering about the forbidden question," Sally said.
"Well, every person we ask about babies tends to look bewildered and what they say leads us nowhere," Jack sighed. "We figured knowing where a baby comes from is top secret information."
"Hardly," Venus said dryly. "That aspect of life is everywhere nowadays, almost sickening, and I happen to promote it for a living."
"So you do know what it is," Jack said with a wide smile. "Does it involve the Stork?"
"It does, as a matter of fact, but not in the conventional matter," Venus said.
"I knew it!" Jack exclaimed. "What about cabbage patches?"
"That was just a way for toy-makers to sell dolls not too long ago. That's rubbish if you ask me."
"Well, at least you were half right, Jack," Sally said.
"Now, on to business," Venus started before looking Jack up and down. "Well, drop your knickers."
"Excuse me?" Jack asked, not sure he heard Venus' request right.
"You know, your pants. Trousers. Things covering the bottom half of your body. Drop them."
"Venus, excuse me, but what does that have to do with anything?" Sally asked.
"But I don't want to drop my knickers," Jack said sheepishly.
"Well, drop them in private and then let me take a peek."
"I need to see what you have down there."
"Venus, I was walking around in an orange diaper not too long ago."
"It covered the part of your body that has to be inspected."
"You won't be asking me to drop anything, will you?" Sally asked Venus, slowly backing away from the goddess.
"Not at first, but now that I think about it-"
"You know, maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Jack said to Sally as he too started to back away from Venus.
"Oh no you don't. You two came here for answers and I want to give them to you, but first Jack has to drop his knickers."
"If I do, will you please get on with the answers?" Jack asked Venus.
"Of course. Come on, I am the Goddess of Love. I know what I am talking about."
Jack and Sally looked at one another and sighed at the same time. Defeated, Jack walked deeper into the temple, followed by Venus and Sally. He stepped behind a large dressing screen and did just as Venus asked him to. He poked his head around the edge of the screen, blushing slightly as he asked Venus to step over and take a short look. The goddess made her way over to the dressing screen, looked over at Jack for a moment, and then made the loudest "A-HA!" possible.
"What is it?" Sally asked.
"Nothing," Venus replied as she walked back to Sally.
"Nothing?" Jack asked. "You've got to be kidding."
"Oh, I wish I was, Jack. See, you're a skeleton. As a skeleton, you are missing, erm, certain capabilities that living men have. Like being able to stand on two feet while urinating, for instance."
"Henry said I could sit down," Jack said from behind the screen.
"Henry?" Venus asked.
"Long story," Jack replied.
"Anyway, another capability living men have is being able to have children with, in most cultures, their wives."
"What does that have to do with standing up when I go to the bathroom?"
"Everything. Put your pants back on, you're both going to be here for quite a while and I wouldn't want you sniffling from a draft."
"This is turning out to be pretty odd if you ask me," Jack said as he put on his pants.
"It has only begun, loves. Trust me, it gets much more complicated than that."
"It does?" Sally asked Venus as Jack stepped out from behind the screen.
"Oh yes. Now that we have gotten that out of the way, I think it is about time I starting giving you some answers."
Poor Jack. The story barely begins and he ends up pantless. Looks like our favorite couple has gotten in way over their heads, not that it's the first time that's happened. Can Venus really figure out a way for them to have kids of their own? Or are they just not capable of having any natural babies? Does Venus really think Cupid can keep his mouth shut? Only one way to find out.