I don't own Ranma ½ or Sailor Moon or Alf or LOTR or BOTR, but hey, this is a parody or lampoon, so I can do what I want. BWAH HA HA HAHA HA cough cough!
Melmac One Half: the nauseating third shot
Alf was walking down the streets of Nerima in a funk. "Just my luck that Princess China would have a cat phobia." He spotted a young man in a smoking crater wearing some billowed pants and walked up to get a better look. What he saw made his little beady eyes bug out. The foot shaped mark on his forehead, "No, it couldn't be!"
Tatewaki Kuno got up and stood, regally in the crater that he found himself occupying and spotted the short furry alien bowing, bumping his long proboscis into the pavement, repeatedly. "Ahh, I am so great that even the minor demons bow before mine exemplary presence!" Alf reached into Alf space and pulled out a broken sword that seemed to be made out of ceramic. The pieces were taped together and appeared ready to fall apart. The Melmackian presented the sword to Kuno and said, "It is apparent that you are the reincarnated Arrowroot, son of Arrowhead, king of Gonad, empire of West Melmac. This sword is your heritage, as your ancestor Illsuture used it to defeat Sorehead, ruler of Ordure, the evil cat hoarding empire of East Melmac and general pain in the butt. Take the Shards of Nasal and assume your rightful status!" "Aye. The gods smile upon me as I have known. But what use is a sword made of dinnerware? But hark!" A sound of someone hawking and spitting nearby. "I shall take this magical item of cookery in recognition of my greatness" Kuno took the sword's handle and light and smoke emanated from the blade. The smell of seasoned, cooked meat hung in the air. After the smoke cleared, Tatewaki was holding a restored blade that looked like it had tiny cat shaped marks down the blade. He was wearing a glittering bathrobe, a paper crown and leather garters. Alf thought, 'Its been forever since I smelled cat cutlets and gravy' "My king, will you now do what you were destined to do?" 'Man, I'm starving.' "Yea, verily! I now have the means to defeat the vile yeasty fen-sucking lout of a sorcerer Saotome and release my loves." So saying he leapt to a roof and bounded off to parts unknown. Alf was left behind in a face fault, thinking, 'Were all of our leaders idiots?'
Meanwhile, a furry, shivering Ranma-chan was sitting amidst a number of stuffed animals as a bouncy Asuza Shiratori fussed over her newly acquired Margueride. "Now my precious Margueride, you look so beautiful in that pink dress and Georgina loves it too!" Referring to the shackle one Ranma's leg, chained to the floor.