I Can Barely Recall
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series, or any characters. This story is for entertainment purposes only.
Summery: One Shot SBHG. He still loves her, even after four years apart, could she still love him? They might have a chance to find out.
Cleaned up for grammar errors on November 12, 2005
Final Word Count: 1,745
This is just a short (really short) one-shot fic. I hope you like it. It's kind of boring, but the idea was bouncing around in my head for a while, and I decided to write it down! Let me know what you think!
"Thanks for coming tonight." Harry said, looking at his godfather. Sirius looked the same as always, his dark eyes glittering, his hair falling down around his face in a flattering but shaggy cut.
"No problem Harry, I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks, it's good to catch up and hang out with you." Sirius said. They sat in silence for a few moments, allowing Sirius to think about Harry. He didn't see much of his godson anymore, not since she moved in with Harry. Sirius couldn't stand to be over there, be near her.
"I moved out last night." Harry finally said, breaking the silence.
Sirius turned to him. "You moved out?" he asked.
"Yes." Harry replied, he sipped his drink, waiting for Sirius to speak next.
Sirius sat silent, not sure what he should say. He waved the waitress over and ordered more fire-whiskey for them both, letting the silence stretch once again.
"Why?" Sirius finally asked. He wasn't sure how he felt at this news.
"She's still in love with you." Harry replied, his voice not changing, not showing any emotion.
Sirius spit out his fire-whiskey, covering the counter in the amber liquid. "What!" he exclaimed.
"She's still in love with you." Harry repeated.
"I don't know what you are talking about Harry." Sirius managed to whisper.
"There is no need to pretend anymore. We all knew about you two Sirius, you don't have to hide it. End of seventh year, right after you came back, just as the war was beginning. You two tried to hide it, sneaking around all the time, but we all knew. Molly wanted to stop it, interfere, but Dumbledore stopped her, saying that you and Hermione needed it. After the war, we knew you had broken up with her, and everyone said it was because of the stress of war. We never mentioned it to either of you." Harry said.
Sirius just stared at him. "I never knew….Molly….Dumbledore…" he got out.
"Even when I began dating her, I never told her I knew. I figured it was in the past. She never volunteered to tell me." Harry said, sipping his drink.
"I'm sorry I never told you….I didn't think…." Sirius trailed out.
"Don't apologize. It was four years ago." Harry interrupted.
"It was four years ago Harry, it's over. She never loved me then, she wouldn't love me now. I can barely recall what we had now. Why did you leave her?" Sirius asked.
"She does still love you. She has always loved you. When you broke up with her she turned to me because I reminded her so much of you. I didn't believe it then, but I have it all figured out now." Harry said.
"That is not true Harry. She loves you very much for who you are" Sirius told him, disbelief that he was having this conversation running through him.
Harry shook his head. "She says your name in her sleep Sirius. She calls out for you whenever she has nightmares. When she doesn't know I'm watching, she picks up the picture of you and rubs it. Her face lights up when I talk about you." his eyes began to water. "I ignored it as long as I could, I really tried. But then, last week, she called your name out while we were…you know…in bed."
Sirius didn't know what to say again. Part of him was elated to hear this, that she may still love him as much as he still loved her, the other part of him was being torn apart to see Harry hurting like this.
"I asked her about it, she claimed it was stress. I knew that was it, I couldn't do it anymore. She sees you when she's making love to me. I went to Ron's and Ginny over was there. We were drinking, and then it all sort of happened." Harry paused to take a drink. "I don't feel guilty though. Do you know why Sirius? Because when she kissed me, Ginny was kissing me." he pointed to himself. "Not a memory of you. She called my name out Sirius, not yours."
"Harry, you don't have to justify what you did with me." Sirius said.
"I'm not. I'm telling you. I decided to go home and leave Hermione, so I did. I told her I would move out. I'm staying at Ron's, and Ginny is as well." he finished.
"What did Hermione do?" Sirius asked.
"Nothing, she told me okay and watched me leave. She wasn't even mad about Ginny. She told me that she hoped I would be happy. You know, everyone thought I was destined to be with Ginny, and when I began to date Hermione instead, nobody understood it. I guess they were all right."
"Do you still love Hermione?" Sirius asked, holding his breath.
"No. I really don't. I'll always care about her, and love her for everything she has always been to me. There were days and moments I wouldn't have survived without her, but I don't love her in a romantic sense anymore. How could I? She's been living a lie with me for years now." Harry said.
"I'm sorry Harry. I never knew everyone knew about us. I never knew you felt this way, or Hermione." Sirius said.
"You hold her heart in the palm of your hand Sirius, you always have." Harry told him.
"I don't…." Sirius began, but then stopped. What should he say? What could he say? She still loved him, after all this time. He had been in love with her for years, watching her and Harry, never knowing that she felt the same way.
"You don't have to say anything. I wanted to tell you about this. I wanted you to go back to her, if you still love her. Make her happy, you're her soul mate Sirius." Harry said.
"Harry, I couldn't do that to you. I don't know why you would say that." Sirius exclaimed.
"Because I mean it. I am going to move on, maybe with Ginny, maybe that won't work out and there will be someone else, but I'm going to move on. I want Hermione to move on as well. There will never be another man for her, Sirius. She fell in love with you, and nothing will change that." Harry said, taking his godfather's hand. "I want you to go to her. She needs you, and I imagine you need her too."
Sirius squeezed his hand. "I should never have broken up with her after the war. It was all too much. Losing Arthur, Remus and Tonks became so stressful, and I couldn't watch her fall apart, I couldn't hold myself together to help her through it. I was terrified I would make it worse, so I took the cowards way out and I ran from her, told her I wasn't ready for a commitment, asked her to forget me.." he tried to explain.
"She never did." Harry said.
"I don't want to do this if you aren't okay with it Harry." Sirius said.
"How many times must I tell you to go to her before you get off of your stool and go!" Harry said, smiling at his godfather. He really did want Sirius to go. Hermione deserved to be happy, and Harry wasn't going to stand in the way any longer.
"I lied earlier Harry, when I said I could barely recall being with her. Four years has done nothing to help me forget her, I still love her." Sirius confessed.
Harry stood up. "Good." he said, patting Sirius on the back. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll leave you to decide what you want, I'm going back to Ron's." Harry said, hugging Sirius. "Treat her right." he whispered in the older man's ear, before walking away.
Sirius watched Harry leave, his mind spinning to fast. This was too much for one night. Sirius couldn't get his head on straight, but he did know one thing, he still loved her, never stopped. And if Harry was right, she never stopped loving him.
Sirius closed his eyes, he could still taste her kisses even now, smell the raspberry shampoo she always used, hear her voice, husky with desire in the early morning hours.
He quickly grabbed his robe and jumped off the stool. He was going to her, and this time he wouldn't let her go.
Sirius stood outside on her porch, staring at the door. Every time he raised his hand up to knock, he would lower it again. What would he say to her? What if Harry was wrong?
He sighed and turned to leave, deciding he would take more time to think this through. His back was to the door when he heard it open, and heard her gasp.
"Sirius?" her delicate voice rang out in the night air.
He slowly turned around, his dark eyes meeting her golden brown eyes. In that instant the last four years fell from his memory, along with any fear or doubt he had felt.
"Hermione." he said, his voice deep with emotion.
"Harry's not here if that's why you came over." she said softly, not breaking eye contact.
"I know, I saw him earlier." he replied.
"Oh…" she said, smiling softly.
Sirius took a step closer to her. "I still love you." he said, his voice surprisingly strong, as scared as he was inside.
Her eyes flashed with something he couldn't name, and then she was on him, holding him, her lips were seeking his, her warm tongue entering him quickly. Sirius closed his eyes, tasting her, remembering everything he had felt for her.
She finally let him go, backing away a bit, but still holding his hand. "I still love you…" she whispered, pulling him to her again.