Sorry it's been awhile since I've updated. Spanish finals and then on monday I got Algebra finals. I gotta do my Geography/Civics and Science finals on monday too so It's gonna be hectic as hell. Wish me luck.

Airforceintraining

PS: I passed my spanish final! Snoopy dance Only one who didn't already speak spanish who passed it in my class. Anyways, to the fic.

/\/\

October 15, 1984

There are so many things you haven't even realized yet. I was already in so deep you would have thought I'd never come out of it. Drugs, anything. Blaze was in some of my classes but I avoided him as if he were the plague. I sat between Jared and Bryant and behind Jessica and Amber. Turns out this Science teacher though we needed to have a placement test to see where we were after she saw our grades so far in this class. Of course I never did my work, so I needed some answers. Unfortunately Jared was the one I copied off of and he didn't give without a price.

I turned to him with a grin as I had my pencil in one hand.

"Come on Jared. You know you want to," I smirked my voice sweet.

"What's in it for me Angel?" He asked looking back at me.

Jared was 14 and was well the wiser in all. He was held back a year but we loved him just as well.

"What do you want?" I grinned.

"Meet me at my place after school and you can pay me back," Jared said.

Hey, I had to pass school some how. This was nothing compared to stuff I usually did.

"I'll bring Amber and her boy along," I said and He nodded showing me his answers.

"I'll bring the usual," Jared smirked.

The rest of the day went that way. At lunch we conquered as usual. As us girls walked away from the table every guy was looking at us yet we didn't look at them just walked straight ahead. It was the usual stuff for us. Teenage boys, all the same. After school I met up with Jared and Nikolai.

"I'm headed to Jared's. See you tonight," I said to Nikolai who nodded.

"Usual place girl," Nikolai said walking away.

Jared put his arm around my waist and pulled me with him as we walked. Amber and Alejandro followed behind us and we entered Jared's house where his parents were gone as usual. We walked into his room and locked the door. We all sat on the couches in there and Jared pulled out the beers for us. After awhile of drinking Jared's hand started tracing invisible lines on my arm and I turned to him with a grin.

"Gon' pay me back girl?" Jared asked with a smile.

"Of course," I grinned and my hand went to his hair and we started kissing passionately.

I was faintly aware of Amber and Alejandro doing the same. Amber was always quick to follow my suit. Then as we kissed I swung one leg over so I was straddling Jared as we kissed. His hands went to my lower back and I grinned as we pulled apart.

"You're going to start to owe me," I grinned.

"I'll make it worth your while," Jared replied and we kissed.

After going to meet up with Kaci and heading to her house, we snuck out at 8 to the park. Our 16 and 17 year old friends were waiting in the truck and we climbed in. I slid next to a guy I always sat with, Kenneth and lay in the hook of his arm as it slid around me.

"Hey baby," he grinned kissing me and we began to make out.

Kaci grinned and picked one out for her own. Eventually we knew that we were more alike than we knew. It was about 11 when I broke away and snuck home. I got in my room and then as I got in bed Blaze came in quietly and closed the door.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He said heatedly.

"None of your damn business," I countered.

"It is my buisiness because you're my damn sister. God Anjelita look at you. You're worse than before damn it. What the hell do you gain by having guys crawling all over you and you doing god knows what to them?" Blaze asked.

"Well what the hell do you gain by smoking that shit all the time?" I countered and he glared. "Sorry Blaze, I'm not as stupid as you may think or want me to be. You come back from surfing and I can smell that shit on you. Don't you start ripping on me."

"How the hell do you know what that smells like?" Blaze questioned. "Damn it you're my little sister and-"

"I'm not as little as you want me to be," I cut him off. "As much as you want me to forget what the hell happened to us so far in life, I can't because whether you like it or not just because I'm two minutes younger doesn't make me any less incompatent. Get the hell out of my room before we both get busted."

"Screw it. If you want to die that way then fine," Blaze said shaking his head.

"Could say the same about you. Keep smoking that shit and it'll fuck you up just as bad," I said and he glared walking out.

You see I hated this part. Where Blaze would get mad at me. As much as I hated to admit it, he was the only thing that kept me going. So at that point I was feeling like shit. I got up and walked to the bathroom where I closed and locked the door. I opened the medicine cabinent and looked for the one thing that was my release. I grabbed those scissors and that bloody rag that was hidden before sitting down on the ground and lifting my sleeve. I made just one cut up my arm and ignored the pain that resulted, but as the blood started flowing it felt better. I sighed and put the rag against the cut looking at the door and closing my eyes as I rested my head against the cabinet I was leaning against.

break

I came in late again from getting high and drinking with the usual people. Scary isn't it. That the person you know would be doing that at 14. Hell I ended up going to Harvard. Makes you rethink the world. Anyways, I came back in and was walking through the kitchen to my room when I just was lucky enough to see my step-dad so to speak grabbing a beer. Busted.

"What the hell are you doin' up," He demanded.

"Feedin' the dog?" I tried and his expression darked. "Ah shit."

He set down his beer, "I expect you to answer me you little-"

"What? Little what? What is it you wanna call me this time?" I countered tired of it all, and I think that the beer was still having it's effects on me. "What the hell do you expect from me? To actually want to stay here where you're sorry ass is all the time getitng drunk or high on that shit I see you secretly sniffing all the damn time."

Hearing the commotion I saw Blaze in the hallway with a look on his face I knew.

"Watch your damn mouth you little whore," He said stepping towards me but I didn't move.

"Ah so that's what I am in tonight's drunken daze," I smirked and Blaze shook his head.

"Shut up before-" Blaze started then our step-dad turned to look at him.

"Before what?" He asked.

"Nothing," Blaze sighed.

"Before you get pissed, before you decide to go hitting again," I said getting the darkest glare I'd seen in awhile. "Random guess."

I was on the ground in less than two seconds after that. My opinion- It was worth it. What happened afterwords was not. He picked me up and dragged me to my bedroom where all hell broke loose.

Break

I lay in my bed that night careful not to move. I was bruised and battered but tomorrow nothing would be different. There was this kid Zach in my class who kiled himself last night because he thought his life was bad. We barely knew the kid yet when we found out it was like he was our best friend as we cried with the rest. Now though, at this moment when I am here lying in this bed after getting the shit beat out of me, I hate him. I hate him for being able to do what I'm terrified of doing. I hate him for being able to sleep peacefully forever. I hate him for being able to escape this damn world.

I don't even move my head from my gaze at the ceiling as my door opens and closes. Blaze walks over and looks at me.

"Sit up Anjelita. Got you some aspirin," He sighed.

It's how it always turns out. I get my ass kicked for saying something I shouldn't and he comes in and takes care of me no matter how much we've been arguing.

Now at 34 I wish he still was here, but he never made it throough high school.