Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. It is the sole property of Masashi Kishimoto. All rights reserved.
Pairings: Sasuke/Sakura, minor Naruto/Sakura, Kakashi/Shizune
Summary: (rewritten) OOCness, for Sakura's birthday, sequel to Jealous Thoughts, Denial Ideas: Poor Sakura! First she gets the flu and is bedridden. Now her overprotective boyfriend and teammates are going to 'heal' her. May God have mercy on her soul.
Sasuke decided to leave Naruto to his ridiculous imagination (really, mutated ramen?). He went back into the kitchen, ignoring Kakashi and whatever the hell he was doing, and picked up the soup.
It was a surprise, but it was actually made.
He inspected the food, making sure there was nothing that could make her sicker, and went back upstairs. As he got climbed the stairs he could hear the disturbing squealing of the jounin, "Oh Kakashi! Take me I'm yours!"
He hoped his cherry blossom couldn't hear the impure noises coming from her kitchen. That whole room would need to be bleached after all of this.
Hurrying up to his love's room, he wanted to see her once more time. Because once Hikaru returned, he was going to die. His head would be chopped off and placed over the fireplace.
He winced when he heard the dobe (apparently back from his mission) give off a girly squeal followed by a loud BANG and CRASH, signaling that he tripped and broke something.
"Please don't tell me that was the ashes of Coco-chan." He pleaded; knowing that both Sakura and Hikaru would kill him for that, considering it was already his fault that the rabbit died.
After an earth-shattering kiss from Sakura that sent him onto cloud nine, Sasuke never noticed the bunny in front of him. Let's just say it had been a bloody mess.
Tears began to stream down his face, "I didn't mean to run over it! I-I-I'm so sorry Sakura!"
No one knows how exactly he ran over it when cars didn't exist in his world.
He practically broke down into sobs as he remembered the heart-broken look of his Sakura when she discovered the dead bunny. It broke his heart whenever he saw her sad face filled with tears. It also broke his spine whenever Hikaru and/or Tsuande and/or Shizune got pissed at him
Shizune, Hikaru, and the Hokage were fiercely protective over the female and if anyone made her sad those that made her sad would die. Simple as that.
And unfortunately he had made her cry that time when he killed Coco-chan. Neither Itachi nor Orochimaru could inflict that much pain as the females of the "We Love Sakura" club could.
Up in her room, Sakura sweatdropped as she heard her boyfriend begin to sob, knowing exactly what it was about. "I already told Sasuke-kun that Coco-chan was the spawn of Satan and that he bit mommy everyday. I just didn't like the way it twitched as he died." She deadpanned as she hugged the stuffed rabbit to her chest. Looking down she pouted, "Sasuke-kun just doesn't listen does he Bunny-chan?"
Her voice went to a higher squeak as she talked for the bunny. "No he doesn't Sakura-chan! But he's male so we have to forgive him."
Nodding, understanding the logic her stuffed animal was talking about Sakura laughed out, "You're right Bunny-chan! Sasuke-kun is a male," She flushed at this remembering all the times he would shove her into a dark corner and proceeded to do very naughty things to her. "So of course he doesn't listen."
Her rabbit nodded, "Of course I'm right! I'm Super Bunny!"
Laughing Sakura slapped her forehead at her ignorance, "Of course! Silly me!"
"Sakura? Are you having conversations with your stuffed animals again?" Sasuke's voice called out from her door, obviously not crying over the past anymore (Sasuke not caring about the past? Has the world gone MAD?).
With a crazed look in her eyes, Sakura looked over the room as if someone was going to steal her precious bunny. "No!" She then brought the animal to her chest and began to stroke it. "They won't get it will they precious? My own. My love. My precioussssss." She hissed out.
Yes, Haruno Sakura was a bit insane, especially when she is bedridden and is coming down with Cabin Fever.
Not having to cook anymore Kakashi decided he better help clean up, since he did cause the mess.
It actually didn't take as long as it did to cook the meal. Using his shinobi talents he was able to clean it all up in a matter of seconds.
Looking at the spotless kitchen, a smug grin went to his face, "Hah! Look at that precious Shizune-hime! I can clean rather well!" His visible eye took on the shape of a heart and stars shimmered everywhere. "When we have kids I'll help clean up the kitchen! And then you'll be so pleased that you have a husband that helps out that we can have sex all night long!"
His fist clenched, "Boo-yeah! Steamy hot sex!" He cried out.
"DEAR GOD MY EARS!" Naruto sobbed out from the living room. "Kakashi you pervert! I don't want to hear about your damn sex life! Oh God I think I'm about to be ill!"
From upstairs a pissed out Sasuke roared, "BOTH OF YOUR SHUT THE HELL UP! MY SAKURA IS TRYING TO SLEEP! AND DAMN IT KAKASHI! SAKURA DOES NOT NEED TO HEAR IMPURE SAYINGS LIKE STEAMY HOT SEX!"
Frowning Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest huffy out like a child. "JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S BAD! I'M SURE YOU AND SAKURA WILL HAVE A GRAND TIME!" The silver-haired jounin snickered, obviously had found some sugar products and was now even more so hyperactive.
"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW WE HAVE DONE IT!"
Both Kakashi and Naruto could fell their jaws drop. Falling to his knees, in a very dramatic manor, Kakashi looked dead. "My sixteen year old students have done it before me." He muttered in disbelief. Yes ladies, Hatake Kakashi was indeed a virgin.
"WHAAAAT! NOOO! NOOOOO!" Naruto wailed, falling to his knees too. "MY SAKURA-CHAN!"
"SASUKE!" A very pissed off Sakura roared making the house shake and everyone wet themselves.
"Oh shit." Kakashi heard the Uchiha gasp out, realizing that he was a dead man.
"S-S-S-Sakur-a-a, I didn't - -" He didn't get to finish as an animal-like roar came from upstairs followed by a very girly scream from the prodigy himself.
"HOW DARE YOU TELL THEM THAT, YOU LYING-BASTARD! I TOLD YOU THAT WE WOULDN'T DO IT AT LEAST TILL WE WERE EIGHTEEN!" Both Kakashi and Naruto giggled, finding out that Sasuke had lied to look cool. "AND KAKASHI YOU BETTER NOT BE EATING MY SUGAR CANDY YOU SUGAR-STEALING-BASTARD! AND NARUTO IF THAT WAS THE VASE THAT HELD THE ASHES OF MY BUNNY FROM HELL YOU WILL SUFFER LIKE NO OTHER, YOU DEAD-BUNNY-KILLING-BASTARD! NOW ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!"
"Yes Sakura-sama!" They all cried out instantly shutting up.
Well, we all know who is really in charge of Team Seven.
Tsuande didn't hold back anymore and she proceeded to slam her head repeatedly against her wooden desk.
Her best friend didn't seem to notice or mind as she continued on about her upcoming wedding. "And, aw! Won't Sakura look absolutely adorable in a pink gown? And oh! Sasuke should were pink too, so that they match! And Naruto will have to wear. . .hm what should it be? Let me think. . .Oh red! And the wedding cake will be chocolate cause everyone loves chocolate! No…it will be lemon…not it will be a cupcake…Hmmm. I'm hungry."
'Oh God I want my sake!' She sobbed in her mind. 'I also want something deep-fried smothered in chocolate, caramel, and grease!' Deciding she couldn't take anymore, the Hokage shot up, startling the black-haired woman. Forcing a smile the blonde stated, "Why don't we get Sakura and go get something unhealthy to eat?"
Shizune was out the door squealing, "SAKURA-CHAN! UNHELATHY FOOD! HELL YEAH!"
With a smug smirk, Tsuande walked after her, looking foreword to stuffing her face and perhaps adding a few pounds to her body. Cause when a woman is suffering she could care less about how fat she was as long as she got her cravings.
Men know better than to come between a woman and her sweets.
And now a word from the women of the world: DAMN STRAIGHT! NO ONE WILL GET BETWEEN US AND OUR FOOD!
Sakura blinked as she looked around before looking over at her boyfriend that looked like he was terrified to even touch her, obviously feeling quite guilty for lying about them sleeping together.
"Sasuke-kun? Did you just here some voices screaming something or another about food?" She asked before opened her mouth and allowed the Uchiha survivor to feed her. She gushed at the feeling of the warm soup running down her throat and into her empty stomach.
"Hm? No, I did not hear psychopathic bitches screaming about being fat." He stated back.
And now another word from the women of the world: WHAT WAS THAT YOU BASTARD! A PSYCHOPATHIC-BITCHES! YOU-YOU-YOU SAKURA-HATER! THAT'S RIGHT! YOU DISGUSTING BASTARD ARE A SAKURA-HATER!
Sasuke stopped and felt a shudder run down his spine. Looking at him, Sakura reached over and ran a hand threw his hair.
"What's wrong?" She asked before she allowed herself to be hand-fed once again.
Sasuke felt completely at ease as she stroked him, keeping him stable. Unfortunately he could not shake off the feeling that he just pissed off more females who had the power to make his life miserable and kick his ass so bad that he would loose all things that made him a male.
"N-nothing. Here, eat your food. You need nutrients to get better." He ordered making her sigh. He was a bossy-jackass when he wanted to be.
With a roll of her eyes, Sakura obliged but not before giving him a mocking glare.
After swallowing the last bit of food, Sakura gave her boyfriend another glare. "You are bossy, you know that?" She snapped which only made him shrug before he used a rag to wipe of her face. She growled and slapped his hand away, "Stop babying me!" She whined which only made him smirk. "And stop smirking at me damn it! You, Naruto, Kakashi-sensei. . .Hell, everybody in this damn village spoils and babies me! Why?" She demanded a pout forming on her lips making her sinfully cute.
To cute for Sasuke's hormones.
Without waiting for her to continue her rants he slammed his mouth on hers.
Kakashi and Naruto grinned at one another as they looked at the Haruno's house. It was clean! They had actually cleaned the house extremely well and did not break anything! Save for the vase that held the remains of the bunny who was Satan's spawn, but they cleaned that up and placed it in a teakettle.
Looking at one another they let another grin wipe over their faces before giving the thumbs up sign.
"Won't Sakura-chan and Hikaru-san be so happy with how well we cleaned this all up!" Naruto chortled. as he began to bounce, happy as happy can be. "Now Sakura-chan will see me as a better husband for her!"
"You bet! And won't my Shizune-hime just love that I can cook and clean! YAY! I can be her slave!"
Naruto twitched, knowing very well what type of slave his sensei meant. "You're disgusting."
A knock came from the front of the house making the two males blink before shrugging. "I wonder who that is." Naruto stated as he walked over pulling open the door. His blue eyes came across a very large chest and knew it was the Hokage. "Hey old hag!"
Naruto went flying off into the distant till it looked like he was a star. We won't be seeing him any time soon.
"Stupid ass." The blonde woman seethed as she cracked her knuckles, hating it when she was called old.
"Ah! Kakashi-kun!" Shizune gasped before flushing and began to play with her fingers, much like a certain Hyuuga heiress. She loved the man but ever since they became engaged she felt so shy, and always blushed. Her husband-to-be always affectingly called her his blushing bride.
"Shizune-hime!" The silver-haired male squealed before he attacked the woman.
Tsunade twitched when she saw what perverted things were being done to her friend.
With a snort, the blonde woman entered the house looking around with a frown. "It smells like. . .Sasuke. . ." With a growl she rushed up the steps and threw open Sakura's door only to scream bloody murder.
"Oh…oh the pain…" Naruto wheezed, lodged in a tree with his face a swollen bloody mess.
"I can't feel…" He gasped, feeling like he was about to pass out. "Sakura-chaaaan, save me!"
Haruno Hikaru sighed in a bored fashion as she glared at the Kazekage who was glaring right back. She had been sent here by the Hokage to give a message to the leader of the Sand. She wasn't a shinobi but she was a close friend with the Hokage and Hikaru had been taught the ways of politics.
So here she was glaring dangerously at the emotionless man.
"Aren't you going to say anything you panda-bastard?" She hissed making the male twitch as he gave her a furious glare that usually made anyone wet themselves.
Unfortunately Gaara was dealing with a Haruno, and everyone knows that Harunos are insane.
"Don't you threaten me you bastard!" She roared as she stomped over at him and grabbed him by the ear and dragged him after her, much to the shocked faces of his siblings and the council. A yelp escaped the red-haired man's lips as the woman's hand slapped against his rear. "You need to learn discipline! You do not glare at an adult! Bad panda! Bad!"
"GET HER OFF OF ME!" Gaara screamed, feeling very embarrassed that he was getting spanked. Seeing them hide their laughter the Kazekage roared, "I SAID GET THIS BITCH OFF OF ME!"
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT YOU BRAT! YOU STUPID PANDA! DIE!" She then tackled the man to the ground. And that was the day that Gaara, leader of Sand, holder of a terrible demon, screamed like a girl as he was beaten to a pulp by a psychotic woman that was not a shinobi.
Tsunade screamed as she saw Sasuke on top of Sakura, his shirt off and hers practically falling off. His lips were on her neck when she had first arrived, his hands going way to low for the blonde's liking. Sakura blinked; completely dazed from the attention she was getting from her boyfriend.
Sasuke looked a deer caught in the headlines.
"Oh crap." He muttered before he was attacked.
"GET OFF MY BABY! YOU PERVERT!" She screamed making Sakura squeak before Sasuke was grabbed by his hair and picked up. "Sakura, did he hurt you?" She cooed making Sakura smile.
"I'm fine; he was being a bit aggressive but it's ok. And I'm sorry I didn't meet up with you. But I'm sure the guys told you I've had the stomach flu all day."
Sasuke went rigid before he slapped his forehead, his body still dangling up in the hair by the hair. They had completely forgotten to tell the woman. Well now he was going to be killed ever worse now.
"YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME THAT MY BABY WAS SICK! DIE!" Sakura just smiled as her boyfriend was thrown out the window.
"Oh…I-I can't feel." Sasuke wheezed, lodged in a tree.
"Welcome to the club." Naruto whimpered, right next to him.
Walking over to her, Tsunade placed a hand on the slightly large forehead before smiling. "You all better! Just need to keep drinking fluids and stick to soup and just stay in bed today. You will have to go easy tomorrow but you can go train if you do."
After tucking her in, Tsunade left to go find Naruto and Sasuke to continue beating them bloody.
Both were still near unconscious in a tree.
Shizune and Kakashi were doing bad things on Sakura's doorstep.
Haruno Hikaru was beating the Kazekage to a bloody pulp.
Sakura was fast asleep in her bed.
And thus the medical care of Haruno Sakura ended!