Disclaimer: I don't SG-1 or any of the characters thereof. I'm just borrowing them.
EDITED: July 20, 2006 for minor spelling and grammar problems. Also to add some author notes and the thank you.
A/N: Spoilers for Gemini (8.11). This takes place after the episode and before the next and Prometheus Unbound. This is my first SG-1 fic, just to let you know. /added later\ I didn't see "Grace" till long after I wrote this story. She obviously caught on to her crush then. I'm ignoring that.
Thanks to all who have reviewed previously. I am considering a sequel but I'm not sure yet. I have one other SG-1 fic out right now called Contentment. It's Daniel/Vala but has some Sam/Jack in it as well.
Sam couldn't sleep. It had been two days since she had seen her replicater self, but it still kept rolling around in her head. If she hadn't trusted her so fully, would they be in this situation?
She turned over and faced the wall. What bothered her most was the part when Replicater-Sam had told her that humans deny themselves their desires. It hadn't been power she had thought of. It hadn't been Pete. It had been Jack's face that had crossed her mind at that second before realization downed.
And that scared the crap out of her.
She had always heard the rumors passing around the base that her and Jack were not simply a General and a Colonel. It had never bothered her before, especially after seeing her alternate self with him. It just hadn't affected her till now. Either she was dense or it had been brewing and now was finally cooked.
Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter had a crush on her commanding Officer. Actually, if she was honest she had had a crush on him since the start; it was just now very clear to her and quite possibly everyone else.
So she had avoided him the last few days, letting him believe it was out of guilt, which it certainly was. Just not completely. She was embarrassed that she had been fooled so completely and embarrassed that her feelings for Jack were not strictly platonic.
Pete had been distancing himself lately as well. Did he know? She doubted it. As far as Pete was concerned Jack was simply General O'Neill. She never called him by his first name except in her mind. Peter didn't seem to be the overly jealous type either so She was quite certain he never would guess that she sometimes had fantasies of kissing Jack.
He didn't know that she HAD kissed Jack before. Granted it was an alternate version of her but that didn't mean she didn't kiss him. Just meant that she didn't know the exact way it felt.
She was NOT going to go into a mental accounting of Jack's kiss. She was going to go back to her original subject: her failure to realize that Replicater-Sam was not as trustworthy as she appeared. Teal'c saw it, but he still claimed no one could have seen how this would have turned out. Jack she was pretty sure saw it. He just didn't want to tell her that.
She had failed everyone. She turned and faced her closet again.
She really needed to get some sleep so she could think better. Sighing, she sat up and got out of the bed and left the room that she had assembled for herself when she had long nights in the lab. She walked down to the cafeteria and got herself a cup of hot milk. Pete had once told her that helped him sleep sometimes after a long night at work.
"What are you still doing here, Carter?" She nearly jumped at the sound of his voice, figuring everyone but the night shift to be gone. She shown have known better. If he felt something was wrong with either her or Daniel he would stay till he figured out what it was.
"Had a late night, sir. I finally managed to enter a report on the Replicater cells into our database."
"Ah." Jack was silent for a moment before he got himself a drink as well. "Care to sit with me with our drinks?" She didn't want to simply because of all the confusing thought patterns going though out her mind, but she didn't want not to either. It was rare anymore that she got together with him over something other then straight "Stargate Business".
"Sure, sir." They sat down at the table, across from each other and drank in a comfortable silence. She kept her eyes on his hands, knowing full well that she had a weakness for those eyes of his. Brown. She wouldn't go as far as to say chocolate brown, but they were deep and dark. Always saying something.
"Carter?" She looked up, brought out of her thoughts suddenly by his words.
"Sorry Sir; must have dazed off." He shrugged.
"Carter, don't think too much over the what ifs. They end being the ones that start to kill you."
"Sir, if this is about the incident with the Replicater…"
"Carter, you think too much sometimes, you know. The past three days you have been dwelling on that. You've been blaming yourself and spent who knows how many hours going over the situation again and again." He paused and took a drink. "I just don't want to see you grill yourself over this when there was no way you could have known. None of us could have." Sam decided not to tell him that he had already said this earlier and it didn't need repeated. When she didn't respond, he sighed. That brought her head up and her eyes contacted with his.
Instant warmth filled her body at that moment. It was one of those moments when she wondered if the consequences for making out with your commanding officer were that bad. Granted, she knew she wouldn't move an inch but fantasying about breaking the rules was allowed wasn't it?
What made it worse is that she saw the same look in his eyes, mixed in with worry and love. It didn't help her at all to know that he felt the same way. She swallowed. Perhaps telling Pete she would marry him was a bad decision. Not if she was going to fantasy about her commanding officer and he was looking like he did the same about her.
However, she had said she would marry Pete and she would. She loved him after all. She looked away and finished her drink.
"Sir, I think I'll go back to bed now. Goodnight." She looked at him once before turning but not into his eyes. She could still pretend.