Have some fun, silly smut! Written quite awhile ago. YAY for and the M rating. :P Warnings: sex, spanking, silliness. The three S's that I love so. :P

Mating Season

A pinch of dried nettle, two scarab beetles, a handful of bay leaves, powdered lime measured from one flask to another with careful precision...


Too much lime, damnit.

"What do you want?" Severus Snape bristled, whirling angrily to face the man behind him who had just spoken his name. "I am attempting to work, if you hadn't managed to notice."

Remus Lupin smiled easily, as he always did, and peered over at the smoking cauldron set in the middle of the floor of Severus' cold dungeon office. "Yes, I had noticed. Is it a terribly important potion you're working on? I just need some of your time."

"Yes, frighteningly important, now leave as I asked you to five minutes ago," Severus snapped, turning back to the cauldron. Even if they were lovers, and had been for almost a year, it didn't give the man any right to interfere with what Severus deemed important.

Now, with the addition of the proper amount of lime... yes... then stirred counterclockwise until the exact moment the smoke turned green...

"It's mating season."

The ladle slipped into the concoction with a splash, sinking out of sight and to the bottom quickly. Ruining the entire potion, of course.

"Hell," Severus spat, snatching his wand and extinguishing the fire at the cauldron's base. He turned rapidly to face Remus a second time, black robes swishing around his thin frame. "I hope you're quite satisfied now. I'm out of bay leaves and I have to start the entire potion over again and what the hell are you going on about 'mating season'?"

Severus was irate, his breath coming out in short gasps; Remus was calm, and seemingly not aware of any danger he might be in.

"It's mating season," he simply repeated. "That's why I couldn't leave when you asked me to."

"Really," Snape drawled mockingly, folding his arms and giving his lover the best glare he had at his disposal. "Interesting how I've never heard of this before. One would think you made it up on the spur of the moment just to get sex in the middle of the afternoon when I am usually especially busy."

With a haughty sniff at Remus' bemused expression, he turned away to assess his stock of dried nettle. One bottle was nearly empty, and the other not quite full, making it logical to transfer the remains and obtain another bottleful at some later date. He was in the process of starting this when Remus stepped up behind him and slipped strong arms about his waist, pressed his body close, and buried his face in the fabric between Severus' neck and shoulder.

"Lupin. ...Lupin, get off."

"Mmm. So that means no?"

"No what?"

"No sex?"


"Ah, Severus, don't do this to me," the werewolf moaned, his body slipping downward. "It's mating season."

The potions master chose to ignore him, instead beginning to empty one bottle into another, a process which would have been much easier if it wasn't for the way his own body had begun to sway back and forth rhythmically.

"Lupin, what are you doing?"

"Answering the primal call of nature, the pull of wild forces beyond my control."

"You're humping my leg."

"Same thing."

"Stop it. I have work to do."

"How can I stop? You won't give me want I want. What I need. Won't you reconsider?"

Severus was at least tempted to give in, finding the feel of the hard bulge in Remus' trousers, now sliding more slowly up his thigh, to be most distracting. But what would giving in accomplish now? This could happen again, next time he was busy with something, and the insufferable bother would think he could get away with it. "No. I won't. Now let me go."

Rather than releasing him, however, Remus' arms tightened, rather effectively leaving Severus with no way to escape, being the physically weaker of the two. "Well then... you're just going to take a little more persuasion. I need you desperately, it being mating season you know."

Severus snorted in contempt, trying not to show any alarm as he wriggled slightly to test the strength of Remus' grip. No, he wouldn't be getting out of this on his own. "I wish you would stop saying that, it's ridiculous. Mating season indeed. What are you basing this on?"

"I don't know," Remus replied in a casual tone that Severus found maddening. "The intensity of my current lust for you, maybe?" One arm had loosened to open Severus' robes, then lowered to unfasten the trousers underneath; still no amount of struggling on Severus' part was enough to free him.

"Damn it," he swore, his temper slipping even further. "Let me go, this instant. I don't have time for this, I have work to do, I can't..."

"You're so uptight," Remus murmured suddenly, his lips brushing against Severus' neck. "And for no reason. I'll give you something to be uptight about."

"I said let me go, you idiotic..."

"All due respect, love," Remus sighed. "Shut up." And he lifted one hand to Severus' mouth, forcing two fingers inside quickly before the other man had a chance to react.

"Lupan! Wha the thuck you thin you thoing!"

"Bite me and you'll be sorry later," Remus warned. He laughed softly at his lover's attempt at speech while his fingers rubbed along his tongue until they were coated wetly. He pulled them out and snaked his arm back around behind Severus' suddenly ramrod-straight form.

"Lupin... Remus, what..."

"Oh, you must worried. It's 'Remus' now," the lycanthrope teased. His hand nudged it's way beneath the back of Severus' loose trousers, maneuvered under his pants, slid down between and beneath his buttocks, and with one swift push, forced both saliva-slick fingers into his opening. Severus gave a sort of strangled cry, then immediately bit his lip as though ashamed of doing so.

"Rather tight," Remus remarked, again in that enfuriatingly casual tone. "You need a bit of stretching."

"There are other ways to do tha..."

"I want to do it the natural way. It's just what I want. Mating season."

"Mating season," Severus hissed. "Do werewolves even have a mating season? Because I'd like to know what the hell you're going on about." The arrogant tone he had intended to convey was a bit thrown off when he could only manage to squeak out the last few words, Remus having chosen that moment to twist his fingers slightly.

"It sounds about right to me," Remus said. "I've been thinking of you all day, wondering how to get you into bed. Can't wait any longer, and since you're being difficult about it, we're going to have to do it right here." He smiled as he probed deeper into Severus, apparently satisfied with the short breathy moans this resulted in. "It's much worse than it's ever been, and it definitely feels like a desperate urge to propagate."

"Propagate," Severus repeated, his voice pitched a little higher than normal. "Shouldn't you have found a female, in that case?"

"No interest in them."

"Fine. I still say you're making this up to waste my time."

"Do you, now." The fingers withdrew, then thrust in again, hard. "And you're an expert on the sexual nature of werewolves, is that what you're saying?"

Severus, his eyes feeling ready to bulge out of their sockets, did his best to reply evenly. "You're not even in wolf form now. And I could always look it up in a book."

"You won't find any information on the sexual nature of werewolves in any book," Remus chuckled between small, nibbling bites along Severus' neck. "A few years from now, maybe you'll be qualified to write one all about it. You could call it... I don't know... 'Wanking with Werewolves'. ...Gilderoy Lockhart doesn't have a book like that already, does he?"

"I believe it's... Wanderings... with Werewolves..." Severus answered, lips twitching spastically.

"Oh. Kind of close, hm? Don't think he remembers too much these days, but if he was offended by title similarities, we could always offer him a threesome by way of payment. I do believe Lockhart is the gayest man I've ever seen."

"Lupin," Severus said, now sounding rather worried. "Have you just gone mad?"

Remus laughed, his free hand beginning to drift downward along his lover's taut form. "I told you: it's mating season."

"And I told you: I don't believe you."

"I guess that means you won't write the book then," Remus sighed. "Just as well, I'd probably be more qualified than even you. The readers could get an inside view and all that. I think I'll call it, 'Remus Lupin: Werewolf, Lover, Sex God'. I even have a few ideas for the text already. I'll give you an excerpt: 'Unknown to any at Hogwart's, I buggered cranky Professor Snape all over the school, driving him to heights of passion no one would ever have thought possible, making him writhe and scream for more with my superlative lovemaking skills...'"

It was becoming increasingly difficult for Severus to concentrate on Remus' preposterous speech, with the way the lycanthrope's fingers were moving inside him. Not to mention this was combined with a good deal of neck biting and sucking, along with a hand stroking his only half-unwanted erection. Nevertheless, he tried, still unable to give in completely, his will hanging by a very thin but very stubborn thread.

"I... can't... work... do... stop..."

"You're still going on about that, are you." Remus' ministrations abruptly halted and he drew back a pace, leaving Severus with a feeling of slight relief. At least for a moment. He started to take a step, but froze immediately when Remus spoke again.

"Be still."

There was nothing commanding about the words themselves. It was the tone of voice, a low throaty growl entirely different from Remus' normal speech. He didn't use it often, but when he did, it left no doubt who was in control of the situation.

"Don't move another inch. I'm getting what I want this time, no matter what it takes. And since you've persisted in being so obstinate, let's try it this way. You are not to do anything from this point on without my permission. Until I have taken what I need. Do you understand, Severus?"

Small hairs on the back of Severus' neck felt as though they were standing on end, and all he could do was follow with his eyes as Remus walked slowly around in front of him. He finally swallowed hard before responding.

"I... yes. And... what is it that you need, exactly?" he asked softly, willing himself not to show any fear. His lover was rather intimidating in this state.

Remus leaned in closer, a dangerous glint in his golden eyes. Severus held his breath for several eternally long moments, waiting for the reply.

Without warning, the werewolf grinned broadly. "You. Preferably with your arse in the air, legs spread open for me." His voice was completely normal, quite chipper in fact. It was all Severus could do to hold himself back and not throttle the git right then and there.

"You are the most..."

"Oh, I forgot to mention. There will be consequences if you don't do exactly as I say. Now take your clothes off." Despite Remus' easy tone, there was no doubt he meant every word.

Pushing aside the urge to swear, Severus obeyed, watching through narrowed eyes as Remus removed his own clothes at the same time, the smile never leaving his face.

"Good. Now. On your hands and knees on the floor."

Remus pointed. Severus stared.

"On the floor? But..."

"On your hands and knees. On the floor. Now."

A hint of the growl had returned, and Severus finally complied, wanting to complain about the hardness of the stone against his knees, but knowing it would be no use.

"Good," Remus said again. Severus had his head bent down at first, but looked up to see the other man circling him slowly.

"What are you..."


"No. What are you..."

Remus moved so quickly that Severus didn't have time to finish, and the loud smack of an open hand striking against flesh filled the room. Surprised by the blow, Severus rocked forward, doing his best not to fall flat on his face.

"Lupin, what the fuck..."

"I told you to be quiet. Didn't I? And I told you there would be consequences."

"This is ridiculous. I don't have to put up with this."

"Severus, don't you dare move."

But Severus was making an effort to rise from his assigned position; not fast enough, as Remus quickly pushed him back to his knees, wrapping one arm around his waist to hold him tightly in place.

"I see I'm going to have to teach you a lesson first," Remus said, not sounding too sorry about that fact at all. "Bent on being stubborn, aren't you?"

Severus opened his mouth to make a cutting reply, but nothing came out but a gasp as his lover's firm palm started raining blows hard and fast against his backside.

"Lu... Remus... that bloody hurts!"

"Imagine it does," Remus said lightly, distributing a few good swats to his upper thighs as well. But that's the point. You're being disobedient when you agreed to do everything I said."

"I didn't think you would... ahhh!"

What Severus didn't think he would do was soon forgotten when Remus began hitting him even harder. And at the moment, his stinging arse was nothing compared to his aching prick. Pain often translated into pleasure all too easily.

One more sharp swat, and Remus began massaging his uncomfortably warm bottom. "Had enough? Think you can do as I say now?" Severus moaned something like a "yes", and Remus released him and stood back, admiring his handiwork almost proudly. "Red is very fetching on you," he teased, beginning to circle again. Severus rolled his eyes but bit back a reply this time.

It felt like minutes passed before the werewolf spoke again, continuing his circular route around Severus. "And the mighty wolf stalks it's prey, this time it's chosen mate, waiting for just the right moment to claim its prize..."

Severus' head jerked up. "What the hell are you doing? Narrating? Why don't you just... OW!" The new pain blossoming across his already tender arse reminded him that he really should be keeping his mouth shut.

"Mating season," Remus said, almost gleefully. Severus clamped his teeth down on his lower lip.

"Impatient to begin at last, the wolf prepares to take it's mate..." Severus heard Remus cast the familiar lubrication and stretching spells, and forgot to be silent for a moment.

"What happened to the 'natural way'?"

"Oh!" Remus exclaimed, sheepish now. "Well, there's wanting the 'natural way', then there's wanting the 'this has taken too long, I need to be inside you now, let's do this the easy way'. Now be quiet."

Another pause before he said gently, "And the wolf mounts his chosen lover, the mate he has, indeed, chosen for life..."

Severus' breath caught at those words, then rushed out again as he felt Remus' warmth behind him, and he shivered as the next whisper gently caressed his bare skin.

"I love you, Severus." A soft kiss planted at the base of his spine, then the feel of the blunt tip of his lover's swollen member pressing against his entrance. "Are you ready?"

"God... yes..." It was all he could do not to lean backward and impale himself as it was, such was his need. How he could ever have not wanted this...

One smooth, hard thrust, and Remus was buried deep inside him, filling him, completing him. Joining them together as one. Thankfully Remus forgot his narration, and Severus' world narrowed down to the sensations of Remus' length pumping in and out of him, Remus bending lower, Remus taking hold of his own neglected prick and sliding his hand along it in rhythm. The explosion of pleasure, the sticky, sweat-soaked combination of agony and ecstasy as they came one after the other.

"Love you, Remus," Severus groaned out, as his back arched, his fingers attempted to claw into the cold stone floor. Then Remus pulled back and sat down, spent; Severus turned over and sat as well, narrowly missing the puddles that had formed beneath him. They both panted raggedly, smiling a bit at each other.

"Well now, no place is sacred," Severus said, lifting an eyebrow. "You really have buggered me all over the school."

Remus gave him an impish grin. "At least my book won't contain any falsehoods. And now, Severus... was that so bad? Would you really rather have been working? Hm?"

"Of course not, you dolt. I was being... foolish, myself. Anytime you need me..."

"Yes, well..."


"I have a problem."


But Remus only started to crawl toward him, his smile become apologetic. Severus looked down to see that his lover's prick, flaccid just moments ago, was already fully erect once more.

"My god," Severus said in a horrified whisper. "It really must be mating season."