In Which Seamus explores a Muggle Supermarket.
Seamus had thought from the moment in which he'd stepped into Tesco's that he'd been getting funny looks. That self conscious sort of feeling when you feel so awfully out of place, and immediately want to run out with your tail between your legs.
Or perhaps it was the green hair.
Seamus looked down at the list which Hermione had given him and stared at it. Hermione had decided to have a dinner party for all of her friends and he had somehow got roped into the role of chef's assistant. Said role involved Chef Granger ordering him to peel potatoes, wash about twenty sets of cutlery and go to the local muggle supermarket. Really, was it his fault that she had burnt half of her food? She was a lousy cook, but a determined one, and was now sporting a permanent vendetta against carrots and pancetta. What was pancetta anyway? It sounded like a disease to Seamus, "Excuse me doctor, I've had a rash on my groin this past weeks, I think I've got the pancetta's."
Snapping back into reality and away from food related diseases, Seamus scanned the list, noticing out of the six things on the list he didn't know what five of them were. Star anise? That sounded exotic and therefore explosive in Chef Granger's kitchen. Giving up on attempting to decipher the other ingredients Seamus looked up. He was in the magazine section, which really wasn't all that helpful, taking a deep breath he began to walk down various aisles, beans, biscuits, beverages, and poultry. After ten minutes of wondering around getting funny looks from most people and being eyed by most fifteen year old girls he passed, he wasn't really feeling any more accomplished. He hadn't found pancetta in the cereal, bean or pizza isles. Giving up, Seamus walked over to the Isle which was headed with "beer." Drinks were, of course essential for a dinner party.
Pulling random drinks off shelves made Seamus feel a bit more productive, he reckoned he could make some good mixes, and to make them more appetising picked up a packet of sparkly straws. Hermione had given him £20, he was sure she would be pleased with his good thinking; the shop was out of pancetta, carrots, star anise, mascarpone cheese, braising steak and evaporated milk, Hermione was sure to agree with him that alcohol was a more than substantial substitute.
Smiling happily, Seamus walked up to the tills, and began loading bottles of vodka, peppermint schnapps and Guinness onto the counter. The cashier eyed him with more than a little mistrust, a man with neon green hair, about £50 in drinks and a T-shirt bearing the Legend "Koalas… next 4km." The cashier sighed; it had been a long shift.
In Which Ron and Harry Think
"HARRY!" Ron Weasley yelled up the stairs, "HARRY, Hermione's trying to kill herself again!" Ron looked back down at the dinner party invite he had received and rubbed his eyes. The last time it had ended in Hermione being taken to St. Mungo's with a turnip for a leg; and amusing as that was to everyone else, Hermione hadn't spoken to them for a month.
Harry came down the stairs of his and Ron's flat in pyjamas, rubbing his eyes and looking thoroughly bemused.
"Please tell me she's not cooking again," he muttered despondently. He took the invite out of Ron's hand and read it
Hermione Granger invites you to a gathering of friends with food and drink-
That was all Harry needed to read, he threw it onto the kitchen table and started to dig around in the cupboards for some cereal.
"So, are we going?" Ron asked, watching Harry move around the kitchen.
"We have too, she'll bring the dinner party to us otherwise and quite frankly I'm quite happy with four walls and the oven intact." Harry slumped down onto a chair at the table and began to eat his cereal.
Ron sat down next to Harry and began scanning the guest list which Hermione had attached. He scanned the names for a few seconds before gasping in horror.
Harry looked up from his cereal and frowned, "Why not?"
Ron shifted in his seat, "He scares me."
"He's Gay Ron, not the plague. You just have to make it clear to him you're not interested." Harry said matter of factly.
Ron looked dubious, "And how do I do that?"
Harry paused from his eating, apparently deep in thought, "You'll have to get off with a girl in front of him."
"Harry! That's so wrong, so immature, so-" Ron paused, "I like it." Harry nodded happily and went back to his cereal.
"She's invited Malfoy. Why does she like him?" Ron asked grumpily.
"They're friends, she's worn him down a bit and he steels her magazines," Harry replied, not looking up.
"Humph. Oh God, Seamus is coming, what colour do you think his hair'll be this time?"
"Last I heard it was orange with nike ticks on it."
"He's an idiot," Ron muttered.
"Yeah, but a fun idiot, he's harmless, a happy drunk. Have you seen his koala t-shirt?" Harry asked amusedly.
Ron ignored Harry and ploughed on with the list, "Zabini? Does she even know he fancies her, and how do they know-"
"Shut up complaining, Ron," Harry replied, getting up and putting his empty cereal bowl in the sink. "I'm going back to bed." Ron glowered at Harry, as he walked back up the stairs. Harry really didn't get it; someone was going to end up either dead or diving off a ten metre diving bored into a mixture of Pimms and Vodka.