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Bakura's One-Kitchen Stand

Ryou turned over in bed. His hand met with something warm, something that felt soft…something that felt like…

"Holy Ra!" Ryou shot up. "I didn't know girls had those!"
"Get your hands off my crown jewels you thieving son of a-" A voice growled.

Ryou stared, and rubbed his eyes a few times, to make sure he wasn't dreaming. No, he hadn't had ten shots of vodka last night and he hadn't taken anyone home, but there was…
"Bakura! Get back into my head! Now!"

Bakura stretched and grinned mischievously. "Whatever you did last night Hikari has no concern with me, thank you very much. Now if you don't mind, I would like to test out my new body." And with that, Bakura shook his tousled white hair and jumped out of bed, doing it as if it was natural.
Thump!
"Ouch. Ryou, please may you help me up, my legs do not seem to be working. And my head is spinning, plus I can see little pink elephants, which is surely not natural, and…" he giggled. "Round and round and…WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?"

Ryou sweatdropped.

:-:-:

Bakura sat in the kitchen, flexing his new muscles back and forth. His eyes were fixated on his bulging bicep and he had a wolfish grin plastered to his face.
"Greetings, Hikari," Bakura said, without turning around. "I'd put down the saucepan if I were you, or someone might get hurt."

Damn! Ryou scowled, pan frozen above Bakura's head, poised in mid tiptoe. Bakura spun around slowly.

"Be gone, evil fiend! Thou who hast taken the form of my Yami and has possessed his soul!" Ryou commanded, pointing at him.

A few minutes passed.

A bird tweeted.

"Well then Ryou, what may I ask, will you be cooking for breakfast?" Bakura leaned back in his chair, resuming his inspection of his new muscles.
"Erm…" Ryou began, but suddenly Bakura's eyes lit up. This was probably more dangerous than his devilish grin.
"I know, let me do the cooking!"
"I'm not sure Bakura, I mean, if it really is you…"
"Of course it is I, the legend, the one, the-"
"Yeah, but you haven't been near a frying pan for the last five Millennia," Ryou said.
"Trust me, Hikari, my cookery skills are to die for…" Bakura cackled before running insanely out of the back door.

Oh great! Ryou thought glumly. His eye strayed to the calendar on the table. April 1st. Even better. Not only was he going to have to watch out for his Yami, he would also have to watch out for the pranks of his fellow classmates! Speaking of pranks…

Brrrrriiiiiinnnnnggggggggggg!

Ryou picked up the phone.

"Greetings, honourable potential consumer, my name is Kronos Napalotipolizterwansoluhbah-"
"Yes?" Ryou demanded impatiently. He had a Yami to find.
"I was wondering if you would like a tub of my famous elbow grease for those understandable moments of hard work or a pair of pervi-oculars for…ahh bird watching or one of my new organizers that has seventy five different functions-"
"Sorry, not interested."
"It allows you to say hello in six hundred different languages!"
Ryou slammed the phone down. "What just happened there?"

In a shady room two figures sniggered and picked another name on the list.
"Ah…Mr. Seto Kaiba."
"Which one should we choose for him?"
"For the CEO, hmmm…I think the 'refrigerator one' will suffice."
A pair of dice clacked, and a beam of light glinted off a wave of rock hard hair as the two figures erupted into fits of laughter.

"Ba-ku-ra! Oh Ba-ku-ra!" Ryou cupped his hands and called into the woods. It had been raining the night before and the air was still slightly frosty. Wet grass brushed his shoes and dew sparkled in the morning sun.

Ack! Why couldn't he have a normal Yami like everyone else? Well, if you could call a power-crazed lunatic that wasn't even real or a self-righteous Pharaoh normal…had he just thought these thoughts? It couldn't be him. Ryou was too good to have these thoughts. Ha! Now you're thinking about when you were thinking about having those thoughts! His brain crowed. Shut up!

Thwap!

Suddenly Ryou found himself upside down. A rope dangled from a branch had mysteriously become attached to his foot, and as he hung swaying in the breeze, Ryou realized he'd stepped into a hunter's trap.

Curses! Ryou twisted, and with amazing death defying movements, he managed to gyrate himself so he could untie himself free. Only problem was, now the ground was coming up to meet him…

"Oww!" Ryou yelled. Whoever did this was going to pay. When he found his Yami…

Ryou stomped through the forest, leaving a trail of madness in his wake. He was really mad now, and it was barely seven thirty. Someone hadn't woken up with their Kellogs Cornflakes yet.

"Bakura!" His voice rang through the clearing, to the stream where Bakura was frozen over the water, poised in concentration. One fluid movement, one jab and he had a struggling fish in his hands.
"Yes!" His grating voice crowed with triumph. He tossed the fish into a basket where there was also a bound rabbit, a struggling wild-eyed deer, two birds, a lemming and a…grisly bear…

"Erm…Bakura?" Ryou tapped him on the shoulder.
"What?" Bakura snarled, spinning around. Ryou's anger instantly drained away.
"Erm…where did that bear and lemming come from? We don't get those here…"
"Shoot." Bakura untied the bear and lemming and murmured- "Scat!"
The two creatures instantly scooted off. "Anything else?"
Ryou eyed the deer and rabbit and birds nervously and gulped. "N-n-no, bu-"
"Then that's settled. My, what a treat I have for you!" Bakura slung the basket over his shoulder and started hiking back. "Just need to check on my final trap-"
"YOUR TRAP!" A few leaves fell out of Ryou's dishevelled hair. "Wait until I get my hands on you, you…"

Bakura sped through the forest, fast as a blur.

"Bakura, I knew you'd come back here…you…" Ryou panted, staggering through the back door. "When I get a hold of you, I-what's that smell?" He sniffed, breathing deeply. "That smells so nice, what is it?"
"My dear Hikari, didn't I tell you I make the finest of cuisines?" Bakura said smoothly, ushering Ryou to a seat.
"Wow, you've done something with the table as well- it looks so new, and restaurant-like…wait a minute…"
"Here, for starters, fresh stuffed erm…something, and toad-in-a-hole!" Bakura flourished the platters, instantly diverting Ryou from the imminent question of where he'd found the table.
"Looks good! Mmmm," Ryou said, as he munched on the starter. "Now, let's have look at the main course-eeep!"

Ribbet! Ribbet!

"Don't you like the toad?" Bakura asked.
"You're not supposed to use a live toad!" Ryou screamed.
"Ooops," Bakura said sheepishly. "Then you won't like what's for pudding then."
"What?" Ryou asked suspiciously.
"It's- 'spotted dick'," Bakura whispered.
"Grrr…"

Bakura's eyes flicked to the calendar. "Erm…as you humans put it, happy April Fool's Day!"
Ooooooh, Ryou fumed. Two can play at this game…


What tricks will Ryou pull out? Will they faze Bakura? To be continued...R n' R please!