Tea: I'm too suggestible, I write porn whenever anyone pokes m—
scone: pokes vigorously> write me pr0n.
Tea: Owww. glares> Okay.

"Stop being such a fucking baby."
"I am not—look, it's perfectly natural to be a little out of sorts before one's first time, and I'm not rushing into this will-nilly, unlike someone I could mention and good god you're hands are cold, is that a water bottle from the freezer?"
"No, I got a membership to a Sams Club in the artic circle, genius. You ramble when you're nervous, know that?"
"I just can't help but feel we're rushing into this."
A shuffle as the protesting party's arms got pinned above his head
"You're one whiny limey. We've been dating for what, two months? And I love you"
"You WHAT?"
"Oh stop panicking. As I was saying, I love you, and our first time is going to be special and incredible as soon as you shut up and enjoy it."
"But your fingers are cold!"
"Look, by incredible, I mean awkward as fuck and funny in retrospect but still good because it's us and we'll always remember it, and when you love me like I love you it'll be more than just sex, and you'll thank me."
"But I do really care about you!"
"Yeah, yeah. Save it for when you mean it. You will soon. Does that hurt?"
"…a bit."
"Don't pull out!"
"Now we're talking."
"Jesus, don't you think we should wait?"
"Tired of waiting… how does that feel?"
"You're crying."
"Well, great in a very… stretchy way."
"Nigel? I love you."
"I know."