A/N: Eleventh in a series of thirty for the LJ community 30Kisses.
Disclaimer: Firefly is not mine. No one would sign the petition. :(
Jayne Cobb was a murderer. Jayne Cobb was a killer. Jayne Cobb was, to boil it down some more, no good and proud of it.
But Jayne Cobb was also playing dress-up.
"It ain't dress-up if you won't cooperate," Kaylee was saying sternly, holding a jacket out to him that would have torn in under an hour with his usual work.
He just fixes a glare on her and growls. "Them's fanciful clothes I ain't gonna be wearing after this go se mission!"
"That still don't make it dress-up!"
"Jayne, just put your arms down and stop acting like a child." Inara's stern expression was far more intimidating than Kaylee's as she got his arms down and through the sleeves of the jacket. "Honestly, you'd think we were torturing you or something. I just need to see if Mal's clothes fit, and how to alter them if they don't."
Disgruntled, he just scowls at the two women as they move around him. He feels a complete fool, standing on a box in the middle of the cargo bay andyes, that snort of laughter definitely came from above him. He turns his head to see who it was, but Inara is abruptly tugging on his shirt collar. "You're mussing the fabric," she says, giving him another warning glare to stay still.
Jayne wouldn't care if he was setting the damn fabric on /fire, that was most certainly laughter behind him. "Whoever's snickerin' like that, y'should keep in mind I ain't gonna be standing around here all day."
"Y'are if I tell you to."
Oh great, it was Mal who was laughing. That just made the situation eight million times better. Jayne just grumbles under his breath, shooting glares at the women moving around him.
"River don't complain this much when we did her clothes," Kaylee comments, eyeing Jayne.
He eyes her right back. "Girl's crazy," he replies, and thinks that says it all, really.
Kaylee glares at him angrily, and intentionally pricks him with the pin in her hand. "River ain't crazy! She's sick!"
"Ow! She's crazy-sick!"
"She is not"
"Stop it, the both of you!" Inara snaps, stepping away with a hand pressed to her forehead. "Honestly, you're worse than children! Jayne, I'm finished"
Almost gleeful, he begins to peel himself carefully out of the pinned clothes.
"but you can't take those off yet."
Gleeful to angry in 0.5 seconds, Jayne glares at her and snaps, "Why not!"
"Y'er gonna go see the good doctor," Mal calls from the catwalk, leaning against the rail as he smirks down at them. "Need to teach you to do all the fanciful dancin' that'll be required of y'two at the party."
Jayne pauses, eyes raised slowly to Mal's before they narrow to thin, dangerous slits. A look that usually made people run as fast and as far as they could. A look that was making Mal smirk at him more. "...Y'all didn't say nothing about dancin'."
Mal shrugs and looks entirely unsympathetic - more like, entirely amused. "Must'a slipped my mind."
"The hell it slipped yoOW! Kaylee, will you put them gorram needles away!"
"Whoops," the young woman says calmly, looking unconcerned as she slips the needle into her collar and smiles at him.
Sometimes, Jayne thinks it might have been a better idea to have shot Mal that first day they'd met. Having his own room wasn't that good of a deal, really.